Bombers. For everyone in the office. Take no prisoners

That’s a shame. In that case, though it pains me to say it, I would be inclined towards the “telling your boss”, or at least hinting at it, option. If you think there’s a strong chance of negative fallout on you where it concerns your job, that does sound like the lesser of two evils in a way.

Did you see that? She said “pick up on the box”

but it’s none of my business really

^ This.

What your mate and your boss’s husband get up to is their affair (no pun intended) – keep your conk out, well and truly. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

I’ve been in this situation knowing that a good friend’s partner was playing away.

When it all blew up and he found out, he asked me if I knew – I had to say yes at which point he went beswick and asked my why I hadn’t said anything to him.

I replied that it was none of my business – if I had said anything at the time it would probably have caused more grief and ruined more than one friendship. But by keeping schtum (and I know it’s difficult) you may salvage something out of it at a later date rather than ruining everything.

Your work mate may well end up hating you, but your boss (possibly, after the initial wailing and gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair) MAY trust you more because you’ve shown that you can keep silent about confidential matters, and look to you for support. Your bosses estimation of you may go up in that case which can only be a good thing, yes?

Just email your mate a link to this thread

Don’t mail it, just show it to them while feigning a “Can you believe what some people do” type disgusted voice.

That’s a shame. In that case, though it pains me to say it, I would be inclined towards the “telling your boss”, or at least hinting at it, option.

Hinting?

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ona-RhLfRfc[/video]

As above (johnellison) but I would consider trying to lie and say I didn’t know anything about it. Depends on your situation, of course

Aside from Junkyard, yes…

You say that as if it’s the norm to read all the replies in a thread before posting.

What are you, high?

I must be, because I could’ve sworn the word “everyone” featured in your post 🙄

On the other hand, I’d blab to anyone who will listen. You may well gain even more friends than you’ll lose if the details are sordid enough…come on, do tell…

She didn’t tell me. But she also hasn’t been very careful to hide her phone when I’ve been close to her and she’s been sending those texts!

Could be possible that she wanted you to see them. She’s your “best mate at work”.
Chances are that it’s eating her up not being able to talk to anyone about her life.
None of her mate’s outside work will have a scooby about who this bloke is: so they’re useless to talk to for her.
You’re possibly her only mate that she could have a relevant conversation about this with. But from her side, she can’t quite find the words to start that “I’m shagging the boss” chat.

Don’t know what advice to give.
Just don’t be 100% sure that “no-one knows you know”. When it all blows up and questions are asked, she might come out with LMP saw us *@*!ing, and then saw the texts sent the next day too.

I don’t want to divulge too many details about those involved, this is a public forum after all….

Just so you know, I have got the mods to put the forum in privacy mode. No-one here, but us chickens. So you were about to say….?

Blackmail friend for 20% of her wages. She’d still be left with more than she’d get on the dole. Has she got a nice bike? That’ll be yours. Then blackmail the hubby. Is he nice? Perhaps you could have a go too. Use your imagination.
Then tell your boss anyway just for the **** badness of it 😈

I have to admire her career choices. Now… what situation could I get myself into that could, when discovered, cause the maximum possible damage to my job prospects? Hmmmmmmmm…..

I know!!!! I think I’ve got it! I’ll start boffing my bosses husband. Genius!

I struggle with long sentences – but just let slip to your mate that your boss let slip to you that she’s got bad AIDS and thinks she got it from hubby’s screwing around?

Serious career downside risk for you here, IMO if you keep quiet and then your boss finds out and that you knew I think trust would be broken irretrievably between you and your boss.

Seems to me there is a question here – is keeping quiet to protect your friend worth you damaging your career ?

I’d tell the boss – gently, explaining that whilst you are conflicted between your friend and your boss you think she should know.

Jamie – Member
I did notice it, but thought it was a bit on the chin nose, so left well alone.

Simple…

IF no one knows you know… Don’t say a word.

