Do Have a beard
Don't have an Orange 5, but would like one.
Don't drive an Audi, VW T4...
Do ride the Surrey Hills.
Have never started a 'what light' thread, but written in a couple.
Do wear Crocs about the house...and dont care
Dont have any questions regarding the Titus El Guapo.
dont have a Cotic
Do read STW at work to control the boredom
Should the On Ones or Oranges not be replaced by Cotics?
Blimey, hasn't the criteria grown - updated and definitive checklist below!
Have an Audi? No - but keep being tempted
Drink tea/coffee? Coffee
Work in an office? Yes
Work in IT? No
Wear a suit? Sometimes
Shave and own a fancy razor? Got a Remington beard/stubble trimmer thing
Own hand made brogues? No
Ridden a single speed? Yeah - got bored.
Ridden a 29er? Got one as winter training bike
Ridden a 650b? No
Own a hardtail? See 29er winter training bike above
Like trail centres? Yes quite a bit
Have a log burner? No - and no desire to either
Commuted by bike? No - walk to work is quicker than unlock/lockup/change
Use the word "content" in thread titles? No
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? No
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes. Minion DHF F&R except Crossmark on rear in dry fast conditions. Run tubeless.
£300 knife to chop carrots? No
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? No. That's a mug's game. Buyer beware.
Know how to use Google? No exactly rocket science is it?
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – Not yet, but would get Breitling if pushed.
Sling or pushchair – Neither
Got a dog? No
Multiple bikes? Yes
Titanium bike? No
Carbon bike? No
Have an on-one? No
Have an orange 5? No
And my addition:
Start your sentences with "so" like lots of IT-y people do? NO NO NO NO!!!
I scored 11/28 so am a mere 39.28% STW.
After trying to avoid joining this thread:
Audi - No. They are vastly overrated and overpriced.
Motorcycle owner - Yes, and it's British!
Orange 5 - yep, and proud of it!
Like to buy British where possible
Usually clean shaven with a Wilkinson Sword something from Morrisons
Don't like coffee much
Way, way over 30.
Don't like dogs
I have an Omega watch
Like trail centres now and then.
Don't work in IT
Live on a nondescript housing estate in the North with no woodburner and a small garage
Am working class
No degree
Left school at 15
Fed up now .....
Audi? No, Fiat. I like to live dangerously.
Coffee? No, tea. Coffee is just cocaine for middle class cowards - I'm not mad on either.
Office? Never, ever again. It's like prison, but with better hours.
IT? No.
Suit? Weddings, funerals, posh nights out.
Razor? Bic.
Brogues? DM's.
Single speed? Well, I've got a BMX.
29er? Road bike, so yes.
650b? Don't be ridiculous.
Hardtail? Yes.
Trail centres? Ok, but not as good as the real thing.
Log burner? I like sitting in front of my fire, not spending ages faffing about with it, so no.
Commuting? Have done, yes.
Posh knives? No.
Watch? Casio. El Cheapo & a G Shock.
Dog? Not at the mo - cat. Will get another mutt when I retire.
Multiple bikes? Yes.
Titanium bike? No.
Carbon bike? No.
On-one? Just a seat clamp.
Orange? Had a Clockwork years ago. Hated it.
Alps? Walking only
Motorbike? Not for a few years - It's on the cards though.
And:
Single Malt? Yes. In fact, I might have one now.
Cheers!
Have an Audi? No
Drink tea/coffee? Coffee
Work in an office? No
Work in IT? No
Wear a suit? Sometimes
Shave and own a fancy razor? Leccy shaver
Own hand made brogues? No
Ridden a single speed? Yes
Ridden a 29er? No
Ridden a 650b? No
Own a hardtail? Yes
Like trail centres? Yes
Have a log burner? No
Commuted by bike? No
Use the word "content" in thread titles? Maybe
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? Possibly
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes
£300 knife to chop carrots? No
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? Yes
Know how to use Google? Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc? Seamaster. Planet ocean.
Sling or pushchair – Pushchair. Umbrella type
Got a dog? No. They bite your face off.
Multiple bikes? Yes
Titanium bike? No
Carbon bike? Yes
Have an on-one? Several.
Have an orange 5? Never
I scored 11/28 so am a mere 39.28% STW.
