Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 95 total)
  • Sort of pathetic jokes
  • SaxonRider
    Full Member

    Drac’s comment about porn causing a stroke on the ‘Old people and technology’ thread reminded me of a pathetic joke I once heard that still makes me laugh to myself.

    Three nuns were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by and opened his coat in front of them. The first nun had a stroke. The second nun had a stroke. The third nun couldn’t reach.

    Any other nonsense that still, inexplicably, makes you self-consciously laugh?

    perchypanther
    Free Member

    I’m a sucker for regional jokes that only work in the local accent that other people usually don’t get.

    Example :

    Ten cows in a field, which one is on holiday?

    The wan wi’ the wee calf.

    jimdubleyou
    Full Member

    Terror wrists.

    And Vicious circle.

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    Two nuns riding their bikes through the old town one day.

    I’ve never come this way before… says one.

    It’s the cobbles.

    **

    Others that make me giggle despite being centuries old – I can’t be arsed to type out so here’s the punchlines

    – Well I can’t make Wednesdays

    – He’s come in despair and I’m ****ing disgusted

    and

    – My Beyonce Knowles poster.

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    Two nuns in the bath.

    BoardinBob
    Full Member

    https://www.facebook.com/DadJokeOfTheDay/?fref=ts

    Only two of us work on a production line for Dracula figures.

    I have to make every second count

    😆

    eddiebaby
    Free Member

    Nice tits love, where do you want the blinds?

    perchypanther
    Free Member

    “…. right lads, tea break’s over. Back on your heads!”

    Drac
    Full Member

    Oh cheers! 😥

    LeeW
    Full Member

    I need help, I stole a truck load of swimming pool inflatables last night and I gotta lilo.

    ads678
    Full Member

    Knock knock……..

    David the door bell, that’s why I’m knocking!!

    perchypanther
    Free Member

    Which kind of bees can you get milk from?

    Boo Bees.

    😆 Every single time.

    bob_summers
    Full Member

    perchypanther – Member
    I’m a sucker for regional jokes that only work in the local accent

    Man walks into Derbyshire vet.
    Man “My cat’s making a lot of strange noises at night”
    Vet “Is it a tom?”
    Man “No it’s outside in the car. Shall I bring it in?”

    perchypanther
    Free Member

    Dogs being surprised by their own farts.

    Comedy gold.

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    I’m a sucker for regional jokes that only work in the local accent

    Noddy Holder buys a load of suits and shirts at a tailors

    Tailor: “and would sir like a kipper tie with those?”
    Noddy: “Oooh, yes please. Milk two sugars.”

    ninfan
    Free Member

    Was on holiday with the wife last week, lying on this lovely remote beach in the glorious sunshine, relaxing with a book and a beer.

    Well, the wife passes me the suncream, “Do you mind doing my back?” she asked.

    “Let’s pretend I’m your butler,” I winked. “My name’s Dawes.”

    “Ok!” she giggled, “Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?”

    And that gentlemen is why I’m still sleeping in the spare room…

    ads678
    Full Member

    Bloke takes a rottweiler to the vet with a dicky eye.

    Vet picks it up has a look at it’s eye, “i’ll have to put him down” the vet says.

    “what because he has a dodgy eye?”

    “no, he’s bloody heavy”…..

    makecoldplayhistory
    Free Member

    “wears the soap”

    Gets me every time!

    My 4 year old with either “pull my finger Mammy,” or, after a silent fart “can anyone smell popcorn?”

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Terror wrists.

    And Vicious circle.

    And my lively hood.

    Pyro
    Full Member

    Regional ones

    Brummie/Black Country – Why does the queen have so many kids? ‘coz she’s got ER written on her knickers.
    Geordie – Is that a cake or a meringue? Naw, ye’re reet, it’s a cake…

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Bobby Sands has eaten all the sandwiches.

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Only two of us work on a production line for Dracula figures.
    I have to make every second count

    That’s ace.

    ninfan
    Free Member

    Bobby Sands has eaten all the sandwiches.

    Ah, but can you remember his phone number?

    scholarsgate
    Free Member

    Which kind of bees can you get milk from?

    Boo Bees.

    😀 Every single time.

    Me too!

    stevemuzzy
    Free Member

    How did mr cheese paint his wife? He double glossed her.

    MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    Lol @ Ninfan – very STW!

    edward2000
    Free Member

    482 fish in a tank. One fish says, ‘salmon must know how to drive this thing’

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    I’m a prawn again, Christian!

    LeeW
    Full Member

    “Ssssssssh, fanny”

    TrekEX8
    Free Member

    Ken Dodd out for a meal…
    Waiter asks, “would you like a starter, Sir?’

    Daddy replies, “Do you think I could have a large aperitif?”

    Waiter pauses, looks closely and says “No Sir, I doubt it very much:.

    user-removed
    Free Member

    I’m not allowed to post on joke threads 🙁

    I only have one joke and it gets me banned every time. Inbox me for details 😉

    Wookster
    Full Member

    Paddy goes for an interview with a black smith

    Blacksmith, “So Paddy have you ever shoed a horse?”

    Paddy, No…..But I did tell a Donkey to F£&K off once?

    Still brings a smile to my face…..and being a “Paddy” I’m not a fan of these jokes as a rule!!

    chunkymonkey
    Free Member

    A Pork Pie walks into a pub and orders two pints, two sandwiches and a packet of crisps.

    Landlord says “Sorry, we don’t serve food” 🙄

    tenfoot
    Full Member

    How do you make a hormone?

    Kick her in the crutch.

    (Disclaimer : just a joke, not real life)

    LeeW
    Full Member

    Why would you kick a disabled woman even if she is a prostitute? 🙂

    bongohoohaa
    Free Member

    Only two of us work on a production line for Dracula figures.
    I have to make every second count

    That’s a genuinely amazing joke.

    Whoever came up with that should be given some sort of award.

    thepurist
    Full Member

    One for jhj

    Where does the Queen keep her armies?

    trademark
    Free Member

    What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
    You can’t hear a vitamin …

    slowoldman
    Full Member

    “What are they called?”
    “The Aristocrats”.

    ninfan
    Free Member

    “The Aristocrats”.

    😀

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