[Closed] Help.

Yes.

They are accurate.

You're being taken for a mug.

To add to this I suffer with depression and have anxiety attacks so I want to get this right. I'll be honest I'm scared shitless.

Psychopaths and narcissists are very convincing people. Learn the warning signs and if necessary run a mile. Google is your friend here.

This advice might be useless, it might be the best advice you've ever heard.

Does it show her going to one location many times or just all over the place as you suggest?
Do you have any other reason to think she's cheating?
Does she leave her phone lieing around unlocked....... ?

Could it be something like AA or GA and she doesn't want you to know?

jekkyl It only shows the last week of movements,
Only reason is trhere was a very odd incident at Christmas.
Never.
I have no idea what AA or GA means?

How accurate are the car black boxes?

Very.

Am I being a mug?

Yes.

HTH.

Alcoholics/Gamblers Anonymous

The tracker won't lie BTW, your GF on the other hand....

?

[quote=ip1081 ]jekkyl It only shows the last week of movements,
[b]Only reason is trhere was a very odd incident at Christmas.[/b]

See, I just wasn't buying the idea that you "accidentally" stumbled across the journey logs.

If they were always starting and ending in another part of the country then there's a slight possibility that the account details have been mixed up, but if they're otherwise accurate then it's just showing exactly where the car has been.

AA is alcoholics anonymous, not sure what GA is

edit: ah, gamblers

Learn the warning signs

What are the warning signs?

scotroutes, i was actually trying to help her with something. It was totally accidental.

The tracker will not be sat in the car thinking up new and interesting journeys that it hasn't taken, so it is not lying. You now need to work out why your partner is.

Good luck.

you confronted her with only a week's worth of evidence? now she knows you know she'll change her ways, should have bided your paranoid time for several months. A week can be explained away as an anomaly.
What happened at Christmas? come on now, no drip feed...

**** off jekkyl

OPs already said he's prone to anxiety etc and whilst I'm not familiar with the condition, I'm sure that more considered responses would be of more help peeps.

come on now, no drip feed

...but seriously, you may have shown your hand a bit too early. Not really sure where you go from here...you know anyone at her work to ask? As you can either believe her, or just assume the worst and end it (see above video). Also be aware if your anxiety may be colouring your reaction. Bounce the situation of real friend/relative rather than forum dwellers.

....but as mentioned. The box normally don't lie.

I think it's going to be one of those threads

Where people excel at being monumentally insensitive bellends? Possibly.

What time is she getting home ? How long has she been "missing" ?

It does sound like you are being too trusting.

Before this did you have any reason to think there was an issue? If not then there may be a genuine explanation here, but only you would know how plausible it is. e.g. is it your birthday soon and she's off planning a nice surprise?

Anyone else gota set of keys for her car? Have to say i would trust the gps for reasons said before. How much do you trust your g/f? (I know if it were me i would find it hard to disbelieve mine, but some exs i wouldn't)

Is your GF called Louise?

tracker shes had in her car for a few years is shoeing her

I'm against car violence... so I'm out...

A one-off might be understandable as people do sometimes forget stuff, but if it's every night then it is super weird. I appreciate that you are prob feeling like you've been turned inside out right now but it might be time to face up to what is happening. People do lie, as hard it is to believe sometimes. I would be a) checking where the tracker has said she has been and b) planning a route out of the relationship. As soon as you start making plans you may well start to feel better

The police refuse to release details about how accurate police car trackers are and parole trackers , I have seen the grid references they produced. I always got the police car in the correct place on the expected side of the road at one point exactly Center in a one car wide gate. The suspect was always where he would logically be and never on a roof or in a garden . so I would say the potential accuracy is down to a couple of feet . I proved both the officers in the car and my client were liars.
I'm No help with relationships I'm afraid, but I would guess an open calm conversation would be better than speculating on here .

**** off jekkyl

Well don't you sound delightful.
I'm trying to think of any good reason why I'd want to look at gf's car insurance policy that she couldn't easily do herself. I'm guessing you've been harbouring thoughts of paranoia for some time?

Crikey,. GPS can and does glitch but it's usually meters rather than miles.

If it's showing unexpected journeys, I wouldn't doubt it.

We all know that strava, map my ride and similar apps can sometimes misreport. But not by a massive amount in this context. It's using the same technology, so if the data suggests the car traveled a few miles, it will have done. Give or take half a mile.

Well don't you sound delightful.

To be fair the op's world might have just been turned upside down.

Was going to say, he's probably in a bit of a bad way right now. Give the OP some slack.

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it's time...

if the route and finishing time happened more than once, sounds like you need an explanation - as there is little to no chance of the tracker being incorrect.

Threaten to end the relationship and see what the reaction is, there in lies the answer to how much she cares.

For those that haven't experienced them, the trackers show the start and end points [i]and[/i] the route. It's not some sort of vague line between two points.

