paying for someone to look after your kid...

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paying for someone to look after your kid...

79 posts & 35 voices | Started 2 years ago by alpin | Latest reply from cinnamon_girl

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alpin - Member

i found out on the weekend that my cousin has gone back to work full-time only 8 months after her little'un was born. i also heard from the GF's sister that her best mate has stopped breast-feeding at 5 months so that she can return to work in the 6th month.

my cousin cited cash flow problems. her fella earns a decent wedge up city (>£65k), but she ended up sticking stuff on the credit card. the kiddie(baby?) was already attending kindergarten for 3-4 hours a day, but no she'll be stuck there for 8-9 hours a day. her life will consist of being woken up, fed, taken to kindergarten, left there till mummy picks her up, takes her home, feeds her and then put to bed.

the GF's mate says she wants to work (bit of a career girl). if she loves her job that much why did she bother having a child?

why pay someone - and consequently have to work more in order to do so - to bring up YOUR child?

as you may know i've not got kids nor am i inclined to possess any in the near or imediate future. but, if i were to have kids i'd want to make sure that i am one of the biggest influences on them during their formative years.

surely a kindergarten/day-care can't provide the same environment that you as a parent can at home. i understand it's good for the kiddie to have experience of interacting with other kids (as my mates 13 month old does 4-5 imes a week for 4 hours or so at a time), but to leave your kid in someone elses care so that you can earn more money money money money money money makes me sick.

maybe it's a sign of how rotten our societies are; that a mother (or father for that matter) is more interested in the size of their house/car/bank balance than the upbringing of their child. why have kids if you're not going to look after them?

i have a friend who teaches english to 4-6 year olds at a kindergarten (this is in germany). some of the parents complained that the kids would talk english more than german despite the fact they are paying extra for the english classes. shouldn't they be talking to the kids at home?

discuss.

Posted 2 years ago #
soulrider - Member

At least these higher earners are paying for the child care and paying their taxes unlike most of the parenting disasters who are claiming billions from the state.

Posted 2 years ago #
nonk - Member

best of luck dude i agree with you i chucked it all in to look after ours.
last time i said something like you just have on here i got burnt at the stake.
fair point soulrider.

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

I agree with you, to the greatest degree. While I know it's just not possible in some cases (single parents etc), people treat kids as commodities - a must-have item but then one that requires looking after while they go to work, or on holiday. Kids pools on holiday, that's possibly the most depressing thought in the world for me - people so sick of being with their kids that they don't play with them on holiday themselves and leave them with someone else so they can have peace. IMO. I expect you'll die any second now from the angry responses burning into your soul from afar!

Posted 2 years ago #
GW - Member

go ride you bike mate and stop thinking about lives you don't lead.

oh, no.. you're probably stuck in work making money money money

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

nah, i'm sat on the sofa bemoaning the state of society.

money money money isn't what drives me. i only work 3 days a week, 5 hours in total.

nice one nonk. i'd do the same.

Posted 2 years ago #
iDave - Member

coffeeking - i know what you're getting at re' holidays, but sometimes kids want to play with lots of other kids rather than their parents

Posted 2 years ago #
GW - Member

why don't you offer to look after you cousin's kid?

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

i'm in germany, she's in essex.

i often babysit my mates little'un when his folks want an evening out. i'm nice like that.

Posted 2 years ago #
GW - Member

it'd prob still be cheaper if she payed for your flights

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

I don't think anyone is qualified enough to criticise someone else's life choices - what is right for one person is wrong for the next.

I would say that childcare, whilst not providing the *same* environment as at the family home, can provide very valuable experiences for a child though. Out of all our friends' and family's children I have only ever seen positive change in the children when they started to attend.

(Parent to twin girls who are staying at home with mum until around 1 yr old, then going for two full days childcare and a third with grandparents because we simply could not afford to live on what I can earn for an extended period of time FWIW).

Posted 2 years ago #
scu98rkr - Member

Basically I agree with you.

Recently I got married and Me and the misses brought a house.

As with many (possibly most) of the couples I know my wife earns more than me.

Personally I dont think we stretched our selves too much on the house we did manage to put down a 25%.

But basically I get £1600 take home pay after travel + taxes. Admittedly I now spend £2850 a year on getting the train into London which if I COULD get job elsewhere I could save. The reason we moved out of London is the wifes job is near Reading so we saved there, plus London is ****.

The mortgage plus council tax + insurance bills are about £1400.

This does nt leave much room and doesnt include mobile phones, car tax, MOTs etc.

Thing is if we had a kid who should take time off to raise the child ?

Obviously it makes more sense for me to as the wife earns 7000 more than me a year.

But she'll have to take maternity leave anyhow and say we have 2 kids thats two periods of 6 months. There's no saying if I quit my job I'd get another to cover us once the second kid is on its way.

Also frankly having kids cant be much fun so maybe it would be better if the misses had time off.

Also supposedly blokes earn more in the end so maybe we're better off with me continuing to work not taking any breaks and hoping to move up. Also I think its still not looked upon as reasonalbe for blokes to take too much time off to bring up kids so would I then struggle to get another job later ?

