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This morning while out the most laughable thing happened to one of my riding buds, picture this, flowing trails contouring the hill, a gentle descent not over technical but still nice and a good pace being upheld.
The three riders (clink in front, Scienceofficer in the middle and myself at the back,) going through the open gateway into the next section clink scoots ahead then out of nowhere a ****ing sheep comes out of the undergrowth and slams into Science and lifts the whole bike and himself onto the back of said animal.
After landing in a big heap and dusting himself off a few cursing words were said (mainly because clink and myself were bent double with laughter)
But to end the story Science went to relatives and had Lamb for dinner!!!
So what are your funnies then?
Seen a chap shear the headtube off his bike t-boning a sheep...not pretty.
got properly taken out by an owl once out night riding..feking thing attacked my helmet mounted light.
unfortunately i was headed down a gnarly steep bit at the time.
We frequently get bats brushing past us on night rides.. thats always a quirky one the first time it happens.
OK, 'riding a narrow gentle path round Bonaly resevoir in the Pentlands, its a lovely summers evening and there are beautiful azure damselflies buzzing everwhere. One catches my eye and in the second that my gaze returns to the path , I find a butt naked middle aged guy reading a newspaper and he's lying face down legs slightly apart right in the middle of the trail. 😯
I get a sudden, terrifying premonition of my front wheel jamming hard in his bikestand-like crack, and me being launched forward like a spear from an atlatl.
Luckily, for me and him, the riding gods were with me that day and I managed to swerve.
west kipper
Similar story, heading for home though a university grounds. As I entered a tree covered area I came across a couple seriously ‘making out’ right in the middle of the line. Sharp left then a right round a tree. Doubt they even knew I was there.
Aye grahamh, I've come across (second thoughts thats not really the right term is it) the same situation too. You'd think they'd try and find somewhere a bit more discreet though. 🙂
Had a sheep bolt across the trail in front of me. Whole field full of the buggers, and ONE of them panics and runs across the trail.
Swerved round it, went up the bank on the left and stacked, much to the amusement of the people following 🙂
A deer ran into a mate's leg the other night when we were riding in thetford. He screamed like a girl, and it really hurt aparently. Was quite a small one luckily and didn't knock him off. Quite lucky for both of them that it hit his leg. Bloody funny though.
I've had birds of prey twice barrelling out of trees towards my helmet. It happened on tree-lined, straight trails both times and luckily they realised and pulled up before ****ing me in the head, but it sure makes you jump, stealthy bastards!
Was attacked by a weasel/stoat/polecat thing at the end of a road-ride once. I could see this weasel/stoat/polecat thing bounding towards me down a country lane. I stopped to get a better look at him, and he stopped to get a better look at at me. This stand-off continued for a few minutes before he got bored, bounded up to me, jumped through the spokes of my front wheel and started chewing my shoe. Not wanting to hurt the little fella, I brushed him aside and rode off. I stopped and turned to look back at him, and there he was... chasing after me. Remembering the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I pedalled off pronto.
Sheep!!!
Round the south end of Mull ,mate is in front we are both on roadbikes hammering along Stevie is talking Non Stop while im gasping then i saw a big lamb walk right in front of him to late to do anything ...he rode over the Bugger and i managed to swerve round it ...how he did not come off i have not a clue ...Speaking to a local a few miles up the road confirmed that the sheep was not stil on the road so probably survived
JIm
I was on a road ride with a couple of mates a few years ago, and as we went past a field we could see a young cow running around. Nothing unusual in that, except that it then jumped the gate like Red Rum and started to chase us up the road 😯
Still, we got an impromptu interval session in...
Sheep too
On an Ambrose adventure, (just finished ride, bikes back in cars driving to the pub for a pint and pig snacks) it was a warm summer evening and loads of sheep were sleeping on the warm tarmac road, the sods wouldn't budge so we had to swerve around them - bizarre
Riding up a hill on my way home from work one winter night and a girl was walking up just in front of me. Just before I got level with her my heavy breathing spooked her and she dropped her bag and started running up the road. I just carried on pedaling past her without a word for fear of making the situation any worse. Poor girl must have been frightened to death.
I've been knocked of by a sheep, it jumped out in front of me and I somersaulted over it. Sounds like a common occurrence.
On a night ride I caught a guy giving someone a BJ in a car. I was coming down a slight hill so must have seemed like I was shining a torch into their car.
