I’d love to be able to go home and see my mother 😢
Any parental relationship has to change as you grow into and adult. If it doesn’t, there will always be friction.
I'd love to go home and my parents had accepted i was a grown man and not still a schoolboy but that ship sailed long ago, and dementia and the grim reaper have had their way. But i had made my peace, a good few years ago, with the fact that I was never going to change them, and my life was mine to live, and not theirs to meddle in
I try to interact w EpicJnr and SnrEpicJnr differently than how i was parented, but I'm sure that I'm just giving them different neuroses
Philip Larkin says hello
No disrespect intended to those of you here who are on better terms with their parents - it's a continuum.
I'd hope not.
Maybe in a different way, but you can't have them back when they're gone.
Not at all. I've a pretty grown up relationship with my father. He's 83 and has a lifetime of quirks and character so that makes our relationship strained on occasion, but I've learned what can be ignored and to predict issues. He's great when I need another view, but it's definitely not a child/ parent relationship anymore.
I'm having to learn the same with my grown up kids. So many times I want to ask questions or challenge them, but it's thier life and they need to lead it. I'm sure there will be a post or three over the next 30 years grumbling about me 😉
*waves at two sons on here*
I was rather surprised to learn (relatively recently) that both my siblings had very different feelings towards our parents and how they brought us up. I suspect it's got a lot to do with the nature of the children and how they cope with parenting styles, as well as the parents themselves.
Do children ever change?
Son has come home to visit - he’s over 50x moved out 30 odd years ago and left the country 17 yrs ago. Screwed up a marraige but still thinks he’s wiser than me!
everytime he comes back it’s just like he’s 14 - arguing about silly stuff just to try and show he’s in charge. I know know people have different and often strained relationships with parents but this isn't normal surely?
To give some examples....
I had his room specially decorated for him coming back, he didn’t seem at all grateful and when the painter was round to do some other stuff didn’t even have decency to comment on the good job he’d done.
He refuses to pronounce the local town correctly. He knows full well how I think it should be said but insists the school bullies stop him saying it that way.
He turned up without any real plan how to spend his time, so I suggested catching up with someone he’s not seen since the 80’s. You’d think like most people he’d be interested in how his old friends were doing - but he made a big fuss and refused to call him. I just thought he might want out from under our feet for an hour or two, but he made it sound like we were the problem.
Then he had the most ridiculous argument over who to pronounce a car brand. I simply pointed out that he didn’t want to sound common and he accused me of being Margaret Thatcher and said these things don’t matter, when clearly he knows they do matter to me. He even did a bit of a racist accent thing which made me so annoyed I had to leave the room. Then he tried to get his dad to join in targeting me, fortunately he stuck up for me which is why I know the issue is him not me. Utterly ridiculous.
