The mobile phone and food issues are getting worse the older they get though and that what what I was highlighting.

Which is normal behaviour for teenagers. You’re not asking them to be normal, you’re asking them to be well-behaved.

When my eldest had a sleepover, he had a couple of mates round. I never really liked one of them , far too opinionated for a ten year old, caused trouble with most of his “friends” and his mummy believed everything he told her. Final straw was when i overheard him trying to tell my son how to delete his browsing history !!
Luckily , they have fallen out and we have not had to see the conniving little shits face since ( the “friend”, not my lad 😂)

When I was 13 I probably spent most of my time trying to get from ‘Deadly’ to ‘Elite’ on my Acorn Electron (couldn’t stretch to a BBC Model B….).

Growing up you think your family is normal then you leave home and, over time, establish whether your family were a bunch of crazies or everybody else is crazy…my son is leaving home to go to uni probably this year and i await his initial assessment of whether his family were fruit loops (not the breakfast cereal)

A sleepover isn’t about sleeping, it’s about getting to dick around with your mates far later than normal, waking up knackered the next day and having an easy Sunday before you go back to school.

Nail on head. It’s not the time to be imposing arbitrary household rules on others.

Junior J only gets crunchy nut cornflakes when we’re camping & on his birthday!😃
Some of his friends are surprisingly fussy eaters. They will only have plain pasta etc. When they come round we make concessions but it’s the continuous begging for snacks that does my head in.
What did the mother say?

Well, for what it’s worth, I’m fully in support of OP here.

Sounds to me like what you’ve got there is “normal kids” rather than “normal in 1980 kids.”

“what did the mother say”

Well I’ve no idea whether the child told her or not but we ended up dropping all the kids back because of the weather and my wife just got a text from her mum saying thanks so much for having xxxx she had a great time so I guess it wasn’t the end of her world as some on here have suggested.

“It’s not the time to be imposing arbitrary household rules on others”

There is nothing arbitrary about the rules in our house and thats why they get applied to everybody.

I’ve spent a lot of time dealing with kids from many different backgrounds and two things seem to work with all of them. Firstly they prefer to have boundaries, if only to test and push against and secondly they hate hate hate not being listened to and their views not being taken seriously. Do those two things properly and you will rarely get long term issues – though obviously it does happen occasionally.

There is nothing arbitrary about the rules in our house and thats why they get applied to everybody.

Ah, because you know better than everyone else. Gotcha.

Ha, just wait until those kids hit 14, and the precocious ones use their phones to summon their boyfriends to the “sleepover”.

You’ll be up all night.

Oh, and it won’t be 14 year old boys…

Tip: gravel paths all around the house, especially under windows.

lol @epicyclo don’t worry, I have  a 16 year old girl already. TBH its not the sex that worries me just the bad driving and drugs.

@ransos  I’m pretty sure I know better than most 13 year olds in most circumstances (not all but most) yes.

ransos I’m pretty sure I know better than most 13 year olds in most circumstances (not all but most) yes.

In how to be a killjoy? I agree.

I thought the first rule of sleep overs was that we have pancakes for breakfast? Thats what we did this morning.

*I didn’t even realise people bought the other types. Thought they were just there on the shelves to reaffirm that semi-skimmed is always the correct choice.

My g/f had a customer today ask if they sold gold top milk where she works. She’s not even sure if such a thing is even available anywhere anymore.

In how to be a killjoy? I agree.

Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you. One might even say cocky.
But I’ll bet you have your own flaws.

Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you. One might even say cocky.
But I’ll bet you have your own flaws.

You sound about as much fun as the OP.

The point, which you completely failed to grasp, is that I’m not claiming to know what’s best, and that it might be better to lighten up.

“I thought the first rule of sleep overs was that we have pancakes for breakfast? Thats what we did this morning.”

