There’s nothing but pain

But I’ve got to hang on, I can’t do that to my kids.

But it’s so hard.

Hopefully this isn’t that serious, but if it is, please call the Samaritans 116123 or text SHOUT to 85258.

you’ve made a great start here – get some thoughts down and we’ll see what support (maybe even help) springs up

Don’t quit

There’s also an online chat option – https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/chat-online/ if that feels a better/safer option.

Talk to someone right now – call 116 123

or email Jo@samarititans.org

Don’t sit and stew on anything, speaking to a stranger and sharing your thoughts is a valid route to help

20 months ago I thought the same.
Took a knife to my wrists. Its harder to get right than you think.
I subsequently found there were ways around what I thought were insurmountable problems and that people were able to (and wanted to) help.
Talk to someone soon.

Hi, as folk have said above, talk to someone. Even if it ends up being a splurge of thoughts on here. There’s always help, and talking it through will help find you another perspective, and see the things that aren’t so hard. This forum has a great track record of helping people through all sorts of things.

Virtual hugs to you, too. Things can be hard, but they get better.

Wot they all said.

what seems insurmountable can be tackled.  Been there got the t shirt and I am coming out the other side now

Hello, I don’t post on the forum ever, but I saw this and wanted to reach out. Singletrack is made up of people not computers, and we care. Like the people above said, please speak to someone, anyone. On here is a great start. You are not alone, you are loved, you are important.

How’s it going @deadpool? Keep talking, it will help.

A year ago you were having job interviews and hoping for a new job. Things have clearly changed in the last year. They can change again. Hang on in there. Talk to people, even PM me if you want to.

I’m regularly in the place you are now @deadpool. Things will get better and talking can really help. Samaritans is a great service please call them. If not continue posting on here if it helps. If you want to talk or even just to yell at someone send me a message. Big hugs to you, I know how hard life can be but there are always things that make it all so worthwhile.

Where are you based?

Yes keep talking, I go up and down with a lot of family deaths over the last few years.
Things can and will get better, but also you will have some dark days too, and want to shut yourself off a bit…

..and that’s ok and natural, it’s normal to get upset and feel down, you’re not expected to be smiley and happy all the time.

@deadpool stay strong. There are lots of people here to talk to. Im in N Wales if you want to hang out or talk or ride. Im not in top form due to two brain ops, but im jere if you need someone.

Ian

What every one said DP, please talk to someone, rant on here – get it out, it will help!

Hey stick with it! You’ve made a great start by posting here. People WILL help.

Life can be hard and painful. I live for my wife and children. Whatever you do – please talk to someone. Samaritans offer different means of communicating – email, webchat and phone. I have used their services more than once. They don’t judge but only listen.

Don’t stop communicating – people are here. Please PM me if you need to.

He’s right though, it is a bit shit. Just because someone’s saying it’s a bit shit doesn’t mean they’re standing in front of a noose.
Is life one long period of drudgery peppered with occasional moments of happiness or is it mostly happy with occasional moments of drudgery?!
Music and my children get me through. I think maybe things seem much worse in winter. Get drunk and put some music on. Go to bed and get up again tomorrow. Love, peace and happiness…some other time.

@deadpool, please respond, there’s a lot of people on here that know just how you are feeling right now. You can talk to us, we can help. X

@deadpool hope you’re ok and if you are anywhere need Leamington and want someone to meet up with or if I can help in any way give me a shout.

I never thought I’d be in this position, life and happiness had an upward trajectory for a long time.
But then things change, sometimes it’s slow and sometimes like now the change is sudden and very painful.
There’s good change, my kids, they’re wonderful.
Bad change, my relationship, losing my parent, losing my job. Suddenly I’m unable to provide food or heating, what use is a father that can’t care for his kids.
The anxiety I’ve fought against all my life becomes unbearable, becomes depression, becomes the recurring thought that I’m a burden, of no value, no good, and you’re there, thinking that pills are the best way, or maybe wrists, and that nobody will care anyway, do it.

My kids care, I know they love me and I love then more and they need that love more than anything else.

Thanks everybody. Everybody who commented is a good, caring person. If you ever feel otherwise or somebody tells you different, please remember that you helped a random on a forum.
I know I need to change this way of thinking, I’m going to try.
I won’t let them down.

Thanks for sharing Deadpool, I remember times when I was a kid and we couldn’t afford to put money in the meter. It got better. It’ll get better for you.

I know I need to change this way of thinking, I’m going to try.
I won’t let them down.

Everyone at some point needs a helping hand. If you are struggling ATM please ask for help, don’t try to deal with this on your own.

Whether it’s a call to the Samaritans, a visit to your GP, or a chat with a friend, whatever you do don’t bottle it up. Or hit the bottle!

You might find the Campaign Against Living Miserably (Calm) particularly useful:

https://www.thecalmzone.net/get-support

Apart from the contact number (click on the ‘talk to us’ link at the top) scroll down the link for lots of useful stuff.

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. It may seem overwhelming but as others have said, with some support you can turn things around. Just do the next right thing. One step at a time. Your kids are fortunate to have a parent that clearly loves and cares for them. Don’t overlook that. The other things can be worked through.

