I’ll open this thread by saying this is not a dig at anybody who’s engaged, recently married or recently separated/divorced. It is not my intention to belittle or pass judgement on anybody’s experiences or views. Everyone is different, every couple is different and if marriage is or isn’t your thang… awesome 🙂

Now to the point… what does marriage mean to you?

I know people who won’t consider a couple to be committed unless they’re married, I know people who have been married for 45+ years, I know people who have been married for 20 years then divorced the moment both kids left home, I know people blah blah blah etc etc etc. Basically everyone sees it differently, has their own opinion on its validity, what it means, what it proves…

So, for the married people… What does it mean to you? Was it religious, are you religious? Has it added a strength to something that might have fizzed out if it wasn’t for that piece of paper? Tell me about it 🙂

And, for the unmarried… Will/would you ever get married? If not, why not? Religious? Been married before? As above… I’m interested in your opinion and experience 🙂

Personally I’m in the ‘shouldn’t need a piece of paper to prove your commitment to each other’ camp. Mrsconsequence and I have been together for years and have in the words of our friends/families… ‘a much healthier relationship’ than those around us who have gone down the marriage route so the only reason we’d be getting a certificate of marriage is if we found out one of us was terminally unwell to make the legal stuff easier. We’ve considered our friends and families though and at some point we’ll have a big party in which we ‘celebrate our relationship and future together’. Can’t explain in words how much I love her, even when she’s a complete nightmare… if marriage was still the norm in society then we’d have been married years ago… but seeing as we live in enlightened times I’m quite happy that we don’t need to get a certificate of completing a religious ceremony to prove that to people we don’t know 🙂

Now to the point… what does marriage mean to you?

It meant a lot to my partner. She means a lot to me, hence I complied.

‘a much healthier relationship’ then those around us who have gone down the marriage route

Being married/not married doesn’t change your relationship (IMO). If you were married you would be the same two people. But people find it easy to say shit like that.

You can have sex once you are married!

Means nothing to me, partner agree’s, so we’ll continue to “live in sin”.

Now if only I could get her to agree that other ppl’s mariages are also point-less, so I don’t need to go to them.

Yours, a grump.

It’s similar to setting up a company. It puts a partnership on a formal basis which is useful for various legal processes like dissolving the partnership or death.

If you have no intention of it being a permanent partnership then obviously there is no point.

We’re completely non religious and always been of the opinion that marriage just a piece of paper or a tax break.

about 3 years ago, I started thinking that getting married would be all of the above, plus an excuse for a good party.

2 years ago, something changed in me and I really wanted to get married, so I asked and she accepted.

1 year ago we got married. Farm in the countryside, married in the barn, sat outside on the lawn in the sunshine with all our friends and close family drinking champagne, eating cake, drinking real ale, eating more cake. Hog roast and live band in the evening in the barn. Awesome.

It was great. Doesn’t feel like much more commitment to me, we already had a mortgage. But it does feel great to know that we are married.

Can’t put it in to words, but I like being married.

Dave

+1 for the ‘she wanted to’, would never have initiated it myself, just a bit of paper after all. Got told when to turn up at church and that was all I had to do. Was a good day though, downhill after that!

You can have sex once you are married!

Yep, just the once.. 😥

I bought her and now I want her to stay.

I think I’m pretty much of the same mind as the OP.

I don’t see the point in marriage, it doesn’t change anything. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me whether I love my OH or not.

That said, it’s something that’s important to her, so I’ve every intention of proposing at some point, as Surfer suggests.

You can have sex once you are married!

As long as she doesn’t find out 😯

it certainly doesn’t pay to be or get married, quite the opposite.

I read as far as

It is not my intention to belittle or pass judgement on anybody’s experiences or views

Erm…. You are aware this is an internet forum, aren’t you? 😉

For me it was to stop my mother in law, who I have never met, from having any legitimate claim over my kids or my cash in the event of my wifes death. Just seemed easier than writing a will.

Who says romance is dead

its a bit like an ipad, i have no need, i just wanted to.

and im sure she’ll really appreciate being compared to an ipad!! 😯

5th said it quite well, the company analogy not the “she doesn’t find out” bit

Kind of agree with OP but am getting married in October. We have a mortgage and child, and so it is not to prove anything but it will be noce to all have the same name. There are also things that will be easier when we are married. My daughter had to get an Irish passport because although I am English and my daughter was born here, my fiance is Irish and so the passport goes with the mother since we aren’t married. It is little bits of red tape that will just be easier, but things wont be any different in our house

i did it to make the wife happy, which is a good enough reason for me

also made my folks and her folks happy
and i worry that there would be some stigma for our kids born out of wedlock!

and its the only time im gonna have a massive party, invite only the people i want and dictate the music, food, drink venue etc

and religion can kiss my ring

Well ours was partly due to Visa requirements, and partly to get everyone together to have a big celebration of our commitment. Didn’t cost a lot and was fun 🙂

my mother in law, who I have never met

how did you get that so right, yet this so wrong?

Just seemed easier than writing a will

😉

Been there, done that, twas good for a while. People change, want different things.

