Not going on a mate's stag night. Possible?

Chat Forum

Not going on a mate's stag night. Possible?

64 posts & 58 voices | Started 8 months ago by tron | Latest reply from wingnuts

Tags:

No tags yet.

Pages: « Previous 12

konabunny - Member

Only a totally unreasonable person wouldn't realise that not everyone would a) afford and b) want to go to a stag in Las Vegas.

I understand that people want to have a blast and a last holiday with their mates etc. But still...

Also: I thought half the point of having a destination wedding was so that not everybody came? How would anyone get upset when they got rejections? People flake out on weddings even when it's at the church down the road, let alone on the other side of the world.

Had to turn down a wedding this year too as it was out in Serbia.

I would want to go to a wedding in Serbia a thousand million times more than a stag in Las Vegas.

Posted 8 months ago #
totalshell - Member

one lunchtime, one of my employees asked if should could be half an hour late back from lunch, when asked why shes said cos were getting married down the town hall.. 10 minutes later another came and asked if she could be late back so she could be the witness.

all planned to deliberatley avoid presents stags do's parents aunties mates you really dont care about.. still married 12 years later..

Posted 8 months ago #
cynic-al - Member

I turned down a wedding last year on there grounds, would have been about a grand. Quite a few mutual friends did the same. Still good pals with the couple.

Posted 8 months ago #
Pook - Member

My best man has express details to mak[lis[*]t]e it affordable for my mates. It's all about me seeing them after all, regardless of location.

(wet weekend in Wales has been asked for)

Posted 8 months ago #
Ben_mw - Member

Me and my Mrs weren't going to bother with stag/hen nights as living in West Yorkshire, but getting married in Inverness, and having friends spread all around the country, we felt it would be too much to ask people to travel twice - and we really wanted them at the wedding. We also had at the time a few friends who had kids, yet we would want them both to be at stag and hen nights, giving them all sorts of problems with childcare.
In the end it was made clear that we had to have a do each. Hers was a day of laser paintball thingie and some sort of pottery thing, followed by a night out a mile from the house (where everybody stayed), mine was a soggy weekend in a little wooden hut near Dalby with riding and beers!
We really tried to make sure it was as cheap as possible, and told people we would rather they came to the wedding if they could only make one trip. (More people made the wedding)!

A few years previously we had gone to a friends wedding at a time when we were really hard up, and had only been able to afford one night away. I agreed to help them transport a load of sound/lighting gear (venue didn't supply and I had a van at the time) which meant staying the night before aswell. When the brides mother found out we had bought the tent with us she insisted on paying for a hotel room for us for the evening - was much appreciated!

Posted 8 months ago #
GlitterGary - Member

They'll get divorced soon, most likely. Just tell him you'll go to his next wedding and do.

Posted 8 months ago #
geoffj - Member

my stag do was in the Man and Scythe pub in Bolton.

Actually, is the cider still as good as it used to be?

Posted 8 months ago #
konabunny - Member

Very glad I didn't go when I saw the pics / heard the tales - 24 hour drinking / lapdance clubs / real and proper nasty abuse of Eastern European females

Where do I sign up.?

Send me your headshot and bikini shots and I'll put you in touch with someone who can organise a dancer job for you.

Posted 8 months ago #
FunkyDunc - Member

£1-2k on a stag do is ridiculous. Hasn't he already said to his mates that he understands if they can't go? Also he can't be expecting many to go either..

Posted 8 months ago #
nickf - Member

I've had this - turned down a stag to Miami. It would have been expensive, but I didn't fancy a week of getting pissed every night and going to hideous nightclubs, so I just told the room that it really wasn't my sort of thing, but that I hoped they'd have fun.

The obligatory pictures of lapdancers etc appeared some weeks later, which reconfirmed my view that it was something I'd done well to avoid.

Posted 8 months ago #
yoshimi - Member

Its a big ask, be honest.

I went to Hamburg with a few mates for mine (by the sounds of it a lot of people on here would have hated it )

For those that couldn't afford it / couldn't make it we had another one back here in the UK which involved a day at the races, meal then club.

Something for everyone, simples:)

Posted 8 months ago #
Alcopop - Member

When did stag doo's start becoming so lavish??,mines nearly 20 years ago
was a piss up in Edinburgh (i lived there at the time) a tour round the three stripper bars off the Grassmarket i believe known as the pubic triangle a club possibly a kebaaab on the way home job done everyone had a great i had a horrendeos hangover
Im sure as posted above any decent friend will understand if you choose not to go

Posted 8 months ago #
PeterPoddy - Member

i told him i couldn't make it due to the cost.
he's not a dick, so he's absolutely fine with this.

^^^this^^^ +1

I'd just say no, sorry, not my thing and I can't afford it anyway.
You can buy a bike for that!!

For my Stag do we went for a weekends riding in The Lakes. Brilliant!

Posted 8 months ago #
cb - Member

If he can afford it and wants to go to Vegas - let him, its his stag do not any of yours!

Perhaps he just doesn't like you...?

Posted 8 months ago #
toys19 - Member

Man up, men are men and mates are mates, if he can't deal with you not coming then that is surely his problem.