I can see some people might think its just easier they continue to both work then they know they wont run out of money later.

Posted 2 years ago #
TooTall - Member

I think someone hiding from life smoking dope and playing in the mountains has some cohones to pontificate on how someone else lives their life.

IMHO of course.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

We try to balance it. My children have both had 2 days per week at nursery. A because we couldnt afford not too and B because it is really good for them.

My youngest has a cousin who spent the first two years stuck at home with his fat, useless, workshy, evil mother and he was (and still is) leap years behind ours and other kids. His attitude towards interaction, sharing, eating, playing is very underdeveloped. His motorskills are way behind too. He is nearly three now and still hasnt moved on from baby cups or nappies. Looking after children isnt always about smothering them. Sometimes you have to allow them to develop their own personalities and social abilities.

If i was a millionaire, both my kids would still have attended nursery for at least a couple of days per week.

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

coffeeking - i know what you're getting at re' holidays, but sometimes kids want to play with lots of other kids rather than their parents

Undoubtedly, I wasn't moaning about the fact that facilities are provided, more that some parents see them as a way of offloading a responsibility.

I don't think anyone is qualified enough to criticise someone else's life choices - what is right for one person is wrong for the next.

To some extent, yes, but also there are some fixed "advisory" things for children to progress and form decent families, things that don't change from person to person. I'm fairly sure that shipping kids off to other people for 90% of their waking time doesn't help a family grow, all it does is produce a child that can survive. Of course bad parents are possibly worse than those who are good but don't have time to look after kids at all, but I dont think it's invalid to suggest that a devoted parent and full-time parenting is better than nursery all the time.

I'm sure there's stacks of variables involved but if you ask many people in full-time kiddie teaching world (teaching and support staff) they'll tell you that the kids that get more attention at home and get taught more by parents at home do better than those who are shipped off to sitters all the time. But if finances simply don't allow it I'd be very torn myself - is it right to bring up a kid if you can't afford to spend time with it? To what extent are you using these facilities - if it's only a couple of days a week it's an addition, if it's 100% of the time it's a problem.

Posted 2 years ago #
Drac - Moderator

The words, "sort you own **** life first out" spring to mind of course you may be perfectly happy with your life but I bet you'd hate to think your cousin was talking about your life choice.

Both our kids have gone onto childcare when were at work, it's brought them on massively. As the childcare is there to do one job only and that's look after them to provide them with stimulus. At home when I have them I have to also run the home day to day.

There's advantages to both if your fortunate enough to be able to look after them yourself 24/7 then good for you, we both continued to work as we had to. Mrs reduced her hours and did 3 days a week with the first then went back full time. With the second she dropped to 4 days a week and has stayed that, they couldn't allow her to drop less but she won't be going back full time as there's no need. Be happy if she did 3 days week if work would let her.

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

To some extent, yes, but also there are some fixed "advisory" things for children to progress and form decent families, things that don't change from person to person.

I understand what you are getting at, but what I am trying to say is that no-one can really criticise someone in such circumstances - the child is being well looked after and is not being neglected, it just happens to be a set of circumstances that someone else wouldn't consider.

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

TooTall - Member

I think someone hiding from life smoking dope and playing in the mountains has some cohones to pontificate on how someone else lives their life.

Drac - Member

The words, "sort you own **** life first out" spring to mind of course you may be perfectly happy with your life but I bet you'd hate to think your cousin was talking about your life choice.

i'd say she was perhaps jealous of my laid back existence.

i'm not knocking childcare and am fully aware little'uns need to experience/learn how to deal with other kids, stand on their own etc. but i wouldn't surplant a family with a glorified babysitter.

i think it's sad that we all (me not included) need to put in so many hours inorder to exist in society. is it our fault or that of societies that we feel we need to work work work so that we can have our TVs, leather sofas, double garage, fancy holidays or 2ltr cars. should we not be content with time spent with friends and family rather than whether you've covered this months direct debits?

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

2 litre cars are starter cars aren't they?

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

don't know, mate. mine certainly wasn't. besides all cars should be limited to 1.5ltr. it'd stop all this macho bullshit on the roads.

Posted 2 years ago #
Drac - Moderator

I enjoy working, I enjoy the luxuries it brings me for myself, wife and the kids. Lying around for hours on end posting on here is boring enough when I have time to do it, can't see why I'd be even remotely jealous of that.

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

Lying around for hours on end posting on here is boring enough when I have time to do it, can't see why I'd be even remotely jealous of that.

not true! my computer packed up the end of last week. got it going again last night, though.

besides, no need for personal attacks.....

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

besides, no need for personal attacks.....

I suppose some would consider questioning their child-care methods to be a personal attack.

besides all cars should be limited to 1.5ltr. it'd stop all this macho bullshit on the roads.

Not really, its not too hard to get 300hp from a 1.5. And IMO there isn'ta load of machoness on the roads, it's just laziness and people wanting to get to places without thinking of others. I can count on one hand the number of "macho" moves I've seen on the road in my life. Most of them were in france.

Posted 2 years ago #
yossarian - Member

there is no right answer.