To be fair the op's world might have just been turned upside down.

Thing is OP, now is the time to be as level headed as possible. Taking things out on people who are trying to help won't help your cause.
As someone who has been through a very similar situation, the thing that helped me get through is talking openly with friends. I could elaborate, but I became insanely untrusting and jealous over an gf's whereabouts. It turned me into someone I wasn't. I just thank god I dodged that bullet.

driving about where she says she hasn't

Is the issue the driving? or perhaps the stopping? Trying to be delicate here: I would imagine that the movements of somebody who is being unfaithful (which is what I assume you are most concerned about) involve periods when the car is stationary. Does the tracker show that? Where are they?

If I'm honest I fell apart yesterday. The explanation I was given in the end was she's driving about with her mate after work because she's not happy and needs someone to talk to. I'd say this is reasonable, but that doesn't explain why she would driver to a very private place we both know well, up in the countryside, if you get what I mean. This place is 7 miles from my house and even further from her 'freinds'.

Although it's very far fetched, it could be the truth. I'm a firm believer in only worrying when you have something definate to worry about. (easy for someone not personally involved to say)

If I'm honest I fell apart yesterday. The explanation I was given in the end was she's driving about with her mate after work because she's not happy and needs someone to talk to. I'd say this is reasonable, but that doesn't explain why she would driver to a very private place we both know well, up in the countryside, if you get what I mean. This place is 7 miles from my house and even further from her 'freinds'

Sorry OP, I don't buy that

Initial denial, followed by an unconvincing story (if anyone wanted a chat with a friend it's be their house, a coffee shop or a pub etc, not a long drive to secluded beauty spot)

She is absolutely adamant that she hasn't done anything, I don't know what to do.

Assuming you still have access to the tracking data, does she later drop the friend off somewhere? Do they each drive in their own vehicles? Why don't they meet at the friends house or a bar/cafe? It all sounds a bit fishy to me. Of course, maybe she's a twitcher and is too embarrassed to admit it.

Why does she say that they went to that place in particulr ?
Was it dark or could they have been going for a walk (even then, a local park would be way more likely)
Maybe you could chat to the friend ?

(it's not a popular local, err, hotspot in the evenings is it ??)

It's a shame you have confronted her with a limited amount of information, to be honest.

As underhand as it may have seemed, keeping your powder dry & following this up over the next week or so would have given you a lot more info.
But, that's not an option now.

I'd call BS on the talking to a friend story; your gut instinct probably knows what's going on....

She says sometimes her mate drives and sometimes she does, they work shifts so nowhere is open when they finish work.

In hindsight I shouldn't have said anything so soon I agree.

Sounds rough, hope you get it sorted out one way or another.

I guess being honest is the next step? You obviously don't trust her, and don't like her explanation, so tell her that and take it from there.

Stewing over it long term wont help either of you...

I was going to say that a month or so ago my OH's phone was [b]certain [/b]she wasn't at the gym... (find my iphone) ... it pinpointed down to a house with a solid dot....

I stupidly confronted this early.... she was adamant she was at the gym and pissed I was "tracking her" ... (which I wasn't really I was looking to find the kids iPad it's just the gym is only 300m or so away)

Meantime I talked to some friends.... and one said "I used to lie about going to the gym... but actually I was just going for a beer and smoke" ...but it was my time (that was the gym and then started being less gym... and eventually became sod it .. I'll just go tHe just didn't want to have to justify his hour to himself... and so never really said "I'm not actually going to the gym"

[b]So just saying ... sometimes it's not exactly true but not exactly guilty.[/b]

Anyway.... another friend questioned find my iphone .... now its always accurate for me... same thing on the bike etc. and cripes it knows which part of the house I'm in to suggest different apps....

ANYWAY.... I took my phone to her gym and stuck it in a locker.... drove home and from my iPad my phone was in the mystery location....

I then tried findmyfriends....and lo and behold it stuck a HUGE circle showing the gym, mystery location and my house.... it could have been any.

So point being it wasn't as accurate as i thought and plain misleading when its not getting a signal.

Incidentally Ive been known to drive to out of the way car parks that might also be classed as dogging.... but its been to think about stuff or have a private conversation with a friend and the specific car park because of some past association.... not cos I was meeting anyone there

It's possible. Why not offer to make yourself scarce next time the friend needs to talk and let her come over to your house?

Explain to her how you feel... try it express how you want to trust her, but her story is rather unbelievable... and ask to speak to the friend.

Or

Ring the friend direct now without asking

Good luck

There was a very similar thread a week or two ago (possibly now deleted).

There were some [i]very[/i] similar themes. It didn't end very well.

As you've explained in a previous post you do have trust issues with your partner for whatever reason. Okay this time you do have some 'evidence' but if you don't have trust in the person you love then the relationship is dead in the water.

You and your partner need to sit down and talk about where you're going in your relationship. You need to be honest about your feelings of mistrust.