- Women, wives in particular!
badllama – Member
globalti speaks very wise truths,
But what happens then is she get wound up to the fact I can remember
you banging my missus? The problem here then is that I get challenged to “my interpretation” of what she means and “do I agree” and if I don’t, then I may as well have killed lots of little children for how much of bad person I am! 🙄
edit to add this seem to happen quite a lot actually and now we have “communication issues” – I tried quoting “don’t cry wolf” – it didn’t go down well.Posted 3 years ago
I always find while watching TV she will to talk about the usual crap so now I just power down the TV and look at her and she goes quiet. I turn it on again and she talking again I’m sure the two are linked by the TV remote in some way
Classic! Soooo true!
Okay here’s another one:
She: “I wonder why bla bla bla bla?”
Gti: “Hmmm… maybe because bla bla bla bla?”
(This might have been, for example, why aren’t the birds singing as loudly today as they did yesterday?)
She: “You don’t really know the answer do you? You’re just bullshitting as usual!”
Now I have learned that the correct answer to any pointless question where I’m not absolutely 100% sure of the correct reply is: “Oooh, I don’t know!” This kills the conversation stone dead and lets me get back to looking at girls’ bottoms on Pinterest.Posted 3 years agoalansd1980Subscriber
om_W1987 – Member
Well. My wife doesn’t moan, is attractive, is intelligent, earns more than me yet is married to me and likes other women as well.
haha **** you all.
They all start out that way, I used to have the same conversation with my married friends before I was married. They just gave me the knowing look and disapproving shake of the head.Posted 3 years ago
Now I understand!deejayenSubscriber
No sign of marriage on the horizon, so probably safe for a few years at least, but what an eye-opening thread! 😯
Surely not every wife exhibits these traits…? 😕
…and what about the wives’ points of view – I wonder if they think their husbands are infuriating and no longer the men they married?Posted 3 years agoTheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTRSubscriber
Just wait till they hit forty and
go properly batshit crazyhave an early menopause
You bunch of poor fools don’t even know what’s coming.
I’m clinging on to the slender hope that this little ‘life experience’ gets itself out of the way and she might be sane again by her 50’s – just when the rest of you are packing to take a stay in the pit of hades.
You think you’ve encountered irrational? Think again boysPosted 3 years ago
The columnist Minette Marrin wrote this a few years ago and I though it was so good that I kept it. It gets better towards the end:
The good wife is an old fashioned realist
How to be a perfect wife is not, you might have thought, a very contemporary question. Decades of feminism have been much more concerned with how to be a perfect career woman, exotic lover, fully fledged fashionista, alpha female and, latterly, yummy mummy; being a wife has been somewhat incidental, even for those who get married or stay married.
Gloomy research appears from time to time, suggesting that when women who try to have it all find they can’t, the first thing they give up on is their husbands, not least on sex with their husbands. That may be partly why two marriages out of three end in divorce and most people don’t marry at all; marriage rates are at their lowest since records began. So was rather quaint to read in The Times last week an article entitled “In search of the good wife”, complete with a questionnaire from 1958. “Do you renew your nail varnish as soon as it chips?” it demands. “Do you go through his clothes every month or so to check on minor repairs? And then do you make them? Would you stay on at a party when you knew he was tired and wanted to go home? Do you use table napkins? Do you know the cheapest cuts of meat? Do you clean your handbag as often as you clean your shoes? Do you resent it when he has a night out with the boys?”
A familiar picture soon emerges of a carefully groomed woman with primped hair and a wasp waist who calms down the children and touches up her lipstick when her husband comes home from work, listens charmingly to his day’s debriefing, and then offers him a well cooked but thrifty dinner. There was a time not so long ago when that would have been simply ridiculous. This traditional vision of matrimonial labour was considered not just laughable but repressive: a woman’s abilities and ambitions were sacrificed to her husband’s, without any security other than his goodwill.