Pancakes for supper tonight, That would be proper Dutch pancakes obvs. As requested by the birthday girl herself (who is Dutch anyway)

On sleepovers I am happy enough with them staying up and chatting etc. That’s fine and we factor it in for the rest pf the weekend.

But I’m definitely with the OP on phones/tablets. The biggest problem is that while we have our devices pretty well locked down (child accounts, restricted apps, filtering, activity reports), other parents are considerably more lax.

My eldest is 9 and many of her friends not only watch TikTok but have their own accounts and post videos! Obviously I am a terrible human being for not allowing her unsupervised access. 🙄

imposing arbitrary household rules on others.

His house, his rules. Seems reasonable. Otherwise where do you draw the line? Some kids that age smoke; is that okay? Maybe they’d expect you to provide the fags, as that’s what their parents do. You gonna pop to the shop for them?

Also, the rules in question are hardly onerous. If you come over to socialise, be bloody sociable, don’t stare at a screen the whole time.

FWIW, I fully expect a hardening of opinion about the (mental)health implications of excessive smart phone useage in kids, and even adults within 10-15 years. It’s fairly obvious that there is some very clever/sinister technology that isn’t good for young (or my) brain.

You didn’t make pancakes or waffles after a sleepover?  Your kid will be a social leper in the playground today!  😉

We take iPads and phones off kids we’ve had over for sleepovers at “lights out”.  All of the parents we have over are of a similar mindset to us mind you.

My eldest is 9 and many of her friends not only watch TikTok but have their own accounts and post videos! Obviously I am a terrible human being for not allowing her unsupervised access. 🙄

DO NOT GIVE THEM AN ACCOUNT!!! TikTok is not about innocent dance trends and lip syncing anymore. Its full of 13yr olds bragging about how good they are at sucking dick and how their boyfriend is a drug dealer!

(although congrats that seems to be a new googlewhack which is a very rare thing in 2020).

Congrats indeed!

As to the phone use, if the child suffers from separation anxiety or any of the other conditions associated with childhood trauma then I’d probably be ok with them having a phone to call mum when it all gets a bit much at 3am. BUT, carers of said child should have discussed boundaries etc prior to the sleepover anyway.

Teenagers, mad as a box of frogs, always have been but shitfire they’re really, really crackers these days.

I’m with OP, your house, your rules. Keep it polite but if Mrs Mum of over entitled Teen has a issue, do invite her to run her home as she sees fit and allow you to do the same.

For reference, ours stayed over a friends house Saturday night, they got to sleep at 5am apparently, he was extra specially dickish all day yesterday, found him fighting sleep trying to read a book 2 hours after his bedtime even though he admitted he could no longer read the words. If anyone thinks you should allow teenagers total control over their lives, consider that.

I am a bit split here. Yes the kids should abide by the rules of the house, but a bit of communication helps to ensure everyone knows where they stand (ie, tell the parents what you will be doing and ensure they are onside with you before you are handed the keys to their kids).

But I also agree that rules should be relaxed a bit on sleepovers as they are meant to be fun. We had a sleepover on Saturday (my wife was away and for some reason I suggested my two 10 yr olds had a friend over) and we set some simple rules, but at the same time I let them watch more TV than we would normally, I let them have a ‘midnight feast’ in their bedroom and let them go to bed a little later than normal. I think they are fun 🙂

If anyone thinks you should allow teenagers total control over their lives, consider that.

Ay? Consider one child reading a book past their bed time. I don’t get it.

@winston – make sure she doesn’t invite a kid with a STW account username ransos next time. Stroppy little twerp. 😆

DO NOT GIVE THEM AN ACCOUNT!!!

It’s sad really because I watch TikTok and there are some really creative videos on there made by some talented people. But yeah, there’s also lots of stuff that is (or should be) very inappropriate for kids.

I generally curate it by favouriting any videos I see that I think the kids would enjoy and then letting them watch those (with supervision).

