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I was walking across ASDA car park a few minutes ago, there's a family coming the other way. Mum, dad, little girl on dad's shoulders, pre-teen boy close at heel. The dad says, "hey, kids, look over there! Who's that? Is it grandma? Is it?"
Both kids lose their shit, like they've just seen a TV star or Peppa Pig or something. The lad starts waving like a madman, then sets off running across the car park. "Quick, run!" shouts dad. Then the girl starts screaming, "Grandma! Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!" over and over.
Just as I'm passing them, I hear the parents talking quietly to each other,
Mum: "Is it really?"
Dad: "No."
😆
Ha ha 😂
Quality!
There’s a great illustrated book called ‘100 great lies to tell kids’
My Favourites were:
”All pubs contain powerful magnets which drag daddies towards them by their fillings”
and
”If you put a cheese single in a DVD player it plays a short documentary about cows”
Kids are great, so smart and so dumb at the same time.
There's an ice cream van at the end of this long walk
If you put a cheese single in a DVD player it plays a short documentary about cows
great lies to tell other people's kids ??
A couple of years a ago when my daughter was 14 I took her to work with me, she was on the phone to a friend when the clients dog came over and she starting playing with it.
Friend: "what kind of dog"
Daughter "dad what is it"
Me: "Bengal Tiger"
She repeats to friend and you could just hear the sigh and then a pause and giggles.
It was a Golden Labrador, she is constantly reminded of this one.
😆
I've never had a desire to reproduce, but there's a small part of me that wants to just to be able to screw with their minds. Which is probably why I made the right decision.
Have always thought it would be brilliant to swap all the names of the colours when teaching them. That could literally take years to undo.
I’ve never had a desire to reproduce, but there’s a small part of me that wants to just to be able to screw with their minds. Which is probably why I made the right decision.
Cougar, you are a gem!
I hate kids me & I've told my lad that if he has kids I'll disown him, True.
then sets off running across the car park. “Quick, run!” shouts dad. Then the girl starts
In a car park. Where there's cars.
Yeah. Quality.
If you put a tortilla on a turntable...
In a car park. Where there’s cars.
You are right, the clumsy little buggers might scratch one
Trail kids. Pah!
In a car park. Where there’s cars.
Yeah. Quality.
It was a car park. There wasn't a moving car in sight. But feel free to know more about a situation than someone who was there when you weren't.
There’s an ice cream van at the end of this long walk
That can end in tears... not the kids either. 😢 Mine will remember promises (bribes) for days 👿
That can end in tears… not the kids either. 😢 Mine will remember promises (bribes) for days 👿
I still remember walk that did NOT have an icecream at the end.
To be fair though its still a great bribe and will probably* still get me shifting along at a good pace.
*Definitely. Ice cream is gods food.
My son complained his legs were "really,really sore" on the walk home from school yesterday.
He was just being lazy.
I suggested we pop on the bus to the hospital and see if they needed to be amputated.
The "soreness" disappeared.
Quality.
🙂
It was a car park. There wasn’t a moving car in sight.
What about out of (their) sight? Or about to move? Personally, I’m always very careful for my own safety in supermarket car parks, let alone that of excited children dashing about.
Carry on.
I tell mine that ice cream vans play music when they've run out.
Jeez, Woppit sounds like fun....
Jeez, Woppit sounds like fun….
Nah, I'm with Woppit on this one, car parks are not the place to let kids run around..
I’ve never had a desire to reproduce, but there’s a small part of me that wants to just to be able to screw with their minds.
I was so proud when my daughter figured out most of what I told her was nonsense and she started lying and bullshitting back to me.
I hate kids me & I’ve told my lad that if he has kids I’ll disown him, True.
But you must already detest him, making the threat of disowning him irrelevant. Unless, did you adopt him as an adult?
As kids if my brother and I started fighting / arguing while out shopping my mum would start dragging one foot behind her, like Igor from Young Frankenstein.
Never in the history of mankind have two kids started to behave so quickly.
As kids if my brother and I started fighting / arguing while out shopping my mum would start dragging one foot behind her, like Igor from Young Frankenstein.
Flossing has the same effect. Apologies to anyone that saw that in Sainsbury's last weekend.
