[Closed] HELP - how do fix this in the next 2 hours?!?

Can it be glued/resined back together?

I believe that superglue will work...

..for your dangly bits.

For the table I would guess that 5he marble us glued to the wood.  You would need to glue another wooden frame underneath to support the marble (obviously stop short of the edge of the marble).

Can it be glued/resined back together?

Probably.

Properly? By an amateur? in the next 2 hours?

No chance.

White sikaflex and some sash clamps

#pray4brakesballs

I was expecting some small crack or something, not the complete smashing of legs etc.

I reckon you'll be hard pressed to fix that at all, let alone in two hours.

Maybe the marble can be fixed but it will need to be supported a lot more.

Do you have a cat you can blame?

I would un-mount the marble from the 'table' bit, cut a bit of 18mm ply to a size/shape that supports it as well as possible without being too visible from the room and paint it black or white so it doesn't stand out. Then epoxy the marble onto the ply. Still leaves you with the wooden table to fix, and TBH you might just be better finding a table you like at ikea/british heart foundation/wayfair and building it onto that as I'm guessing it's quite heavy if it's collapsed once!

Edit: too slow, tinas beat me to it but that's exactly what I would try

Wasn't there a yellow pages ad along this theme?  Think that was for French polishers before the parents got home IIRC?  So, first step is to get your copy of the yellow pages out of the recycling where you chucked it 6 months or more ago

Think that was for French polishers before the parents got home

Bloody foreigners! Coming over here and fixing our tables in an emergency!

Call Mr Wolf?

I was expecting some small crack

It sounds quite large if your balls are up for the chop.

Come on this needs explaining? Changing lightbulb?

Breaking the top AND the legs?!

The proper answer is to kick the front door in, trash the lounge and donate the VCR and TV to a passing transit van driver, then claim a break in.
Graffiti for added je ne sais quoi.

jimdubleyou

Subscriber

I was expecting some small crack or something, not the complete smashing of legs etc.

I reckon you’ll be hard pressed to fix that at all, let alone in two hours.

He doesn't need to fix it perfectly, just well enough that it holds until somebody else touches it thus providing plausible deniability.

Has your carpet got a massive weave or is the table really, really small?

broke itself somehow

my kids say that

its never true

The table is just far away compared to normal. Its throwing the perspective?

Is it a doll's house table or a giant carpet?

my kids say that

its never true

He was just riding along on it.

It’s very small or that’s a very big jumper you’ve laid it on

Has your carpet got a massive weave or is the table really, really small?

how did I miss that?

it's from the dolls house he's absolutely not supposed to play with

The table looks to be designed to fail to me - you’d have your work cut out getting those legs back on in a way that’s as strong as they were but they weren’t strong enough to start with. The top is too heavy and overhangs too much

A big boy done it and ran away.

providing plausible deniability.

Deniable plausibility

it’s from the dolls house he’s absolutely not supposed to play with

So, in summary, he was resting his dangly bits on a dolls house table and it broke?

#dayoffrecreation

I believe that superglue will work…

..for your dangly bits.

Nope you'd need Bostick for that

Add a pricetag.

£150,000 should be about right for such a piece

Nope you’d need Bostick

Pri** Stick, surely?

The legs will fix - probably just stripped the thread - sugru can help with that part

wooden picture frame support as above is best for the marble. Clamp it tight to get the best fix, then use some crayon of an appropriate colour to fill in any gaps - might be able to make it look like the marbling?

Copydicks might work in a pinch.

1h 37m remaining.

Tick.

Tock.

The proper answer is to kick the front door in, trash the lounge and donate the VCR and TV to a passing transit van driver, then claim a break in.
Graffiti for added je ne sais quoi.

Also the perfect time to smash any of the wife's ornaments that you secretly hate....

+1 blame the cat. If you don’t have a cat then go buy one quick sharpish

Hide the table and deny all knowledge of its existence.

Remove the table and any pictures it ever existed. Remove the receipt and any other evidence.

Ignore the fact it's not there. When the wife asks about it, casually deny it ever existed. If pressed, suggest she must be thinking of someone else's house and imply she might be losing the plot.

I'm not sure a pricetag on its own will be enough.

Do you have any velvet rope?

Also the perfect time to smash any of the wife’s ornaments that you secretly hate….

I think he’s way ahead of you on that front

Right Click and choose Hide Table from the drop down menu?

Looking on the bright side, when did she last voluntarily mess with your balls?

Right Click and choose Hide Table from the drop down menu?

Surely: Copy upper row, delete lower row, paste upper row = good as new?

Did sharkbait really beat me to that suggestion while I was typing?

Right Click and choose Hide Table from the drop down menu?

Edit> Undo