Saw this and thought it was something about cassettes. Probably makes me an STWer.
Hates Lefties.
Saw this and felt I needed to jump to the defence of a very underrated fork design.
Work in office
Have a Skoda Octavia 1.9tdi estate (DSG box obviously!)
2 kids, 1 wife, 0 sex anymore
Steel hardtail
Carbon road bike
Constantly wanting different bikes/bits/clothes that my ability cannot justify
I'm living the Singletrackdream!
INRAT
But phat bikes need adding to the typical stwer list
I AM SPARTACUS 🙄
I wont pay pub prices for Lager, so I wont be going there during or after a ride.
Not interested in cake unless it has candles in it
We only have one car in the family - a crap old passat with a mahoosive dent in the side
I work in a factory
edit. To be fair I don't really ride my bike much. Why [i]do[/i] I visit this forum every day..???
but I have had 5 on-ones.
2 Dogs
experimented with tubeless, stems, bars, dropper posts etc etc
really really wanted an orange 5 for ages
I ride my bikes so not very singletrack.
I pay my LBS with money, as opposed to jaffa cakes..
Not very STW.
Have an Audi? No - a f'off big 4x4
Drink tea/coffee? Coffee
Work in an office? Not any more (and never again)
Work in IT? No
Wear a suit? Funerals and weddings
Shave and own a fancy razor? Same clippers for head and face
Own hand made brogues? No
Ridden a single speed? No, I fully expect it would be just as crap as I imagine it to be
Ridden a 29er? Noo, but have gangly legs, so fancy trying one
Ridden a 650b? No
Own a hardtail? Yes - a 16yr old Kona
Like trail centres? Yes quite a bit
Have a log burner? No - and no desire to either
Commuted by bike? No - even drive to the gym
Use the word "content" in thread titles? No
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? No
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes. Specialized Eskars
£300 knife to chop carrots? No
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? No. That's a mug's game. Buyer beware.
Know how to use Google? No exactly rocket science is it?
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – Nope, stupid money to spend on something I'd scratch within a week (tops)
Sling or pushchair – Was pushchair 12 years ago
Got a dog? Yes - you'd all hate him
Multiple bikes? Yes (well 2)
Titanium bike? No
Carbon bike? Yes
Have an on-one? No
Have an orange 5? No - Spesh Enduro S-Works
Some of the answers from the post I copied from were more than apt enough, so left 'em in...
Tall Southerner. So, no.
I think we need two t-shirts like the contrasting Nirvana ones of the early '90's
Audi Drivin' Yorkie Petting HandGround Sipping Office Working Cutthroat weilding 29ing man-made trailing road traing central heating trackworld appending tyre fussing carrot munching googlewhacking paypal gifting orange 5ing no-tubing CRCing fixie fapping Go-Proing KOM whores.
Van sleeping beard growing lurcher racing trail brashing caffine hating single speeding baby slinging wood chopping shed building map reading cheeky trailing bike bodging wool washing chamois creaming glue sniffing LBS moaning wheel truing hammer weilding FatBike Wasters.
To be truly STW you have to change more tyres than you do nappies.
I spend more time on stw than on my bike
so I definately count!
As I have a Staffie, a Ford and most of my knives cost £3, not £300, I have to ask:
Is there a low rent version of STW somewhere?
And yes, I know about Pinkbike forum. It can F off. I'm not 5.
Have an Audi? Ford Mondeo Estate
Drink tea/coffee? Coffee
Work in an office? Yup
Work in IT? No
Wear a suit? Yup
Shave and own a fancy razor? Cheap cartridge job
Bald? Short back and sides, archived top.
Own hand made brogues? M&S
Ridden a single speed? Have done, will probably do again.
Ridden a 29er? Kind of, in a nichemonger monstercross kind of way
Ridden a 650b? Nope, but I reckon they're good to go in the PA
Ridden a Fatbike? Yup, in that Moab dontcherknow. Loved it.
Own a hardtail? Yes, Dialled PA and Dekerf Generation
Like trail centres? Yes
Have a log burner? No, but have usable hearth and fancy axe
Commuted by bike? Yup, 60 miles a week
Use the word "content" in thread titles? No
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? No
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes.
