What to do with drink driving friend

Chat Forum

What to do with drink driving friend

64 posts & 49 voices | Started 4 months ago by RustyNissanPrairie | Latest reply from Burls72

Tags:

No tags yet.

Pages: 12 Next »

RustyNissanPrairie - Member

A friend of ours has had a drink problem for a number of years but over the last 6 to 12 months it has steadily become worse.

Our main concern-leaving all others to one side for now is her drink driving, we've taken keys off her and given them back in the morning but we cant police her all the time-and there are times when we know that she's driven the car whilst drunk-although we wernt aware or in a position or available to stop her.

She does have a paying job that she needs the car for but at the rate things are going we have real concern for her and other peoples safety.

We've spoken with her but to no avail-the problem is now far too big for us to deal with.

What would you suggest?

Posted 4 months ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

Shop her. Nothing else will work.

Posted 4 months ago #
singlespeedstu - Member

Steal her car and set fire to it.

Posted 4 months ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.

Posted 4 months ago #
Neil F - Member

I'd give her a last warning, sit her down and make sure she knows your serious, and if it persisted I'd let the Police know, yes, grass her up.
She'll listen to you unless she's incredibly stupid or ignorant.
You really have to ask how you'd feel if she wiped out some poor family, or herself on the way home one night.

Posted 4 months ago #
druidh - Member

I was having a similar conversation with a friend recently - involving his father!

We thought it would be good if a couple of policemen paid a visit to his house - just to have a friendly word like. Maybe that shock would have an impact. However, I don't know how one would go about arranging this.

Posted 4 months ago #
M6TTF - Member

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
POSTED 28 SECONDS AGO # REPORT-POST

Say she kills someone and you didn't try everything to help the friend - id feel pretty guilty in that position. If she won't listen then get the boys in blue to pay a visit

Posted 4 months ago #
druidh - Member

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
Nope

Neil F - Member
You really have to ask how you'd feel if she wiped out some poor family, or herself on the way home one night.
Yes

Posted 4 months ago #
Stoner - Member

even if you did shop her a la TJ, there's nothing the fuzz can really do about it.

But if they are made aware that her car is worth stopping, then maybe the shift will keep an eye out for it...

Posted 4 months ago #
trailmonkey - Member

Steal her car and set fire to it.

but don't let her near it

the fumes might cause a reaction

Posted 4 months ago #
theotherjonv - Member

how will you feel when she has an accident and hurts someone, or worse? Knowing you didn't do enough to stop her.

One last ultimatum. Next time she drives over the limit you will be calling the police. Give her a final chance to stop it, and keep her job, otherwise you have a duty to others as well that is far more serious than her friendship or employment.

Posted 4 months ago #
theotherjonv - Member

The internet's gonna implode, STW has reached a consensus.

Posted 4 months ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

Neil F
She'll listen to you unless she's incredibly stupid or ignorant.

I would bet a tenner she won't stop - its a part of the illness of being an alcoholic. Denial.

to grass her up properly wait until you know she is driving drunk then phone the police ans tell them - they will send a car to intercept her - or they did for the guy I grassed up.

Posted 4 months ago #
RustyNissanPrairie - Member

we've told her,had the chat etc, it keeps happening. Just concerned she's going to crash and kill someone.

Posted 4 months ago #
iDave - Member

Not concerned enough it seems

Posted 4 months ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
POSTED 28 SECONDS AGO # REPORT-POST
Say she kills someone and you didn't try everything to help the friend - id feel pretty guilty in that position. If she won't listen then get the boys in blue to pay a visit

There comes a time when you have to accept it isn't your problem it is theirs. You aren't responsible for their addiction.

Yes - a close family member drank herself to death - we accepted it was her problem.

Posted 4 months ago #
RustyNissanPrairie - Member

iDave - Member
Not concerned enough it seems

what do you suggest?

Posted 4 months ago #
The Flying Ox - Member

FFS man up and shop her to the police. They won't be able to do anything until she does drink and drive, but at least they'll be on the look out.

There's no logic in the mind of an alcoholic:- we've got a close family member currently banned from driving. She was caught behind the wheel one Friday night and sent to the cells. Released the next day and went home to finish the vodka. When that ran out she got in the car and drove back to (and crashed *into* ) the supermarket for more. Cue 2nd consecutive night in the clink.
Don't even consider her job, or your friendship with her. She will continue driving under the influence until stopped. Whether that's as a result of police intervention or because she's ploughed into a bus-stop full of OAPs and schoolkids may well depend on what you do.