Today it was a dog fight. I rode past a couple with a small Terrier and a few seconds later a Bull Terrier attacked it. The girl was screaming so loudly I thought that she had been attacked so I went back to find out what was happening.
This post is sponsored by Caledonian 80'.
Pete- A bunch of us were riding in the old Saron opencast a few years ago. It's a really complex area, lots of fenced lanes, lots of gates, hedges etc. We rounded the corner on one of these lanes to meet a load of bullocks who we spooked and they ran off up the track. We needed that track, so followed upwards in a tentative way. At the crossroads we came to a decision that the bullocks had gone 'the other way' based upon the footprints, wind direction, droppings, stars- whatever. Anyway- we were blithely riding up this rocky track but unknowingly forcing the herd of bullocks closer and closer into a gated of section. Needles to say they got spooked, we shat ourseves as they careened down the hill and then laughed ourselves until we had wet pants as Chris vaulted the gate in one bound.
And another thing - Fly tipping; I saw some stuff today so far from a road that it must have been more effort that going to a tip and paying land fill tax.
Thurman, I think thats one of the coolest things I've ever heard!
... though your mustelid identification skills suck. 🙂
Polecat? are you sure it wasn't a ferret looking for a trouser leg to investgate?
Chased a kangaroo round some singletrack near Castelmaine, Victoria when riding with Londonscott (remember him?) a few years ago. It cornered amazingly!
My mate t boned a deer in Cheddar Gorge on his road bike about 25 years ago .Result broken bike and a broken nose ,The deer was ok!
On a night ride on salisbury plain, i rode down a bridleway and went over trip wire. A flare went off either side of me and a platoon of army soldiers jumped out of the bushes pointing guns at me. They looked well disappointed to find a bloke on a mountain bike and not the enemy.
Lesson learned; don't ride into the middle of a miltary excercise on salisbury plain at night.
... though your mustelid identification skills suck.
Agreed. I tried my best to memorise the wee chap, but googling all manner of weasley/stoaty/polecatty images proved fruitless. Could have been any of the above 🙂
passing the same shoe in tree, shoe in tree, shoe in tree ad infinitum. then one day, bra in tree! exact same spot, shoe removed. had to be there I guess, must've needed a shoe.
Taken out by bats,owls, birds of prey, weasels,polecats etc. ya don't get that kinda knarl in MBUK. what travel for polecats LOL!
Cragrat73, I used to live near Aldershot, and I swear I nearly got run over by a tank once!
Anyhow, prob the funniest thing I ever saw was my uncle running one of the rear wheels of his trike, (niche? hell yeah!) over a small dog in Tatton Park. Whilst this thing is quivering a shitting itself in it's owners arms, he's reading them the riot act for having an uncontrolled dog. Dogs, obviously used to harrasing bikes, but add a bit of width, and they dont know what hit them. Literally. (don't think it was badly hurt B.T.W.)
I rode round a corner on a trail to discover two MTB females squatting and peeing right next to the trail, one shot up and tried to hide her face and the other just kept on going (in mid flow I think). I was going pretty quick and was so surprised at seeing 2 nice trim bare bums I went flying off and landed just past them. They just hopped on there bikes and p1ssed off! lol
Riding through a field, noticed sight problem with my rear wheel. Stopped to have a look at it. Slight slope to the field and I could see two cows on the top of the ridge sillouetted (sp?) against the sky, heads down, grazing.
Fixed the wheel in a couple of minutes. Stood up to find around thirty cows ten feet away, a sort of semi-circle, all staring at me. How the hell did a herd that size sneak up on me?
Had the usual run-ins with deer, sheep etc while riding. Only unusual creaure was the pea-hen in the nationals at Newnham.
I don't ride early mornings around our local dam any more.
We get orb spiders, and they're happy spinning a web that can cover a double track through a forest (and sitting in the middle of it).
Riding through those got spiders all over me and my bike - one memorable one that I felt run down my back I swear.
Showering off cocooned flies was amusing too.
Stood up to find around thirty cows ten feet away, a sort of semi-circle, all staring at me. How the hell did a herd that size sneak up on me?
That's DPM camouflage for you...
It's how silent they were that really surprised me.
Does black and white friesan count as DPM?
