I hate to say it, but I’m not sure this forum helps?
There’s a lot of gloominess in posts, and if I were feeling down then I’d be cutting down/out how much I visited.
Whereas I find reading about stuff in here gives me perspective on the bad stuff and I like reading about the positive stuff people post. Far better than Facebook etc.
Go see your GP,
Seeing as I've been trying for well over 6 months to do just that for a consultation about my asthma (and that they send letters out every month asking me to make an appointment) and every time I can't get one then that's not always an option for everyone. My surgery is down to 1 GP instead of the 5 it should have after 4 left thanks to racist abuse after the Brexit vote.
Think that goes in the 'General crap' file.
what the doctor ordered...
malt n maps
The really sad thing is one of our boys was reluctant to tell me something earlier
On the plus side you're raising a young man with empathy, good on you.
As others have alluded to "this too shall pass", while it's passing though things can feel a bit off. Talk to friends, find and pay for a counsellor (if your CAMHS team are better than ours you may not need to pay as they should see it right quickly).
Bonne chance, mes braves.
It’s really hit me today. Autism makes any social occasion draining, especially when it’s not just people whose company I actually enjoy. This year compounded by a knackered back and no sleep. Feel like a failure as I want to be jolly and Christmassy for the kids, but I have zero energy and just can’t face being around anyone apart from my wife and kids. Since my wife’s family are all here, that means hiding myself away - they’re all of the extrovert extra jolly type, which just makes me feel like more of a failure.
I get the opposite. I'm a natural introvert but I can express extroversion, and some would I'm sure really dispute my natural preference - when entertaining, or visiting, I work really hard to do that and AFAICT do a decent job.
And then I'm exhausted and mardy for the people that really matter.
Saxonrider sorry to hear this.
Music and exercise always for me. Went down a little punk worm hole on YouTube, Viagra Boys, Amyl and the Sniffers and Fontaine DC. Just as well as I shagged my ankle so no exercise here. I actually find lifting heavy weights gives me a nice buzz.
Unfortunately yes. Been off work sine early October with problems, meds upped and start some treatment next month. Also awaiting an assessment for PTSD.
It is what is and something I now lived with for at least 10 years but probably longer, struggling badly this time though. Just have to wait to see if the therapy works.
Drac - I had PTSD type symptoms after my recent "troubles". Counseling helped greatly. I assume yours built up over time? That will make it harder but using some CBT style techniques and person centered counseling and its 90% gone
I hope it works for you as well. YOu know the drill - engage positively with the counselor and so on
good luck
Yes, this. Selfishly, helping other people can make you feel better and less helpless.
Very much this. I have been playing "the white knight" to a couple of folk and its left me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I do not believe in altruism. I believe we do altruistic stuff because it makes us feel good
Yeah it’s decades of exposure. The treatment EMDR treatment this time, focuses more on trauma experiences.
I’m a natural introvert but I can express extroversion, and some would I’m sure really dispute my natural preference – when entertaining, or visiting, I work really hard to do that and AFAICT do a decent job.
And then I’m exhausted and mardy for the people that really matter.
Its bloody hard work faking being a people person. I use up all that energy at work and struggle to find it afterwards for social stuff. Most of my friends are used to me now, and understand if I skip a meet upad I'm all peopled out. Frustrates MrsMC sometimes though.
I do not believe in altruism. I believe we do altruistic stuff because it makes us feel good
Interesting point and you may be right. Got back into helping with the local health rides in the last couple of months and enjoying how it makes me feel about myself as much as helping people get out and enjoy riding.
Since my wife’s family are all here, that means hiding myself away – they’re all of the extrovert extra jolly type, which just makes me feel like more of a failure.
I quite like being around a group of extroverts - it means I don't have to do any work and can just surf along their energy...
I quite like being around a group of extroverts – it means I don’t have to do any work and can just surf along their energy…
I do that all the time... as I'm generally slightly introverted but do have moments of the opposite.
