Forum menu
Confidence isn't it? It's all about confidence..
We may think we look like the back end of a Sheep on heat but in reality we/you could carry that off if you had the confidence too..
What is the term? Inadequate Self Image or some such..
Ghah! I went through the sodding early 90's with this God awful book strapped to my left eyebrow, we all did it was the "thing to do" in business, we were told we needed it and that it would "make us happy" FFD to today and it's all about "Mindfulness" so each decade brings forth a new "buzz word" and "mantra" and "plan or format" to which we MUST live our lives.... like we've nothing better to do with them than [i]follow the righteous path[/i]
I bring you NLP and Self Image.. Read this if you have 10mins of your life to spare.. doesn't really say anymore than you know already but fail to recognise..
Self-image
To put it simply, our self-image is how we see ourselves, not how we think others see us, in terms of our own abilities, physical appearance, and personality. We act, feel and behave according to our self-image. But our self-image does not accurately reflect who we are but rather who we think we are. In order to control our actions, feelings and behaviour so that they express precisely who we actually are, we need to understand who we are and how our self-image was formed.
Our past conditioning and experiences together make up our self-image as it is today. Unfortunately, most of us have an inadequate self-image due largely to our subconscious mind not being discriminatory or selective and just accepts all the input regardless of whether it is of value or not for acceptance. To maintain our positive self-image and personality today, we have to be watchful for any entry of negative input, whether from within or without, into our mind.Our self-image determines the outcome of what we do. It all depends on whether we have a positive or negative self-image. If ours is positive, we tend to be confident and optimistic. If we feel we are going to succeed or interact very well with other people, the possibilities are greatly increased that we will succeed or will interact well. If, on the other hand, our self-image is negative, negative thoughts fill our mind. If we think we are going to fail or are not sociable, chances are we will fail or are likely to be unwilling to engage readily with other people.
Our self-image either causes us to lead a happy and successful life or a miserable life, in which we believe we are inadequate, lacking in intelligence, incompetent, etc. Other people may hold us in high regard and disagree with our belief but we continue to live our lives in accordance with our negative self-image. One way to enjoy a better self-image, and thus a better life, is to change our self-image by changing our thinking. Unless we do that, our negative self-image remains unaltered, and we continue to lack confidence in our own worth and abilities.
Understand that our self-image accepts whatever is put into it. It does not differentiate good stuff from bad stuff that goes into it. Neither does it differentiate the sources of the input whether external or internal. If internally, we fill it with bad stuff, we get a negative self-image, and it is a positive self-image if we fill it with good stuff. The majority of us unwittingly create a poor self-image by placing wrong materials in it.
External sources play a part in the creation of our poor self-image. This comes from an accumulation of bad experiences or nasty remarks from other people. When we have a poor self-image, we tend to think other people are better than we are in many ways. But because we believe what we think, it makes us feel inadequate, anxious, nervous, small, etc. in the presence of other people. We may even start labeling ourselves such as, “I am a dumbbell”, “I am a nobody”, etc. If this is the way we see ourselves, we tend to act and behave accordingly. Our actions and behaviour reflect what our self-image is.
Much can be done to adversely affect our self-image by other people's attitudes towards us. Sometimes, how unfairly people treat us is beyond our control. We can only wonder why. We mean to be sincerely friendly to someone, but we get shunned by them. We kindly volunteer our help but our offer gets rudely rejected. Some people unjustly blame us when we can see it’s not our fault. But they can’t. Whatever their behaviour or reactions, we must never allow them to weaken our self-image. We can prevent this by not interpreting their behaviour or reactions in any way. Promptly forget them and move on.
People who are handicapped suffer from lasting poor self-image. They feel hopeless and helpless and experience low levels of self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. They feel restricted in ambitions and mobility. Their lack of motivations limits their roles in many areas. Their low self-image is a direct result of endless limited thinking. To rectify this, they must introduce new conditioning to change their belief about what is possible for them in life.
As long as we maintain the same self-image, there is no possibility of us acting differently. Since childhood, our experiences, assumptions, perceptions, ideas, opinions, thoughts and beliefs have been shaping our self-image. Many, if not most, of these factors have been false, exaggerated or biased. But to us, they are all true because we accept them as true even though they may not be true, and we live our lives as though they were true.
It does our self-image no good to go around appeasing and pleasing other people. In the process, we transform ourselves into yes-men. We are likely to be mercilessly exploited. People take us for granted. The more we appease them, the more they demand. The only times they get in touch or communicate with us is when they need us to do them some favours. We usually try to appease others for some reasons, either we fear rejection if we incur their displeasure or she is pretty attractive and we fall for her. Being subservient to others can only harm our self-image.
It is very important that what we say to ourselves has to be done carefully. What unfavourable comments we pass about ourselves are treated as true by our subconscious mind even if they are untrue, so are insulting remarks from other people, which we must reject lest they are accepted by the subconscious. We must make use of self-talk to strengthen or support our self-image.
Self-talk is the way we talk to ourselves, maybe regularly or, from time to time. We use positive affirmations in our self-talk to program our subconscious mind. By using self-talk, we exercise control over how we act, feel and think.