Friends of mine put their kids to child minders from 6 months onwards. Heard some fairly upsetting stories about going to pick them up after work to find them sat in a conrer in a nappy that clearly hadn't been changed for hours etc etc.

We decided to have one of us staying at home with our kids until they went/will go to nursery school. Has meant that we've had only one salary to live on and times have been tough but never even occured to us to leave our lads with someone else. Just feels wrong and would rather have no money to be honest.

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

I can count on one hand the number of "macho" moves I've seen on the road in my life. Most of them were in france.

you should come to germany..... "wie viele PS?"

Posted 2 years ago #
Drac - Moderator

not true! my computer packed up the end of last week. got it going again last night, though.

besides, no need for personal attacks....

What makes I you think I meant you?

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

ah.... must be all that weed.....

...but i haven't sat and smoked in over five weeks (pats self on back).

Posted 2 years ago #
Tiger6791 - Member

I think we have to be bit pragmatic about it all. Childcare is not always about the money, money, money. Women (my wife inc) enjoy work as well as being a parent and you just have to get the balance right. I think our little girl has benefitted from being in Nursery she interacts well with other kids and for 3 days a week she goes and enjoys it for the other 4 days she is with either me or my wife (or both).

Most parents I think will always put the Kids 1st and for some that means looking after them all of the time and for others not. Some people send their kids to school every day some teach at home. (which is right? again I think it's whatever works for you)

Each to their own lives and let live but I don't believe the vast majority of parents are selfish and putting money above their kids.

Posted 2 years ago #
monkey_boy - Member

my soon to be position...

fingers crossed my first child is due june 6th.

my wife is going to go back to work after 9 months to 4 days a week (hopefully 3)

my mother is going to have the baby one day.

my mother in law is going to have the baby 2 days

we are then going to put the baby into childcare one day a week. not a creche as such but a woman who is qualified to look after children and has done so for 20 years as we feel this is a better environment compared to a 'classic' creche as it is more 'one on one' attention. as there are horror stories round our way of many places having 18 > 20 year olds looking after children having no experience

i have loads of mates who all have different views on the whole 'child minding' situation.

my parents struggled like hell when i was little, my mum gave up work to look after me until i went to junior school then only worked 2 days a week.

what i dont agree on is what my brother in law and his wife do, their now 3 year old from the age of 6 months was and has been in child care from 8am till 5.30pm 5 days a week... that is just wrong but i stay out of it, their poor girl at the age of 3 can hardly string a sentence together.

another mate takes his 2 days a week and he said it is terrible to see kids left there after 4.30 crying wondering where their parents are when everyone else comes to collect theirs.

society has changed dramatically since i was young, but hey... the conservatives are going to change all that right!

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

I don't understand all these stories about rubbish childcare providers though - don't people check them out, ask friends before putting their child/ren in????

Posted 2 years ago #
Drac - Moderator

My mates GF has a 3 year old just a few months older than our 3 year old, she looks after he and her other 2 kids pretty much 24/7. Her 3 year old can hardly sting words together and is very hard to understand. Ours never shuts the hell up is very clean and uses some great words in perfect context.

You can find pros and cons for both, do what's best for your family.

Posted 2 years ago #
molgrips - Member

what is right for one person is wrong for the next.

Maybe, maybe not. But not everyone chooses what actually IS right for them and their family, do they? Otherwise we'd all be perfect parents. Just because someone makes a choice doesn't mean it's the right one.

As for the childcare thing - in the cases I've heard about, the caregiver going back to work does provide SOME extra net income, often not a lot though.

As for why would you want to go back to work - well, looking after kids all day every day in our world does make you a bit stir crazy. I think people often want or need to do something else other than think about their kid 24/7. Now, I'm sure some folk will say 'oh you shouldn't have kids if you can't look after them' but the point is, if you CAN get something else done and still provide a happy productive life for your kids then that's all to the good.

A happy family needs happy parents as well as happy kids. Now if that means servicing your intellectual needs as an adult, or putting a bit of extra cash in the bank to alleviate the stress, then working could be a good way to help matters.

Posted 2 years ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

Am deliberately staying out of this

Posted 2 years ago #
DickBarton - Member

Nothing to discuss really - you disagree with those people's views...simple as that really.

Nursery is good for kids, allows them to interact with other people their age, develop social skills and all that - does mean less time with the parent(s) but it isn't just them sitting in a room on their own all day.

You seem to disgree with their views but that's the only thing to discuss really...and there isn't much discussion needed on that one.

Posted 2 years ago #
2tyred - Member

There's no right answer, but for the majority of parents these decisions ultimately come down to house prices.

Most parents in the UK simply don't have the option of a completely free choice in childcare arrangements while living in a suitable house in a pleasant area without some kind of external assistance - whether that's a second parental income, available, capable and willing grandparent(s) or some other piece of good fortune.

But passing judgement on anyone else's circumstances in these matters, regardless of your own, is pretty crass - being a parent is often hard enough without uninvited commentators adding their input.

should we not be content with time spent with friends and family rather than whether you've covered this months direct debits?

Lovely, but the mortgage needs paid otherwise we're all spending that quality time outside in the cold.

Posted 2 years ago #

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