Salcoates!! sounds delightful
“Eleven months ago I moved to a small seaside town in Ayrshire to be closer to work. Unfortunately, relocating to Saltcoats turned out to be the worst move of my life.
The first thing to hit me was the smell of raw sewage. That, I convinced myself, I could live with. However this was the least of my problems as I later discovered.
I contacted an old friend, who lives in Saltcoats, and arranged to go out for a drink later that evening, thinking it would be a good opportunity to visit the local bars and meet some new friends. Later that night as I left my new home, for the two minute walk to the local Weatherspoons pub round the corner, I encountered a group of the local chavs, or neds as they are known in Ayrshire. At first I wondered if they were speaking to me, “Ho you ya f*kin’ daftie”, I looked around, hoping there was someone standing behind me. Worse luck, the troglodyte with the Burberry cap and knuckles dragging on the ground was speaking to me. “Geez a fag”, the gormless idiot spat, “ I’m sorry, I don’t smoke”, I replied, trying to give him the best apologetic look I could muster. This, however was not a satisfactory response for the troglodyte, “Ya prick!”, he grunted. As I turned to walk away, hoping they would leave me alone now, I received a torrent of abuse followed by a bottle which, although it didn’t hit me, I’m pretty sure was intended to do me some damage.
Upon arriving at the arranged meeting place I recounted my experience to my friend, “Aye, don’t worry about it mate, this place is full of neds you’ll get a lot more of that”. I hoped he was wrong, but unfortunately for me, he wasn’t. As we left to visit another pub we passed another group of chavs , and received comments like, “Ya couple of fannys”, and, “Dafties”. I tried to ignore them, where my friend hardly seemed to notice. In the course of the rest of the evening, I saw five fights in three bars, and encountered more knuckle dragging chavs with limited vocabularies. Needless to say, I don’t go out in Saltcoats very often anymore.”