[Closed] Gofundme page for dad whose divorce means he's broke

It is if he wants to explain why he wants our money.

He's not asking you for money. He was asking me. I shared this because I didn't know how to feel about it - a mixture of sympathy and apathy. But I thought it was interesting and I couldn't see it doing any harm to share is(other than potentially cause a heated debate, but that's a good thing I think).

Surely enough time to get a job? Any job if you're as desperate as he says he is.

People are very quick to judge you harshly. It only needs things to go wrong a few times and even if it wasn't your fault, you get judged very harshly for it.

aracer - Member
lucky7500 » If the divorce was so amicable, how come he has been completely shafted by it?
Maybe that's why it was amicable - it certainly appears to be one possibility.

I am genuinely amazed people have donated so much / at all...

[quote=lucky7500 ]I had, probably naively, jumped straight to thinking of 'amicable' as getting on well and not wanting to screw each other over.

I'm not sure it doesn't, but from where I'm sitting it certainly appears possible to be "shafted" by a divorce even if you don't want to screw each other over - assuming you have kids and want the best for them.

I am genuinely amazed people have donated so much / at all...

I am also. I'm even more amazed at how nastily some people are behaving on this thread.

I'm also surprised by the former, but not at all by the latter - saddened maybe, but I've been here long enough. Unless I'm mistaken I don't think the point of this thread was "give my mate your money" in case some are confused by that.

Though actually I'm reminded that I "loaned" a mate (somebody I genuinely consider to be a mate and I did see in person regularly at the time - less so now, but that's because other circumstances have changed) a significant amount of money which I never expect to see back. Enough that it would make a difference to me now, but it made more of a difference to him at the time and I'm confident he would do the same for me if roles were reversed.

I'm not sure it doesn't, but from where I'm sitting it certainly appears possible to be "shafted" by a divorce even if you don't want to screw each other over - assuming you have kids and want the best for them.

My best friend has just concluded a divorce hearing at the High Court. The other party refused point blank to agree any settlement offered, even when this included a £2m house, £500k in saving and an income of £60k a year for the next 15 years. This represented 80% of the value of the estate.

Instead, it's been to court and £600,000 of cash has been spent on hearing the case.

but I've been here long enough.

Yeah me also. Unsurprisingly one of the posters here looks to be very new.

how nastily some people are behaving

So telling someone to go and find a job rather than begging for money is nasty?

It's not like he's some homeless guy who's caught in a spiral.

He's a car owning, golf playing middle aged bloke who needs to get a basic that pays about $1000 a month,so he doesn't have to post begging messages on the internet.

My best friend has just concluded a divorce hearing at the High Court.

It's not nastiness Geetee, you asked for our opinion!

Look, if he was a single dad who couldn't afford to feed his kids (as was one of these begging posts I've seen on facebook recently) that would be one thing. But he's not.

He's just expecting people to give him free money so he can lead a more comfortable life.

I'm sorry, but having been through a divorce, having lost a home, having had to build myself back up from scratch without even so much as a state handout, I can only judge this guy by my standards.

Begging for money, to me, is completely anathema. I can't even begin to imagine how low I'd had to fall before I started doing something like this... And from what I can see, he's not exactly reached rock bottom, he's just finding life a bit tougher since he made the decisions he made!

[quote=geetee1972 ]I am genuinely amazed people have donated so much / at all...
I am also. I'm even more amazed at how nastily some people are behaving on this thread.

I saw a gofundme for someone who want to travel the world doing shakra healing or similar. She'd raised a considerable amount of money from people PAYING to post insults at her. It was quite thought provoking in a way...

There are virtually no circumstances I can think of where I'd prefer to see a man leave his family than honour his commitment, for better or for worse.

I'll give you fair warning that this type of thing is only going to get worse amongst the commoners... what with the industrialisation of cotton production, and the associated loosening of morals! And your going to be mortified by the promiscuity ushered in after the first world war...

[img] [/img]

What do you guys think?

two things.

1. He hasn't done a very good sales pitch
2. British cynicism will always trump American optimism.

molgrips - Member

Where does one get that? Walmart?

No, B&Q.

😉

Should your best friend be discussing such things openly with third parties?

It's been heard in the high court - it's a matter of public record.

It's not nastiness Geetee, you asked for our opinion!

OK, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I am sure you don't need it, but you came across as being pretty spiteful. Reading your background and experience in your last post explains things and gives them context.

