[Closed] Neighbour tried to kill me

Ooooo that's a toughie. I'd bring it up in a jokey way at first and test his reaction.

*awaits trolling comments about it being your fault*

Are you in a terrace?

next time you're around his, wipe your knob on his tooth brush when you use the bathroom.

Next time you're all together, relate the story to him of how you were nearly taken out by some twonk in a car, etc., etc.. No need to mention that you know that it was him. Watch how he reacts 😯

Jizz on his car then set it on fire.

If there is genuinely no way he could have not known what you were doing presumably he was intent on driving into you, in his car...
Not sure I could let that go, if I really thought he was trying to kill me. If maybe he wasn't a "blimey, we got a bit close the other day didn't we" approach might let you bring it up without accusing him of being a total tosspot straight away.

My jizz isn't flammable.

jokey mention - maybe drop some specsavers leaflets round

wait a year or so,then key/torch/pour brake fluid on his car.for now you can remove the valve cores,every week.
they sell the tool,but it's pretty easy to make your own.

My jizz isn't flammable.

Have you tried?

I'd drop it into conversation in the 'got a bit close to me the other day'. See what happens.

I'd have gone straight round and had a dust up, i wish i could say i wouldn't, but sadly it's my nature. I'm 64kg of wirey pent up fury. I'm not one for stewing on stuff, if i hadn't kicked off immediately, i'd just forget about it. I also wish my jazz was flammable.

People feel detached from the reality of what they're doing in the car. He may not realise the consequences of his actions. Try having a word and explaining what would have happened had you turned. Failing that, just report him in confidence. Driving behavior like that needs changing one way or another.

Report it to the police (ideally within 24 hours), depending on their attitude they'll either send him a stern letter, leave it on file so that it shows up if he gets reported by someone else, or maybe do nothing at all.

You need to sleep with his Wife.
This is the only way forward.

bruneep - Member

My jizz isn't flammable.

And you know this because...

He recognised you,and was trying to kill you.!

It is possible that he wouldn't remember the incident even if you bring it up with him. You were just another irritating cyclist slowing his progress. I'd mention it to him. If you don't particularly like the guy, inform the police.

As above, remove all his tyre valve cores.

Definitely have a firm word with him. If he can put a face to the anonymous cyclists he clearly has no regard for on the road, he might modify his behaviour. One reason drivers endanger cyclists is because, done up in our helmets, shades and funny outfits, we're not seen as human beings but 'cyclists', another species. A 'you know that cyclist you almost killed, that was me' might change his attitude.

Next time you see him. "hey did you hear about that hit and run the other day...." elaborate, wind-up as you see fit.

If you're cruel and clever you might even get him walking into the local police station in tears and "confessing"

Ask your GF to talk to his wife about his driving and see how the wife feals about it. Is he often aggressive etc. If she is receptive ask her to talk to him. I think its serious..

Just kick his head in.... ****ing consequences don't worry about those

2nd the girlfriend talking. She can take the 'he wasn't going to mention it but it has bothered him, he was really scared for his life' line.

You need to sleep with his Wife.
This is the only way forward.

No, I've seen this plot on telly.....

He is sleeping with YOUR girl friend. You are just getting in the way of a beautiful menage a trois and he saw this as a great opportunity to take you out of the equation. I'd be packing your bags, it's not looking good for you. If not you might become the victim of a freak lawnmower accident.

Never go round his house again, ignore him completely.
When asked by him/GF why, tell them you can not be bothered by (censored) drivers.

Sorry for the delay but I can now confirm my jizz is not flammable either.

Don't ponce around, just go and have a quiet chat with him. Ask him whether he remembers nearly taking you 'out'.

And don't be aggressive.

Anonymous note on his windscreen ?
Get a big sticky label and a permanant marker. Simply write on it something like .-

" Hi , I am the cyclist you very nearly killed last night . I know where you live and if I see you driving like a **** again I will find you and I will kill you "

No need to say it was you , he cannot know for certain who he nearly hit. This way you get the message across without the need for CCTV on your car at night or any other revenge attack if it spirals into a nasty neighbour dispute .

