[Closed] Farting

Pull my finger.... 😆

Just think how awesome it would be if you could hear all the farts in the world being done - the walls shaking and trees swaying!

There is a theory that if everyone in the world farted at the same time, the world would be knocked off its axis.

Is there a more awesome factoid than that?

My Nan used to reckon that if you farted and burped at the same time with enough force you'd do a backflip

@wilco did she ever do it? 🙂

I was working on an ultramarathon event a couple of years back, driving the sweep/pickup minibus, bailing injured or retiring runners out to the finish. Things got pretty hectic overnight, and myself and my co-driver didn't get a chance to stop and get a proper meal, so we had to make do with whatever was available at the feed stations. Unfortunately what they had was mainly crap, nasty sandwiches and sweets - chocolate raisins and jellybeans mostly. Needless to say, a long day and night of living on that and coffee wasn't doing my digestive system any favours.

We did a dropoff run to the finish, the RNR spot near the Baltic in Gateshead, and I nipped off to the bogs to deal with, shall we say, a certain amount of intestinal pressure. Wandered into the traps hoping no-one else was around, and launched into a mind boggling sequence of postern blasts - long, short, high, low and everything in between. I heard someone walk in the door and take up a cubicle along from me and tried to hold a bit back until they'd gone, but it was no good. Trump after trump after trump; me, red-faced but silently giggling in my stall. Finally it ended, and the next thing I hear is a round of applause from the other end of the john. The only response I could muster through the laughter was "Thank you, but i came in for a s**t, not the Warsaw ****ing Concerto"...

I'm a prolific flatulator, indeed I take great pride in the audible splendor and the stomach churning stench, however I am appalled if my SO let's one go. In 7 years I've heard her squeeze the cheese no more than 5 times it's disgusting.

I have had to stop farting at home because we are having to tell our nine year old that he has to stop farting in class. This came after parents evening when his teacher asked if he had a medical problem, because he was upsetting other children by doing horrible farts then sitting there grinning like a Cheshire cat. His mother was most indignant when I said she had been setting a bad example.

Luckily in my office everyone enjoys farting. I try to creep up to other people and do it close to their desk. Especially when they're on the phone. I locked Liam in the radio cupboard on Monday with only a grim cloud of green for company.

Liam is particularly quick to go bright red at not much, particularly when we were stood in the atrium at Keighley Magistrates Court last month, when he was in full view of court staff, lawyers, policemen and criminals and I sounded the charge while hidden from view in a very echoey alcove 🙂

I had beans on toast for lunch today....I can't stop farting now...the wife is well pissed...as she says I push them out??....who doesn't ??

Me for one, as I get older, I find they creep out without any effort on my part. When I get out of my chair usually, or bed.

I often wonder how long it would last if you could fart out your actual entire lifetimes supply of farts, in one long continuous mega fart.

Imagine the sheer joy. Every fart you've ever done, and ever will do... A fartathon to end them all

Interesting fact: the human rectum is equipped with nerves that allow the brain to know the difference between solid, liquid and gaseous contents.

Usually.

My dog farting is NOT funny.

If you think that dogs farts are evil you should spend some time with my cat.... when she lets go its rotten, proper rotten!!!

One of the best things about working from home is being able to fart with reckless abandon.

It is worth remembering two things
1. When farting in a call, use the mute button
2. When going to the office, do up your flies and don't fart with reckless abandon

Farts are like children, you love your own, but anyone else's are awful.

Every time i tickle my 6 year old daughter she lets rip, she shouted out at the top of her voice in a cafe the other day "daddy, you know my tickle circuit is connected to my trumping circuit"!! Old lady at the next table said "..me too."

If you give her a biscuit she might let you...

This morning my two daughters decided to tickle me and I couldn't get them to stop their game until I laughed so much I let out a huge fart – then they scattered like I was a skunk with my defence mechanism.

🙂

I can confirm that even Nuns find it very funny(well the Irish ones,more research required)