Posted 8 months ago #
thomthumb - Member

i didn't go to a mates stag this summer cos it was £150 for a box at the football. i just don't have that sorta cash. no bother

Posted 8 months ago #
tron - Member

I love the folks on where whose default position is to have a go.

I just wanted to know if not going on a stag do is a total faux pas or not much of a problem...

Posted 8 months ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

Nah - just tell him you would love to go but you just can't afford that sort of money. Ask him if he wants to go out for a few beers separately sometime before the wedding.

Posted 8 months ago #
chakaping - Member

To be fair you should really have given us an indication of your pal's response when you told him you couldn't afford it.

People will jump to conclusions if you don't give them all the relevant information.

Posted 8 months ago #
I_Ache - Member

I have this for my Brothers stag, there was talk of going to Vegas but they decided not to because our other brother would be too young to drink. Now apparently they are thinking about going to Poland to watch Aston Villa play wendyball. Now I don't see my brother as much as I would like to because he lives in Leeds and I live in Birmingham but even if money were no object I don't think I would want to go abroad for a stag do. His circle of friends are very like this and just a couple of weeks ago went to Amsterdam for a 'lads weekend' I'm only a couple of years older but have 2 children and am already married so am well passed the binge drink for a week stage.

I do feel an obligation to go because he is my brother and have told him I don't want to go abroad but am happy to go for a weekend somewhere in the UK.

Posted 8 months ago #
st colin - Member

If he is actually your mate, he'll understand your reasons for not going. Two years ago I was faced with two stag do's in the space of a month and had to turn one down. I was the best man for one, and a close friend of the other. Didn't turn out to be a problem. £1-2k on a stag is crazy money, for me anyway.

Posted 8 months ago #
Duggan - Member

It is absolutely fine to not attend a mates stag do- I've had quite a few over the last year or two and there is always somebody who cannot attend one or the other for various reasons- it's never been an issue.

Stag do's are definitely not an unconditional attendance type thing, I honestly wouldn't worry.

I'm sure your mate will appreciate honesty and you being up-front- i.e 'Sorry mate I know I won't be able to afford that but we'll have a night out down town soon to celebrate' or whatever. Better to do that than be the person who keeps saying they'll go, gets included in all the planning and then bails at the last minute causing chaos, because they haven't actually saved any cash or organised anything.

Posted 8 months ago #
brassneck - Member

As a rough rule of thumb, the less I've spent on stag do's the more fun I've had - the social aspect comes to the fore when you don't feel compelled to get your money's worth.

Posted 8 months ago #
Sidney - Member

I couldn't make a stag do in Biarritz although we had plenty of notice. I didn't really fancy the trip to Paplona and getting gored by a bull, plus the flights were getting mucho pricey by the time I started looking. Was a good friend from school so I felt a bit guilty about not going but he understood. I took it upon myself to organise a mini stag do at his place with some old schoolfriends to make up for it. That was much appreciated and we had a good time.

Posted 8 months ago #
richmtb - Member

Seriously its a non-issue, just tell him the truth. I had my Stag in Krakow and a few of my mates couldn't make either due to cost or other commitments.

I didn't hold it against them

Posted 8 months ago #
hora - Member

OP normally I'd say its an honour to be invited however ANY friend would understand that upto 2k is a big ask.

Plus Las Vegas? **** that. I'd do Blackpool for a good mate I'd grin and bear it but around the world at that cost?

Posted 8 months ago #
b r - Member

And for me, it less about the money and more about the need to take holidays from work - its not like we all get that many, and certainly once you've kids there aren't enough days just for the basics.

Posted 8 months ago #
B.A.Nana - Member

Same as most others, it's not compulsory by any stretch and gets even less so as the cost goes up. just tell him the truth.

Anybody else noticed how their "friends" on high incomes tend to drift into social circles exclusively consisting of other people on high incomes in their late 20's and early 30's

Not particularly, although it's to be expected that high income earning friends would socialise a bit with work colleagues etc on similar salaries, maybe that friendship was naturally going to dissolve anyway. One of my pals is high up in BP, £1M house in Beckenham, mixes in wealthy circles. He'll turn up at my little Terrace house in Yorkshire and sleep on the floor.

Posted 8 months ago #
wingnuts - Member

Be honest. Thats what mates are about. Having had a couple of these myself......... Its about people and not places.

First was in the days before they became events. Pub with mates and they're still with me even though she isn't.

The second was eight years ago and I was so scared that they and other mates would do I organised it myself. Told them what to bring and that everything else was covered. Passport and £100. We went to Boulogne to collect beer. Stayed in crap hotel and had a meal that cost more than everything else put together. People still talk about it including me drinking champagne from another custumers shoe. Tasted brilliant!

My best man wasn't there! He was 16 at the time. We went to the pub and he (my son) carried me home.

All these have been great and its because of who was with me. If anybody can't be there, if you value them, you will do something to include them one way or another.

Had some rich friends who got married last summer. £100k wedding!!!! Various things organised from Portugal and New York to the local pub. Nobody was made to feel poor or out of place cause they hadn't been to one bit and not another. I was out of work at the time.

Posted 8 months ago #