It's a fine line though... a good balance will bring out the best in everyone, personally for me, I just can't tollerate people who won't stop talking or even worse, talk over other people just for the sake of it, it's a real pet peeve of mine.
Just to say to those feeling down - its worth taking vit d - everyone should be taking it in the UK in winter and most all year round. Vitamins and minerals as well are worth trying. cost very little, no real downsides, sometimes makes a difference.
This is also not a good year for me.
Slightly down but not down down but generally nothing much to cheer about if I look back into my life.
Therefore, I try to avoid recalling the past as much as I can but can be difficult at times.
@tjagain, two years ago my bloods showed that I had no vitamin D in my system. As in none. So they put me on a regime of 50k IU three times a week for six weeks, and told me to keep taking a daily supplement daily afterward.
The off-the-shelf chewables seem to max out at 25 mgs (I haven’t looked at how many IUs that is), but the dose is not high. Do you know if, like vitamin C, you can’t really OD on the stuff? In other words, could a person take two vitamins a day for a 50 mg dose? Or is this a question for a pharmacist?
Not in a great place here. The entirety of my wife's family (her two sisters, each married with 3 kids), plus our 3 kids, plus her parents are currently at our house. It's hectic, which I find difficult to cope with at the best of times, with no space to escape. Meanwhile my mum is about to have an op for her kidney cancer and my dad has to go into respite care for a couple of months.
Really not helped by consistently shit weather, a shoulder injury which doesn't seem to be getting any better and zero motivation.
Point of correction.. You can actually overdose on vitamin C.. It can cause all sorts of problems.. None of them are pleasant.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/vitamin-c/
Some OTC vit-c are more than 1 gram per dose which is frankly crazy...
So if for example you are getting half a gram passivley through diet, or whatever, you really don't want, or need to be taking an extra 500mg in pill form.
its worth taking vit d – everyone should be taking it in the UK
If you are considering taking up VitD consider magnesium alongside it. Without the correct levels of Mg, (about 380mg-420mg for men daily) you won't be able to metabolise the VitD, alternatively if you don't like the idea of supplements, dark chocolate, avocado, nuts and seeds, legumes, and leafy green veg are all good sources. Magnesium deficiency has been studied to show fatigue, aches and pain, cramps, mood, anxiety, migraines, Irregular sleep patterns as well as other chronic diseases.
Big hugs to everyone struggling, it does get better, I promise.
You can OD on both Vit D and V it C - but you do have to work fairly hard and take ludicrously high doses.
Interesting point about magnesium. A few weeks ago I got hit by awful fatigue - sleeping 16 hours a day and feeling totally lifeless. Its something that has troubled me on and off for years but since taking vit d it stopped. I took a scattergun approach - I took a load of electrolytes, minerals and vitamins - and 24 hours later I felt fine. I wonder if that was magnesium shortage.
The conversion between a metric unit and International Unit for Vitamin D is straightforward, 1 IU equals 0.025 mcg. Going the other way, 1 mcg equals 40 IU.
I believe everyone in the UK should take vit D but in the recommended doses not the daft high doses some folk take.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/
I’m pretty sure that taking multivitamins has been consistently associated with increased mortality, but I may be wrong.
Certainly possible but is that because chronically ill folk are more likely to take them? dunno
When I was in a dark place I was out on the bike 3-5 times a week and getting smashed in front of the speakers. Now I'm in Happytown I cycle a bit less and the music doesn't sound quite so good but hey ho. Another vote for magnesium, like oysters it gives all-round benefits IYKWIM.
Get out in the weather, cold face wash/shower, random kindnesses, phone calls/facetime, loud music, vitamins, ride the bike, all good stuff.
Memories of injecting cows with magnesium. If seriously deficient they exhibit symptoms beyond the nightmares of John Gummer and drop. Takes about five minutes to turn them around and become healthy again. You can guess the size of the needle and as is the gluconate salt the solution is very sticky.