£300 knife to chop carrots? No
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? No
Know how to use Google? Generally
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – Nope, stupid money to spend on something I'd scratch within a week (tops)
Sling or pushchair – No kids
Got a dog? Nope, but I'd have one if I wasn't in a flat in North London
Multiple bikes? Yes
Titanium bike? No
Carbon bike? No
Have an on-one? No, but do have a couple of their bits
Have an orange 5? No
Posted excel help threads and had elegant solutions from Stoner? Yup.
Actually, I'm in binnerses's club if he'll let me in without rear suspension:
Non Audi-driving, Non 5-riding, non dog-owning, non coffee-machine-using, non log-worrying, non-beardy, 26" full suss, with gears riding ... idle, workshy layabout
Guilty of..
Border terrier ownership
Wood burning stove (well, until we move in 2 weeks - expect the new place will have one ready for next winter though!) edit - does having had a stove or open fire in 3 separate houses, across 15 years, absolve me of any 'crime' or just make matters worse?
Knives - whatever's best in TK Maxx, by no means any sort of chef, just hate having blunt knives....
Oh, i'm in the part of the club that is the wrong side of the line on BMI curve....
I have one bike something referred to as a 'hard-tail', with 26" wheels - guess that makes me retro 😉
I admit to being 29'er curious.
add running 5k in under 20 minutes to the list
The last seven words in that sentence are not necessary in order to rule me out.
Have an Audi? Don't own a car. Bought my wife a touran though. Sexy eh?
Drink tea/coffee? Coffee and tea, all types
Work in an office? Yup
Work in IT? No
Wear a suit? Not if I can avoid it. Think columbo.
Shave and own a fancy razor? Just a normal one, used as little as possible
Bald? Certainly not. 40 and a good head of relatively normal coloured hair. I put it down to good genes and general awesomeness
Own hand made brogues? DM ones
Ridden a single speed? Yep.
Ridden a 29er? Yep.
Ridden a 650b? Not yet
Ridden a Fatbike? No and no plans to
Own a hardtail? Yep
Like trail centres? No
Have a log burner? No
Commuted by bike? 90 miles a week
Use the word "content" in thread titles? No
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? No, that is so ****ish
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes.
£300 knife to chop carrots? No
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? No
Know how to use Google? Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – no watch at all. Time is neither linear nor my master.
Sling or pushchair – Neither, make the buggers walk
Got a dog? No
Multiple bikes? Yes
Titanium bike? No
Carbon bike? No
Have an on-one? No
Have an orange 5? No
Posted excel help threads and had elegant solutions from Stoner? No.
Have an Audi? Had 2. Alternate between Audi's and BMW's :o) (prime to$$er)
Drink tea/coffee? Tea by the gallon, Coffee snob
Work in an office? Yup
Work in IT? No
Wear a suit? Yup. Hate it.
Shave and own a fancy razor? 4 days a week
Bald? Receding
Own hand made brogues? Aubergine coloured ones...
Ridden a single speed? Yep.
Ridden a 29er? Yep.
Ridden a 650b? Not yet
Ridden a Fatbike? Nope. Fat-curious though
Own a hardtail? Yep
Like trail centres? No
Have a log burner? Not any more
Commuted by bike? Fair weather biker but yes
Use the word "content" in thread titles? yes
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? Not yet....
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes. Changes daily
£300 knife to chop carrots? No
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? No
Know how to use Google? Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – Yup
Sling or pushchair – Sling. Wife has Sling acquisition syndrome. It looks more addictive than bikes.
Got a dog? Cat
Multiple bikes? Yes
Titanium bike? Not yet
Carbon bike? half of it. Likely in the future
Have an on-one? Nope, but fancying a Planet X soon...
Have an orange 5? Had one
Posted excel help threads and had elegant solutions from Stoner? Nope...
not in the slightest, I'm far too scummy 😀
see, if somebody would set up an online survey on this (come on all you student projects !) we could have stoner run up a few graphs'n'shit
Have an Audi? no
Drink tea/coffee? coffee
Work in an office? yes
Work in IT? no
Wear a suit? Yup. no
Shave and own a fancy razor? no
Bald? no
Own hand made brogues? no
Ridden a single speed? er - does an old Raleigh Burner count?