Now, though, it seems that this vision is being revisited, and not only by Stepford wives, or those alarming “surrendered wives” of the American religious right. Ordinary women are at last beginning to realise that feminists, in their passionate rejection of traditional marriage, may have thrown out the man with the bathwater, and that they rather wish they hadn’t. A man, like a woman, needs an incentive to get married and stay married; feminism forgot that, and forgot too that marriage is more in women’s interests than in men’s. So the old fashioned question has become interesting again, at least for women who want to find and keep a husband and realise, increasingly, how difficult that is: what makes a good wife? I think women should start by facing some awkward facts. It’s a mistake in any relationship to insist too much on egalitarian principles. Feminism, understandably, has concentrated too much on women’s rights and, by extension, too much on husbands’ duties. Why, on top of working long hours and forsaking all others, would a man put out the garbage and change the nappies for a woman who is too busy with her own career and too tired by her own schedule to bother much about him? Or, to be blunt, to have sex with him? It may be his duty to put up and shut up and keep on doing the late night feeds and the early morning commuting, but it’s hardly very appealing. Nor is insisting on these duties a very clever way of trying to hold on to a husband, if that is what a woman wants.
One hard fact a would-be wife has to face — and I was absolutely horrified to realise this myself — is that it’s not possible for a married couple to have two demanding jobs and children and a good relationship. Something has to give. If the relationship has to be neglected, then the marriage will fail, which will be very bad for the children. If the children are neglected, then the marriage is worthless anyway.
So something must give on the work front and this is probably, for many women, the price of being a good wife and having a good marriage. Unless a couple are extremely well paid, and have plenty of domestic help, her brilliant career will have to be less brilliant for a while; she will have to spend some time in the Mummy lane. It could, of course, be the other way round. But another harsh truth is that alpha males won’t stay at home in the Daddy lane and nor will plenty of other males of all descriptions; they refuse to be ersatz housewives. They would rather not get married, and as the figures show, increasingly they aren’t, and increasingly, if they are, they move out. So rule number one for a wife is to forget about equal rights and entitlements. Think instead about motivation. When you want to please your child, or your lover, you think hard about what might make them happy and then do it. It’s not a chore, or even if it is that hardly matters; it’s an act of love or of loyalty. Yet strangely, in marriage this obvious motivational technique seems to wither away with the wedding flowers. Women are convinced it is their right not to have sex when they don’t feel like it, and it is a man’s duty to wash up, though he hates it — and so it is, of course. But that’s not the point. Granny was right; never say no, and never nag.
I think that my generation, and later ones even more so, have been led astray by romantic 1960s notions of sincerity and authenticity; it began to be believed that in the name of existential good faith and psychological well being individuals ought always to act and speak in accordance with their feelings — telling it like is and letting it all hang out. So sex without passionate desire — the boffe de politesse of a kindly marriage — is inauthentic.
Similarly, talking without expressing all one’s resentments and expectations and anxieties is a kind of insincerity, or dishonesty even. But this rather adolescent attitude is entirely at odds with the tolerance, discretion and generosity of body and spirit needed in a good marriage.
Husbands are mostly quite simple. Generally, what they want is unlimited, enthusiastic sex, constant reassurance, good food and plenty of freedom, of at least three of these four. Some can be trained to be very helpful domestically and some even enjoy it; but most are not bred for it. But they have many excellent and endearing qualities; the rewards of living with a well-motivated husband, if not quite above rubies, are very considerable, high though the price may be.Posted 3 years agobadnewzMember
Husbands are mostly quite simple. Generally, what they want is unlimited, enthusiastic sex, constant reassurance, good food and plenty of freedom, of at least three of these four. Some can be trained to be very helpful domestically and some even enjoy it; but most are not bred for it.
Sex – local hooker. Reassurance – local hooker. Good food – local restaurant. Freedom – local bike trails. Bosh!Posted 3 years ago
Interesting websites. Both writers make the simple mistake of actually arguing with their GFs. I don’t argue about anything because I know that my grasp of semantics is not good enough to win. Therefore I just bite my lip, say nothing and store it up for the future.
One thing I have stored up is that many years ago, she admitted in an unguarded moment that on the extremely rare occasions when I do reach the end of my tether and lose my rag, she finds it frightening. She even said that she finds it frightening when I lose my temper with other people. I pretended not to hear her but I noted it carefully and I don’t lose my temper; I just quietly bide my time knowing I’ve got that available to me as the ultimate weapon to be used only in moments of extreme need.Posted 3 years ago
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