Cannot ride just now, this place does me a lot of good. Perhaps that is why I am reacting so badly to being chucked out my other haunt. Today is always the pits.
Really hitting me as we close out the year. 12 months ago I was full of optimism and looking forward to a decent future, now all I can think of is how I'm way, way back down the path I've already been down. I'm further back than I was 2 years ago for various reasons and it's really getting me down. No job, fitness is horrific (struggled doing 2 miles of an easy blue trail this morning I used to race round for fun) and so many other little things are making me wonder why I should push and challenge myself when I make no progress.
Maybe Monday will bring better times.
Maybe Monday will bring better times.
It is the beginning of another day. Take it as the beginning of a step to change for something new .
I was supposed to clean and to clear my flat of junks but never got to do it as I was tired in mind.
I have decided I will clean it on 31 December tomorrow/today and give me one day to do it. Hopefully, the new year will give me a lighter or brighter perspective.
I don't care how I clear my flat but I am going to clear it. Am going to stuff all the junks into one room.
I’m fed up at the moment. A 2 year old kid (we have twins) who doesn’t acknowledge my existence most of the time and a psychopathic perimenopausal wife makes life particularly difficult at the moment.
Well I'll jump in here as well to say the las day of 2023 isn't going great either. My partner fell out with me on the phone at the stroke of midnight, and I've just spent the last two hours composing emails to try and finalise my divorce, hoping daylight brings some relief.
But if it all turns to shit I'll be riding my bike a lot more again. Really want to head out now, but three kids will be waking soon and I'm on parent mode this weekend...
Another not doing great here. Suffered with depression for a long time and haven’t been myself for years. Dreading going back to work on Tuesday and just can’t see anyway things will improve. Just find life extremely difficult in general.
Hugs to all. It'll get sunnier soon.
Not sure which one I hate the most. Christmas or NYE.
Can't get past regression and focusing on negative previous experiences. It's seems to be the way my mind is wired. Remember something from 5 , 10 , 20 years ago and my brain just slots in a memory that's of a bad thing , it's very rarely a fun , happy memory.
Which is a shame, lots of regret about things that have or didn't happen which is totally pointless as you can't change the past , stuff isn't going to unhappen.
Not riding just now , mix of CBA and the level or Muppets on their phones seems to be at an all time high . people literally careering down the road staring at their knee, often laughing at some stupid memes or gif or 8 second tiktok vid of a digger falling over.
+1 singletrackmind
And this new climate of ours also.
50mg sertraline is basically a placebo dose. Either get it bumped up to 100mg or get your GP to switch you to an alternative - Citalopram works well IME.
I'm hoping that next year I'll be working a shift at work. It'll solve all the, do this, do that requests. Save me the hassle of trying to organise myself. I'm currently sat wasting my day off.
Not great. Been ill for a month seem to have developed asthma and generally just feel knackered.
Which is bringing my mood down further.
Need to do something to sort it!
Yep. Starting the New Year with some sort of spasmed low back, despite taking time off the bike specifically to try and address low back issues. Think I did it belaying my 6 year old son at the climbing wall, of all the innocuous activities.
Low back incidents always send me into a spiral which takes a day or two to dig out of. Wife losing patience so there's generally a marital thawing out required that takes longer again 🙄.
Always seems to happen just as I'm considering foreign riding trips, riding the Pyrenees in September seems laughably optimistic right now
I just wanted to hide under the bed on christmas day. The only thing that really got me through is having my daughter over with her partner and watching the sheer joy from them both opening their gifts.
lots and lots of rubbish things this year. it actually started last year, with a drowning in the canal at the bottom of my garden, trying to assist, and the aftermath dealing with grieving relatives at the site. then it just seemed to continue, one thing after the other. wife had a lump removed from her neck, so rehab and disruption, daughter (ADHD/ASD diagnosed) having to deal with pretty devastaing skin condition due to allergy, meant lots of coaching and crisis management, nearly losing the dog (sounds silly, but she's helped us through the above!), then dealing with 6 months of rehabilitation, restricting what we can do and pretty much exhausting my wife and I through a strict routine that a lot of the time conflicted with working and our normal methods of coping with the world (I'm ASD and my wife is ADHD).
