US cars are a product of their environment. Old ones are shit

I’d forgotten about american cars. tbf a lot of their new ones are shit too: Ford f100, dodge magnum or anything built on ford’s panther platform (crown victoria, lincoln town car) all vie for the accolade of biggest piece of shit, yet they’re so proud of them – people aspire to own a lincoln town car! WTAF?

There’s also the whole swathe of instantly forgettable brown korean junk that any hire car company will happily chuck your way in North America. Herz in Ottawa once gave me an auto daewoo lanos for two weeks in February. Sadly in Ontario, despite it being about -10 most of the time (you can skate on the canal through the city), winter tyres weren’t compulsory. I drove it over the border into Québec and on up to Tremblant for the weekend. It fell off the road twice.

Ford Zodiac Mk3, the only car I have ever driven where you had to start turning steering wheel five minutes before you got to the corner.

Peugeot 108 – was given one as a courtesy car and it was horrific; small (less useful inside than my other half’s MINI), slow, awful gear change, clutch with no feel / vague biting point, not entirely sure that the steering wheel and front wheels were actually connected! It was a truly hateful car.

The Peugeot 208 I was also given wasn’t too far behind it – horrible gear change, clutch with no feel, annoying menu for the infotainment system, poor driving position. The only good thing was Apple Car Play.

Worst car I’ve ever driven was a Renault Megan, the one that had the weird bay window/big arse. We had one as a hire car for a snowboarding trip, sodding thing never stopped beeping at you – was infuriatingly shit.

Thankfully it was smashed into a bollard on its return to Geneva never to be seen again.

I once hired a Saturn SUV where the driver’s seat wasn’t pointing quite forward. Annoying after a few thousand miles, that was.

The MG TF being bobbins doesn’t surprise me. The thing started out on a Metro floorpan, with the front subframe substituted at the back so allow the engine to fit amidships. Early cars had hydragas suspension which was a staple of British cars during the late 1970s.

Later, I believe that instead of euthanizing it, which would have been the kindest thing by far, MG went so far as to engineer dinky springs and dampers to fit.

Rover Group have fair claim to the title of shittiest car ever. The Allegro was an object lesson in how not to allow cash-strapped engineering departments dictate the design of a car and how not to market a VW Golf competitor. The follow on Maestro went one further and started out with a VW Polo sourced torsion bean rear suspension that was strengthened to cope until it was copied and used with the Maestro/Montego. The reputation of those cars was permanently hobbled by quality control problems (painted bumpers which flaked paint, the voice warning system that regularly went into a gibbering fit, electrical problems, rampant corrosion, terrible build quality).

Then you’ve got those Rover 800s, which were clones of the Honda Legend, without being anywhere near as well made or good.

hired a VW Touran (last minute “upgrade, never again will I travel with a massive bike box) and I never did figure out the “parking” button, versus the “auto handbrake” button (no actual handbrake) and why sometimes the thing would randomly refuse to change out of reverse or first regardless of what was done with the gear lever. I’m okay with logic puzzles etc, tried everything but was left utterly baffled. Not confidence inspiring on Picos roads.

Ford Orion – we had one as a pool car BITD. Awful to steer – heavy/unresponsive- bastid to park.

I drove one as a hire car when on my placement in ’92, hated driving it – I only had my Renault 14 to compare it to though (not a great car but I liked driving it!). The crazy thing was my boss decided to buy one for himself as he liked the company hire car so much.

…the worst Car in the world … was the MG TF 160.

When I had my Puma I decided TFs were my enemy and tried to race them whenever I saw them…. I’ve grown up now.

When I had my Puma I decided TFs were my enemy and tried to race them whenever I saw them…. I’ve grown up now.

If ever there was a lesson in making a small, cheap to buy car cool and fun to drive the Puma was it.

We had a few of those for pool / demo cars too and they were bloody brilliant, 1.4 or 1.7 it didn’t matter, I still think they look good now (sadly they rust which means there aren’t many left) almost the exact opposite of the TF in every way – it was really a tarted up fiesta, a small FWD shopping car in a dress, but it drove beautifully. It wasn’t fast per-se I think it was about 9 seconds 0-60 but it felt faster. Loved Pumas.

Surely the correct answer is “Anything sold by Arnold Clark”

If ever there was a lesson in making a small, cheap to buy car cool and fun to drive the Puma was it.

We had a few of those for pool / demo cars too and they were bloody brilliant, 1.4 or 1.7 it didn’t matter, I still think they look good now (sadly they rust which means there aren’t many left) almost the exact opposite of the TF in every way – it was really a tarted up fiesta, a small FWD shopping car in a dress, but it drove beautifully. It wasn’t fast per-se I think it was about 9 seconds 0-60 but it felt faster. Loved Pumas.
Agreed – had the 1.7 myself and never drove the 1.4 to compare, but the Yamaha engine (or Kawasaki – I can never remember) was great. It was also the first car I ever owned from new so it has a special place in my heart 🙂

Anything, simply anything by Ford or Vauxhall currently. They are all built to an exacting budget, and look and feel like that whatever you are in.