Ridden a 29er? no
Ridden a 650b? no
Ridden a Fatbike? no
Own a hardtail? no
Like trail centres? no
Have a log burner? only in the holiday cottage (awaits abuse)
Commuted by bike? no
Use the word "content" in thread titles? no
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? no
Know what tyres I want on my bike? no
£300 knife to chop carrots? no
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? no
Know how to use Google? Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – no
Sling or pushchair? no
Got a dog?His ashes are on the mantelpiece. 2 cats
Multiple bikes? no
Titanium bike? no
Carbon bike? half of it. no
Have an on-one? no
Have an orange 5? no
Posted excel help threads and had elegant solutions from Stoner? no
Have an Audi? no
Drink tea/coffee? either
Work in an office? no
Work in IT? no
Wear a suit? no
Shave and own a fancy razor? yes
Bald? no(t copletely)
Own hand made brogues? no
Ridden a single speed? yes
Ridden a 29er? no
Ridden a 650b? no
Ridden a Fatbike? no
Own a hardtail? yes
Like trail centres? yes
Have a log burner? no
Commuted by bike? no(t for 15 years)
Use the word "content" in thread titles? no
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? no
Know what tyres I want on my bike? no
£300 knife to chop carrots? no
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? no
Know how to use Google? Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – no
Sling or pushchair? pushchair
Got a dog? no
Multiple bikes? no
Titanium bike? no(t that I use - that's probably VERY stw)
Carbon bike? half of it. yes
Have an on-one? no
Have an orange 5? no
Posted excel help threads and had elegant solutions from Stoner? no - somebody else 😳
Got bored by page 2 and couldn't be bothered to write a list.
On STW since GoFar days, so how much ... er very. 🙂
Dont belong to anyone am zee on person but have many of the above
and been a very strong Orange fan indeed for many a year and been in there Development department
Have an Audi? : Does a 29yr old MK2 Golf GTI count?
Drink tea/coffee? : Coffee and tea
Work in an office? : **** no.....i get my hands dirty at manual work
Work in IT? ; **** no
Wear a suit? : **** no, don't own a suit/shirt/tie,shoes or trousers of any sort
Shave and own a fancy razor? : **** no, shave with hair clippers once a week
Bald? : **** no, plenty of hair left at 40 thank you very much
Own hand made brogues? : Ha....ha....ha.....ha.....ha.....ha....ha.....ha.....**** no
Ridden a single speed? : Yep
Ridden a 29er? : Yep
Ridden a 650b? : Not yet
Ridden a Fatbike? No
Own a hardtail? : Yep
Like trail centres? : They're ok for a mindless blast
Have a log burner? : Yep
Commuted by bike? : Yep
Use the word "content" in thread titles? : No
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? : No
Know what tyres I want on my bike? : Yep
£300 knife to chop carrots? : **** off you ****!
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? : My chosen Charity?, Yep
Know how to use Google? : Yep
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc : Don't need a watch, my iphone tells the time quite happily without the need for a status symbol on my wrist
Sling or pushchair : Eh?, nae kids, not now...not ever.
Got a dog? : I borrow my ex gf's
Multiple bikes? : Yep
Titanium bike? : Yep
Carbon bike? : **** off, i'm not riding a plastic bike
Have an on-one? ; No
Have an orange 5? : No
Posted excel help threads and had elegant solutions from Stoner? : What's excel?.
Percentage of national yearly average wage earned : 47%
Percentage of satisfaction with your life : 91% (this may be an arbitrary figure with no quantifiable reasoning behind it).
Wood burner - yes
Wood piles - yes
Audi - No, Citroen C5 bought here on the classifieds, still going strong and an old Discovery on mud terrain tyres that I hope will be awesome when the snow comes.
IT - no
Artist - yes
Suit - worn once in ten years for a speeding court appearance.
Handmade Brogues - seldom worm
Suede loafers - best worn with bib tights, CynicAl may have photographic proof.
Tea - only with leaves in the cup
Sausages - yes please over woodsmoke in a frying pan with brown sauce.
Shave - only when seen in public using cheap cartridge razor
Hair dye - grey and balding happily.
Bikes N+1? - +1+1+1..... Too many to list but the one I use most was a bitsa special from the classifieds.