Fortunately, our self-image is amenable to input not only in the forms of self-talk but visualization as well. We can transform our own image into visual image which we can see with our mind’s eye. This makes it easier to use visualization to change our self-image. We do it by consciously creating and seeing the desired mental images of what we want ourselves to be. For example, we can mentally picture ourselves as a sociable participant in a social gathering or a good, confident speaker on stage before the event takes place. We have to do it continuously in order for it to be effective. Make a habit of constantly visualizing the outcomes that you truly want.
There are other things that can make a positive contribution to our self-image. Practise good personal hygiene of keeping our body clean. Pay particular attention to our external appearance like always keeping ourselves perfectly groomed, and exercise wise choice of clothes. Get involved in some physical activities in order to stay healthy. Try to do, say, fifteen minutes of gentle exercise every day. Act as if we had the desired feeling and let the action make the feeling our reality.
We must keep on changing and improving our self-image. After all we are not perfect. We can only strive to be as near to perfection as we possibly can. Most people hold on to their self-image, thinking or believing that it’s a perfect one, needing no further changes, so they act and behave in the same old way. If they have the right perception of themselves, they can see the changes that are needed to correct their faults and weaknesses.
Im quite self depreciating about my looks and have never considered myself overly handsome. However, given the high volume of quality snatch I get to smash.. I reckon I must be at least a 9..
My body shape can only be described 16 stone of mince badly stuffed into a condom.
My looks - think bastard child of Robbie Williams and Shrek.
@ rockape63 & Kryton57:
Oi! I said that’s what I thought of myself when I am at my worst.
This is actually me:
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
(Forgive the Rapha; it was secondhand. And yes, as perchy will attest, I have other hats stranger to this group than the yellow one above.)
I’m a 5. My wife is a 7.
It’s a fact that you can’t marry anyone more than +/-2 from your position. Impossible. Anyone who claims otherwise is misguided.
So how does a 5 bag a 7 you ask? Well it’s about height. My wife is tall, so she immediately ruling out 95% of the male population, as it’s another fact that women prefer taller men. I’m luckily 6’3” tall, so just used it to my advantage to hunt down a tall 7. And in my younger years I could probably have passed as a 6 (I had hair when we met). My wife has maintained her 7, even after three kids.
You were doing so well SaxonRider - going for the rugged outdoorsman look, until the second picture with the trimmed beard and Rapha selfie.
You disgust me, sir.
*Saxon looks a lot like my Romanian photography mate... 😆
You're real name ain't Inacul is it??? 😯
SaxonRider.This is actually me:
Fake news. No one on STW looks like that. 😉
as perchy will attest, I have other hats stranger to this group than the yellow one above.)
Ssssshhhhh! First rule of Hat Club.....
Pics or it didn't happen!
It's almost impossible to tell your own attractiveness as you are so numbed to your own face, but maybe a 5? Maybe less? - I've got a broken nose and thinning hair. Mrs Tarka is much higher - I punch WELL above my weight for which I am endlessly thankful!
[img] 
[/img]
Think Uncle Festers evil twin...
I paid for Tinder for a month and it was quite funny seeing that I got quite a few right swipes from some very attractive ladies.
On the actual dating sites though I mostly got older women 🙁 Or women saying they were hopelessly romantic even though I had plainly put that I was hopeless in that area 🙁
With someone now so that's all stopped.
Good job too as the cat nearly took my eye out the other month so now I have a scar from it!
[img] 
?oh=b1110bdb39e10671521fec02315053c2&oe=5A9175DD[/img]
[img] 
?oh=c592c9e714fa193f8699f4e6b099e1da&oe=5A9B4C14[/img]
[img] 
?oh=942a0ec43589708fd734d3f6ca96435d&oe=5AD75404[/img]
If we pull our finger out, we could have a STW Hot Studs calendar in shops before Xmas.
Too hot for you lot.
Don't think you can tell whether someone of the same sex (ual persusion) is attractive or not.
I've met ladies that think Nicola Sturgeon is attractive !!!
My sister did this picture of me when i was 4.
[img] 
[/img]
Frankly, things haven't got any better....... #afaceforradio
😆
Hmm,I look fairly young for my age (49) but I feel I’m looking a bit battered round the edges. My best point is good thighs from 40-odd years of cycling and other exercise though that’s given me broad shoulders and huge hands too!
In a word... No
I was alright when I was younger and slim at 18 and then was in a relationship until I was 26.
So now Im single, fat with 2 kids and no experience of dating as an adult.
I find that women around my age either; Dont want kids so that scares them off, already have kids so no time/too complicated or want kids but their own and get put off by me already having some.
But thats from a very small sample as there arent many that get past looking at me
My ex earlier....
Around my local galloway town i'd say i was a very solid 8, possibly 9 if i shave, get a haircut and dress in something other than what i can find cheap on sport pursuit, however if i venture to the nearest city such as glasgow/edinburgh i am a very average 5, possibly verging on 3 after a night at the sub-club.
we could have a STW Hot Studs calendar in shops before Xmas.
