- Who's regret splitting/divorcing partner
TBH if it happens it is because there is nothing else to do
No one walks out /gives up on marriage where kids are involved
Takes longer than you think to get sorted though.
I think everyone regrets it in the sense they wish they could avoid itPosted 4 years ago
TBH if i knew what I know now I would have split sooner tbh to stop both of us acting like arseholes and doing even more damage as we still share kids but struggle to talk civily 3 years laterDrRSwankMember
Yes, very much so during the process. It was hell wondering if I’d done the right thing, what would happen to me, would I be broken financially.
But, you get past that. You go beyond the doubt and into the phase where you absolutely know it was right.
I have no regrets now, none. And I can’t entirely understand why I ever worried about it.
Hindsight cures all.
Good luck.Posted 4 years agoBreganteSubscriber
So how do you go about taking the step when it seems it’s only going to make you less happy, and you know your kids will be less happy?
Honestly, in my case I tried to picture myself and my family in the same situation in another 5,10,15 years. That did it for me.Posted 4 years agorossendalelemmingMember
Going through it now. Don’t want to, but there’s no reasoning with her. She’s even kicked off when the paperwork arrived and is still trying to contest it. My kids now have access to me, and we’re getting into a routine but it’s not the same. It’s better, but worse. I get to be fun Dad, just have them for the fun things in life. Go for days out, teach them to swim etc. but that’s not fair on anyone. Unlike the Yellow pages, I want to be there for the nasty things in life.
Hope that makes sense.Posted 4 years agotazzymtbMember
Can it be just ‘don’t love them anymore’? I don’t think that is enough?
can you face the next 20, 30, 40 years of life in a situation where you are with someone you don’t love? is that really doing either of you any favours, surely they deserve to be loved and feel wanted and have passion in their lives even if you you just want a safe little stable world?Posted 4 years ago
Question- what is the tipping point for people to make that move?
Divorce is the last resort. It one day becomes finally clear that there is absolutely no future together, that all other options have been explored and exhausted, and that — in the long term — you’ll both be happier apart.Posted 4 years ago
For me: The ex was a nut-case and it was move or smash her face in and regret spending the next 20 years or so behind bars.
This obviously anyone can understand.
can you face the next 20, 30, 40 years of life in a situation where you are with someone you don’t love? is that really doing either of you any favours, surely they deserve to be loved and feel wanted and have passion in their lives even if you you just want a safe little stable world?
Theres the western idea of companionship and modern day feeling of ‘you owe yourself’ there? For me companionship/a partnership is more important.
Sometimes people change halfway through their life- what they want from life etc which means they aren’t the same person when they were in their 20’s. Essentially they are a totally different person now.
If you mean that- that I can understand.
Flipside it- no one is going to feel that passionate about a balding bloke with a larger waist though are they?
Or on a really basic level- you get bored of shagging the same person.Posted 4 years agojamesgarbettSubscriber
For me it was about communication – by the time my ex told me she wanted out it was too late to do anything about it – she said she had tried to talk to me before but I hadn’t listened – at the time I blamed her but I now know it’s 50:50 – I also think having kids meant we had less time for each other. Everything has worked out for the best though so there is light at the end of the tunnel, it can just take a long time to reach it.Posted 4 years agoadjustablewenchMember
All I say to my friends who have young children is to think long and hard making decisions like that when so much of your time and energy is spent with your children as the main focus. Relationships with your partner can suffer and may improve when the kids are more independent and you can put some more energy back into it.
That said I am happy now, and the children get the best of both of us. And selfishly maybe – I get to do what I want every other weekend and ride my bike as much as I like without being accused of having an affair. If and when I ever decide to settle down again it will be with someone who rides!
Pic n mix – sad to hear, I hope you find a way to forgive her. My recent ex turned on my son from my previous relationship when were splitting up. It was horrible I have never felt so guilty as I felt I had let my son down – in turn he resented me for my choice of partner. Teenage parenting is hard enough without that thrown into the mix, luckily we have worked through that but it was far from easy.Posted 4 years agoemmaMember
I have never been married but was in a relationship for 15 years and have one child from that relationship. The only regret I have is that I didn’t leave sooner. I knew it wasn’t right and ended up wasting years of my life that could have been spent being as happy as I am now. £ Broke but happy.
hora Flipside it- no one is going to feel that passionate about a balding bloke with a larger waist though are they?
IMHO this couldn’t be more wrong.Posted 4 years agofreddygMember
Hmmmm…. I have recently stepped back from this particular precipice as I just couldn’t leave my children.
Although, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up. 23 years married this year – no physical side to our relationship for years and I feel like I’m only tolerated because I provide somewhere nice to live.Posted 4 years agobinnersSubscriber
No one walks out /gives up on marriage where kids are involved
Utter cobblers that, I’m afraid. People not only do, but do so for the right reasons. The assumption that its always better for a couple to stay together for the benefit of the children is frankly ridiculous. It works on a ludicrous premise that a life with 2 people in a dead relationship is better than those people separating and being happier.
Leaving is so hard, and the period of adjustment is horrifically, at times physically, painful on a daily basis. For a long time.
But it can be worth it. Time heals. and everyone can be happy. Most of all the children. This whole idea that ending a relationship is synonymous with ‘abandoning’ your children is a remnant of some puritanical 1950’s Daily Mail lifestyle with little basis in reality for most people. It implies you don’t love your children, and in most peoples cases that is simply insulting.
Another skint, but happy herePosted 4 years agoti_pin_manMember
I did it 6 years ago and worried about my little princess but I couldnt stay another second with her mum. The mum was a big mistake, the product of our union, my daughter, was the biggest success in my life.
Like others have said: stay in the kids life as much as you possibly can, as frequently and regularly as you can.
A kid is better having two happy seperate parents than living with raging arguments.Posted 4 years ago
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