I reckon I’ve regretted every works do I’ve ever been on.

Not because I’ve ended up shagging Angie from accounts but because they’re always rubbish.

Most of the ones I’ve been to are the dull, boring kind. A few stand out in the “how not to help your career” mould.

One place I worked, the married production manager was having an affair with a married customer services lass. Partners are all present, posh hotel, all free bar and rooms. Anyway, late-ish in the evening they disappear off to the toilets and start getting it on in one of the cubicals. She’s discarded her underwear on the floor, one of the printers, a large lad, has stripped off and put her underwear on and is now dancing on one of the tables. This is in front of everyone and their partners.

Few years later one of the young IT lads, too much to drink, throws up over the the directors table whilst trying to brown nose. Again in front of partners.

Last year, new company, the DJ gets leg less on the free bar, propersitions one of the senior managers wife. Gropes her breasts, asks her if she like a bit of back door action, then gets in a fight with some of the lads trying to escort him to his hotel room. Later he redecorates the hotel room with sick, wrecks the shower screen, and ends up sleeping in reception on one of the sofas stark naked.

One stands out. We went to a cocktail bar in a nearby town, and as well as cocktails, managed best part of a full bottle of Gordon’s that a mate had smuggled in and was using to soup up our drinks. So within a couple of hours by the time we’d arrived at the restaurant for the meal, one of our group was distinctly the worse for wear, fell asleep in his meal, excused himself and threw up in the street, returned to the table, ate a few mouthfuls, and then decided to get a train home. Only to fall asleep again, end up as far past the intended station as he’d started, and have to phone his wife to get collected.

When I was a callow youth in my first job we always used to go to a large local hotel for our doo where several companys would be having their own partys consisting of a meal and a comunal disco. This was ok for several years untill one year we were banned for several reasons,
#1. Due to the free bar and possibly one of the lads “hilarious” hobby of random drink spiking our M.D shat himself massively on the dance
floor. #2.The new lad had to have an ambulance for alcohol poisoning. #3. This was possibly the clincher, at some piont in the evening I had , due to alcohol and poor disco lighting on her part managed to chat up a very attractive hairdresser from a local salon and seeking a broardly flat area for our frolics had chosen the hotel mansger’s brand new BMW m5 bonnet. all I can say is that if you ever need to backscuttle someone against a car DON’T use the rear spoiler as as a handhold as they are somewhat fragile!

a bloke I know, was caught being given oral relief, by a co workers wife, in a linen storeroom at a works do in a hotel.

Extra points to everyone incorporating “backscuttle” into this thread…

#80’s

Well what once a medley of opportunities for “who done it” has turned out to be a mid life affair as every one now seems to have grown up and has wife in toe to calm things down.
A pleasant evening but the 5 pints consumed before we met was about as exciting as it got. I’m now waking home reading these anicedotes thinking I like my job but would certainly swap it for a job in sales for just ine night!

Sucking hate my life.
Whilst reading this thread I’ve just taken a wrong turn and walked probably a mile in the wrong direction.
I only noticed when I saw this jockeys pair of golden eagles on the end of the drive.
Bell finish

and walked probably a mile in the wrong direction.
I only noticed when I saw this jockeys pair of golden eagles on the end of the drive.
Bell finish

Sure it was just the five pints??? 🙂

Well I did have a coulple of red and a Sambuca with the meal but that’s neither here not there.
Was in zombiefied looking at phone mode. Now back on track after an hour in what should have taking me 10 mins 🙁

I used to work on a Coronary Care Unit…my first crimbo do with do I decided it would a fantastic idea to pick up the ward sister, all 6 stone of her and run down to the next pub with her over my shoulder. I got about 20 yards before tripping and landing on her…I’m a 14 1/2 stone former front rower. her leg broke in 2 places and she didn’t return for 9 months. I stayed home the next year.

did gravitysucks make it home?
Is he sleeping it off?