, thinking that pills are the best way, or maybe wrists, and that nobody will care anyway, do it.

Your children would, they’d be devastated. They need you more than anything. You complete them.

@deadpool. I lost my job around 6 months ago, and I think I came here as my first port of call for help. Total strangers all willing to give their time to help me reset and restart. I reached out to friends and acquaintances , and some of the best advice came from people I hardly knew. There is lots of online help available, Dr Julie is good for bite size stuff. For me, I wanted to learn why my emotions were so strong, here are some links sent to me by a psychologist pal:

Understanding the emotions

And this one from the School of Life is weird but stick with it as the message is good (and it has a funny bit at the end!)

The main thing is not suffering through this on your own- talking to friends is always good. And keeping a diary or writing in any way that works for you. Here is an article that explains why writing helps…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/building-resilience/201803/writing-healing

Psychology Today is a good website to go to, rather than google. Lots of useful, and informed articles.

Hope some of this helps, and like everybody else that has posted, more than happy to chat.

Bad change, my relationship, losing my parent, losing my job.

For what it’s worth,

I called an ambulance for my mum on Tuesday. She is pretty much the only family I have. When I made the call I genuinely thought it was going to be a one way trip.

Today she is doing better.

I don’t quite know where I’m going with this beyond perhaps “it’s not just you.” I’m not going to patronise you by dictating how much you’d be missed because you know full well if you’ve lost someone yourself.

“What’s the point”? That’s the point right there. As a former partner once said to me, “if you fall over then you’re of no use to anyone else.”

Take care.

I called an ambulance for my mum on Tuesday.

Aside: for anyone who knows me IRL, please don’t bleed this outside of the forum.

Sorry to hear you’re going through that Cougar.

Oh. Gosh. Well, thank you.

It’s a much longer story that I wasn’t going to bring to the forum, but, well. I thought it might help the OP.

I’ve had a properly shit few weeks, truth be told.

@deadpool

I emplore you to keep talking and use the help provided there are plenty of people that will help you, and some of those will be surprising and some not obvious but they need to know in order to provide that help. Please recognise that however bad this feels, it’s merely a blip. The help you need is coming and things will improve. Those children will love you forever no matter how hard it is to support them. Keep talking, keep asking, no one is judging you and everyone is rooting for your success.

Definitely been where you are @deadpool.

Things are going pretty well for me at the moment but I’m well aware that life’s trajectory isn’t smooth and I could well end up returning to a really dark place in the future.

A thought did occur to me. When things are going well, I’m perfectly happy to accept that things can go badly at a moment’s notice. However, when I’m in a bad place, the idea that things can get better is just a completely alien concept.

I’m not sure if that’s normal human nature or just me being a naturally pessimistic bastard 🙂

The anxiety I’ve fought against all my life becomes unbearable, becomes depression, becomes the recurring thought that I’m a burden, of no value, no good, and you’re there, thinking that pills are the best way, or maybe wrists, and that nobody will care anyway, do it.

There’s loads of times in my life I could have written exactly this. I know it doesn’t feel like it at the time but it’s temporary. I took me a long time to get used to living on a mental rollercoaster but I’ve learned to ride out the rough bits because I know they don’t last forever.

nobody will care anyway

This bit in particular, is bullshit. You need to realise that when you take this irreversible course of action, it’ll be devastating for everyone who knows you. I had friends my age who aren’t around anymore. If they could see what they’ve done to their families they’d still be here.

I’ve got a son now so I’m rooted firmly in reality. I know I just have to keep turning up every day even when it seems impossibly difficult.

Where are you and what do you need? STW has helped me find a job and somewhere to live before when I was out on a limb and considering all the options.

Suddenly I’m unable to provide food or heating, what use is a father that can’t care for his kids.

Do you think they will care or even remember in the long run? Just show them that despite all that that you can still be a dad.

Do talk to the Samaritans bid you are having suicidal thoughts. I live with one and they are fantastic.

This bit in particular, is bullshit. You need to realise that when you take this irreversible course of action, it’ll be devastating for everyone who knows you. I had friends my age who aren’t around anymore. If they could see what they’ve done to their families they’d still be here.

I don’t know about the OP, but when I was in a bad state that this kind of advice was deeply deeply unhelpful.

Guilting people into staying alive in the face of unbearable pain is not a sustainable solution. It’s a reminder of yet another source of pressure in a situation that really doesn’t need any more pressure added to it.

I’m not speaking for the OP, just myself.

I came here to say the same as @joshvegas

Your kids will never judge you for that.

And the Samaritans are ace. I used to live with three and was the only member of my family that wasn’t one.

A thought did occur to me. When things are going well, I’m perfectly happy to accept that things can go badly at a moment’s notice. However, when I’m in a bad place, the idea that things can get better is just a completely alien concept.

Very much this. Brains are really weird, at least mine is. A random chat with a stranger the other day about how cycling helped him clear his head made me realise it probably isn’t just me.

If anyone in the Notts/Derby area is feeling the pressure build and needs a random to chat with, I’ll do my best to help.

what use is a father that can’t care for his kids

A lot more use than mine who was dead. You don’t need money to care.