Leave it for someone else to tell them

Maybe the boss knows and joins in? (I quite like this version)
She wouldnt be happy if you go into her office and let on that you know her little secret.
Could be scope for a blackmail to promotion though……

Haven’t read the whole thread but I guess this won’t chime with the majority opinion- there is literally nothing you can gain from telling anyone this. If it was me, I would just keep my big mouth shut.

I’m sure you are correct in your assumption but surely, there is always a small chance that you might be mistaken? If you then shoot your mouth off you will look mental/ridiculous.

Even if you told your boss and she then could take action I think it is doubtful she will then really appreciate it and promote you to Director of the whole company. More likely even though you did her a favour she will just want everybody involved in the whole thing as far away as possible, especially in a work environment.

It’s really not your business at the end of the day.

I’m not your friend at work btw

I wouldnt tell your boss or your mate, but if you have an overwhelming urge to tell someone I would annonymouly send a message to the husband briefly saying they were seen and maybe he wants to sort the situation out before anything else gets out. If he knows she isnt covering her tracks when texting too, it may be enough to make him think twice.

Risks dont seem so big when you are getting away with it

but at least we think outside the box on here

Fnar

(alright, I know it’s been done, but I’d only just woken up and spotted it as soon as I read it!)

I would concur with the advice – having been witness to a similar situation and seeing what happened there you are on a hiding to nothing telling anyone. Keep schtum about it, be normal, ignore it. If you absolutely have to setup a anon email or get a opp mobile and let the husband know he has been clocked. But really, do nothing.

I would wait until the office was empty and print “x is shagging y” and pin it up on the noticeboard

be careful with your printer history.

The bigger the font the bigger the win.

I’m always amazed by these recommendations to tell wife/boss/dog etc. What makes you imagine that you know enough to assess the situation with all its emotional complications and come up with the perfect judgement? I’m sure the people involved know full well that they are potentially hurting someone, and that they aren’t happy about it, so things are already complicated in their heads. And now you suggest that some outsider wades in with a simplistic internet forum solution? Good luck with that one!

On another subject – I know people who have outrageously flirty conversations by SMS that they have no intention of putting into physical reality, so I tend to view what people write as not very reliable.

I get on really well with my boss and have a lot of respect for her. I feel really awful for her, and I know that if/when it comes out, she will ask if I knew, because I am good friends with the other woman.

Getting back to the initial question, I think the safest course of action would be to send an email to your boss making it absolutely clear that you don’t know that her husband is “having an affair with” your friend. That way everybody’s in the clear.

If nobody knows that you know, then you don’t know.

If the boss and husband originally got together via an affair, then hell scud it into the pair of them. Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword. If the mate is happy to play with fire then it’s her lookout if she gets her fingers burnt.

Here endeth the mixed metaphors.

Do you have evidence that’s it’s physical and not just some mucky pics being exchanged between them?

If you say anything to anyone, it’s out, and there’s no getting the Genie back in the bottle.

If, however, you don’t say anything, there’s at least a fair chance that it will fizzle out and no-one need be any the wiser. At worst, it will come out, and everyone will be in the same situation as scenario 1, except you’re less “implicated”.

Nose out, probably best for everyone (including both your mate, and your boss)

Do you have evidence that’s it’s physical and not just some mucky pics being exchanged between them?

I have seen them in a “compromising position” yes, so we’re not just talking dirty texts here.

After having weighed up the courses of action, I think the best thing is for me to keep schtum, at least for now. It helps that I have now also been offered another job within the company (was waiting for the outcome the past few days) and will no longer be working for the same boss or closely with my (now less trusted) friend, so it gives me the opportunity to be a bit more removed from all involved and keep my distance.

Some sound, wise, funny and downright ridiculous counsel on here – good old STW!

New job out of the blast radius???
Surely that means you can light the blue touch paper and step back to watch the fireworks 😈