Or smash a pair of bombers into his face?

Mrshora's mates husband cut me/dove across traffic infront of -me she recognised me and waved. Sheesh. I went from 'oi to erm/confused'.

just go round and tell him

It depends on your objectives. If you want to try to change his behaviour then you have to confront him. If you want to remain a good relationship with a neighbour (and having bad neighbours is a [b]terrible[/b] idea) then you need to tread carefully. I'd go with psling:-

Next time you're all together, relate the story to him of how you were nearly taken out by some twonk in a car, etc., etc.. No need to mention that you know that it was him. Watch how he reacts

[quote=singletrackmind said]. I know where you live and if I see you driving like a **** again I will find you and I will kill you "

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop driving like a twunt now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you

FTFY 😉

My tuppence worth.

It was an isolated incident that probably shook your neighbour up as well. It will reinforce your need to be extra vigilant on the road, no one was hurt so leave it at that.
Unless you feel it was malicious; in which you aught to at least de-bone his mum!!!

[quote=pudd said]It was an isolated incident that probably shook your neighbour up as well.

How do you know this ?

Hes obviously an aggressive tosspot behind the wheel, there is no way he couldnt have seen what I was doing

Oh come on, you don't know that for sure. 🙄 He could just be dangerously incompetent.

Take him to neutral territory eg a pub and tell him this incident has been bothering you so much you could not let it slide.

The conversation then becomes about letting the incident slide rather than him trying to kill you which will be obviously easier to handle. You can then always get round to the 'are you trying to kill me' question which never comes out quite right

Alternatively, chuck a couple of kippers in his engine bay (try and wire them onto the exhaust manifold), the stink will NEVER go away and he'll NEVER be able to sell the car when the smell permeates his clothes / home / workspace.
(Completely true and a very nasty thing to do which I'd never condone)

Tortoise p*ss is a very good alternative but hard to get hold of. (The tortoise tends to fall through the gaps in the engine bay anyway)

Allthepies; I'm presuming as the OP hasn't said anything about it happening before or since. And more importantly what difference does it make?
If it happens regularly to the OP he should open his eyes or take the bus. If his neighbours a crazy driving fool he'll eventually kill someone but either way this forum has no influence over either of them.
Silly Mr pies.

[quote=pudd said]Allthepies; I'm presuming as the OP hasn't said anything about it happening before or since. And more importantly what difference does it make?
If it happens regularly to the OP he should open his eyes or take the bus. If his neighbours a crazy driving fool he'll eventually kill someone but either way this forum has no influence over either of them.
Silly Mr pies.

I was talking about the driver re: isolated incident and being shook up BTW not the OP.

+1 vote for nailing the wife, [i]entrer par la petite porte[/i] optional 😀

Is it cute? You could have gay sex with him.

I'm a great believer in pooping on the windscreen of my enemies, but if that doesn't cut it then it can only be VBRJ.

If its bothering you that much, dont be such a pussy, and go have it out with him, after all next time some one else might not be as lucky as you were, why does it matter about the families getting involved, he was the t--t, not you, idiots like him need to be told the consequences of their actions, it could of easily ended up with you living on hospital food for a while, why should cyclists always put up with these a---holes, dont even know why your even asking the question, he either says sorry or he doesnt, if not then he doesnt deserve your friendship and f--k him

Have a word I have had a few close shaves with mums/dads racing to get to school as they are late.I make a point normally with my daughter in tow so 1. I dont get shouty and 2. It could have been my child or theirs.

PS .Slash his tyres 🙂

Alternatively, chuck a couple of kippers in his engine bay (try and wire them onto the exhaust manifold), the stink will NEVER go away and he'll NEVER be able to sell the car when the smell permeates his clothes / home / workspace.
(Completely true and a very nasty thing to do which I'd never condone)

I tried this one, and the guy didn't even notice. 😯

I met his partner a little while later, and realised why. 😯