I’d encourage local clubs to use it as a club space on allocated evenings so the tri club meet on a Tuesday and the road club on a Thursday sort of thing.
Also, tea made in a pot – so many cafes get this wrong

An anti-french theme! Has wings..

for a café…..

Needs a vaguely cycling-themed comedy name…. Coasta Coffee?

Can’t think of anything worse than a TV screen in a cafe maybe road racing being broadcast. I love riding a bike road and mountain bike but as a spectator sport on tv I find it so boring and that sky channel that’s dubbed worse than ’70 series white horses is bad at least the white horses had a good tune.
Was in my favourite cafe on Sunday now have a wee dilemma the past two coffees have been pish too weak , they were too busy to chat to but hate paying £2.50 for milky wee cup, they were great in the summer maybe taking a shot out for winter.

Bike stuff:
Very basic spares – I’m thinking tubes and that’s about it.
A Pump or 2.
A multi too on a chain or 2.

Food:
Good cakes without nuts. I’m fed up with going into a cafe and seeing wonderful looking cake spoiled by walnuts or similar. At very least, make it abundantly clear what has nuts and what doesn’t.
Flapjacks without nuts. Can you see a theme emerging?
Good coffee. When I order an espresso I want an espresso and not a small coffee.
Outdoors tap – Saves filling up bidon’s all the time, just send them outside.
Maybe stock a few energy products – hydration tablets, gels, that kind of thing.
Hot food is good but it’s got to be made quickly and be good quality. To often you order a bacon butty and it takes 20 mins, I’d rather you just not bother.
However, a good savoury selection is useful, good scotch eggs, sausage roles, maybe a samosa.
Tea – No idea, friends I have seem to value size of quality.

* Contactless payment (with no minimum purchase / surcharges)
* Big mugs of coffee
* Wide and varied cake selection

* Locks for the bikes – as suggested above. I hate sitting in a cafe nervously watching my bike. Liability? It’s not as hard as it seems, you just have to take reasonable care. Also worth having CCTV pointing straight at the bikes. Partly as a deterrent and partly because when someone inevitably gets a bike nicked you can use it to show that they didn’t lock it properly.

* Keep a stock of energy bars / gels etc to sell.
* Make it warm inside in winter (log fire?)
* Music needs to be good
* Free / fast Wifi
* Clean + warm toilets

Prologue in Harrogate is a good template too. Loads of fresh food (locally made) great coffee and cake, a bike shop and cafe combined, loads of lockup space with free locks to use and they actively promote anyone to use it. Consequently there are Women’s fitness squads in there mid morning, Ladies Who Lunch, cyclists of whatever genre and they’ve got a huge TV..

The success I think is due to opening and encouraging non cyclists to use it.

But don’t supply locks. You are not responsible for people looking after their expensive toys. Though CCTV of the bike parking area would be a good idea after a recent incident in Hope.

CCTV with monitors inside so people can keep an eye on their own bikes. But nothing wrong with providing some loaner locks for a bit more peace of mind too, and point out that all parking is at your own risk.

The successful “cycle” cafes seem to be the ones that are great cafes in their own right, and attract customers beyond the cycling crowd. If you don’t have experience working in cafes, consider doing so for a while to work out how you want to run your own. And good coffee is a basic expectation these days, if you’re not planning to buy in the skills then you’ll need to be able to make all the usual posh coffees yourself.

Sell strong coffee and offer a while-u-wait bike fettling service.

To keep flashy happy avoid frenchness. But embrace germanness.

Call the cafe ‘Fichs’

Good coffee and cake. Actually, good coffee cake would go a long way. Everything else is covered. Tools, sure. Parts/mechanic… probably a bad idea unless you’re looking to end up like Look Mum, No Hands.

I’ll chuck in ‘The Wall’ as a potential name. Just for the giggle factor.

sausage roles

Kinky

‘The Wall’ as a potential name.

Great shout! or how about, ‘Quiet Legs’ ?
Definitely not ‘Bonking’.

If you don’t have experience working in cafes, consider doing so for a while to work out how you want to run your own

Alas, this is not going to be possible. I do however have a close friend that runs a great cafe in East London to call upon for advice.

Lemon drizzle cake. Proper stuff where the lemon goes right inside.

It would be the sharpest drizzliest most drenched Lemon Drizzle in the county.

Do French people even say chapeau in that way or is it just us?

I bumped into a French bloke on a local trail, we had a chat and he told me he was doing the Camino de Santiago, out and back from Toulouse. ‘Chapeau’, I enthused. He looked puzzled, touched his hat, said ‘errr.. oui.. c’est un chapeau..’, and rode off.

Punctured inner tube exchange. For when you’ve already punctured on a ride and can’t be bothered to patch it yourself; drop in your punctured one and pick up one that’s already been repaired. Gives you something to do on those quiet days when customers come in once an hour.

Good quality coffee and hot chocolate
Cake
Toasties/Paninis
And the one thing no-one else mentioned: Decent loo roll!