I’m more intrigued by Bregante post

I once drank beer out of woman’s shoe at a Xmas works do – her husband didn’t look to happy. The owner of a local bar used to “gate crash” (I sorted him a ticket) the advantage of this is that we used to get a lock in at his place after the Xmas do had finished

Ours last night – quite civilised but did end up riding Boris Bikes all around London 🙂

The last good Christmas do I had was in London. I was soo pissed that I fell down two landings and was refused entrance to Ronny Scotts as my cock was hanging out so I went to the back of the queue and the bouncer eventually said again ‘its still hanging out’.

Since then I’ve been managing other peoples attempt at stealing from behind bars, calming down strangers trying to hit our party etc etc. Zero fun.

When I worked at McDonalds many years ago the Xmas party involved the owner of the franchise wearing only women’s underwear and another manager running around bollock naked. The owner later got done for fraud IIRC – we always wondered why he would pop in and take a load of cash out of the safe.

Mine now are usually quite good fun though.

Christmas Party Disclaimer. Had a presentation one year from in-house legal on HR and business practice issues, as you can imagine normally fairly dull affairs. Anyway the presenter finished up with his version of the company christmas party invite – front side fairly normal back side had a massive small print disclaimer warning anyone who attended the party to expect appalling behaviour from their colleagues including drunkeness, deborchary, blatant sexual harrisment and by accepting the invitation acknowledged that all this was inevitable and acceptable including photos of the same to be posted on notice board, internet etc.

As for first hand experience, had a young graduate who’d been with us 2 or 3 months. Went to christmas party which clients where invited, fancy hotel. Anyway he hooked up with a girl and being too cheap to get a room, decided to sneak into the adjacent kitchens (which where not being used), they where found stark naked hard at it on those big stainless steel work benches. Both fired.

Never ever get drunk with someone present who pays your mortgage.

I used to work backstage on musical theatre shows. One xmas we built Barry Manilo’s ‘Copa Cobanna’ (or as we called it- ‘coke-up-ya-mother)first UK show, at Blackpool Opera house. for the xmas party all us stage set builders decided to perform the Rocky Horror show for all the real lovey darling performers and all our set building pals from around the UK’s other shows.
We rented a hotel to put all our audience friends in, and the rule was for everyone to wear Rocky horror costumes. The show was raunchier than the origional and the after party is still one of our proudest party successes. the antics left not much to the imagination, and not one fight. Them were the days. 8) 😈

Home safe and sound! Why does something that takes 5 or ten minutes in a car take 2 hours to walk home after you’ve had a few?

Our Christmas party last night was a very tame affair. 5 pints of lager and in bed alone by midnight. I didn’t take a colleague up on her suggestion that I get her pregnant because apparently I make nice babies.

Why does something that takes 5 or ten minutes in a car take 2 hours to walk home after you’ve had a few?

Cars go faster I reckon.

when your colleague who has been sinking beers to mix with his medication for a number of mental issues decides to say something very racist to the biggest bloke in the pub and you need to bundle him out of there, it took 4 of us to get him into a taxi, one pulling him in the rest of us pushing, needless to say those of us outside the taxi didn’t get in. Said colleague was then found running through the hotel corridors banging on peoples doors threatening to kill them.
This was after the year he got so pissed he pissed himself then didn’t notice and tried to pick a fight with the 60 year old guy in the team.

To say my old boss couldn’t deal with HR issues was a bit of an understatement.

Works xmas parties at my old place were usually fairly mild afairs meal a few beers and the guys that got on well going out for a fairly normal night out as mates afterwards. However my first xmas party at my new place in OZ…

Only 4 staff at our office plus a PA we borrow off a sister company three days a week so the ‘party’ is a lunch at a nice restaurant and a few bottles of wine with a few of the directors etc. This went well, fun, fairly restrained, slightly alcoholic but relatively sensible.

Afterwards about half of us went on to a bar for a couple. At some point myself and the MD, both of us who had possibly managed to get the lions share of the wine at lunch became separated from the rest and went on a bit of a mission (turns out everyone else was just on the otherside of the bar and saw us stagger out purposefully on a mission to find more alcohol when the bar stopped serving us…) This is late afternoon.

