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Not too naughty either as i'll be kicked off the forum again!
I'll start it off:
Just got my christmas tree down out the loft, and found a present up there that I'd forgot to wrap up for Alfie last year!
Its a shame really because he would have loved a little kitten 😉
What do snowmen ride for fun?
Icicles! 😀
why has santa got such a big sack?
'Cos he only comes once a year!
When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.
Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp, and even.
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
I was really sick one Christmas as a kid, after I ate all the decorations.
Doctor said I had tinselitis.
What do you get a Man U or Man City fan for christmas?
Chanel No. 5
Last Christmas, my friends clubbed together and got me a sweater.
I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer though.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark?
Frostbite!
What kind of paper likes music?
Wrapping paper!
Mrs W has decided to put all the jokes posted into the crackers for her gym mates Christmas meal! Go to town people!
😆
I bought a new christmas tree this year from my local garden centre, and the assistant there asked me "are you going to put that up yourself".
I replied "No you sick F***, im going to put it up in my living room!"
Oh Cougar, you really sleigh me man!
Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are having another battle with the lightsabres when Vader turns to Luke and says "I know what you're getting for christmas, my son".
"How can you know that father?" Skywalker replies
"I felt your presence".
why has santa got such a big sack?'Cos he only comes once a year!
Similar to that one...
Why is Santa such a good lover?
Because he only comes once a year, but when he does he fills your stockings.
[i]
or
[/i]
Why is Santa such a crap lover?
Because he only comes once a year and then it is down your chimney.
I came home the other day to find all my windows open and my stuff gone. Who does that to an Advent Calendar??
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few Christmas drinks with some friends and I had a few too many martinis.
Knowing I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.
Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are having another battle with the lightsabres when Vader turns to Luke and says "I know what you're getting for christmas, my son"."How can you know that father?" Skywalker replies
"I felt your presence".
😆
He got a tape measure, it was imperial..
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.
Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "Can you smell carrots?"
The other says "Yeah! And I can taste coal!"