Biggest consideration ever, kids involved.

I moved out of the family home when my eldest (now 17) was 5. Hardest thing I’ve ever done and I hated myself for doing it for months.

Never regretted it for a second.

Done it and I was upset for a long-time simply for leaving the young un. Never regretted it though as it was the right thing to do.

Edit: I did regret leaving my little-girl. I should have scooped her up and taken her with me 😥

Never regretted divorce. It was (however unhappy and painful at the time) the right thing to do.

Hardest decision I ever made, but never regretted it for one minute.

Nope

TBH if it happens it is because there is nothing else to do

No one walks out /gives up on marriage where kids are involved

Takes longer than you think to get sorted though.

I think everyone regrets it in the sense they wish they could avoid it
TBH if i knew what I know now I would have split sooner tbh to stop both of us acting like arseholes and doing even more damage as we still share kids but struggle to talk civily 3 years later

No one walks out /gives up on marriage where kids are involved

Not according to mumsnet. Some sad stories on there.

Yes, very much so during the process. It was hell wondering if I’d done the right thing, what would happen to me, would I be broken financially.

But, you get past that. You go beyond the doubt and into the phase where you absolutely know it was right.

I have no regrets now, none. And I can’t entirely understand why I ever worried about it.

Hindsight cures all.

Good luck.

Do you love her? Yes stay no walk away. It really is that simple.

That being said I fu£@ing hate my mother for leaving my dad regardless of her reasons and moving me (4) and my sister (5) into some wankstains life, never have forgiven her and never will.

Regretted it because of what it may have done to my kids (then 3 and 6, now both in there twenties). But it wasn’t me, best thing I ever did for me, had to be done.

Edit: And I always kept regular contact with my kids.

I guess it’s never straightforward Pik n Mix, your honesty in the first sentence is powerful.

So how do you go about taking the step when it seems it’s only going to make you less happy, and you know your kids will be less happy?

So how do you go about taking the step when it seems it’s only going to make you less happy, and you know your kids will be less happy?

Honestly, in my case I tried to picture myself and my family in the same situation in another 5,10,15 years. That did it for me.

Going through it now. Don’t want to, but there’s no reasoning with her. She’s even kicked off when the paperwork arrived and is still trying to contest it. My kids now have access to me, and we’re getting into a routine but it’s not the same. It’s better, but worse. I get to be fun Dad, just have them for the fun things in life. Go for days out, teach them to swim etc. but that’s not fair on anyone. Unlike the Yellow pages, I want to be there for the nasty things in life.

Hope that makes sense.

I’ve spent a little time recently looking over the edge. At the moment I cannot imagine not being around for my kids every day and I’ll pretty much do whatever I can to either make it work or deal with it not working. I’m not sure how sustainable this is though.

Complete sense Rossendalelemming. Did you make it clear to your kids when you left or were they too young?

Yossarian, sharing a big deal with you. Let me know how it goes & I will do the same.

Austinburner – I was ousted, see other threads. The kids are 9 & 11 and sort of get what’s going on. I did like the fact they reported back “Dad’s a lot happier now” where as their mum is turning into the grumpy parent.

Question- what is the tipping point for people to make that move?

Can it be just ‘don’t love them anymore’? I don’t think that is enough?

Can it be just ‘don’t love them anymore’? I don’t think that is enough?

can you face the next 20, 30, 40 years of life in a situation where you are with someone you don’t love? is that really doing either of you any favours, surely they deserve to be loved and feel wanted and have passion in their lives even if you you just want a safe little stable world?

Sad this happens but good to hear that people can come out of the other side and be happy again. Those going through it now – it must be hard…

hora – Member
Question- what is the tipping point for people to make that move?

For me: The ex was a nut-case and it was move or smash her face in and regret spending the next 20 years or so behind bars.

Question- what is the tipping point for people to make that move?

Divorce is the last resort. It one day becomes finally clear that there is absolutely no future together, that all other options have been explored and exhausted, and that — in the long term — you’ll both be happier apart.

For me: The ex was a nut-case and it was move or smash her face in and regret spending the next 20 years or so behind bars.

This obviously anyone can understand.

can you face the next 20, 30, 40 years of life in a situation where you are with someone you don’t love? is that really doing either of you any favours, surely they deserve to be loved and feel wanted and have passion in their lives even if you you just want a safe little stable world?