We we subsequently refused service in the bar/restaurant that we had lunch at and ended up at the Belgium beer cafe in Perth CBD where they have a selection of fine (if rather strong) trappist beers. Myself and my MD proceed to sample a number of these and tell anyone we spoke to that we worked for a competing company…

The night ended when as a combined effort we fell through a table and we asked to leave. At about 9pm.

The next day I was 3.5hrs late for work, spent an hour with my head on my desk before being sick again and having to go home. The Flight back to the UK that night was less than fun. Thank the universe for diazepam.

This year I intend to be more restrained and not let my MD lead me astray.

We we subsequently refused service in the bar/restaurant that we had lunch at and ended up at the Belgium beer cafe in Perth CBD where they have a selection of fine (if rather strong) trappist beers. Myself and my MD proceed to sample a number of these and tell anyone we spoke to that we worked for a competing company…

mmmm I know that one beer with double digit abv….

BBC is a very bad place if you intend to have a few, and use your body or mind the following day. Or your credit card for the next month…

I can think of a few female collegues who wouldn’t say a BBC is a bad place to be 😉

one_happy_hippy – Member
…Belgium beer cafe in Perth CBD

Do you still have to hand over a shoe as insurance for the safe return of your glass?

Numpty colleague fell into the Thames while drunk and suited; he was pulled out by a police launch, much to the embarrassment of his lovely mother, who also worked for the company.

Never ever get drunk with someone present who pays your mortgage.

My spouse pays my mortgage 🙁

had mine last friday…went ok apart from the fact that we had booked the entire restaurant only to be told on the day that they had booked in some other parties at the same time as ours so we would have to share the venue…the manager of the place was a bit of a knob. it then transpired that one of the girls knew of him and pointed out that he had a linkedin profile which listed him as a director for a porn site….cue everyone researching this on their phones before covertly taking the piss out of him and his stupid ponytail!! another colleague attended while on current mat leave and proceeded to get well and truly shitfaced making very inappropriate comments to everyone…this got worse as we visited a few bars afterwards…i then decided to leave them to it before it got out of hand…still waiting for the full story to surface

oh and the thing with the nurse did happen…they got married a few years later

Just this morning I’ve been chatting to a lady from the office next door. They had xmas night out last night – turns out she ended up joy riding a golf buggy around the site at 1am. Good effort.

Ok, so working from the other end as I have been the venue of many a Xmas party here goes for a top ten of what me and my various teams down the years have had to deal with…

10 – toilet roll fights
9 – beer fights
8 – food fights
7 – piss fights – just the boys on this one
6 – broken toilets and sinks, generally used as staging posts for sex
5 – in flagrante, blowjobs, sometimes in full view of the function room
4 – in flagrante, full penetration, just out of full view, like under the table
3 – in flagrante, threesomes – not in full view, yet
2 – huge punch ups
1 – and a Stabbing in a pear tree, well not really but in the car park.

I am not a fan of Xmas party nights as such and no longer work at the above venue. Thankfully.

I have lived such a sheltered existence.

I hate them. All of the moany negative staff get shiters and go ooooon and ooooon about how this is crap and how that is crap. If I’m drinking; I don’t want to talk about work. Normally some boring activity organised by the unadventurous admin staff which nobody wants to do.
Went to the wifes one year and some arsehole make a remark about MrsW’s boobs, so I invited him to continue the conversation outside. Luckily he declined but her invitation no longer says “+1” which I’m very happy about.
I miss the Army Xmas do’s; they were epic! One included a normally mild mannered lance jack banging the OC clean out. Another ended in a local “lady” doing rounds of the lines. I wouldn’t want to put a number on the amount of times she got backscuttled that night.

7 years ago at the Xmas party some random bird from another department jumped me and we had a bit of a snog. We’ve been married a year now.

Last year I missed the last train and with nowhere to stay I stayed out, then missed the first train and eventually made it home at 11am the next day. One of my colleagues ended up in hospital but I didn’t notice at the time.