Same issue with YouTube to a lesser extent – Kids YouTube is a bit babyish for a 9 year old, but full YouTube is still a bit of a Wild West so she’s not allowed that on her phone and watches it in the lounge where we can see what she is doing.

If anyone thinks you should allow teenagers total control over their lives, consider that.

Ay? Consider one child reading a book past their bed time. I don’t get it.

See, that’s the difference.

‘My Little Timmy is a complete Angel blissful ignorance parent’ thinks “Ay? Consider one child reading a book past their bed time. I don’t get it.”

‘Teenagers are all nuts and left to themselves will do stupid things parent’ “So a Kid who slept maybe 2 hours the night before and has been a in a foul mood all day because they’re tired is actually trying to forcing themselves to stay awake even though they can no longer focus their eyes on a school night, best tell them to go to sleep.

We’re all guessing this parenting caper, but when parents tell me they let their kids keep their devices all night, don’t put in place content restrictions or even screen time limits, I just see someone who wants an easy life.

His house, his rules. Seems reasonable. Otherwise where do you draw the line?

Yeah, relaxing just a little bit is definitely going to mean anarchy. Thin end of the wedge. Give ’em an inch and they take a mile. Never did me any harm.

@winston – make sure she doesn’t invite a kid with a STW account username ransos next time. Stroppy little twerp. 😆

I expect your solution to non-compliance with rules is to bore them to death with your dubious taste in music.

But I also agree that rules should be relaxed a bit on sleepovers as they are meant to be fun. We had a sleepover on Saturday (my wife was away and for some reason I suggested my two 10 yr olds had a friend over) and we set some simple rules, but at the same time I let them watch more TV than we would normally, I let them have a ‘midnight feast’ in their bedroom and let them go to bed a little later than normal. I think they are fun 🙂

Precisely. I wonder if the miserablists on this thread are actually seeking ways of ensuring that their kids’ friends never want to come round again.

Yeah of course it’s for them to contact their mum. Its not at all for them to play Roblox and watch you tube all night long. If they need to reach their parents in an emergency they know where the landline is. Next?

This. They’re at your house, if there are any weird rules, like if you were Jehovah’s witnesses and didn’t want to actually celebrate the birthday, it’s up to you to tell people. If there are any weird wishes to avoid the rules, say wanting kids to be left with gaming devices all night, it’s up to them to tell you.

Although also, kids being fussy eaters is hardly “weird” but different levels of fussy result from different parenting styles. And in an unusual environment it’s hardly surprising that these traits might come out more.

 I wonder if the miserablists on this thread are actually seeking ways of ensuring that their kids’ friends never want to come round again.

No that’s just a bonus!

So a Kid who slept maybe 2 hours the night before and has been a in a foul mood all day because they’re tired is actually trying to forcing themselves to stay awake even though they can no longer focus their eyes on a school night, best tell them to go to sleep.

Ah! Now that makes more sense. That wasn’t how it came across and I  agree yes, we try to limit sleepovers to Fridays or outside of school times to try prevent this. Our youngest is a right nightmare when she’s not has enough sleep, the eldest is no bother.

a load of other kid friendly cereal (cinnamenies, tropical granola etc)

You tried to feed granola to teenagers? Jesus! You’re lucky your house is still standing!

However, all those kids will now be telling all and sundry at school how you tried to feed them some weird shit that you’d clearly just swept off the floor in the back garden, then mixed in with that stuff that you feed to hamsters.

I hope that when your kids arrive home from school you’re going to apoligise to them for all the Chinese burns, wedgies and unrelenting vicious mockery they’ll have been getting all day

Ah! Now that makes more sense. That wasn’t how it came across and I agree yes, we try to limit sleepovers to Fridays or outside of school times to try prevent this. Our youngest is a right nightmare when she’s not has enough sleep, the eldest is no bother.

Ah, fair enough.

Both our kids are just moody gits when they’re tired.

Indeed all kids are weird it’s part of the fun.