On a club ride many moonsa ago a giant blue macaw parot thing landed on one of the guys. Fittingly his name was polly
Long time ago, before MTBs were invented, loads of us had gents bikes, the lucky ones had racers with upturned bars, and we'd congregate in a quiet cul-de-sac and spend our evenings doing wheelies and skids etc.Anyway, some kid called Woody(who really fancied himself as something special) turns up on his racer and pulls a wheely, and just as he's passing us his back wheel literally folded in two. Oh how we laughed, probably more than when I pulled one and my grip slid off the bars.
My most interesting and painful interaction with nature was on my FS1E back in 1989, racing down the local country lanes flat out at ~35mph. Came over a brow to see a rabbit running away from me down the side of the road. As I caught up and was overtaking the said rabbit it then changed direction by exactly 90 degrees and ran into my front wheel. The result was the rabbit became jammed between the front wheel and the mudguard thus hurling me over the bars and down the road. Result a badly cut knee and ripped jeans plus a broken FS1E 😥 Was so angry, the rabbit now dead got drop kicked over the hedge. My mate following needed counciling after, never been the same since 😆
I'm lead to believe the [i]'Ride-em Cowboy!'[/i] posture added to the comedic effect.
😆
ran over a stupid dog yesterday - ran out from behind the owners car as i was riding past - tboned it(only doing about 15/20kph on my SS - over the bars - took my missus down hard with my feet
stupid bitch owner got out and said "are you ok" i turned round expecting her to be near by - she was asking the dog if she was ok - totally oblivious to the fact that just opening her door and letting the dog shit beside the car caused this carnage.
Sheep story - in afan coming up to one of the start gates for a section and startle a sheep and two lambs, all 3 start to run off, mother & lamb one succesfully bound through the gate, lamb 2 gets it wrong and headbutts the post, looks stunned jumps up and headbutts it a second time, lies there a bit and then makes it through the third time. Was laughing all the way home about it.
Yesterdays gorrick was quite amusing, in the fun male, the start went, we were somewhere near the back chatting, and then all of a sudden chaos as people swerved to avoid two riders & bikes lying on the ground. Mate utters 'Not the best start in the world', chap on the grounds stare was priceless.
A walker on Staveley Head Fell yesterday decided to close a gate as people were riding through it, but as he moved forward to do it, one of the riders slid on some mud and planted her bar end in his knackers - she insists completely by accident! When they were all through the rider who told me the story asked the bloke if he'd close the gate now 🙂
Needless to say I don't recommend this kind of action...
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this brightened our day - what you see there is 2 groups of sheep charging at each other.
7.30am Sunday ride in the Surrey Hills a couple of years back and came across a man walking on the trail decked out with nothing but stout walking boots, trekking poles, large rucksack and a silk g-string. I mustered all my courage and managed to say 'good morning' with a completely straight face.
couple of month ago in the brecons
got to the top and started to ride down over the snowfields slowly at first but then as we realised teh snow was very hard we got faster and faster
1st man is doing fine but number 2 suddenly looses his front wheel in a drift and gets ejected through the air which i found most amusing
i think musnt do that so finger the brakes, forward weight shift is enough to break through the crust of snow and i do the same as im tumbling upside down i can see the guy behind me doing the same
everyone else manages to stop without going otb but are all doubled up with laughter, the red socks coming up the hill give them all stern looks for wetting themselves while their friends tumbled down the mountainside
trail-rat, where's that?!
Back sometime in the nineties I was riding with a couple of mates and as I neared the crest of a gentle 'up' I was sure I could hear bagpipes. I got to the top and found myself 50 yards from a lone piper in T-shirt and shorts striding along the Hampshire cliff tops playing as he went.
Whilst out doing some riding in the Harz mountains in Germany we were tearing down some singletrack when suddenly around the corner we were confronted by a huge moon. It was in fact some fat elderly German lady squatting in the middle of the track taking a leak. She jumped up with fright and wet herself I think.
Riding with the same friend this time last year in Jena we were rocking the singletrack there when suddenly we approached a slight rise with a dip behind followed by another rise. On the one side is a rock face on the other a thirty metre drop. Anyway my friend, who was in front, hit the lip of the drop and jumped into the down slope only to find a family picnicking in the hollow. He practically landed right on the cloth sending all the sausages and bread rolls flying. I unfortunately was able to brake in time and suffered the full recriminations of the family whilst my friend had buggered off down the trail!