You need to watch the Harry Enfield clip women know your place

I also have to unplug the microwave…the thing has a clock on it that starts at 12:00.

“So you used the microwave 2 hours ago did you”

Yes, very clever…you’re like Poirot. I’ll make sure I switch it off next time.

I’ll make sure I switch it off next time.

Amateur 🙂

Reset the time on the microwave so that it looks like the last person to use it was her as you were out of the house at the time: “Not just me who doesn’t switch it off then!”

To be fair, there have been endless public information films about turning stuff off at the wall before retiring to bed

Never seen a single one of them 😐

so there must be some benefit to the process.

I will refuse to believe that unless my kettle attacks the house and kills it.

endless public information films

backing up shite with shite.

but, but plastacine figures say it’s essential!

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGPl5vUSL0I[/video]

I think you need to be a bit assertive. Tell her to stop being ungrateful, that you are working hard to sort things, to keep her ‘butt out’ unless she wants to do it and ask her when she’s going to paint the windows ffs.

I think you need to be a bit assertive. Tell her to stop being ungrateful, that you are working hard to sort things, to keep her ‘butt out’ unless she wants to do it and ask her when she’s going to paint the windows ffs.

… then run…..

McHamish – Member
We’ve recently moved to a new house, and my current headache is understanding a new set of ‘rules’ that applies to the new house.

If I’m home alone, she comes in and tells me what I haven’t done correctly, i.e. “you’ve left the kitchen door open”, “you should be using the lamp, not the main light”. All hell breaks loose if I forget to switch the kettle off at the wall.

I get moaned at because I don’t wash up straight away after eating (I prefer to digest a bit and relax after dinner)…if I do wash up, she turns up grumbles a bit then rearranges everything on the draining board as I haven’t assembled the dishes correctly.

I sometimes try to help hang the washing out too…usually everything I hang is wrong and has to be redone.

crapjumper – Member
McHamish. F### me !! Are we married to the same woman ?

+1…

I was asked about something a while back to do with decorating or something and pretty much replied that “we should do what you want to do, because whatever I suggest will be wrong and we’ll do it your way in the end anyway”……that didn’t go down too well 😀

The annoying thing is that I am supposed to do things ‘her way’ but when I suggest certain things that she should do ‘my way’ as it’s clearly a better method I get a couple of hours of silent treatment.

I could give examples, but there would be too many and I’d get a headache.

i properly pmsl when i realised that peterpoddy hadn’t written ‘fist’ on his reply.

i have a guttermind!!

The annoying thing is that I am supposed to do things ‘her way’ but when I suggest certain things that she should do ‘my way’ as it’s clearly a better method I get a couple of hours of silent treatment.

I’ve never bothered trying to introduce my own ‘house rules’, mainly because I don’t really have that strong an opinion – if she wants to leave a light on I couldn’t care less. If I notice a light on in a room that’s not being used I just switch it off without thinking “I bet she left it on, I’ll go tell her”.

Reminds me of that wanted advert from Ministry of Sound Magazine that did the rounds years ago:

ARE YOU AGED 18-30, female, slim build, into hardcore techno, a recent graduate and political activist?
If so, **** off. I want a sh1t-thick blonde with no opinions and massive tits. Reply to box xxxx

😀

Permission to plagerise…

binners – Member
Does anyone know the answer to the following philosophical conundrum:

If a man makes a statement, and there isn’t a woman around to hear it, is he still wrong?

Post of the day. Now when to use that one…….

I don’t know why the switch on the socket outlet would be any different than the switch on the side of the kettle. Same as the shower, if the water isn’t being heated then the only thing drawing power is the neon on the pullcord. I suppose tv’s left on standby may be different.

carlphilips – that WOULD be a good wife

Show her the back of your hand, mine has SHUT IT tattooed on it.

A piece of advice you would do well to take yourself – domestic violence is never a thing to joke about.

And we left the lights on.

Tsch.

Mrs AD is always right, she tells me so with the most incredible frequency when I’m DIY’ing…..

