- Wife / partner inflicted injuries
I was going about getting ready for my cycle this morning when I ended up hopping about the room swearing like a trooper with a sewing needling stuck into the ball of my foot, blunt end first. It hit a bone thankfully, so not right through. Wife hears the commotion and comes upstairs “Oh I was sewing yesterday I must have dropped that.” And then goes off to work. It had managed to get wedged upright in the gap between the floor boards. Anyone else living in fear of their partner?Posted 5 years ago
My g/f preferred reading and tv material is thriller/murder mysteries, her favorite saying is “I know 10 ways to kill you without leaving a trace”.. she’s also a health professional. I’ve stopped worry about it and resigned myself to disappearing one day without a trace 😯Posted 5 years agoSoloMember
Very, very unlikely. She is always nagging me not to walk around the house in bare feet, this could just be part of that.
Whatever you say, love bird. But I recon you’ve just received a punishment.Posted 5 years ago
Your wife probably rushed out the door to work, to prevent you seeing laugh her ass off, at you.cookeaaSubscriber
Anyone else living in fear of their partner?
Constantly, the latest episode was interesting, apparently I was snoring (due to the cold she brought home form work)…
I’m a heavy sleeper so rather than wake me and ask me to roll over or even send me downstairs to sleep on the sofa, she gets a big old blob of vaporub and (in the pitch dark) apparently tried to rub it under my nose, reasoning that this would clear my airways and stop the snoring…
Except she managed to rub most of it it in my Right eye, the following morning I looked like I’d lost a fight, and my work colleagues didn’t believe my story that it was due to a 3:00 am mini chemical attack from the ball and chain…
Her combination of woman-logic and non-existent organizational skills verges on deadly, apparently my primary role is to compensate for that…Posted 5 years agoklumpyMember
Washing the bikes down after a poodle at Haldon, my other half playfully sprayed me in the face from point blank range.
With a jetwash.
(*Yes yes I know, jetwashes dissolve mountain bikes, but they let you have ten mins on one at Haldon for a few quid so I saw no harm in a quick rinse remembering to stand well back.)Posted 5 years ago
I was once accused of losing a small paring knife.
I didn’t lose it, but I did find it. Sharp pointy end pointing upwards in one of my Speh Defrosters (which was not far from the dishwasher). I found it with my foot.
= your winter boots are rank. Keep them out of the kitchen.Posted 5 years agohowsyourdad1Subscriber
my now ex girlfriend embroided a pillow or cushion or something. After she had finished , a few days later i slept on it, opened my eyes with my head still on the pillow and millimetres from my eyeball was a needle poking right through that she had ‘forgotten’ to removePosted 5 years agorendoMember
OP, that happen to me when i was about 8yo. but it went in sharp end first and snapped at the skin to leave just a dot on my foot, no-one could understand why i was in so much pain, went into about the bone. because it snapped it wasn’t possible to grip the needle to pull it out. went to a+e and the had to slice my foot to get at it, was left with about an inch scar.
prior to the accident, my brother and i had been told to pick them up after our mother had dropped them, so it was our own fault we missed a few.Posted 5 years agotazzymtbMember
was stabbed twice by an ex with a pair of scissors, she may have had slight anger management issues. It’s very difficult to not fight back when you’ve got a pair of Ernest wrights finest sticking out of you, but i was brought up to not hit a lady. 😕
suffice to say that one was left rapidly and was a steep learning curve for a 19 year old me, that basically all women are mental and want to kill you, just some are more obvious about it!Posted 5 years agodudeofdoomSubscriber
weird one here…
Mrs DoD was emptying a bathroom wicker bin and as I was walking up stairs and managed to generate enough of a blast from it to blow a black wicker wood splinter into the White of my eye 🙁
Had to go to eye hospital to get it removed…..not the greatest of fun but was happy when theyed got it out.
basically nurse put me in a headlock and poked eye with a special tipped stick. it really hurt the next day.Posted 5 years agofunkmasterpSubscriber
In fourteen years of living in fear with Mrs Funkmaster she has shut the car boot on my head twice, one of which involved quite a bit of blood, serious headache and vomiting. She also attempted to drown me once on holiday under the guise of ‘helping’ me to swim.
I can’t complain though as i have jabbed her in the eye several times, practised wrestling / martial arts moves on her and can’t resist placing teaspoons on her arm straight after stirring a brew. Never gets old that one 😈Posted 5 years agobigblackshedSubscriber
The Wife has been trying to claim on the life insurance for approx 20 years. It normally involves hitting me around the head with whatever’s to hand, hand tools generally.
Most painful and memorable was when she was heavily pregnant with Boy2. She used to use me as a human body pillow in bed to get comfy. One night she put her knee down to roll over, pinning my testicles to the mattress. I folded in half, fell out of bed and promptly threw up. Not only did I have testicles the colour and size of over ripe Victoria plums, I had to clear up my own vomit.
Thanks love. 🙄Posted 5 years agoWillHMember
Can’t think of anything she’s done to me, but I did once fracture her cheek. She was lying in bed, on her left side, facing the edge of the bed. I was on the other side of the bed, lying on my back. She decided to roll over and give me a kiss. Only problem was I’d just started a stretch & yawn combo, had both arms folded double – fists directly above my shoulders, elbows pointed outwards.
She basically face-butted the point of my left elbow. Big cracking noise, followed by screams of pain.
She had a black eye for a week, took great joy in telling people she’d walked into a door, and flinched every time I moved towards her…Posted 5 years ago
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