Turns out the lump my wife had was atypical, so not aggressive, but not benign. that was a bit of a shock we're still managing. it's a case of when it comes back we'll deal with it, not if.
Then I became unwell, thinking it was the stress. diagnosed with heamochromatosis, but with sidleline GI problem. still have lots of GI distress, which impacts the mood enhancer (AKA riding).fitness plummets, strength plummets, riding becomes less enjoyable, motivation drops, dread creeps in and I became nervous about going riding, wondering if I'm going to feel OK, or feel like I'm going to collapse. it's shit.
in between all of this, I have relatives who have varying mental states, several attempts on their own lives and no one else around to help them as they try to repell us with viciousness.
However. even though my intestines feel like they've been kicked from whatever GI thing this is, I have another week off work. the weather looks to be improving, and mentally I can now deal with just going out and accept that it may feel rubbish. it's rubbish riding regularly that will bring me back to a good ride in a few weeks.
Feeling it a bit here too
We got back from my in laws yesterday. Too much time in the car and sleeping on a camping mat has given me hip pain and general fatigue. Today we went out for a bike ride, my other half on her new ebike, that was pretty tiring. I'm also done with socialising for a bit. So we're going over to the neighbours tonight. That I could just about handle but my other half has invited another neighbour and her partner over before that. I just need a night off. I don't consider myself to be in a bad place but I'm tired and fed up just now.
Really hope the coming year is better for all you suffering at the moment.
All the best for the new year.
I should really add my name to the list of people that are a bit down. I'm not a christmas fan and this time of year is always difficult, even more so when I feel I need to be cheerful for other people. My girlfriend likes to buy a million presents and I feel guilt with every gift I get that mine are not good enough and that is despite me asking her to please, please stop spoiling me.
NYE is a similar story. I can't remember the last time I celebrated it and last night was a great example of me getting grumpy for the smallest of reasons and then just being a miserable shit for the rest of the evening. It hurts her and then I feel worse. I drove to town and back with her to visit a friend in hospital (climbing accident, broken back and leg) and barely said a word there or back. Lots of thoughts, no speaking.
I hate this time of year. i feel isolated in the house and that I can't just do stuff I want to, but then I immediately feel guilt for not doing stuff with GF or helping, or looking at the internet. It's bad enough that I can hear her cooking lunch now and I realise I need to stop typing this shit and go and help and be social, but I know it's BS andf anything I say will be chit-chat.
I'd rather by skydiving; then I wouldn't have to think. But that would mean being away somewhere warmer and then guilt for being away. Etc, etc
Double post?
Ive had my better and worse times.
Currently, all is good.
A couple of years back, i could never have imagined being this happy.
Hang on in there.
Things DO get better.
Slighty off topic, but "Random Acts of Kindness" help me; yesterday i complimented a 'girl' (who i assume was with her mum) how fantastic her hair looked in the sun. 'oh, thank you', she said, 'i did wash it this morming'. She took the genuine, but very light, comment in the spirit it was meant. I think i made her day. Knowing that, made mine.
Jeez Willard…I could have written that post myself. Very similar over here - I want / need to have some freedom to do what I want to do, but I know that if I try, I’ll feel selfish and guilty, which in turn makes me not go, which in turn makes me bad tempered, monosyllabic, withdrawn etc….so I might as well not be around her or the kids. I also echo the present giving mismatch, and the dislike of celebrating NYE - she stormed off to bed after I said I wasn’t interested in staying up until midnight and watching a film but would prefer to read the book she bought me for Christmas and go to bed…I ended up in the spare room and she’s not spoken to me today. FFS…
