Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 117 total)
  • What’s your favourite dad joke?
  • benp1
    Full Member

    Anyone got any good ones? Simple, basic humour

    jimdubleyou
    Full Member

    Was riding past Selfridges yesterday, apparently they don’t.

    razorrazoo
    Full Member

    I’ll post a seasonal one:

    What time did Sean Connery like to take his seat at Wimbledon?

    Tennish

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    alcolepone
    Free Member

    why’s 6 afraid of 7

    7 ate 9.

    why’s 6 afraid of 7

    because 7 is a registered 6-offender

    BillMC
    Full Member

    Man gets hit right in the gob by a ninja star, ‘what kung fu dat den?’

    monkeyboyjc
    Full Member

    I just saw a sheep in a swimsuit drive past on the motorway….

    It was a Lamb Bikini

    WorldClassAccident
    Free Member

    Piece of rope walks into a bar.
    Bar shouts We don’t serve rope! Are you rope?
    He replies: No, I am a frayed knot

    2tyred
    Full Member

    Why does a Frenchman only have one egg for breakfast?
    Because one egg is un oeuf.

    Can’t even type it without chuckling.

    2tyred
    Full Member

    Sorry, we don’t serve time travellers in here.

    A time traveller walks into a bar.

    (plenty more where that came from son)

    igm
    Full Member

    I once told a bad chemistry joke.

    Didn’t get a reaction.

    northernmatt
    Full Member

    What do we want?
    Race car noises!
    When do we want them?
    Neeeeeeoooowwwwww!

    bubs
    Full Member

    A storm blew off 25% of my roof… oof!

    Pyro
    Full Member

    What’s yellow and invisible?

    This lemon just here >

    claudie
    Full Member

    what’s big and red and eats rocks, a big red rock eater

    what’s yellow and dangerous, shark infested custard

    what did the big chimney say to the little chimney, you’re too young to smoke

    I’ve got more if you want …

    dcwhite1984
    Free Member

    My sister works at the gas board if you want to meet her?

    jonnyfelloff
    Free Member

    What don’t you ever see elehpants hiding in trees? Because they’re good at it.

    Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because it would be a foot.

    dcwhite1984
    Free Member

    A man gets turned away from a nightclub for not having a tie, he goes to his car, rummages in the boot and can only find jump leads, he fashions a tie out of them, goes back to the club.

    The bouncer takes one look at him, “Alright mate, you can come in just dont start anything”

    dynamiccoins
    Free Member

    Son: Mummy, mummy, can I lick the bowl.
    Mum: No son, flush it like everyone else

    edward2000
    Free Member

    What do you call a Zoo with only one animal? A Shihtzu

    submarined
    Free Member

    How do you make an octopus laugh?
    With ten tickles.

    What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?
    ‘rrrrr’?
    Arrrrrrr, ye’d think so, bit it’s actually the C….

    What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?
    ‘c?’
    Arrr, ye’d think so, but it’s actually Rrrr.

    <Repeat until child hates you>

    oceanskipper
    Full Member

    What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?

    a doyouythinkhesawus

    Why did the golfer throw away his socks?

    Because he had a hole in one..

    fasthaggis
    Full Member

    “Hello,I’m a wide mouthed frog”*

    * all Dads should know this joke

    Ewan
    Free Member

    timba
    Free Member

    I was sacked from my last job as a teacher for being cross-eyed…

    …I couldn’t control my pupils

    baddddad
    Free Member

    Doctor: I’m sorry we had to remove your colon

    Me Why?

    Kelliesheros
    Free Member

    Why does Edward Woodward have four D’s in his name?

    Otherwise he would be called Ewar Woowar!

    joshvegas
    Free Member

    What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?

    Ian

    shermer75
    Free Member

    Man gets hit right in the gob by a ninja star, ‘what kung fu dat den?’

    The problem with this is that it’s actually funny

    bentandbroken
    Full Member

    What’s orange and sounds like a Parrot?

    A Carrot

    greyspoke
    Free Member

    One to bring out at Easter:

    What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

    Hot cross bunnies!

    Fat-boy-fat
    Full Member

    What do you call a frozen one eyed dinosaur?

    Still doyethinkhrsauras.

    markspark
    Free Member

    What’s the most common owl in the world?

    The teat owl

    augustuswindsock
    Full Member

    How do Mexicans keep warm?
    ….they use chicken fajitas!

    progboytam
    Full Member

    What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday?

    AYE MATEY

    LeeW
    Full Member

    I was on a call the other day, we were waiting for someone to join when one of the participants asked if this person ‘is around’, I replied ‘no, he’s kind of people shaped’, which got far more groans and comments of ‘dad joke’ than I expected.

    anono
    Full Member

    I’ll tell you what I love about camping, it’s a really intense experience.

    Andy_B
    Full Member

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Europe
    Europe who?
    No, you’re a poo!

    Tried and tested on my 8yo nephew, get’s him every time.

    redmex
    Free Member

    New on the market erectile dysfunction drug based on penicillin called mycoxaflopinn

    connect2
    Full Member

    What’s pink and fluffy?

    Pink fluff

    What’s blue and fluffy?

    Pink fluff holding its breath

    colournoise
    Full Member

    What’s brown and sticky?

    A stick.

    (childishly probably my favourite joke full stop)

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 117 total)

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