FWIW, I agree that begging for money is anathema to me also, but I don't agree that he's doing it just because he wants a comfortable life. He is genuinley in the poop.

But being broke is not his biggest problem. That is, as I said, the fact that he lacks drive, motivation, direction and focus.

[quote=councilof10 ]I'm sorry, but having been through a divorce

What unthinkable circumstances caused that?

But being broke is not his biggest problem. That is, as I said, the fact that he lacks drive, motivation, direction and focus.

Reading your background and experience in your last post explains things and gives them context.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

Here is my hand buddy. Happy to shake yours.

What do you guys think?

That he has the eyes of a man who will shortly be appearing on a local water tower.

British cynicism will always trump American optimism.

chuckles

Geez this escalated fast...

I've learnt not to judge other people as you never know their circumstances. However, no one is forcing anybody to donate just one of those things in life you can choose to be indifferent about I suppose.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

Yeah... great idea! They'd really thank you for that. Sounds like that'd have been a right old barrel of laughs for everyone involved.

Keeps therapists in work, I suppose....

Good on him for having the inginuity and front to try it. Anonymous handouts of $500 $1000 etc for his trouble. Amazing.
I would've been in a similar situation, though probably having to live in a bedsit rather than further away from my kid, if I hadn't received a decent redundancy payout. Probably would've just wallowed in self pity rather than begging on the internet. But only cos I wouldn't have thought it would work 😆

geetee, for someone who is not sure how you feel about it, you are awfully defensive.

Three things struck me:
- It would seem from what he has written that he hasn't worked at all whilst hanging on for higher paid work
- It seems that his main complaint is the prospect of moving a few miles away. Big deal (its not like his kids are tiny toddlers
If he's that firnedly with his ex then they should sort it out between them

For those reasons,

[img] [/img]

Yeah... great idea! They'd really thank you for that. Sounds like that'd have been a right old barrel of laughs for everyone involved.

Well, given that Jim is a shining beacon of happiness since he decided to leave his kids, I think I'll stick to my own morals on this one Binners!

Well, given that Jim is a shining beacon of happiness since he decided to leave his kids, I think I'll stick to my own morals on this one Binners!

And I'm sure the victorians thank the good lord somebody is still upholding them. Well done you!

You're not big on nuance are you? Must be nice in your black and white world. No shades of grey allowed to intrude

But being broke is not his biggest problem. That is, as I said, the fact that he lacks drive, motivation, direction and focus.

So instead if finding some drive, motivation, direction and focus to sort himself out, he is asking for handouts.

Getting out of the relationship I was in was the best thing that ever happened to me... There were no kids involved, but if there had been, I'd still be there.

My friends parents stayed together for the kids. It's a ridiculous idea to do so. They both ended up as resentful, hate filled alcoholics. He's emotionally stunted and finds it difficult to form long term relationships. I'm just thankful that you don't have kids to be honest. Sounds like you'd have them sweeping chimneys or cleaning the underside of looms, what with you appearing to be posting from Victorian times.

You're not big on nuance are you? Must be nice in your black and white world

I have my values and I stick to them... That might come across as rather binary, but it's not done me any harm.

I've seen far more families completely destroyed - and children completely damaged - by parents who've decided that "they deserve more" and move on with barely a second thought.

Moving briefly back to my own circumstances, I made a decision that the marriage I was in was not a good place to raise a family and called it a day at the 11th hour (the day before the second round of IVF if the truth be known).

Now, almost a decade later, I'm several years into a solid relationship and planning a family. Older, wiser, but I'm still sticking to my guns - if I'm lucky enough to have kids, I'll be sticking around for the duration.

Forget American dad - what about this one from[url= https://www.gofundme.com/spiritual-journey-to-asda ] Asda shopper[/url]....

It's just occured to me that I lack the drive, focus, motivation and ambition to pedal up steep hills.

I am also broke, having spent virtually all of my income on my wife and kids.

Please send me money so that I can buy an e-bike and get home to see my kids more quickly and without being, like, all sweaty and that.

Five grand ought to cover it.

Ta.

I could be doing with a power kite as well.

I have my values and I stick to them... That might come across as rather binary, but it's not done me any harm.

Sought any external opinion on that? Or is that something else you just instinctively trust your own judgement on? You appear to think you know best about pretty much everything.

I got divorced when my kids were young, and you're right about one thing they have never had a happy home life.

They've had two.

