Flapjackie – you are one brave lassie posting this on a male dominated forum, well done. Guys, it is fact of life that the female body undergoes changes once we reach a certain age and we have to make adaptations.
Having had similar discomfort “down there” I sympathise with you Flapjackie. To achieve maximum comfort I have changed to a lay back seat post and shorted my stem. All my saddles have been changed to Selle Italia which offer firm support with a bit of flex.
It is very important that the saddle is completely horizontal and using a spirit level is great for this. I suggest you position the saddle so that you are sat on your sit bones. Bedding in the sit bones is painful and will take about three 2 hour rides with a 48 hour break in between each ride for the pain on the sit bones to go away. Sitting on sit bones takes away any pressure that you are currently experiencing on your flappy bits!
Achieving comfort down there is very personal and yes, selle italia saddles are expensive. I’ve bought mine from ebay second hand and have found some excellent bargains if you are prepared to wait for them to come along. It is money well spent and worth the extra cost.
ps: love the way you posted this thread after the 10pm water shed last night.