[Closed] Daughter got christened - Unknown to me

ernie_lynch - Member
Sorry I didn't stick to the rule which states that in such circumstances, all posters must agree with the OP.

Agree with what? He asked for advice not judgement based on your weird supposition. I have no idea what it's like but gave my opinion based on a bit of cold detachment which is needed in situations like this.

But I'm funny like that - breaking the rules that is .......surely you must have noticed before ?

And the Stranglers said there were no more heroes.

He asked for advice not judgement based on your weird supposition.

What "weird supposition" is that ? The one that the OP's ex might not be a totally unreasonable woman who is a terrible mother to her children ?

Well I'm assuming the OP also didn't think that until at least last Christmas ......otherwise why did he have a child with her ?

You might think that the best way to help the OP is to tell him everything he wants to hear, and to reinforce his perceptions, but I don't necessarily agree with you, hope that's ok - although apparently it's not. Neither do I believe that it's necessarily the best thing for the child involved.

Don't entertain any of her petty games and always try to remain calm.

My ex ran off with my 2 year old son Harry. 6 weeks after, I found that she'd left me because she'd been sleeping with my supervisor from work.
I lost everything and even now I don't get to see my son.

18 months on, and I can honestly say that I feel better without her in my life. Miss my little boy like crazy, but I know that she'll make things as hard as possible for me to see him.
Like you, I don't have the money for expensive court battles etc and I believe that he'll come to me when he's older.

First port of call is get down to Citizens Advice... and maybe go speak to a solicitor.

Good luck and keep your chin up.

Agree with previous posters about trying to be helpful and remaining calm but keeping a record. I would also make an effort with her others kids as they are your daughter's brothers/sisters. Presumably they once lived with you? If you can have genuine relationships with them (birthday/xmas presents, occasional trips out when your daughter is older) then you will probably get on better with your ex and your daughter will be with people who view you in a positive light.

It is very easy to give this advice - in your shoes I would be polishing my Bombers!

Freya is not a "Christian" christian-name, it harps back to Old Norse Mythology.
Is that part of the problem?
Are you anti the Christian religion and has your ex partner overidden your beliefs and pushed your daughter into the Church's clutches?

If so, I know the feeling.

Not that I can provide an answer, just keep the contact going no matter what obstacles are put in your way and try and do the best you can for your child.

It might be an idea to give helpful objective advice to the OP rather than turning it into yet another STW fight where the OP's questions are forgotten.

For me there are three sides to most stories. Yours. Mine. And somewhere between those two, lies the truth.

Oh and to be fair, if I was the OP, I'd expect to be informed of something like a christening - not because I'm a shouty atheist, but I'd still like to know.

If she's as horrible as the OP suggests, then doing these kind of things and not informing you is mostly to make herself feel better - and the OP's getting wound up about it will only add fuel to her flames.

Remain calm. Be a good dad. Realise that generally the law will be better if you don't start kicking up all kinds of shit whenever anything happens.

Conflict between you is ultimately water of your backs but will remain with the child forever.

Remain calm. Be a good dad. Realise that generally the law will be better if you don't start kicking up all kinds of shit whenever anything happens.

Good simple advice. And try to behave a bit less like the ranting loon you appeared to be in your first post.

Agrees with DD and several other posters who thinks the person with a level head in all of this will come out of it better (in the long run) than someone trying to get at the ex rather than move on.

I really couldn't imagine a worse thing to happen to anyone though 🙁

ernie_lynch - Member
What "weird supposition" is that ? The one that the OP's ex might not be a totally unreasonable woman who is a terrible mother to her children ?

Where has he said she's a terrible mother? See what I mean?

Well I'm assuming the OP also didn't think that until at least last Christmas ......otherwise why did he have a child with her ?

Relationships changing shocker

You might think that the best way to help the OP is to tell him everything he wants to hear, and to reinforce his perceptions

Where did I do that?

Why don't you stick with the issues raised by the OP Lifer ? .....instead of trying to start an argument between me and you.

Assuming you're on the birth certificate you have legal parental responsibility.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

Parental Responsibility, amongst other things, includes:

[b]determining the religion of the child[/b]

You should have been consulted.

Didn't we go through all of this about a month ago when SBrock told everyone on here that his ex was going to get his daughter christened?
Including the religious arguments... 🙄

determining the religion of the child

Perhaps the OP could convert her to Islam - that would nark off the mother.

Yeah. Just give her a nice headscarf to wear, tell her it's the Jackie-O look and watch her mother freak out.

OP's daughter earlier...
[img] [/img]

getting a child christened is a choice that should be made by both parents. for your ex to go ahead and do this behind your back is bang out of order and demonstrates she is not respecting your rights as a parent.

I imagine the legal route is the only option with someone like this and recommend you look into this ASAP.

aP - Member

Didn't we go through all of this about a month ago when SBrock told everyone on here that his ex was going to get his daughter christened?

Yep, I quick search reveals that it's the same guy. And whilst today he's claiming "Daughter got christened - Unknown to me" and "I have just found out Freya got christened" it couldn't have come as quite the complete surprise which he seems to suggest, as he knew it was going to happen at least a month ago.

Also there appears to be inconsistencies in the time lines. 4 weeks ago he said "Me and her mother have split up when she was 4 months old, I left the house that we both owned as she has other kids".

