To go with the “are you famous” thread that pops up now and again…

please provide your amusing stories of drunken shenanigans…

Rik’s girlfriend’s best mate.

Actually, no, scratch that… 😉

not me but my mate in uni. On a walk home he decided to walk on this wall
We turn around and see he’s no longer on the wall. he’s falled off the wall, down the embankment and onto the pavement.
leg broken just above the ankle and just below the knee…

Rik’s girlfriend.

Get very drunk on blue Vodka, showered an old man in shredded leaflets from a passing train, got on another train, threw up over the floor, pulled the emergency stop before we left, then did it again whilst the train was moving, got caught, got away with it. The guard was very understanding at the time. I was lucky not to get arrested. Rather embarassed at my behaviour. Never drank vodka again.

Left a new years party happily drunk about 1am, walked halfway across a frozen loch, heard lots of ice cracking noises, retreated from whence I came back to the shore. Was suddenly rather sober once on tera firma.

Rik

Rik 😳

EDIT – beaten to it!

Thought Rik was a bit tired.

When I was 17 I told Justin Hawkins that I’d got cooler shoes than him 8) I think that we were both wearing pink converse though!

Waking up in a bed of my own blood, piss, vomit and shit,
Needless to say I can no longer tolerate the smell let alone the taste of Jack Daniels.

Drugs? Chatted up the missus, not realising it was the missus, told her all sorts of dirty things then got in a fight with a perfectly innocent guy.

I hit my rock bottom early on, I’m grateful for that.

Oh Rik, when will you learn? 🙁

Waking up in a bed of my own blood, piss, vomit and shit

No semen?

I drove while blind drunk. Like – 10+ pints or more

I was young, just out of university and was visiting my uni town for a reunion. I’d paid for all day parking in a uni car park but you’re not allowed to park overnight, and the university security used to ticket you if you did for about a £5 or £10 fine. I’d intended to go and meet mates, have a pint and then move it but totally forgot until I was 9 sheets to the wind. In defence, I moved it about 50 yards, out of the car park onto street parking, in the early hours of Sunday morning with no-one in sight to avoid a fiver fine, which I realised with horror in the morning how stupid that was and have (honestly) NEVER been close to drink driving again.

I did also make a dreadful error of judgement in not furthering english-french relationships on a ski trip because I was having too much of a laugh with mates but that’s water under the bridge now. She was beautiful and by all accounts, extremely dirty with it. Ah well……

Rik’s mum

Waking up in a bed of my own blood, piss, vomit and shit

No semen?

guess he managed to keep that down 😈

An older woman. She gave me a bike to ride home on afterwards.

her daughter?

On a rugby tour one of the guys in the group was about 10 minutes in front of us totally smashed. He couldn’t open the gate to the hotel (he pushed instead of pulling, I guess that gives you an idea of how drunk) decided to scale the chain fence surrounding the hotel but the fence snagged on his trousers. Being drunk he thought sod it and just swung over and tore his trousers only it wasn’t just snagged on his trousers. 12 stitches later on his crown jewels later he returned to the hotel wearing a nappy.
Superb story which is always good fun at parties.

Kidnap Shergar….

bored, horny and drunk, working away, I chatted up a mature lady in a pub, we went back to hers.

She wasn’t a lady…

Fallen asleep on the job!

her on top, so relaxing… I got such a slap for that! 😆

She wasn’t a lady…

Was she Rik?

samuri did you go through with it?

Drove in Majorca after drinking

My ‘mate’ (basically an arrogant nobhead who is no longer my mate) had the keys to the hire car and was determined to drive us back to the villa and couldn’t walk in a straight line

After about an hour of arguing and trying to get the keys off him I eventually agreed to drive the 10 mins back to the villa

I’d only drank about 3 beers, but I’m a lightweight and pretty sure I would have been over the limit 😳

Also have 2 other drunken stories that aren’t sharable 😯

Riks mum while Rik watched and cranked

A particularly accommodating girl who become known to my friends as Ugly Sarah (Says it all really….) Only I actually thought that at 3am that as there were no taxis, I’d skate (inline style) to her house for a drunken fumble. Sadly, I lived on a bloody big hill. I properly smashed myself up, but still managed to get my carcass to her house!

Not drunk, but one bank holiday monday in the very early nineties, driving home to Blackpool from an allnighter in Warrington. I had been out Friday, Saturday and the allnighter on the Sunday night so not slept for 72 hours and taken a multitude of drugs culminating in 3 Flatliners on the Sunday night. Apparently these were full of Ketamine. Fast forward to reversing my van out of the remains of a bus stop in Blackpool, van written off. Apparently I had just dropped of the lad in the passenger seat who was white with fear from the trip home. Perhaps as well otherwise he would have been dead.