We had a few of those for pool / demo cars too and they were bloody brilliant, 1.4 or 1.7 it didn’t matter, I still think they look good now (sadly they rust which means there aren’t many left) almost the exact opposite of the TF in every way – it was really a tarted up fiesta, a small FWD shopping car in a dress, but it drove beautifully. It wasn’t fast per-se I think it was about 9 seconds 0-60 but it felt faster. Loved Pumas.

Oh really? I had mine 9 years and never saw any rust.

Not fast accelerating but it went around corners fast if you had the balls – and it recovered nicely from a skid…. I’ve grown up now.

They rusted through on the rear arches.

Diesel Metro, 1.3 Escort MkV, auto Corsa all have a special place in my heart for being especially shit.

Surely it’s an easy win for the hateful, lethal, and it’s-so-c**ppy_it’s_not_even_really_a_car_car G-Wiz!

I’ve put quite a few miles on a silver one just like the picture and I rather liked it. Yes it is tiny, it struggles to reach 40mph, the suspension is crap. However I still found it fun to drive, it was cheap and suprisingly quite reliable and applying for the tax disk renewal was a sheer pleasure.

So in true STW heres mine

Pug 306 Roland Garros 1.6 petrol /head gasket / electrics /wheel bearings / brakes

Loved the car to look at and the interior was nice ,white leather on green seats (vom) spent close to 1000s on it in the end thank god it got stolen a true bag of French shite and the reason would rather take the peasant wagon than drive a French car ever again.

@mudshark

Yes sadly, I think the Kas and Fiesta’s of the same era suffer with the same thing. It starts in the rear inner wings by the time you see it bubbling through on the outside it’s pretty bad. It started to happen at about the 10 year mark when they were getting down in value so a lot ended up being scrapped rather than repaired.

They’re quite old now so I guess only good ones are left.

I once hired a Saturn SUV where the driver’s seat wasn’t pointing quite forward.

Once hired a Nissan Vannette and the seat (which has to be removed for servicing) hadn’t been clipped back on properly after its pre-hire checks. Pulled out quite enthusiastically from the hire depot onto a roundabout and got launched into the back of the van – which was thankfully quite keen on stalling.

Got it all clipped together properly then went to pick up my GF – was explaining the seat incident as we pulled away and discovered her seat hadn’t been clipped in properly either 🙂

From Glasgow to Hastings we didn’t really talk about anything further – the van had a massive (for its size) engine that only made noise rather than progress but was never the less very effective at burning money.

Thankfully it was smashed into a bollard on its return to Geneva never to be seen again.

Says a lot more about about you and the person driving at the time (if not you).

By the time I reached the M25, I had a nagging back ache, because the steering wheel was offset two inches to the left.

I’m glad you said this, as I thought it was just me. Is there a reason for it? My first two cars, a Mk1 Fiesta and a Mk3 Escort did it, I’m sure I’ve had others over the years, and irritatingly I’m currently in a BMW 1-Series which also does it. In the Beemer I’ve to make a conscious effort to shift across into the middle of the seat or I end up with the seat edge digging into my shoulder blade.

My first car was a squits-coloured Allegro, you bastids.

Russet Brown, ITYF. (-:

TBH US cars are a product of their environment. Old ones are shit, but old cars worldwide were shit – especially pre-70s when the Japanese ‘invented’ quality control and reliability.

The thing you’ve got to remember about American cars is, America doesn’t have any corners. They design cars to go in straight lines (though in fairness they often don’t do that very well either).

people aspire to own a lincoln town car! WTAF?

A friend on mine in the US had one of these in the 90s, I think it might even have been his first car. It was bizarre, it had a bench seat up front so you could get three or four people in the front row (or two Americans) and had porridgelastic suspension. He loved it.

Then you’ve got those Rover 800s, which were clones of the Honda Legend, without being anywhere near as well made or good.

I’d completely erased it from my memory until you said that, but I had a Rover 800 fastback for a while. It was at a time when I was out of work, and my then-girlfriend’s dad gave it to me (if I recall correctly he’d been given it as surplus to requirements by a friend of his in the first place). He was a car nut and a full-on Jaguar fanboy, so big old cars that didn’t work properly were his bread and butter.

I don’t actually remember it being all that bad in and of itself, but I’ve always been a sucker for that sort of pseudo-coupé long hatchback design (my favourite car-of-my-youth was the mighty Cavalier). Thing was though, given the age and mileage I think this one’s previous owner might have been Captain Kirk.

Its biggest failing was that it was incontinent, it haemorrhaged coolant. “It’ll be right,” the not-father-in-law told me, “just carry a bottle of water and keep it topped up.” This kinda worked until one fateful day in December when I was driving a poorly girlfriend back home from East Lancashire to South Wales.

It was dark, it was blizzarding, it was about zero degrees Kelvin outside, and I had to get a now very grumpy g/f back home. All the while leaking coolant*. Towards the end of the journey I ran out of water – including the top-up bottles – and as readers probably know, one of the side-effects of falling coolant is that the cabin heater stops working. I generally run hot as a person and I’ve never been as cold in my life. There was nowhere nearby to top up and after a journey from hell I thought “bugger it” and pushed on through the last leg. We got safely back to her house with the car boiling its bollocks off and ran for cover.