Baggsies on December
[img] 
[/img]
I think all potential partners of a 'cyclist' need to be carefully vetted for suitability, attractive or not. The pain and heartache we put our families through by riding with our injuries (mine have been bloody car v bike) not me being stupid and doing a 2cm jump... 😆
In addition to the above comparison I put in earlier I've also this month been compared to
[img] https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRF7K5NgUM2eym1Nj2fKShkbaNELHpdRtqNmpW2MM_elU7bdFMuEQ [/img]
[img] https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRoQkpV4-zcbC4GIyp1zjhbhybhIl9fgdOgNE2wklwlKq7mAJs [/img]
And
[img] https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSbqsinPCSykhuaYwG7Z0C9dpc0CPJCpkJuUrNegjD3F7rFUg [/img]
So I concur with my earlier conclusion of no ahha.
And another mate who I hadn't seen for a few weeks said " you look more and more Canadian every time I see you "..... Now sure if he's calling me fat haha
Regardless of which Southern/Eastern European country I'm holidaying in, the locals all speak to me in their native tongue, so I guess I must look a bit exotic. More kebab-shop-owner-exotic than male-Mata-Hari-exotic, but it works for Mrs Flying Ox.
Wearing shirts is problematic, I can't drive.
I'm not allowed in Milan, New York or Japan.
vickypea - Member
Hmm,I look fairly young for my age (49) but I feel I’m looking a bit battered round the edges. My best point is good thighs from 40-odd years of cycling and other exercise though that’s given me broad shoulders and huge hands too!
"Pathetic effort to hog the brownie."
Me: nearly 50. Once a 6/7, now a 5 on a good day. Not a lot of hair left. Grey beard. Lined face, going wonkily to the left. Mrs CdB is still a 7 though...
maxtorque looks like a cheery sontaran 🙂
[quote=Bunnyhop ]You might as well be a piece of dog poo on a bridle way after hitting 45 as a female.
That's bollocks BTW. My wife is 53 and I still fancy her as much as I ever did. I don't mean I love her (I do) but I actually [i]fancy[/i] her too.
I like to think I'm improving with age. Personally I find depending how lean I am really affects face shape. Too lean and I go gaunt, too many chips and I get an extra chin.
Current state of chins shown below...
Don't particularly like my body these days, but that's because I'm focused on cycling where as I was into bodybuilding all through my 20s.
[img] 
[/img]
Women tell me I'm ugly, but only until they find out how much I earn.
.
.
.
.
Then they call me poor and ugly.
What’s hogging the brownie?
You might as well be a piece of dog poo on a bridle way after hitting 45 as a female.
yes, rubbish, having spent a fair bit of time trawling the dating sites there's plenty of good looking ladies to around 50, then things might take a slide depending on how many kids they have, how much time in the sun, and how fit they keep themselves 🙂
But seriously I think it is a state of mind - how you carry yourself, how young you act, etc.
My fantastic neighbour is 70 and you wouldn't think it - she's always out seeing friends and family, just went to Nashville and New Orleans for a holiday, line dances during the week, drives like a teenager (that stole the car...).
She is slim though - I think that helps a lot with perception as you subconciously expect people to get fatter with age, and mobility is better as well.
I'm 54 in February 🙁
maxtorque - Member
My sister did this picture of me when i was 4.
dad?
vickypea - Member
What’s hogging the brownie?
Sorry, that wasn't as obvious as I thought it was. Family joke that means you're gorgeous. Apparently it comes from the rom-com 'Notting Hill'. Also apologies for remembering that you're gorgeous, that was a bit stalkery now that I think about it- IGMC-
Anyway! <blushes>
codybrennan, I guess you saw a photo of me once on here. When you reach 49 and feel a bit lined and scruffy, with short legs, compliments are as rare as hens’ teeth so I’ll say thanks 😀
Chilled76 is Action Man and I claim my £5.
What’s hogging the brownie?
Something that'll get you kicked out of the Scouts.
[quote=Jamie ]If we pull our finger out, we could have a STW Hot Studs calendar in shops before Xmas.
Please say it is not one of those naked calendars
Please say it is not one of those naked calendars
It'll be very tasteful.
Bit like....
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
I'm not, even with the lights off...but it isn't something I bother about.
Chilled76 is Action Man and I claim my £5.
That coat was my brothers, but I'll take that as a compliment anyway:-) I was borrowing it when visiting (photoshoped him out of the selfie as I'm sure he'll appreciate me not posting photos of him on websites).
No idea what the £5 thing is about?
no experience of dating as an adult.
Dating as an adult is waaaay easier. Go and have a fun night out, if something happens then it's a bonus! 🙂
My kind "friends" keep comparing me to Brian Cox and a lego man. 😆
Someone also asked me the other day if I was Francis Cade............
Where to start?
Yes, I use shop windows for a quick check and adjustment, if necessary.
Much missed ex partner said both George Clooney & Pierce Brosnan took after me in the body & looks departments.
Thanks Gill but I think your NHS specs were responsible.
Having said that, deep down.......
Oh god, I’ve just been woken up by a nightmare about Perchypanther’s tongue.