[Closed] Awful Secret Santa Gifts

That's awesome, send it to me 😉

I used to be a bit of a music snob, hence;
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😀

Keep it, if there is secret santa again next year, pass it on!

once worked somewhere where loads were being made redundant and some scores were being settled

One plump manager got a diet book one member of staff [ skiver to be fair]got a book on staying healthy and one young employee got a rather risqué [ knickerless] wipe clean santa helper outfit

It was like a slow motion car crash....awful at not at all amusing in any way

It's a magnetic sharks head bottle opener. It's awful.
1. I only buy bottled beer very occasionally.
2. My fridge is fitted so has a wooden door to match the kitchen.
3. Even if I had a metal doored fridge I would not want the front of it graced with that tat.

You sound like a scream.

I've bought a nerf gun for mine. Hopefully he'll go home pissed and shoot his wife in the face

I have "politely" declined to join in with Secret Santa. I don't want anyone buying me some dreadful tat and nor do I want to have to buy the same for some other poor soul.

Can't you just be civil, say thanks then tactically "re-gift" next year?
Or are you starting a crusade from your high horse or moral unicorn or WTF it's called?

Id rather go for a beer with the giver of that fantastic bottle opener than the Op to be honest.

No offence, I just recognise the wavelength of the giver rather better than the OP.

Open decent beer, or fret about your fitted niche woodwork singlespeed fridge-track-world.

OP you do realise that's a joke gift, don't you? He's not expecting you to actually mount it in your kitchen.

Can't you just be civil, say thanks then tactically "re-gift" next year?

But how would the OP be able to express his superiority to the person giving the gift if he did that?

That shark is ****ing awesome, you on the other hand sound like a miserable cretin.

Lulz at Northwind, that sounds like fun!

I thought the point of Secret Santa was to give people utterly shiiiiite presents? ....dawning realisation why no one talks to me at work.....

we had lucky dip secret santa this year so couldnt revel in getting something 'personalized'. gutted when i pulled out a cress growing kit. quite possibly the ****est present ever, so i'd have happily taken the shark thing anyday!

** cue will cress seeds last till xmas 2015 thread... 😉

I have that bottle opener, works a treat plus can also hold a filled suit bag. Good for bleary eyed morning trips away.

That shark would look awesome on the bonnet of my van, aesthetically pleasing AND functional. Win/win.

I've bought my secret Santa a bottle opener that launches the bottle cap. I don't particularly like the knobber its destined for. It's just a bit of fun for crying out loud. Northwind I would be well happy if I got that!!?

I know! I'm pretty awesome tbh

I've bought a nerf gun for mine.

Same here. Everyone should own at least one nerf gun. 🙂

I got this last year:

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Two possibilities:

1. Someone who knows me a little bit and thought because I go climbing I'd like it.
2. Someone who knows me well enought to know I hate the **** Grylls and who therefore bought it as a pisstake.

I like that shark thing would go nicely on the wall above my work bench and would facilitate evening opening of Adnams.

THAT;s tacky? I got a bottle opener that played the Coronation St theme when used. Couldn't even open it to take the battery out and shut it up
Still, great for annoying the OH though

Inflatable zimmer frame.

I'm 42.

gimp ball

THAT;s tacky? I got a bottle opener that played the Coronation St theme when used. Couldn't even open it to take the battery out and shut it up

of course you can:
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Maybe there should be a STW secret santa swap shop.

OP you could always donate it to your local charity shop. Or stick it to something in their workshop/garage and either use it or fire the air rifle at it!

I'm quite pleased.... I got a camembert AND a camembert baker (no, I had no idea what that was, either). Result!

I'm not sure the OP gets the idea of Secret Santa. Dave Vanderspek's idea is pure genius..!

You've been wronged. Summarise your grievances and email it round your office.

slowoldman - Member
I have "politely" declined to join in with Secret Santa. I don't want anyone buying me some dreadful tat and nor do I want to have to buy the same for some other poor soul.

I once got a cheap nasty perfume that smelled like air freshener. Straight in the bin!

