I’ve finished writing this and decide to add this header, I feel better for writing it. I cried in places and I need to cry more, still not grieved for my parents.

A bit of background (there was a thread years ago).
4 years ago my mum found out she had terminal cancer. I was married two kids and a step daughter, who has mental health issues and made my life a living Hell. Through redundancies and my then Wife’s constant over spending we were permanently skint, my elderly parents bailing us out on a monthly basis. But I thought we were happy. We were hanging on to get the step daughter through her A Levels and then off to Uni so we would get some respite.
in May 2012 my wife took a job with the NHS on minimum wage, the plan being she would rise up quickly (and she did). There she met a man and started an affair. Mum died in July, I discovered the affair in September. My world fell apart. She told me she did it to get away from her daughter and because I was being distant with her during the last few months of my mums life (me and my siblings were caring for her). My mum’s last words to me were “Beware Stepdaughter, she’ll be the undoing of your whole family!
I struggled on trying to keep us together but eventually moved in with my dad in Feb 2013. We would have family days out and go on dates but we didn’t get back together. The last straw for me was when my Ex turned round in June 2013 and said “you can’t come back unless Stepdaughter allows it!”. My kids were getting mercilessly attacked by their half sister and eventually moved in with me over the summer. The Ex got a massive promotion, earning £1000/wk all our money worries would be solved.
The stepdaughter went to Uni in Sept 2013 and I spoke with my Ex and suggested we try and reconcile now that the problem had left. me and the kids moved back in. The ex lost her job, due to the mess her home life was in. Back to Money worries. The conditions of me moving back in were that I slept in the spare room and didn’t have a go at her over money (I should have divorced her at that point, in hindsight).
For the next two years she spent in like Beckham. £14,000 Boobjob/tummy tuck (I never got to play with) The loan being put in my name. “If you do that for me then I know you love me and we can move on” The second she came home from the hospital she didn’t want me around. I’m having to get £1000/month off my dad to keep the mortgage payments going as I can’t afford the boobjob repayments and all her other excessive spending. At the end of March 2014 I’d had enough and had it out with her that she’s treating me like shit and not at all trying to reconcile. She then sets me one last hurdle. “Lets see how you get on when the Stepdaughter comes home from Uni”. From March to July the last of my dads savings are spent propping up my mortgage. I’m telling my Dad “not to worry, we’re remortgaging in August and you’ll get it back”. August 2014 The Ex announces that she needs some distance between us and she’s found a fully furnished One bed flat that she’s going to rent. Sept 2014 the Ex and my two kids move into the flat. Turns out she’d rented the flat at the beginning of March and was using my dads money to kit it out with Furniture we couldn’t afford in our house! She’s still hinting at reconciliation, I’m having to give her extra money on top of the child maintenance roughly £300/£500 per month. We do family trips etc. Find out she’s been seeing someone else from work.
I filled for Divorce in May 2015, I loved my Wife, I just don’t trust her and my dad’s health was getting worse.
This goes on till June 2015 when she moves into a 5 bedroom house. I’m giving her £300/month when she’s in a one bed flat!!! I told her “I can’t afford to help with that”. I was wrong.
Between June and October she had £3.5k off me, not including £50’s from the ATM or £70 worth of shopping from Asda. Divorce solicitor was telling me to pay what ever it takes to get the divorce through before your dad dies.
Divorce came through on 1st October 2015, on the 12th October the Ex tells me she needs £2000 for Rent, council tax, missed car payments. I don’t have it, my dad doesn’t have it. She begs me to take out a payday loan, they will let me have £950 instantly. I tell her “If anything happens to my dad I’ll have to take over the household bills and won’t be able to pay this loan off”. She promised me that she could afford the payments and would pay it.
Dad died 22nd October 2015. I never received a penny off her. So I’ve spent the last 6 months living hand to mouth. Because she’d blown all my dads savings we had to take a loan out to pay for my dads funeral (I know I’m complicit). I feel like a shit.
We still do family days out at my expense. She goes out a lot and still spends all her money leaving me to bail her out so she can feed the kids.
January 2016 I suspect she has a boyfriend (we’re divorced, she can). She tells me she hasn’t.
February 2016 She begs me to help her with her finances, put a spread sheet together to show how much money she has to live on. Turns out she has about £90/month to feed three of them per month. She’s got loans, credit cards, HMRC chasing her. I sorted HMRC out and then got a debt management company to sort the rest. She owes about £15k.
She was standing there begging me to help and I said, “you’ve got a boyfriend, he should be helping you” She wailed the house down and screamed “I’ve got no-one, you’re the only person I’ve got to help me”. She convinced me that I’ve misread the situation.
I told her “I can’t afford to give you any money, you shafted me with the loan”. Her reply, with a smug look on her face, was “It’s your own fault for taking the loan out”. She’s right it was. I walked out at that point.

A couple of days later she asked me to have the kids while she went to a convention in Birmingham at the weekend. No problem, I love my kids.
Then she asks can I have them on Sunday 14th Feb, she’s visiting a friend whose boyfriend is working away. No problem, I love my kids.
Then she asks me if I can have them on 28th, 29th Feb as she’s at a conference in Birmingham and also on 6th March (Mothers day).

On Wednesday 2nd March we were having a txt conversation, she needs money. So I sent her the following txt…
“All I want to know, is did he say Yes to your marriage proposal on Monday night?”
“also, come clean to the kids. Mummy’s abandoning you on Mother’s Day to go with my fiancé to be introduced to his mother”.

I’d found out a week or so after her performance about having no-one that she was seeing someone and the plan was to propose to him on Feb 29th. I don’t know how long it’s been going on.
She never answered.
On Thursday 3rd March she introduced the kids to him, he stayed the night and got snowed in with them. He scarpered on Friday evening when I turned up to pick the kids up.
Saturday He’s moved his stuff in, pictures of his son up etc. Rearranged bedrooms so that his son has a room. My kids are shell shocked.
Sunday, she’s still claiming she’s going to conference in Newcastle, starting Monday, and will be home late on Monday. I managed to shame her into staying home till 12 so the kids could spend some of Mother’s day with her. She was home by 12 on Monday, she accidently contacted me and slipped up saying where she was.

I know nothing about the guy. I know his name, he’s a keen cyclist (so obviously mental) could even be on here. I don’t hold a grudge against him. I’m just so pissed off with her and her lies. I’ve wasted 3 years of my life, nearly bankrupt me and my dad and feel like a complete idiot. I’ve basically been propping her up while she swans around pretending to be a successful Project Manager, with all the trappings of success.
She’s created a new life for herself, all new friends. None of them know what she’s done in the past. Her story is she’s been separated for 3 years and finally got divorced in October.

I’m a huge Mug.
I’ve gone from hoping we’d work things out to having to get over her in a few weeks.
I’ve literally lost everything. Wife, House, Car, Kids, Money, Parents.

What I have got is:
A roof over my head (Dad’s house, up for sale but there’s no rush)
A job
My Health, I swim daily, I idave diet, wiifit no longer says I’m overweight.
A couple of good friends, who don’t want to hear me complain anymore
My kids one day a week
Debt free by the end of April (assuming my car passes it’s MOT, my sister bought me one to replace the one she took)
A blank canvas, a fresh start (but I’m 46 this month)

So no money for Coke and Hookers. How do I get over this crappy situation?
How to feel better about myself for letting her take advantage of my good nature. I see the good in everyone, I don’t know how anyone could treat me like that, never mind the woman I spent 19 years with.