When the diplomatic option has failed or when the chav wants your bike regardless.

Something that won't get you locked up e.g brandishing a toothpick.

Here's my suggestion – someone has discovered that rapidly flashing LEDs of sequential colours can produce instant nausea. Something like red to green to blue and back to red at a rate of 10 times a second is the most effective apparently.

Wait a moment though, if you run red green and blue LEDs in constant mode, you'll get a reasonable white light. So rather than make a light from white LEDs, why not use RGB and you've got both options. Cops wouldn't have a clue if you're searched.

Can you get such a device or do I need to get to buy stuff from Cutter and start soldering?

Qr Bombers?

Apparently getting hit in the face with a d lock hurts.

SPD carbon soled shoes with studs don't look particularly soft either.

Might get you locked up, but its probably going to be more effective then causing them to feel a bit sick.

Big ass branch, you could claim it just fell off the tree said chav/troll was hiding under and somehow knocked it out 😆

I don't think this is going to end well.

Do you feel lucky punk? Well do ya??

don't stop to "chat" and simply ride into them?

Hmmm …. this is not going well 😥

Have any of you lot ridden into a stationary person.
It does'nt tend to go well..

A quick barspin to the face and skid over thier nads should buy enough time to make a getaway

great idea, someone tries to mug you, shine a light in their face. is this a wind up?

Anyone tries to nick my bike I wouldn't stop till they were spark out.

Aggression and extreme violence.

…or, a swift elbow to the face and pedal pedal pedal.

I always ride with about a weeks worth of beard growth on my face,if I see some chavy types I add a menacing snarl to my look too…..
It must work cos I've never been attacked….. 8)

when the chav wants your bike regardless

Tw@ them, it is allowed.

having been inside for this sort of behaviour – i think you guys should consider spreading some love instead…

when the chav wants your bike regardless

You've not seen my bike have you 😕

angryratio – Member
Have any of you lot ridden into a stationary person.
It does'nt tend to go well..

Yup and he provided a nice cushion between me and the road, I was fine 😆

Headbutt them whilst wearing a helmet?

Erm, how common is trail chav bike thieving?

my solution is "have a bike no one would want to steal" 🙂

Ive seen the peak of a MTB helmet make a pretty nasty mess of someones nose … Last resort maybe ?

How about a quick wheelie, but jumping off the back whilst holding the bars.

Should result in rear wheel/large chainring to nuts interface. And your front wheel will **** 'em the face too.

they wont see that coming!

a massive portion of fist pie, followed by a serving of headbutt… 😉

Horny Yeti suit!!! works every time.

Or if by some miracle it fails. Use your seat post and seat to block and just the usual long range weapons. Finger jabs to the eyes and kicks placed to the knees.

Depends on the circumstances, but kicking them before they relize you can is always a good Idea.

Had a guy jump off the kerb and try to grab me once while I cycled past. I swerved to the right and kicked him full force in the ribs. pasty face missing teeth, obvious junky having a go.

I didn't even bother stopping, you get a lot of knob ends where I live. I did laugh until my sides hurt, No ones getting my ride of me, it's my passport to good times and freedom!

On single track sh1t is the preferred weapon of @ssholes. It's about all they have to contribute.

You fellas need to move to the sticks man!

I always find exposing my genitalia to the chav works.

Works well in other situations as well; scaring away girls in bars, saying hello to friends in woods, etc etc.

my C02 tyre inflater too the face .

I carry THIS – would be a real shame if it 'accidentally' got sprayed in their eyes 😉

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the niche, and nice lycra uniforms and seat posts and water bottles.

oh wait I'll come in again….

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the niche…

Oh you go sit in the "Comfy saddle!"

I take my staf out for exercise while i'm riding,chav will be fine as long as she's not hungry. If she is 'no officer I haven't seen anyone fitting that description, oh thats just sauce she's been eating my sandwiches!!!'
I believe the expresion is 'F*$k them before they f*$k you harder' 😉

real man you really need a dinosaur to fire that chainsaw gun. 😆

timothius – Member

Erm, how common is trail chav bike thieving?

I was suprised to read a year or 2 ago someone posting about an attempted bike-heist in nice sleepy Darklake Woods (don't bother, nothing technical worth riding there honest guv etc etc……). IIRC the would-be thieves swung a sports holdall at chest height to try and knock the dude off his bike. ❓

I'd have thought the razor sharp wit and trenchant sarcasm of most stw members would be sufficient defence! I'd probably bob myself! Rubbish at fighting, me. 😳

ton – Member
a massive portion of fist pie, followed by a serving of headbutt…

Made me laugh out loud……funniest thing I've read on here for ages 😆

I'm going with sudden, massive and noisy violence in the direction of the chav that wants my bike.

Use the biggest weapon you have at your disposal. Have you ever hit someone with a bike? Takes them by suprise