Let's keep Richie's festive charity thread going, Op send me that awesome bottle opener, I'll mount it in pride of place on my fridge and bung a couple of quid in the air ambulance box! The last secret Santa I got was a Billy Connolly box set, funny but couldn't open a beer with it...

OP you do realise that's a joke gift, don't you? He's not expecting you to actually mount it in your kitchen.

Exactly. All year ,your colleagues have been rolling their eyes ,
as you have boasted about your lovely fitted kitchen and superior taste in decor. 😀

I've always thought Secret Santa was meant to be a giggle?

I once bought my bosses wife willy shaped sweets from Anne Summers... she liked them...

I got a bath plug once with a plastic Titanic on it....couldn't work out if there was a humorous meaning to it that I had missed.

Last year I got one of those hi-viz snap ankle bands to use on the bike and I use it all the time.
I also got a spoke clacker (posh version of playing card & elastic band), but am yet to try it out. Debated using it for the 24/12 but figured it might be a bit annoying while coming through the camping area at 2:30am with it clacking away.....

Best secret santa I have bought was one of those laser cut wooden models. I got a colleague a Spitfire one, and apparently he couldn't wait until Boxing day when he found some time to build it. Been sat on his window sill at work since.

I once bought my bosses wife willy shaped sweets from Anne Summers... she liked them...

I hate Secret Santa because it goes against the true spirit of Christmas.

Which is to spend money you can't afford on crap that people don't want. Secret Santa means spending money you [i]can[/i] afford on crap that people don't want.

I amuse myself by giving people DVDs that should never be watched

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That bottle opener is ace! I hadn't realised until reading this thread that there are some right pompous, joyless, snotty, miserable, sniffy, aloof bastards on here. Who else knew?

We're doing our secret santa today. I'll keep you posted. I expect that everyone has embraced the spirit of Colin

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Last year's "Secret Santagate' scandal got pretty serious. Someone put in a tin of Tesco Value Soup, and a scouring pad. The outraged recipient then galvanised her coven from customer services, and started a proper witch-hunt to find the sender. Much to the amusement of the rest of us. Still don't know who it was. It was funny though. Hats off. 😀

Someone put in a tin of Tesco Value Soup, and a scouring pad

I got Neil from Stores a razor last year as he always sports a really crap wispy bum-fluff beard. A fairly harmless bit of fun that didn't take much thought and wasn't even that funny. However when he opened it in front of the company he went bright red, started shaking and muttered gruffly "I didn't see that coming" in a very sarcastic tone and stormed out with everyone else p1ss1ng themselves laughing. Result!

lol @ niche kitchen... It's from Magnet!
Yes of course I realise that secret santa is a bit of a fun and I see now my op didn't come across as light hearted as I had intended but the point remains and I do prefer to receive useful gifts. My best secret santa gift one year was a vertabrae book for local mountain biking routes, brilliant present. Novelty gifts that aren't useful in the slightest are loathsome, such wasteful consumption where it won't serve any purpose but to landfill. It's disgusting that here in the west we have so much wealth that we buy each other presents that we don't even need..... when there are people in the world who haven't got enough to eat or without clean water.
Anyway, this thread was supposed to be light hearted tales of bad secret santa presents.

Would you rather have had the soup and the scouring pad? 😀

Have you not got a man cave the shark can go in? Thats the perfect adornment for the garage or shed. So you can crack open a cold beer on something tacky and tasteless, while mucking about with your bikes, scratching your arse and farting? These are the things that define us as men.

binners - Member

Have you not got a man cave the shark can go in? Thats the perfect adornment for the garage or shed. So you can crack open a cold beer on something tacky and tasteless, while mucking about with your bikes, scratching your arse and farting? These are the things that define us as men.

This was what I was thinking - first thought was that would go perfect on the wall of my garage....

If only there was a shark's head bottle opener that also played the theme from Coronation Street, my life would be complete.

I think that's a pretty good secret Santa gift.

Novelty gifts that aren't useful in the slightest are loathsome, such wasteful consumption where it won't serve any purpose but to landfill. It's disgusting that here in the west we have so much wealth that we buy each other presents that we don't even need..... when there are people in the world who haven't got enough to eat or without clean water.

Are you serious? FFS! 🙄