Wouldn’t do it again, neither would I share my space with anyone again. Miserable old cah? Yep, that’s me. 🙄

Seriously, as an institution, it hasn’t changed and not really sure whether it’s ‘appropriate’ for these times, or, indeed, can survive in its present form.

how did you get that so right, yet this so wrong?

Yeah, from a purely selfish point of view, my wife getting kicked out by her own mother at 15 has paid dividends!

I can use her CGT allowance, saving me £4k in tax a year.

And 8 years was long enough for her to realise what she was getting into & she didn’t run away, so I figured she was a keeper.

Not married – but have lived together for 23 years. 3 grown kids, all of whom are great, and none of whom want us to get married. When people ask why we’re not married, I tongue in cheek say “we don’t want the commitment – either can leave at any time”. There is a point to get married though – as a dad, I had no legal right of access to the kids (until they were under 18), as we were not married. Also, inheritance tax is payable should either die; (Common law only exists legally in Scotland). So, the point of getting married is in case you split up (splitting up includes dying!).

At the end of the day, the decision is yours (and your partners).

At the age of 46, and having never been married (and having refused, or at least, put off, three offers), it means a whole lot to me. When I do, and with my current partner (who also has never been married) it’s just a matter of timing, it will signal to both of us our belief that we have found our partner for life.

Just seems like a very nice thing to do.

me & mrs rocket got married later in life and were pretty sure about it without having any peer pressure. Just seemed like the right thing to do at the time but now we have kids I think it gives them a bit more security compared to their mates who have parents who kindof clear off overnight leaving half-a-house and a load of grief behind.

it will signal to both of us our belief that we have found our partner for life

And there you have the answer in full. Chapeau sir, and good luck! 🙂

There was the married tax allowance back when I got married, which I used to buy a GT Zaskar (circa 1992) that’s my excuse.

Still got the bike and the Mrs come to that 😆

I’m getting married soon. We’re having a non religious ceremony (I’m not religious and could happily have gone on unmarried)
This was the future mrs BH’s concession as she is a little bit god squad but is happy to be getting married having thought it may never happen.
To me; marriage means a happy OH, a bit of paper, a ring and a holiday. I’m not being flippant, there is very little as important to me as the future mrs BH’s happiness.

and its the only time im gonna have a massive party, invite only the people i want and dictate the music, food, drink venue etc

How did you get away with this??

The law needs to be changed in regard to the rights of married and non married couples. Surely even those people who are pro marriage would prefer it to be undertaken on emotional grounds rather than to make the legal situation a bit less complicated.

Not married here, same very healthy relationship for the last 25 years. Never once have I thought life for us would be improved by being married.

SiB – Member
+1 for the ‘she wanted to’, would never have initiated it myself, just a bit of paper after all. Got told when to turn up at church and that was all I had to do. Was a good day though, downhill after that!

It dose not sound like religion was the reason to get married so why go a for a Church wedding?

As above, in our 26th year together. I was pro marriage in our early years, but that was because I was brought up in a Catholic household and it took a while to wear off. Wouldn’t want it now, I see it as a church thing only, and see the idea of a marriage outside of the church as pointless. However, I filled out the form a couple of years ago to renew my daughter’s passport and it bounced back saying I hadn’t the right to do it which miffed a bit. We also have to do a bit more work to get equivalence in tax matters, especially inheritance. If it was available I’d maybe go for a civil partnership type deal to sort this out, but I’d prefer it if the state just didn’t recognise marriage in any form and left it to the religious, and where children are concerned, treat both parents as equals.

There’s the romantic answer and the practical answer.

The romantic answer needs no explanation although as some have mentioned, it can be mean more to one partner than the other.

The practical answer is that it is legally simpler in times of crisis. You are each others next of kin without further complication. One dies, the money is instantly available to the other; one is in a coma the other has the decision making power (including the life support decisions). If you aren’t married then you need to make legal arrangements for these conditions and there’s a good chance you haven’t.

everyone’s answers are as valid as the person replying above or below them 🙂 it’s all gravy! not looking for justification or encouragement… just interested in different people’s differing views on the subject.

not many people commented on whether it was a religious thing/religious ceremony… personal subject and can understand why i suppose.

if you’re happy then i’m happy 🙂

EDIT – a load more replies whilst i got round to writing that…. religious comment less applicable now haha.

Religion is as relevant to marriage as it is corporation tax.

It meant a lot to my partner. She means a lot to me, hence I complied.

Agreed. My wife is Catholic and was pregnant, so would have meant a lot of shame for the family. I’ll love her forever regardless. I like being married in a fairly intangible way, but I never felt insecure in the relationship so it didn’t change that much for me. Wedding was great fun but we were skint so planning was a bit stressful. Came together very well in the end. Honeymoon was a month in Oz. That was OK I guess 🙄

it certainly doesn’t pay to be or get married, quite the opposite.

Did for us just about I think 🙂

Chapeau sir, and good luck!

Much appreciated, thank you CF!

And on the subject of religion, I don’t do religion, think the whole concept is utterly ridiculous. However, I’d be prepared to get married in a church if that’s what the good lady wants. There’s no hypocrisy involved, churches just make nice settings for weddings.

The thing I don’t get about marriage is not the idea of commitment etc, but the need to spend 20k on one day.

Loads of people I know spent thousands on their wedding day, and then moan that they can never get on the housing ladder.