Posted 4 months ago #
iDave - Member

"what do you suggest?" - This ^^^

Posted 4 months ago #
phinbob - Member

You might want to look up Al-anon - this is not AA, it's for people affected by others drinking. They might be able to help you.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Posted 4 months ago #
Junkyard - Member

You have done the best you can so far you need to shop her to the authorities as she is a danger to others..she has been warned and not changed

Posted 4 months ago #
RustyNissanPrairie - Member

ok, thanks.

Posted 4 months ago #
samuri - Member

Wait till she's absolutely ballistic then manouver her to her car. Site her in the drivers seat and then sing gentle love songs to her till she dozes off in a stupor.

Now create a carefully crafted vista where a 'person who she cares about' I dunno, kevin keegan or something, is positioned under the front wheels.

Now wake her up by screaming down her ear hole like a banshee. Once she wakes up, yell that she's killed someone she loves. That should do it.

Alternatively, kill the selfish bitch with an axe and bury her in a slurry pit.

HTH.

Posted 4 months ago #
Edric 64 - Member

Drink driving? thought it compulsory in rural areas with no fuzz around

Posted 4 months ago #
Ho hum - Member

iDave - Member
"what do you suggest?" - This ^^^

POSTED 33 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST

Why not post it then?

Posted 4 months ago #
maccruiskeen - Member

The thing with people who drink and drive is that they don't crash and they don't get caught. To begin with when they drive they'll be terrified of either of those things happening and get home thanking their lucky stars they got away with it, but in time it dawns on them that drinking and driving isn't the issue they thought it was they'll drink more before they drive, drive more often and drive with less trepidation. Your friend has already decided that drink driving isn't a problem for her, even if its a problem for you.

Alcoholics are all but impossible to help. Friends, family, employers - if they keep picking them up it makes it ok to keep falling down. Often the best thing to do is to take away the safety net and let them hit the ground hard

Posted 4 months ago #
Northwind - Member

Wee in car.

Posted 4 months ago #
aracer - Member

Wee in car.

She probably does that herself already.

Posted 4 months ago #
B.A.Nana - Member

If her job depends on a car, then that's maybe the way to go with her next IMO, although you may have exhausted all that already. I think you should try every avenue with her before going to the Police with your concerns. As TJ says tho, probably all your efforts will be in vein until the shit really hits the fan for her. At least if you feel you made absolutely every effort, the final course of action will be more palatable for you. Her loss of car and job will perhaps result in a deeper nose dive, so you need to be in a position to feel that you made absolutely every effort with her. I'm presuming she's a good/close friend, otherwise inform the Police and your conscience is clear as far as what she might do behind the wheel.
I've been stopped and breathalysed many times, most recently this December. It's always a reminder and a big shock to the system. I'd definitely support random testing without reason to stop. I don't know why it hasn't been introduced/passed as a law. Drug driving is probably as big an issue these days, I've no idea how that's dealt with.

Posted 4 months ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

If someone is addicted, taking away their licence won't stop them drink driving - they will probably just do it without a licence. A brush with plod may give them a wake up call though.

Posted 4 months ago #
craigxxl - Member

Get all her friends together so she knows it's just not you and as a collective inform the police with her present. She will then be targeted by the police and if she hasn't been drinking then no problem if she has it's her own fault.
Give her support during this and if it's your round at the bar then buy her a soft drink

Posted 4 months ago #
allmountainventure - Member

Video shows some one with very bad burns scarring, so don't watch it if you don't like that sort of thing.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGsw3xneor8

still thinking about what to do?

Posted 4 months ago #
Coyote - Member

As someone with a couple alcoholics in the family I really don't envy your position. Grass her up and she loses her job, goes into a downward spiral and possibly ends up with long term health problems or worse. Could even jeopardise your friendship. However don't do anything, she continues driving and crashes hurting herself and possibly hurting / killing others. She then loses her job, goes into a downward spiral and possibly ends up with long term health problems or worse.

Both options could have similar outcomes but one only hurts her.

Looking on the brighter side a brush with the law and losing her license could be the reality check she needs to set her on the path to recovery.

I think you know what to do. Good luck.

Posted 4 months ago #
bazzer - Member

Sorry but if she is a real friend, try harder to help her and don't give up on her. That's what friends do they stick in there when the going gets tough.

Posted 4 months ago #
loum - Member

Bazzer +1
Don't give up on her.

Posted 4 months ago #

RSS feed for this topic

Pages: 12 Next »

Reply »

You must log in to post.

Singletrack Mountain Bike Magazine

Chat Forum

What to do with drink driving friend

Reply »

Don't miss…

Singletrack

Website & Forums

Exits