#SadlyNotSadly, that was its last journey. With its life blood pissed all the way down the M6, we came back to it the next day to find a very seized engine indeed. I wish it no ill will, it was a lifeline when I was down on my luck, but my god was its last hurrah a miserable few hours.

(* – the car, not the girlfriend)

Same, might have a different opinion now it’s a “classic”, but as an 18 year old it was slow, noisy, uncomfortable and embarrassing.

Funny that, as an 18yr old I can recall driving my parents’ 2CV across a stubble field, at night, the roof rolled back and three mates standing up with shotguns blasting away at rabbits caught in the headlights.

Nothing embarrassing there….

Got to be the Renault Laguna 2004 era.
We had these as supposedly great company cars and within a couple of months at least 3 of them went back in for Gear box or electrical faults. It got to the point at about a year that we pulled the plug with them and went back to astras and vectras… that’s how bad it was.

never did figure out the “parking” button, versus the “auto handbrake” button

Wife’s Golf has this. I think the button turns auto hold on and off, but CBA to find out.

The best bad car ever was a 1.7tdi Mk 4 Astra estate pool car. This was also in the days when the police didn’t go on the M6 toll…

The best bad car ever was a 1.7tdi Mk 4 Astra estate

Had one in the van variant until recently – cheapest to buy, cheapest to run, most fun and surprisingly robust and reliable old shit bucket I’ve ever driven.

I know millions were sold, but an H reg Mk 5 Escort.

It just felt crap. It was pale blue and had blue plastic interior. Had the CVH engine which was rough but reiiable but the gearbox went and seized solid, the steering never gave much feedback and had the turning circle of the queen Mary but the worst part was the brakes were awful.

As it was coming to the end of my time with it, the brakes decided they would start locking up the rear before the front wheels

Says a lot more about about you and the person driving at the time (if not you).

Of course it does poppet 🙄

slow, noisy, uncomfortable and embarrassing.

Sounds like my ex girlfriend.

It remains the only vehicle that I’ve ever spun on the public highway.

You’ve not driven a BMW in the wet then? 🙂

Austin Princess

was Autocar car of the year in the late 70s!

Renault Laguna

-was at my local garage when someone brought one of these in, a 2.2 iirc.Mechanic opened the bonnet and you could not access anything ,the engine was squeezed in that tight.Think you had to unmount the engine for even basic repairs.

The shape of things to come, then.

I spent a good part my later teenage years sat in the passenger seat of my mates Dad’s new state of the art married man’s macho Montego Turbo…….oh yes, 0-60 in 7 seconds British executive 80’s semi sports car, those were the days, except we were mostly sat waiting for the AA van to tow it home.

I give you…. the Nissan Almera!

My first company car. It’s only redeeming feature was a “curry hook” in the passenger footwell:

That “Curry Hook” is a great idea – why don’t all cars have that?

That “Curry Hook” is a great idea – why don’t all cars have that?

Wife’s 2010 Astra had one in the boot. Replacement Golf doesn’t, not does my Avensis.

Funny that, as an 18yr old I can recall driving my parents’ 2CV across a stubble field, at night, the roof rolled back and three mates standing up with shotguns blasting away at rabbits caught in the headlights.

Yeah, that sounds more amusing than trying to get across the South Circular and wondering if you’ll make it before the lights turn.

My first company car a 2CV, absolutely loved it.. and I’m on the search for an original 89′ era one now… most have a Galvanised chassis, and the inevitable boot floor repair…. 😀

mk1 Prius should be up there too. I’d commend it on attempting to save the world but to be honest, I’d rather planet earth died a few years earlier than ever having to travel in one of those ever again. Same could be said about most modern Toyotas I guess.

Mk1 Prius was awesome. We had one at work as a demo of the future. Work was several large roundabouts off the A14. On anything other than bone dry warm Tarmac it would perform a lovely controllable 4 wheel drift at the slightest provocation. The early ones had comically narrow energy saving tyres and a whacking heavy battery right in the middle. They ‘fixed’ this fault by fitting proper tyres. Shame.

Mk1 Prius was not much more than a test bed for hybrid tech I reckon. And it was mostly sold in America where there were few diesels and there was a market for an eco-box.

So as a car it was undoubtedly shite, but it did kick-start a pretty big technological shift, didn’t it? Without the MkI there’d have been no MkII and that sold millions, reset Americans’ expectations of fuel economy, created a demand, and forced other manufacturers to follow. Toyota did that on their tod, fair play to them.

I’d say the crappiest I’ve owned was a late model metro. Whilst it was better than the mini-metro, it was still fairly shit and taught me a lot about roadside repairs.
Had an old high mileage rover 214si though and it was great. I’d have the same again if I was in a similar situation and there were still more about. Almost bought a 218 of similar vintage with the vvc engine but it was a doer upper and I have little time!

Metro

Hands up if you had the hydrogas suspension failure on the road and have to limp a jacked up Metro back to the garage?