Not proud of that and it was the turning point in my life. Packed in clubbing and drugs more or less straight afterwards.

Oh and shit the bed when I was 16 after a load of whiskey. Big massive turd too, must have taken ages to squeeze out in my slumber.

I once went on a blind date with a lass a mutual mate had thoughtfully set me up with. To say she was a tad rough was an understatement, for she proceeded to drink me into oblivion and then picked a fight with a bloke on the next table, who wisely skulked off in fear. She had a voice that had a default volume of 95 decibels and announced that she’d taken quite a shine to me.

The entire night I was trying to be polite whilst formulating an escape plan. The idea was to avoid causing my mate any bother or to avoid seeing this lass again. And I got drunker…and drunker.

The next morning I became aware of the most horrendous headache, closely followed by a taste in my mouth that suggested a large and no so recently deceased badger had spent the night in it. Now this in itself isn’t an unheard of occurrence as it had happened a good few times over the years.

My mind started to repeat a mantra over and over again “Please let me be on my mate’s sofa”…

…I opened my eyes and immediately wished I hadn’t. Simultaneously I felt a wave of regret, self loathing, denial and no small measure of fear – a subtle blend of emotion I shudder to recall even now, a decade on.

Gak.

The mutual friend and I are no longer in touch.

I shot the sheriff

Actually, this one isn’t one of mine but I witnessed it and it’s too good not to share.

As a teenager, I used to live in a well known garrison town in Southeast England and I used to frequent the local dive of a nightclub, resplendent in sticky carpets that smelled of cheese and too much pink neon.

After having a skinful, I needed to drain the inevitable beer reservoir so I skulked off to the lavs. While washing hands afterwards I couldn’t help but overhear the banter from a group of shaven headed lads all sporting Glasgow accents who were also using the facilities.

“Ah jus’ shat meself” slurred one, who then promptly turned and dropped his trousers to prove it.

Much hilarity ensued.

An hour later, much more hilarity ensued when I saw our defecating friend in the arms of a female nemesis from my schooldays as they grappled with one another during a slow song. I watched the spectacle over the shoulder of another lass, as the girl gleefully groped the bloke’s cack-caked backside whilst snogging his face off.

She was forever known as “S****y-hands Kate” after that.

No semen?
guess he managed to keep that down

Your due me a new keyboard!

😆

Rik while Rik’s mum watched and cranked

I would, but…

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/deleting-stw-account#post-4805723

… and I haven’t got any, honest. I’ve never seen a plastic fist. We didn’t meet any truckers. EVERYTHING WAS FINE

samuri did you go through with it?

Nope, at the moment of epithany, his/her boyfriend came home. I recognised him immediately from the pub we were in and I wondered why he’d been glaring at us. A massive argument began immediately and I’m not sure if he’d arrived too early, i.e. he was supposed to join us halfway through or if we’d been tardy and he was supposed to come back after we’d finished.

Anyway, I suspected the best course of action was to leave at that point.

Drove into a dead end pissed in my work van at 18, glad it happened no one hurt (apart from van ) and I’ve never drove over the limit since..

Went on a bender when 17 yrs old with a mate after his booze run to france, i only remember going to meet him , i then woke up next day in intensive care in a rather bad way after alcohol poisoning and knocking myself out. Luckily 2 girls i knew found me unconcious after hitting my head, mum n dad were not even allowed into the treatment room as i had to be resuscitated , apparently docs were convinced i had taken drugs too which i didnt. Stopped drinking after that for a year and still really struggle with the smell of whiskey.

Once got mullered on a night out and got chucked out of a pub for placing my manhood in a ladies ear, it was a dare game gone too far.

Crazy Helen, she was great, but mad as a box of frogs, and I’m a connoisseur of mental women.

I think there may have been a clue in her nickname.

BJ from an ex, not realising her new boyfriend (who was older and a bin-man so obviously harder than me) was downstairs, the same night i managed to spell ‘help’ (on the roof)in soggy toilet roll dropped out the window in the loft as i threw up out the window with several girls rubbing my back gently, at the same time a guy with ginger dreadlocks was singing an improvised song about me throwing up.

my parents got me that drunk, and any damage to the house during that party was largely negated by their wise idea to remove all the carpets before the party and make toast for all the stoned people at 4am.

i can only remember about 6-7 minutes of the whole night

Phil’s the winner right there!