After a few years though she has finally grasped the fact that if she wants it to look a particular way, she has to ‘finish it off’

So the Kitchen walls are still bare even though I installed the dishwasher and cupboards almost 6 months ago now…she cannot find ‘THE’ tiles she is happy with.

littlemisspanda – Member
Show her the back of your hand, mine has SHUT IT tattooed on it.

A piece of advice you would do well to take yourself – domestic violence is never a thing to joke about.

Was I wrong to laugh at this post?

Was I wrong to laugh at this post?

You’ll be told in a minute probably.

My DIY excuse.

I need to get some of those signs.

Have you lot really not got an equal say in your relationship? I can’t imagine living my life with somebody constantly niggling and telling me what to do.

Yes, I am married and yes to a woman.

I’m a bad boy

– I leave clothes on the floor while showering and put them away straight afterwards in the spare room. Apparently you’re supposed to put stuff away when your naked before the shower????

– My slippers live at the side of the bed, however they are never there when I next look. they don’t belong in the bedroom??

I could go on and on and on….

Haaaha you have fallen in the trap of actually “listening to your Wife”.

If you blank them out, they go away, well they get louder before the go away but eventually they go away of thier own accord.

You need to know that fact first before applying any Bloke logic to anything.
Yeah I tried that with the first Mrs Darc_L – unfortunately she was a hurricane.

The 2nd, and much improved, Mrs Darc_L does have a lot of the afore-mentioned habits. Fortunately we have a teenage son who delights in verbal wind ups. Dad was right you know etc.. & general mysoginism
I support him in this, via surreptitous winks & nods – if he’s winding his mum up he’s not winding me up 😀
The recent switch wars have been interesting… I think we’re in a period of armistice at the moment.

Also, as the only cook in the house, Mrs Darc_L, knows there is a limit to male sufferance.

I sometimes try to help hang the washing out too…usually everything I hang is wrong and has to be redone.

I’ve given up telling mr bh he’s (kindly) hung the washing out incorrectly. Instead I sneak out and turn it all upside down and right way round and put it on the bit of line where the sun shines.
Guilty as charged.

No.1 son piped up in the middle of a discussion, “No mum, Dad’s right you did say that.”

Poor sod, the naivety of youth.

Hahaha!

My wife used to tell me how to drive. What’s that all about?

I think you need to be a bit assertive. Tell her to stop being ungrateful, that you are working hard to sort things, to keep her ‘butt out’ unless she wants to do it and ask her when she’s going to paint the windows ffs.

Too right 8)

Been married 26 years – Only been allowed to be right twice in all that time !

The term ‘nagging’ isn’t allowed, it’s called ‘constructive criticism’ – She’s really good at that !

I’m thinking that I need to start my own series of Last Of The Summer Wine. 🙂

My wife used to tell me how to drive. What’s that all about?

Don’t know.

Are you a shit driver maybe ? 😉

Are you a shit driver maybe ?

Standby, I’ll just go and ask.

Chop her in for a younger model. That’ll learn’er!

Haaaha you have fallen in the trap of actually “listening to your Wife”.

If you blank them out, they go away, well they get louder before the go away but eventually they go away of thier own accord.
A pair of these can be very useful, don’t even need to be plugged in:

A pair of these can be very useful, don’t even need to be plugged in

Are they for ‘her’?
Keep her happy with one in the pink, one in the …

It’s the driving thing that does it for me too. She’s far too lazy to drive if we go anywhere together but spends the journey slagging off my driving or offering helpful suggestions like, ‘CAREFUL!’.Maybe my driving is crap but compared to her I’m wonderful. She is exactly the dithery woman driver your dad used to swear at. Needless to say on the few occasions she drives and I am in the car I am not allowed to mention her driving even when she in is some absurd lane going round a roundabout. She once got lost about 300 metres from our house. We have lived there 25 years. I rest my case.

Yeah I tried that with the first Mrs Darc_L – unfortunately she was a hurricane.

My first wife was like a hurricane. Wet and windy when she came, and took my house and car with her when she left.

Boom tish

I’m here all week.