- Which particular members of society would you like to see summararly executed?
Anyone who posts anything on the internet they wouldn't say in person to the the subject of their irePosted 10 years ago
mainly bike thievesPosted 10 years ago
everyone in prison who's guilty or fairly guilty 😮
skip lorry drivers
motorcycle couriers inc. takeaway deliverers
Piers Morgan, his family and friends, anyone within 100m of him and anyone with a name that sounds like Piers Morgan or admits to watching any TV programme with him in
anyone who looks a bit funny
all Audi drivers 🙂
i have pointed this out to several audi drivers hilldodger, including the director of the company i work for.Posted 10 years ago
all convicted criminalsPosted 10 years ago
all Audi drivers
i have pointed this out to several audi drivers
😀Posted 10 years ago
Hora. On general principle. Even though his dog is as gay as a row of chiffon tentsPosted 10 years ago
Off the top of my head, I am honestly unable to nominate anyone who deserves this treatment. Should I be worried?Posted 10 years ago
fence sittersPosted 10 years ago
Margret Thatcher.Posted 10 years ago
Michael WinnerPosted 10 years ago
All "light entertainers"
Hair metal bands and their fans
Anyone who dresses like Clarkson
People who wear jeans with dress shoes
German car drivers and any Chelsea tractor drivers
Anyone who dresses like Clarkson
Thats binners finished!
Leave Bingo alone. Hes a mans dog in a gay icon-dogs body. He has issues because of this.Posted 10 years ago
Football fans….oh and all cockneys!Posted 10 years ago
Anyone who feels the need to tell me what car they drive without me asking them, and people who talk to their pets in a childlike manner.
Edit – Oh yeah, and people who think that novelty ties or socks are acceptable, and men with ear rings.Posted 10 years ago
Cherie Blair.Posted 10 years ago
A truly repulsive woman in every way.
bike thievesPosted 10 years ago
Animal research?Posted 10 years ago
anyone asking for stupid inflated prices for their cycling tat on the classifieds… 🙂Posted 10 years ago
The DG of the BBCPosted 10 years ago
Architects determined that their ego-fuelled monstrosities should dominate the city skyline (I'm thinking Edinburgh mainly).Posted 10 years ago
Oh I will agree with architects. You want to hear my latest run in with one …………………………..
*Wanders off droning*Posted 10 years ago
Masonic cliquey **** smug nobodiesPosted 10 years ago
You know who you are you cvnts!
More seriously – folk who take money out the system for themselves while knowingly contributing little or nothing:
Benefit cheatsPosted 10 years ago
Quite a few highly paid Contract Consultants in my business
Some investment bank executives
feel free to expand the list
Blimey , it's been a big week .And it's only tuesday , or something.
I live on a housing development up in the north . Manchester area . I wont name it . It has it's good bits , and its bad bits . Same as anywhere , i suppose .
All the really successful criminals live in Hale. It's not there .
Just last week , well , the weekend ,I had all my clothes stolen , well most of them . From the laundry up the road . I was a bit pissed off but there's no point shouting about it . It wasnt the chinky birds fault was it ? It turned out a fairly 'well heeled looking ferra ' had picked them up .
I said it must've been a mistake , but she didnt think so .
Anyway , like i said , it's a bit rough around here , but the people are just diamonds . Most of them ,anyway.
She's not really a chink . She's 'vieternamese '. Very good work ethic. Doesnt like the Amricans . Bombed her chippy . Honest .
She says " Bom -bing " .
I said , " It's a silent B "
She say , " Not in my bloody street . ! Everybody dead ! "
It's a true story .
The next day ,Kylie , the single mum from three doors down comes round . She's two kids from different fellas . Her first husband used to beat her , so she left him , and the new bloke works away a lot . Theyre saving for their own place .
so , she comes round with a big bin bag ,struggling a bit. She's mentioned my plight down at the single mum's refuge where she helps out ,and they've had a rummage and donated me some clothes .
I was touched , I can tell you . Not my usual look TBH . Trackies and stuff . I looked in the mirror , and I swear I looked like Vanilla I-C-E .
There's a few things in the bag that are a bit too wrong , though . You know ? We all have a limit . So , I pop em back in the bag , and as i'm nipping out anyway ( doctors orders ! ), i'll drop them round at Kylies for her to take back up the refuge .
Just as I step out onto the landing , Kylies coming out of her place . She's struggling with the pushchair in the door .Automatic door closer . fire regs .
It's time for Princess' walk , and she has to take Britney to the clinic . I 'd heard her bawling like a banshee in the night . Kylie looked absolutely knackered . What with John away , it can't be easy . She always has a smile though . Lovely girl .Someones daughter .
I give her the bag , and that , and explain about the ' surplus clothes' ( i told her they were a bit too small just in case she thought i was a tosser, I was actually very grateful ), and just then realise I can do her a good turn back . Dib dib .
"I'll take princess for a walk so you dont have to mess about down the clinic ".
Princess is a lovely dog . A bit scary looking . One of them terrier types . A ' staffie ' , Kylie says . I dont know about dogs , but bloody hell can she pull .
I'm a bit out of breath as we get down onto the street . She's fairly dragged me down 4 flights of stairs . i hope she's got this much energy going back up ! ha !