I managed to convince my kids that I was a founding member of Boyzone, and also that we had a Mexican branch of the family with an uncle called Pedro.
In a similar vein my children and I were out walking in the forest and there was a family walking towards us with 3 kids and a small dog. One of the children threw a stick and the dog shot of after it. Instantly the whole family ran off in different directions and vanished into the trees. The dog grabbed the stick turned round, ran a bit and then just stopped. The look on its face was priceless. Almost made me want a dog. Then I remembered the walking around with bags of poo and that cured that urge.
A mate's kids this one.
They were out walking in the Peak District, kids moaning a bit. He pointed at the shooting cabin a few hundred metres away and told them to stop moaning and run to the cafe and he'd get them an ice cream each.
Cue two kids running away to it only to find it's a deserted cabin and not the promised cafe. They still glare at him now if he reminds them of that one.
I've got two little nieces who are exactly the right age to mess around with like that. Managed to both competely confuse but also amaze one of them with some really basic "magic" (sleight of hand...) last time I was over there.
When my eldest was about 7 we went to a local natural history museum which was in the being refurbished. There were plenty of glass cabinets with stuffed animals etc. and one empty one in the middle of the room. Telling my lad that was where they kept the invisible dog sure kept him busy for a few minutes looking for it. Shame his Mum came by and asked what he was doing so i had to fess up. He loves it when we retell that story now he's 15 (or maybe not).
Managed to both competely confuse but also amaze one of them with some really basic “magic” (sleight of hand…)
I used to do this with my daughter too (The Gaelic word for magician is druidh).
Mum: “Is it really?”
Dad: “No.”
(Of course not, she died two years ago)...
In a similar vein... watched The Martian the other day with my missus, she wasn't paying much attention by the end so after the film I managed to convince her that when Matt Damon's character bends down to look at the little shoot sprouting from the ground back on earth - reality hit that he was still on Mars, near death clutching a tiny potato shoot and had hallucinated the whole rescue part.
Idlejon.....that’s brilliant.
Everyones staring at now me wondering what I’m laughing at?
Managed to both competely confuse but also amaze one of them with some really basic “magic” (sleight of hand…) last time I was over there.
This can backfire... did the 'I've got your nose' trick to my cousin's kid when she was about 5 - cue screaming meltdown, shrieks and tears because she didn't have a nose any more, and dirty looks from all the adults around*!
*Apart from my Dad and my wife, who both thought it was hilarious.
I told my stepdaughter that I used to be an actor and was on TV a lot. Funnily enough, she was always out of the room when I was on and she "just missed " me.
Idlejon - we had a Colombian branch with an uncle called Pablo. She spread that round school
Idlejon – we had a Colombian branch with an uncle called Pablo. She spread that round school
Did you ever mention it on here, because I’m wondering where I got the idea! (And I’m sure I used Pablo not Pedro as I said up there.)
The Asda promise "85% of people in our store will be uglier than you".
Kids are like farts; you only ever like your own.
walking in the Peak District, kids moaning a bit. He pointed at the shooting cabin a few hundred metres away and told them to stop moaning and run to the cafe and he’d get them an ice cream each.
I did exactly the same with the Jubilee tower at the top of Moel Famau a few years ago.
Also, about 10 minutes ago I managed to convince the woman sitting next to me that Dave Roberts who works with us is Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud's dad. Quality.
My wife has convinced many, children and adults, that she was a "guitarist" in the Robert Plant video. 🙂
Even to the point of playing video and them guessing which one she is.................
That would be Robert Palmer.....#humblebrag
even more convincing if you'd gone for the right Robert.......
I thought it was going to be a tale about kids getting squashed to death
Or the mention of Asda meaning it was going to turn all chav tastic
Disapointed
My ex-boss is a Canadian called Paul Kay.
He works in London but has worked in many cities.
In the first Jason Bourne film when Matt Damon is rifling through the security deposit box there is a Canadian passport with the name Paul Kay on it.
My boss told his kids that he is a spy and that is why they have to keep on moving around.
They are still unsure whether to believe him.
He is actually in IT middle management although as someone on here would no doubt point out "that's what he wants you to think". The perfect cover, nerd-central.
even more convincing if you’d gone for the right Robert…….
Yeah, I read it as his wife looking like Jimmy Page. 😁