Forum menu
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0mjrk98pp0o
Police say there's a slim chance he'll be caught.
IGMC
😩
That sounds like when a psychic midget escaped from custody. Police said there was a small medium at large.
Do deaf mathematicians use sine language?
There are three types of people in the world; those that can count and those that can't
Actually, that's a lie, there are 10 types of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't
Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant?
He worked it out with a pencil.
A thief broke into the police station and stole all of the toilets
The police say they have nothing to go on.
Is it hard to tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
Nope - one is weasily identifiable and the other is stotally different
I look after plant pots and hanging baskets for celebrities.
Which means I tend to shrub holders with the rich and famous.
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
What do you call a magician who has lost his magic..
Ian.
A group of youths broke into the local Chinese restaurant and trashed the place.
They were charged with Won-Ton destruction.......
Why are native American chiefs buried on the top of hills?
Because they're dead.
Did you hear about the non binary gold prospector?
They dug up a fortune in them/their hills.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.
What kind of aeroplane jumps down the runway?
Boeing.
How did the non-binary person attack someone?
They slash them.
My partner is trying to book a city break from a London airport, but every time she suggests flying from the most northerly London airport, I come out in a rash.
Doctor thinks I might be Luton-intolerant.
I fell out with a friend after he had to have the ends of his feet amputated.
I'm Lack Toes Intolerant.
All my relatives are police marksmen. Apart from my cousin, who was a bank robber. He passed away recently, surrounded by his family
With petrol being so expensive I have started to run my mower on vodka. Now my lawn is half cut!
Most nuts can't be flushed down the toilet, only pecan
My mate said you want to go to the new pub and see the new beautiful barmaid, 40b-34-38.
I said, sod that I'm not getting 3 buses to see anyone.
My 7 year old asked me yesterday where poo comes from. So I explained how the digestive system works, how the colon connects to the bowel, and why we go to the toilet.
The kid looked a bit worried and then asked "OK, and how about Tigger?"