[Closed] brother in law playing away from home....

This is not currently your problem. I suggest you do everything in your power to keep it that way.

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how do i even approach this and what do i say

This is not currently your problem. I suggest you do everything in your power to keep it that way

I would start with "Oi Dickhead! A word..."

that's what i've told the wife but theyre a close family and my wife sometimes lets her feelings get the better of her in situations like this...he lives next door to my in laws so he can keep an eye out on them and i know that once this hits the fan it would devastate my mother and father in law...
i've told her that its his life and his decision to play away so he'd have to deal with the consequences but even though i'd be fine at pretending not to know, wifey is a crap actor!!

Either play God or leave him.

I'd leave him.

patriotpro - Member
Either play God or leave him.

I'd leave him.

Leave God?

Imagine how much you'd like someone else telling you what to do in your marriage and relationships. Don't exceed that amount.

If its your wife's brother playing away, then its none of your business, it'll just end up being all your fault! Stay well out of it!

conversely, if it was your sisters husband that was playing away, then you would be fully justified in breaking his legs

Simples 😀

Do not say a word to anyone. Really. No-one will thank you for this, absolutely nobody. Just sit there looking dumb. For the most part try and pretend that it's not happening.

I'm shocked that as a married man I have to tell you this. At the moment this is only between the sisters. If you're asked to comment, agree with your wife. Beyond that, nothing.

Congratulate him for being able to tolerate two women at the same time?

Start the conversation with:

"I know this is none of my business, and you know that this is none of my business... so we both know that this is none of my business, but I'm expected to stick my oar in anyway..."

You dont say whether sister-in-law has broached the subject with him yet ?

I`d stay as far away from it all as possible

This is not currently your problem. I suggest you do everything in your power to keep it that way.

the last thing they need is other people getting involved and muddying the water IMHO

This is not currently your problem. I suggest you do everything in your power to keep it that way.

+1

Congratulate him for being able to tolerate two women at the same time?

This

[i]she even forwarded pictures of the whatsapp messages and they are quite racy and indicate that he's now in a physical relationship with her...
[/i]

thread...useless...pics...etc

What samuri said +lots and lots

I'm shocked that as a married man I have to tell you this. At the moment this is only between the sisters. If you're asked to comment, agree with your wife. Beyond that, nothing.

Samuri - i'd rather not get involved in this TBH but i think his wife has indicated that she wants me to have a word with him....she's already confronted him over it and he's denied it...he even went as far as saying the long brown hairs in the car belonged to his friends...none of his friends have long hair!! he doesnt know that she's taken pictures of the whatsapp messages though....there's a family wedding going on this weekend and i think she's planning on outing him in front of the whole family...
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!

IHN - she sent the messages to my wife's phone

she sent the messages to my wife's phone

She is having an affair with your wife too?

This woman gets about a bit!

Either play God or leave him.

What do YOU think the outcome might be if you went for a quiet beer with him and had a word? If you believe it would magically sort everything out, give it a whirl. Otherwise, stay out of it, and perhaps feign a biking injury to avoid having to go along with the wife.

This

This is not currently your problem. I suggest you do everything in your power to keep it that way.

If its your wife's brother playing away, then its none of your business, it'll just end up being all your fault! Stay well out of it!

conversely, if it was your sisters husband that was playing away, then you would be fully justified in breaking his legs

Start the conversation with:

"I know this is none of my business, and you know that this is none of my business... so we both know that this is none of my business, but I'm expected to stick my oar in anyway..."

Good luck.

alfabus - Member
patriotpro - Member
Either play God or leave him.
I'd leave him.

Leave God?

😆

there's a family wedding going on this weekend and i think she's planning on outing him in front of the whole family...
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!

I have changed my mind after this. Stay out of it and if he starts acting like a dick when your wife confronts him then drag him away. oh and get a horses head (should be quite easy these days) to put in his bed.

If he has denied it to his wife I doubt he'll do anything different for you. If his wife brings ths up publicly at someone's wedding then she deserves him. That would be unforgivable.

Samuri - i'd rather not get involved in this TBH but i think his wife has indicated that she wants me to have a word with him....she's already confronted him over it and he's denied it...he even went as far as saying the long brown hairs in the car belonged to his friends...none of his friends have long hair!! he doesnt know that she's taken pictures of the whatsapp messages though....there's a family wedding going on this weekend and i think she's planning on outing him in front of the whole family...
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!

As said don't get involved a million times. Been there with my brother three times. But if what you say about " outing" at a family wedding is true thats teribly sad and wrong. A weddings about the bride and groom not about anyone elses troubles. If it might realy happen something to head that off might be appropriate.

and get a horses head (should be quite easy these days) to put in his bed.

Indeed. Just leave a Tesco Value lasagne on his pillow.

Seriously though, stay out of it +1000 - and make it clear to your missus that a family wedding is not the ideal place to 'out' an affair. Except on Eastenders.

If it was your sister I'd say beat the carp out of him....

...In this case, it's up to the wife to confront him. It's her husband, she tells him to sling his hook....or puts up with it!

And this

If his wife brings ths up publicly at someone's wedding then she deserves him. That would be unforgivable.

Although I think that the thread was over in the first reply, do you know if sis-in-law has taken any speeding points for him?

PS - is she fit? any chance you could go round and console the poor girl, offer her a shoulder to cry on and all that 😉

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Indeed. Just leave a Tesco Value lasagne on his pillow.

Brilliant ... 😆

And finally if you have no choice, this

Start the conversation with:

"I know this is none of my business, and you know that this is none of my business... so we both know that this is none of my business, but I'm expected to stick my oar in anyway..."

Can I just point out, for the sake of clarity, that my post was in no way meant to be a plan of action. It was more about getting the OP to reflect on whether or not he should in any way get involved.

What sort of person would spoil someone's wedding to score points over a cheating partner?

Five words: "nowt to do with me"

rock-gonzy-hard place

if he he does have a quiet word to appease his wife it'll go wrong
if he doesn't and the sister in law kicks off at the wedding its going to ruin the happy couples big day and his wife will side with her sister and gonzy will still be in trouble .
get it out the way before the wedding .

if you did say something to him, the reponse is unlikley to be:

"you're right, I'll stop the affair straight away and say sorry to everyone."

Don't go for the weekend. get your mrs to speak to the sister and say given the circ, best if you didnt visit as you can't keep up an act.

If you do go, stay [b]well[/b] out of it.

there'll be an expectation for me to have a word with him

Stay well out of it.

As tempting as it would be to have a word, it's best for everyone that you don't. You'll never be thanked for it.

thanks for the advice folks....your comments confirmed what i was thinking all along....not my problem and not my place to say anything!!
update i got this morning was that she confronted him again last night which was met with more denials along the lines of "you're being paranoid"....her response was to produce the evidence from his phone....that really foobared him up as he couldnt lie his way out of that...so he has come clean and admitted to it all...
she's willing to give him one more chance now but has laid down some conditions which he's promised to stick to...
so happy days for me as i dont have to say anything to him now and his wife wont out him at the wedding.....
still taking my tin hat and flak jacket though....

PS - is she fit? any chance you could go round and console the poor girl, offer her a shoulder to cry on and all that

mate....i dont think there's enough beer in the world to make that happen....besides although i feel sorry for what he's put her through i cant stand the woman.....she's always had issues with my wife and in general is a bit of a cow!!

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Go Gallic and shrug

^^ 😆