So if he walked out on her mother at Christmas when she was 4 months old, then she'll be about 9 months old now. Which on the plus side means that in about another 3 months he'll be able to have her stay with him overnight, as according to him "my ex says she can't stay overnight until she is 1". A perfect reasonable and understandable attitude imo btw.

Ernie - are you suggesting it is an understandable attitude not to allow the child to stay with the father until she is 1 year old?

Yep.

Overnight that is.

Why would that be?

Miss my little boy like crazy, but I know that she'll make things as hard as possible for me to see him.
Like you, I don't have the money for expensive court battles etc and I believe that he'll come to me when he's older.

Can you not get legal aid? At the moment it may look to a court that you just aren't making any effort to see your son. And unfortunately he may see it the same way later on.

There's some good advice in this thread, it's up to the OP to try and follow that advice. Do nothing and the situation won't change, you'll just become more frustrated.

Why would that be?

Because I can't see any benefits for a child less than 12 months old to stay away from her mother overnight.

Plus I reckon it would be an exceptional woman who would [i]willingly[/i] allow her less than 12 month baby stay with the man who walked out on her at Christmas. In fact I might even question her commitment to her child, if she was that keen on the proposition.

Of course you might not agree with me, and of course I'm basing my comments on the little that I know. But since I'm unlikely to hear her side of the story, I'm ok with that.

Because I can't see any benefits for a child less than 12 months old to stay away from her mother overnight

Now would it?

Whatever happened to the relationship between the mother and father is irrelevant as he is still the father of the child, that will never change and he has a right to spend time with her.

Because I can't see any benefits for a child less than 12 months old to stay away from her mother overnight.

but the child wouldn't be any worse off if she didn't stay with her mum overnight, would she?

It might not be detrimental to the child, but it would probably be more detrimental to the mother's health, when the baby is just a few months old, than the father's.

I can't see a problem with the mother saying the child can stay with the father, but not overnight until she is 12 plus months old. Seems perfectly reasonable to me .........what did the father think - leaving was going to be a bed of roses in which he would get everything he wanted ?

but it would probably be more detrimental to the mother's health, when the baby is just a few months old, than the father's

Do you have children Ernie?

Or are you just trying to make pointless claims in order to cause an argument?

Do you have children Ernie?

And there we have it.

In fairness, it was only a matter of time.

are you just trying to make pointless claims in order to cause an argument?

Busted. There's no "pulling the wool over your eyes" eh ?

And here's me thinking you had idiotic views about parental rights and responsibilities.

Turns out you are just an idiot.

Turns out you are just an idiot.

Well it's taken you over 2 years to come to that conclusion, so perhaps I was being generous with the "no pulling the wool over your eyes" comment .......what do you reckon ?

BTW, top marks for putting your point over in such a forceful and intelligent manner.

I agree Ernie - if you have spent the last two years posting in such a manner you must be an Übertroll beyond compare.

I doff my hat to you, congratulations, your parents must be very proud.

You're too generous.

Get a room you two!

The room marked 'The new person for me to brand a cock after I realised that, handled properly, Surrounded by Zulus is actually okay and even Tandem Jeremy has his moments'*?

It might not be detrimental to the child,

but it would probably be more detrimental to the mother's health, when the baby is just a few months old, than the father's.

Junkyard - I wouldn't waste your time - he is clearly getting a semi-on at getting any kind of response so it seems better not to feed the Übertroll.

I notice you think absent dads can just MTFU

Well I'm suggesting that the OP sees and spends time with his child, but waits until she is over 12 months old before she stays overnight with him. I see no benefit for a 6 month baby to stay overnight with the father. Yes I'm suggesting that he MTFU, what else do you suggest he does the rest of the time when he's not with the child?

The mother's suggestion seems perfectly reasonable to me.

That's my opinion. You might not agree with it, but I'm not going to change it just because someone else doesn't like it.

And since when has my opinion matter so much ? What am I......the arbitrator of all that is good and
right ?

I'm truly touched if that's the case, but I would rather keep the opinions which I'm most happy with - not necessarily the ones which other people approve of.

But I thought you were just talking bollocks in order to get people to respond?

I am confused now - will you be consistent please.

BTW mastiles_fanylion, RE : [i]"he is clearly getting a semi-on"[/i]

Nice. You're plunging to new depths in your attempts to insult someone who doesn't agree with your opinion.

But back to the original point, she had the girl christened, not circumcised or tattooed. Some perspective might help here too. It is a reversible process...

On the contrary Ernie I do not mind people who don't agree with me - and it happens quite regularly. But I prefer those people to actually believe what they are saying rather than be saying things just for cheap kicks.

back to the original point

Pay heed!

But back to the original point, she had the girl christened, not circumcised or tattooed. Some perspective might help here too. It is a reversible process...

It's not only reversible, it's completely imperceptible.

Ernie I do not mind people who don't agree with me

You have a strange way of showing it.......but thanks for giving me the thumbs up that it's ok for me to have my own opinion.

But I prefer those people to actually believe what they are saying rather than be saying things just for cheap kicks.

So I don't really think that the mother's suggestion to wait until the baby was more than 12 months, before she stays overnight with the OP, is perfectly reasonable ? I only said it, despite believing the contrary, for "cheap kicks" ?

You know some strange people mastiles_fanylion, to have come to that conclusion.

Because you said this an hour ago

ernie_lynch - Member
Busted. There's no "pulling the wool over your eyes" eh ?

So you WEREN'T just saying it for effect then?