WWSTWD – growing resentment towards wife and daughter…

Viewing 16 posts - 81 through 96 (of 96 total)
  • WWSTWD – growing resentment towards wife and daughter…
  • TheBrick
    Member

    If it flys, floats or **** hire it don’t buy it.

    To me if the horse takes you from having some spare income to bills in = bills out you can’t afford it. I know plenty of people do unfortunately have to live like this but as soon as you can take the chance of savings for a rainy day etc you should grab it as that is where freedom is. Wealth is not absolute but a measure of in Vs out, of independence, you are in effect choosing to be poor, loads of people are unfortunately in this situation but don’t join them by choice.

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    I’m on the fence.

    If this is you moaning you can’t afford a new bike because you committed horsing around for your daughter, tough luck.

    If your family are in financial dire straights and things like mortgage, bills and food are tough to find, there has to be a sensible discussion about finances, and “extras” like Horse and associated stuff would be the first on the list to go to someone else who’d like to look after it.

    mickmcd
    Member

    The godfather

    Totally agree with the other posts – time for your daughter to pay her way in all of this. It’s also time for the pony to pay it’s way

    Do your bikes “pay their way”?

    It’s really sad how many selfish ****holes there are on here, and worrying that a good percentage are parents. I feel sorry for your kids.

    sarawak
    Member

    The horse has to go. You can’t afford it. Don’t say your daughter won’t like it. There are lots of things in life she won’t like. What is the horse doing? Letting other parents know how wonderful you are in providing one, or letting daughter tell everyone on Facebook about her horse? Horses cost. A lot. Money and time.
    You and your missus are arguing. No surprise there. Is that all you argue about? If so sell the horse and get back on an even keel. If there are more deep rooted problems then get divorced. After a divorce there will be no money for a horse. So the horse has to go. End of.
    You will get a weekend of tantrums from the little one, but it seems like the tail is wagging the dog in your household.

    cbike
    Member

    Rent the horse out? make it subsidise itself. I do this for bicycles. Daughter needs to get a job to subsidise. I did this to fund sailing dinghies.

    Have a financial review and include daughters education plans. Sell some luxury goods, reel in internet and phone and holidays.

    Bunnyhop
    Member

    I can understand where you are coming from.

    My parents had to put up with me, a horse mad daughter. To get my fix I helped out at the local stables and rode ponies on the days that the owners couldn’t.
    After pleading and begging the answer was no.

    At the age of 17 I was working full time and saved and finally bought my own pony. It was ridiculously expensive – vets bills, farriers bills, food, equipment etc and the pony was kept out at grass.
    In the end I sold her due to the cost (there was no money for going out, or any of the normal things that teenagers or girls in their early twenties normally do).

    I was glad my parents said no because I couldn’t have lived with the fact I was stopping them from paying bills or having the odd holiday.

    I would wait until your grieving wife has had some time, sit both her and your daughter down and explain how you feel.
    Your daughter should be paying as much keep as possible for the animal.

    In time she may outgrow horses and get into boys (or girls) and you can start planning for your future.

    I know many on here think that your daughter is entitled to happiness but this is a huge price to pay. Also someone mentioned dancing or ice skating lessons, really these hobbies are no where near the cost of keeping a pony/horse.

    taxi25
    Member

    It’s really sad how many selfish ****holes there are on here, and worrying that a good percentage are parents. I feel sorry for your kids.

    Rubbish post of the week, do you give up everything to indulge you children in their hobby ? If you do your sense of values is seriously astray. Kids have their whole lifetime ahead of them. They can indulge themselves if and when they can afford it. Buying things for them you can’t afford only risks making them spoilt and entitled.

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    As per taxi25, what a silly thing to say.  As much as I’d offer my children every thing I could afford, food in thier mouths is more important and they’ve life lessons to learn. The bank of mum and dad will not be there for ever.

    OP has already said that they’re not struggling, that this is just “spare” money being used up. Also, has everyone missed that the daughter has a job to help pay costs, and is so committed that this is what she plans to do as a career? I can tell you first-hand that the bond you get with a horse you own and care for every single day is far in excess of that you get from just going to a riding school. It’s equivalent to the bond you get with your dog (I know, we have several of each) – they become your friend, your companion, and sometimes the reason you get up and keep going every day.

    You know what, if this were bikes that she were into nobody would bat an eyelid – driving up and down the country to races, costs of race entries, bike maintenance, and so on. It’s because it’s horses and all of the negative connotations that go along with it.

    In addition, the OP has stated that because of his historical involment with equestrianism he no longer wants anything to do with that world, nor does he want his daughter to. This isn’t about money at all, this is about his issue with it that he’s taking out on her.

    From what has been posted, the daughter seems completely level-headed, adult, responsible, committed, dedicated, hardworking, and the rest – surely these are things that should be fostered and encouraged? If this means not getting to go on a foreign holiday or overpaying the mortgage for a few years whilst supporting the child you chose to have in their desired live, then yeah, suck it up. The OP is acting like a spoiled child because the daughter loves something he doesn’t want her to, and can’t have his fancy holiday. Don’t like it? Don’t have kids.

    Premier Icon Rubber_Buccaneer
    Subscriber

    Horses. Fastest way to turn money into shit

    Rubbish post of the week, do you give up everything to indulge you children in their hobby ? If you do your sense of values is seriously astray. Kids have their whole lifetime ahead of them. They can indulge themselves if and when they can afford it. Buying things for them you can’t afford only risks making them spoilt and entitled.

    I’d say your post is rubbish, they already have the horse. The child has been indulged. Selling something she loves would be a big mistake. I never had a horse but if my mum had decided to sell my dog when I was a kid I’d have never forgiven her.

    Premier Icon Daffy
    Subscriber

    I really feel for the OP in this. It’s not something he asked for or wanted and it has now become the single, dominant issue in the house, where decisions on what is done, when and why are driven by, “but, what about the horse?”

    I have no idea as to the OPs financial status, but £450/m (livery+bills+ancillary items) is a hefty proportion of a family income, in-line with the total food bill or total other bills (CT, water, gas, electric, BB, TV License, car tax, etc) in the house. That’s a hell of a lot of money to spend on fripperies/indulgence.

    You need to have a decent chat with all of the women in your life and explain this and ask them to form a solution/compromise.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    Got to say I agree that the die is cast now, the time to say no has been missed – for better or worse.

    Did we get any indication of how long Dobbin is expected to live?

    I have a lot of sympathy for you OP and I think you should raise the issue with your wife, but with an open mind rather than showing her the website for the glue factory IYKWIM.

    TiRed
    Member

    Ponies are cheaper than drugs. Be thankful she has a serious interest that will keep her occupied and focussed for the future and one your wife can live vicariously. It will be a close bond that might help stabilise what seems to a usually rocky mother-daughter relationship period.

    Sorry about the crv. That’s just bad luck, but seriously. It’s not anywhere near as bad as you think.

    Want bad? We gave my 16yo a flying lesson for his birthday. I will be working another extra 10 years to pay for his training for a commercial license. Ponies are cheap by comparison. Your month buys less than 90 minutes.

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