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😯 you're a teacher at Hogwarts aren't you?
Not far off.
4 pages and no one has touched base yet?
All large companies are the same, that's why everyone understands Dilbert irrespective of which organisation they work for.
We are all over 'values' and looking at everything through a lens as in 'we need to look at this through a customer lens'.
This is my current favourite Dilbert
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One of my mates is in IT in Whitehall and recently was going on about moving into agile delivery and becoming a scrum master.
Treasury are absolute rotters for communicating everything in Agile-speak.
I'm afraid I'm comfortable with and use most of the stuff in this thread ( 😳 ), except "swimlanes", which for some reason I just cannot transition to my BAU lexicon.
We used to have to write up our review of the year, plus our "goals" for the next year. For a laugh I would always chuck in a few totally made up words or phrases. They were very rarely ever picked up on.
Guys this is quality, I failed an internal interview last year for 'not using enough buzzwords', I can now go armed into the next one 😀
I have an idea that by my next PD review I may have ring-fenced a unicorn or two and maybe boiled an ocean.
I'm happy to honeybee on that.
Erm...
CFH, it's a buzzword.
😆
My director this morning: "It's a can of worms which should self-cleanse...."
I think there's going to be a lot of this in my future, (not that there hasn't been a lot of it already). I start a new job, sorry, role soon, and, according to my new boss:
will concentrate on our client proposition, his initial task will be to take the outline client vision to the next level and own it on behalf of our team.
will concentrate on our client proposition, his initial task will be to take the outline client vision to the next level and own it on behalf of our team.
Which means they don't have a clue what to do, expect you to do the detail for them but you will get a shoeing if they don't like it.
IHN - Memberwill concentrate on our client proposition, his initial task will be to take the outline client vision to the next level and [b]own it[/b] on behalf of our team.
You have bombers. You know what to do.
I hear a lot of this nonsense, but the best comes from a conference call a couple of years ago; "It is essential that we aggressively pull on some positive change levers". Made perfect by the American pronunciation of 'levers'.
adiabatic synergistic module deployment
It's all journeys and stories these days round here. And other flowery **** to avoid actually having to DO it.
These have certainly given me some idea-butter to spread on my brain-crumpet.
I actually love this!!
In my last role we needed a deep-dive dirty review in order to network more positively; intra-team rather than the previously negative, process-driven silo working we had initially envisaged as a foil to the now negatively perceived, but nevertheless customer-focused client interface. That silo-working was exposed as having a negative effect on the resource-hungry, yet additionality-driven working practices, which themselves were threatening to drive down performance, despite the insistence on co-location and cross-agency collaboration. The partnerships and networks themselves, despite focusing on the coal-face delivery of upstream preventative strategies, created the need for break-out tactical implementation groups to emphasise certain aspects of the various, but nevertheless shared annual strategic agendae, and of course required regular, district-wide reviews of the effects and benefits, especially in the more challenging super-output areas.
Armstrong and Miller 'Information'
It's all journeys and stories these days round here
And possibly a roadmap is involved in the journey?
NUrsing research love a slightly different sort of balderdash. Pseudoscentific jargon.
My favourite was "This utilises an ontological - hermeneutic approach".
I had to go to a dictionary to try to unravel what it meant. An english translation would be " this uses a story telling ( or narrative) approach".
A couple of us at work are finding the concept of "getting aircover" quite amusing i.e. getting a director's approval ahead of official sign-off
The other bugbear is reporting "metrics" which I make a point of rephrasing as "graphs and coloured boxes" (or similar reply)
@DEKER.....surely you didnt fail an interview......where i work its called defered achievement....
B.A.Nana - Member
One of my mates is in IT in Whitehall and recently was going on about moving into agile delivery and becoming a scrum master.
batfink - Member
I'm a project manger, and in my experience, "agile" is often used as a euphemism for failing to plan adequately and just making sh*t up as you go along.
finbar - Member
Treasury are absolute rotters for communicating everything in Agile-speak.
Altho you can usually decipher the BS, I didn't understand what Agile Delivery meant and had taken the pi$$ to a point where it wasn't appropriate to appear interested ('Scrum Master' I could sort of decipher or make some assumption of). Anyhow, he's an IT project manager like you and I'm a little bit proud of the fact that my best mate is actually responsible for some joined up writing in Whitehall. So, when some months ago I applied online for a replacement driving licence, they just took all my relevant details, photo, signature etc etc from my previous passport application. At the time I thought, "WOW, the UK.Gov departments working together in common sense, joined up, talking to each other type stuff to make my life easier". A few weeks ago he happened to mention it in passing as a by-product of a bigger project he was working on (something to do with biometric UK Visa IT systems) and I was like "bloody hell!, you, my mate, were responsible for that?".
Just found this gem while perusing some background on House of Fraser woes...
"The new management team will need to prioritise right-sizing initiatives and utilise any excess space to sweat assets more effectively in a move become fit-for-purpose in today's digital age."
Current one at work- I am running the company with a philosophy of openness and transparency - as the M.D. and Finance and Operations manager hold a conversation behind closed doors looking furtive. Wouldn’t be so bad but there are only three of us in the office.
The Apprentice returns tonight ...
The Apprentice returns tonight …
Brilliant!
Boris
I’m a project manger, and in my experience, “agile” is often used as a euphemism for failing to plan adequately and just making sh*t up as you go along.
I find it's something lazy people like to do so they don't have to write anything down.
Anyway, must dash as I need to scuba in the think tank.
This thread has broken my Google translate.....
I’m a project manger, and in my experience, “agile” is often used as a euphemism for failing to plan adequately and just making sh*t up as you go along.
Yup.
Collateral Damage
We used to appoint subcontractors, now it's all about supply chain onboarding.
C-Suite.
this one been listed ?
Big Ticket (Events, opportunities, customers)
In meetings and listening to the speak, I wonder if these people take it home and use it with their kids and family - I doubt it
Much like swearing in the workplace but not at home - its a work thing you know !
C-Suite.
Any job advert with this in makes me want to visit the office of the 'onboarding' company that posted it, and create an uncontained exothermic reaction situation in their ideas lobby.
'Drain the swamp' seem to be making a comeback.
My favourite bit of jargon was gleaned years ago when studying linguistics - "field specific lexicon" - because it's quite liderally the jargon for jargon.
New learning for me today: "jargon" is definitely one of those words that seems to deny its own existence if you use it too many times in quick succession..
+1 for detesting ‘going forward’;
I like a good old hence forth or from this day forward. Old skool!
I heard some 'mood music' today. Oh dear.
I like a good old hence forth or from this day forward. Old skool!
I was going to try in the forthcoming months next time, I'm sure the plebs will understand me 😉
C-Suite
What the heck is that?