Watch - none since the battery died
Moths - in abundance on balmy summer evenings
Snowdrops- waited for in eager anticipation.
DIY? - have a go champion
Trail Centres - not even if I'm dragged by my fingernails.
Daffodils? - left best in nature where everyone can enjoy them.
Carbon fork modifications with cutlery - only if a big hitter says it's safe.
STW forum has lead to.....
• 2nd hand Cotic soul frame aquisition (from an STW'er of course)
• Switch to 711 bars from something old school skinny
• Switch to tubeless set up on Flow rims
• A sizeable experimental tyre collection
• A Jedi session (I even sacrificed some chin skin and claret on his singletrack s-bend altar to appease the STW gods)
I'm here to feel better about myself by looking down on others despite
my low rent real life.
Or as I've moved on from Audi coffe machines Single speed and Swedish knives maybe I'm more stw than most
Have an Audi? About 10 years ago I had an A4 from new and put 250,000 miles on her.
Drink tea/coffee? Coffee and tea, all types but i do love my bean to cup coffee machine
Work in an office? Yup
Work in IT? No
Wear a suit? Rarely.
Shave and own a fancy razor? Just a normal one, used as little as possible
Bald? Certainly not. 45 and a good head of hair, a few strands of grey though.
Own hand made brogues? hand made yes, brogues no.
Ridden a single speed? No. Gears were invented for a reason.
Ridden a 29er? No. No intentions
Ridden a 650b? I honestly don't know what this is
Ridden a Fatbike? No and no plans to
Own a hardtail? Yep
Like trail centres? Yes
Have a log burner? No although we owned one once when we had a cottage
Commuted by bike? 28 miles a week. Recovering from illness so I've only commuted twice in the first week
Use the word "content" in thread titles? No
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes.
£300 knife to chop carrots? No
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? Yes
Know how to use Google? Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – Patek,
Sling or pushchair – neither
Got a dog? No Three cats though, 2 from a rescue centre
Multiple bikes? Yes
Titanium bike? Yes
Carbon bike? Yes One road one FS
Have an on-one? No
Have an orange 5? No
Think life revolves around this forum No
ever had an argument online No
Have an Audi? err no!
Drink tea/coffee? either
Work in an office? no
Work in IT? no
Wear a suit? Yep. 5 days a week.
Shave and own a fancy razor? Nope, but on the to buy list.
Bald? No. Currently sporting a red stripe in my hair.
Own hand made brogues? no
Ridden a single speed? yes
Ridden a 29er? Yes. Just bought one.
Ridden a 650b? no
Ridden a Fatbike? no
Own a hardtail? yes
Like trail centres? yes
Have a log burner? no
Commuted by bike? no
Use the word "content" in thread titles? no
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles? no
Know what tyres I want on my bike? Yes
£300 knife to chop carrots? No. I use Sabatier.
Send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know? no
Know how to use Google? Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – no
Sling or pushchair? No kids here!!
Got a dog? no but want one.
Multiple bikes? Yes. 3
Titanium bike? no
Carbon bike? No. Would like a HT Carbon 29er though.
Have an on-one? no
Have an orange 5? no!!!
Posted excel help threads and had elegant solutions from Stoner? No
That'll learn me for late night posting....half missing. Lets try that again:
STW forum participation has resulted in the following in just over a year......
• 2nd hand Cotic soul frame aquisition (from an STW'er of course)
• Switch to 711 bars from something old school skinny
• Switch to tubeless set up on Flow rims
• A sizeable experimental tyre collection seems to have taken residence in the garage.
• All servicing and repairs done in house with great enthusiasm but lots of swearing.
• A Jedi session (I even sacrificed some chin skin and claret on his singletrack s-bends altar to appease the riding gods)
• what.... dropper seat post for 29er fat bikes/overcast day tyres/spd shoe with built in GPS/pedal colour for the Peak District//Audi badged baby buggy/trail centre with most pubs in 1 mile radius/cake made of sausage meat/beard trimmer multi tool/tie dyed steel frame/WHATEVER.....
• TJ who?
Think I'm almost there........just have to sort a switch to flats and ditch a chain ring or two and I can be assimilated into the STW hive.....