I'm supposed to be taking it easy . I went to see the doctor . I've been a bit stressed out lately. It's little things that get you . Only last week i was in the work's van and nearly knocked a bloke off his bike . It was my fault i guess . I didnt indicate. No harm done in the end , but you shouldve heard the language on him . No wonder Clarkson doesnt like them .He is so funny . Did you know he's 6'6". How big's that in metres . Thiiiiiiiis biiiiiiig .
So , anyway , he phoned the yard.
The boss , Mr Chinaski ,said I should have a "bit of a break" . Sounds like the heave -ho to me in any language .
So , i'm chilling out .
In my Henleys project tracksuit and a pair of fake Sergio Tacchini bottoms .
At least my shoes are mine .Princess / cerberus is dragging me up the road when she suddenly comes to a stop . I 'm wrapped around a lampost with the dog and with my free-ish hand i'm trying to get out my nicotine replacement stick thing . Bloody rubbish .
sorry , but there you go .
Princess has seen a little kid in a Tansad and is pulling for a sniff , just when the phone rings . Of all the times !!
It's Mr Chinaski.
He wants to know If i'm feeling any better , he was a little worried , i'm a valuable member of the team , and would I be feeling up to turning in tomorrow , and that I sounded a bit 'nasal '?
whew ! what a relief .
I was smiling most outwardly as I said I was A- Ok , but i think the dad with the pram was a bit peeved off .
He didnt half pull the kid away, and gave me a proper nasty look , i can tell you . Most people round here know Princess . She's a proper softie , but like i said , looks a bit mean . She'd lick you to death that one .
There wasnt a lot I could do .
Princess is dragging me off to the park , I've got Henry , sorry MR Chinaski on the phone and a 4" long white plastic tube up my right nostril .
I should read the instructions .
So we get to the park . I'm wondering just what exactly the ' Henley project ' is . Are they trying to see just how many people they can con into buying their overpriced , underdesigned , far estern sweatshop clothing?
Mind you , if you get last season from TK maxx , it's not so bad ,when I realise…..
Princess will definitely want a number 2 .
I've none of them woopsie bags .
There's one of them doggy do bins , though . Over by the swings . they sometimes have a few stuck in the top . The council put em in . Good job it's not the 70s . They'd be full of evo-stick in faster than you can say " doG save the queen " . Ha .
Well , you know what's coming next . Princess squats down ,flarts , and squits all over the place.
Bag or no , you cant do owt with that .
And just then , who turns up . ? Tansad dad .
I am so utterly mortified at this juncture . It is now my turn to drag Princess .
Well , It's not the dogs fault .
There's a phone number on the bin for the council . I give them a ring ,and explain my predicament , and a lovely lady says it's no problem she'll send round the extermination squad ASAP .
She's joking !
They have a special team that deal with all the , er , crap jobs , so to speak .
So , we get to the flats . Princess is knackered and theres no way she'll walk up the stairs . Ace . The lifts out ( again ) and I end up carrying the bitch up the stairs .
kylie's on the landing with a brew , laughing her head off , and I swear the dog was laughing too ! I swore .
She'd seen me walking across the precinct and has made me a drink too , a nice cup of herbal tea . A right modern new-age infusion ,' Clarity ' or Harmonise ' or something .
I'll have a cup of 'Perspective ' . No sugar .
It turns out Britney just has the colic, poor thing , and John's coming home at the weekend , which is only , like , I dunno , a few days off , or something , and Mrs Chang has just phoned , that blokes been back in it was all a mistake .
Probably didnt fit him ,more like.
Laughed our heads off in the end , and even Princess caused a ruckus .
But it might have been at that fella downstairs playing the Wu-Tang dead loud . I think he takes drugs .
So , It was just like that .Posted 10 years ago
Ok gotta go . There's someone at the door .
Is that a burning torch …. ?
+100 for muddyfox courier… It's some of the intolerant numpties on here that wants putting in the stocks for the day.. sillybillies.
nice use of chinaski… bukowski?Posted 10 years ago
Bravo Muddy Fox. BravoPosted 10 years ago
Too much time on your hands…Posted 10 years ago
MF Courier; Are you Irvine Welsh in disguise? Good though.Posted 10 years ago
Reminded of this by the BT bill thread – the people who invented "plans" for phones, mobiles, internet access etc. I need to change my ISP – no, I don't want your light user plan or your TV inclusive plan any more than I want your fish plan or your free text plan on my mobile – I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO USE THE INTERNET – how hard is that!!!
Sorry.Posted 10 years ago
Masonic cliquey **** smug nobodies
"waves"Posted 10 years ago
Yea , I'd just read 'Ham on Rye ' again .
They all just kinda pop in .
Too much time on my hands . er , yea .
It was bloody gone bloody midnight . I am not ever ever drinking coffee again .
Until earlier today.
And so it goes……..Posted 10 years ago
The Opra Singer who should Go **** Off, not go compare…
Castration with a blunt rusty spoon….Posted 10 years ago
heheh,. I was thinking Bukowski too 🙂
good effort muddy.Posted 10 years ago
Definitely do not get me started on BT .Posted 10 years ago
MF: goodPosted 10 years ago
hope you write for a living, you're wasted if not
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