I've also got a mate, like funkmasterp, who's parents stayed together 'for the sake of the kids'. Worked out well. he despises them both for inflicting ten years of misery on him, and the horrendous childhood he endured, surrounded by bitterness, resentment and mistrust, instead of love

Best stick to some random assortment of words arranged into vows, instead of reasoned judgement, though eh?

I've got a poppy here you can have if that helps

geetee, for someone who is not sure how you feel about it, you are awfully defensive.

Well I know how I feel about Jim. I'm just not sure how I feel about what he's doing. If I came across as defensive then it was in defence of what I know to be a good person and people suggesting (indirectly or otherwise) that he can 'go f*** himself'.

I've got a poppy here you can have if that helps

Is it one of them Tower of London ones? 😉

Well it's certainly been more successful than trying to raise money to see Mickey Mouse

so she sold her story to the S*n instead

Best stick to some random assortment of words arranged into vows, instead of reasoned judgement, though eh?

I wasn't referring simply to marriage vows, more the responsibility one takes on when one decides to have children. It's my firm belief that children benefit from a stable home with 2 parents. You find that offensive because it doesn't match the life you chose. I couldn't care less. They're my beliefs.

I got divorced when my kids were young, and you're right about one thing they have never had a happy home life.

They've had two.

My sister-in-law got divorced 6 years ago. Their 3 kids have now got two shit homes instead of one.

They're now full of issues in and out of school. Neither parent puts them first and they constantly find ways to points score off one another.

Works both ways this divorce lark.

people suggesting (indirectly or otherwise) that he can 'go f*** himself'.

Fund. The word was Fund.

As in "take reponsibility for your own financial affairs on account of being a grown up".

I'm sure he's a nice bloke and everything but asking the internet for money because he can't be arsed taking responsibility for his own decisions seems unbelievably crass to me when we are constantly bombarded with appeals for money to help people who are unable to help themselves.

You say he's "genuinely in the poop".

He's not.

People whose children are dying of starvation in Somalia because of the worst drought in 200 years, or whose entire families have been killed in Syria or other conflicts around the world.

They're in the poop.

Jim could solve his own problems by having a grown up conversation with his ex wife or doing some extra shifts at McDonalds or in a car wash.

He's potentially taken $12,000 dollars away from those who really need it.

If the worst that happens to him is that he gets pelters from random internet strangers half a world away, he'll probably get over it.....if he can be bothered.

I suppose it's just possible that those who give kids two shit homes would have given them one even shitter home, and that those who give them two happy homes might have even managed to give them one home where life was OK (until they worked out that it wasn't normal for daddy to have his own bedroom).

I expect we all have those beliefs whilst it's all working, councilof10 - if you haven't tried the alternative then you could just be a bit quieter about things you actually have no experience of.

To be fair, neither of my kids on my power kite, so they've never experienced true happiness.

if I had any morals, that'd probably keep me awake at night. Its a good job I'm unrtoubled by such things

They're now full of issues in and out of school. Neither parent puts them first and they constantly find ways to points score off one another.

So if they'd stayed together they'd have miraculously transformed into model parents?

There's some serious triumphs of logic going on on this thread.

People who are shit parents, are just shit parents, married or divorced

To be fair, neither of my kids on my power kite,

But you'll happily splash the cash on all that unnecessary extra pastry for the sides and the bottom to feed your own twisted desires.

You monster. 😉

Fund. The word was Fund.

Not you - someone else more directly suggested the alternative, though your literal post was strongly suggestive of that alternative.

People whose children are dying of starvation in Somalia because of the worst drought in 200 years, or whose entire families have been killed in Syria or other conflicts around the world.

They're in the poop.

So by that logic, no one apart from those poor hapless children have any right to claim hardship? So we can shut up about how disadvantaged women are, or the disabled, the poor, ethnic minorities, people with terminal cancer etc.

I think you have a point; I think you're saying that perhaps his perspective is wrong and I would agree with you, which is what motivated my original post. I'm just not sure he's entirely undeserving of our sympathy. And maybe you're prepared to offer him that, just not money. And I think that's where I agree with you also.

Probably the only difference between our assessments of the situation are the words we chose to express our views.

I suppose it's just possible that those who give kids two shit homes would have given them one even shitter home

If you're going to give children a sh*t home, perhaps you're not best suited to having kids. If you're not prepared to commit to sticking around, perhaps you're not best suited to having kids. If you can't make a relationship work, weather the storms and protect your kids from your own problems, then perhaps you're not best suited to having kids!