Theres the western idea of companionship and modern day feeling of ‘you owe yourself’ there? For me companionship/a partnership is more important.

Sometimes people change halfway through their life- what they want from life etc which means they aren’t the same person when they were in their 20’s. Essentially they are a totally different person now.

If you mean that- that I can understand.

Flipside it- no one is going to feel that passionate about a balding bloke with a larger waist though are they?

Or on a really basic level- you get bored of shagging the same person.

For me it was about communication – by the time my ex told me she wanted out it was too late to do anything about it – she said she had tried to talk to me before but I hadn’t listened – at the time I blamed her but I now know it’s 50:50 – I also think having kids meant we had less time for each other. Everything has worked out for the best though so there is light at the end of the tunnel, it can just take a long time to reach it.

All I say to my friends who have young children is to think long and hard making decisions like that when so much of your time and energy is spent with your children as the main focus. Relationships with your partner can suffer and may improve when the kids are more independent and you can put some more energy back into it.

That said I am happy now, and the children get the best of both of us. And selfishly maybe – I get to do what I want every other weekend and ride my bike as much as I like without being accused of having an affair. If and when I ever decide to settle down again it will be with someone who rides!

Pic n mix – sad to hear, I hope you find a way to forgive her. My recent ex turned on my son from my previous relationship when were splitting up. It was horrible I have never felt so guilty as I felt I had let my son down – in turn he resented me for my choice of partner. Teenage parenting is hard enough without that thrown into the mix, luckily we have worked through that but it was far from easy.

For me companionship/a partnership is more important.

The other one’s got bells on, hora

No one walks out /gives up on marriage where kids are involved

Take it from me, they do.

I was so relieved when my parents divorced. We went from a house in which there was constant arguing and horrible atmosphere to one of calm.
To be honest I blocked most of it out but it certainly turned out well.

I have never been married but was in a relationship for 15 years and have one child from that relationship. The only regret I have is that I didn’t leave sooner. I knew it wasn’t right and ended up wasting years of my life that could have been spent being as happy as I am now. £ Broke but happy.

hora Flipside it- no one is going to feel that passionate about a balding bloke with a larger waist though are they?

IMHO this couldn’t be more wrong.

IMHO this couldn’t be more wrong.

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be proved wrong on that front 😆

Emma, I take it that means you have found happiness with a balding bloke with a large waist – very sweet

Either that or you are flirting with hora :-O

(Only joking hora – we are all lovable)

Hmmmm…. I have recently stepped back from this particular precipice as I just couldn’t leave my children.

Although, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up. 23 years married this year – no physical side to our relationship for years and I feel like I’m only tolerated because I provide somewhere nice to live.

The only regret I have is that I didn’t leave sooner. I knew it wasn’t right and ended up wasting years of my life that could have been spent being as happy as I am now. £ Broke but happy.

+1

runs out to shave head and double my weight

I used to work with a women and I quote her very words

“I F*@!ing hate the ugly F”@~ but I don’t want to be poor” and she wasn’t referring to our boss…

Now that’s what I call evil personified.

Best thing i ever did, devastated at the time, thought my life was over but 5 years in i realise how unhappy i was compared to how great things are now. One life etc

No one walks out /gives up on marriage where kids are involved

Utter cobblers that, I’m afraid. People not only do, but do so for the right reasons. The assumption that its always better for a couple to stay together for the benefit of the children is frankly ridiculous. It works on a ludicrous premise that a life with 2 people in a dead relationship is better than those people separating and being happier.

Leaving is so hard, and the period of adjustment is horrifically, at times physically, painful on a daily basis. For a long time.

But it can be worth it. Time heals. and everyone can be happy. Most of all the children. This whole idea that ending a relationship is synonymous with ‘abandoning’ your children is a remnant of some puritanical 1950’s Daily Mail lifestyle with little basis in reality for most people. It implies you don’t love your children, and in most peoples cases that is simply insulting.

Another skint, but happy here

I did it 6 years ago and worried about my little princess but I couldnt stay another second with her mum. The mum was a big mistake, the product of our union, my daughter, was the biggest success in my life.

Like others have said: stay in the kids life as much as you possibly can, as frequently and regularly as you can.

A kid is better having two happy seperate parents than living with raging arguments.

It really is that simple.

In the words of Sir binners – “utter cobblers”.
Nothing in this life is more complicated.