Take a ride over to Stan’s on the Downslink and order a coffee plus something to eat. Whilst you are waiting (and waiting) AND WAITING for your order (hoping you get what you asked for) have a think about whether you could do anything better

FTFY..

For some reason, I really don’t like Stan’s cafe. I can’t uite put my finger on it TBH.

DrP

Chapeau Bidon would be a great name…..

No hipster twaddle, no posh coffees, just a normal caf with secure bike parking.

This. You get idiots who think there is an “r” in latte and asking for all kinds of weird coffees done all kinds of weird ways and at the end of the day, its all just a cup of coffee you hipster idiots.

Nice comfy places to sit, a decent mug of tea, cream teas as well, bike magazines scattered around to have a browse of, few little spares like tubes etc

Some great suggestion, but top of my list would be a fire and big mug of coffee with free refill (paid-for by charging proper price for first and getting rid of stupid coffee with froth that takes an age to make). On convivial atmosphere, I like the vinyl suggestions, but how an electronic display of local Strava climbs/leaderboards?

I don’t drink coffee, so I don’t know what’s involved, but it seems to take ages for people to make coffee these days. I’m not that keen on the newer style of cafes (such as Costa or Starbucks) anyhow, but even when the queue is short (one or two customers ahead of you) it can take 10 or 15 minutes before you’re served. If the queue is longer I often give up and go somewhere else.

A couple of other useful features – taps in the loos set high enough from the sink to allow you to fill up water bottles. Sound-proofed toilets (or toilets not right next to the café) are usually appreciated on longer rides!

Ok, officially being added to Slimjim’s cafe:

Proper Lemon Drizzle Cake
Oat cakes
Porridge
Proper Bacon sarnies
Access to free air/pumps
Access to free water
Quick coffee – potentially with free refills
Paninis
Omlettes
Basic Tool access

Premises permitting:

Wood burner!
Outside seats
Bike storage/racks

Plenty of other great suggestions too, keep em coming. this cafe is going to be bloody brilliant.

Chapeau Bidon would be a great name…..

or

Chapeau d’âne

friendly, competent staff (other than yourself).

Good luck!

I’d be happy with some gold blend in a polystyrene cup for £1.50 tbh
That way I can have a coffee and get on with the rest of the ride without waiting for some coffee making show banging and clattering about .

Can’t think of anything worse than a TV screen in a cafe maybe road racing being broadcast

I am not saying have it on all the time btw. Just when events are on, not endless repeated “classics”. Maybe even just with subtitles most of the time for those who are interested.

A cafe where the first words uttered to you by the staff aren’t ‘Have you got a pad to sit on?’ 🙄

No poncy coffee with invented names that are not BRITISH! Black or white and add your own milk. Tea (yuk) the same. The whole rendy cyclist/coffee shop is a bloody silly invention by wimps and posuers who want to feel Italian. In the UK cyclist go to the Milk Bar, have a good strong tea and bugger off back into the rain.
Dirty great wood burner in the winter and wipe clean chairs. Summer needs cheap ice cream.
Quick service that doesn’t let you freeze whilst waiting. A track pump to borrow and a few cheap tubes might help. The café in Tintern fits the bill here. Waitresses in tight jeans or short skirts help on a cold day.

Id like to find it empty.
Id also like to find NO new cycling types in said cafe. just old bitter road men of yore.

Place near us

This place might give you ideas. Not cyclist per se, but very bike friendly. Couple of miles from nearest road. Accessed via a Sustrans route. Formerly derelict farm cottage. How we scoffed at the plans for a cafe.

How we scoff now! Bloody gold mine. Build it and they will come. If it is good enough.

Waitresses in tight jeans or short skirts help on a cold day.

Blimey

Location,

I tend to frequent cafes that are convenient and in nice places. I never go to the one 10miles out of town because I’ve only just warmed up. Equally the one just off the dual carriageway isn’t worth risking death to get to no matter how nice it is.

I will choose cafes that get involved in the local cycling scene. Some let us host TT or race sign on. Others actively organise races and volunteer. Some just give out cake and goods as prizes – things like primes in races.

I used to do a few days here and there in a local cycling café if they were short staffed or busy and I used to bake for them as well.
The problem with cyclists is that they tend to arrive in groups. So the café is dead, dead, massively busy rush, dead.

That means you need food that is quick and simple but good. Stuff that can be done in bulk so if you’re doing one serving of it, it’s just as easy to do 6 servings.

Soup in a big tureen, a big grill for doing a shedload of bacon or fish fingers at once, that kind of thing. Fish finger sandwiches were always really popular and any sort of egg was a winner and pretty easy. Scrambled or poached. That then offers combinations – cheese, egg, beans, bacon on bread / toast or any combination of for very little extra work.

Good coffee is essential as is having the staff who know how to use the machine. You may think latte art is poncy but it shows an experienced barista who takes pride in their work and will go the extra mile to make a really good cup of coffee. And coffee is an easy profit margin and the thing that most people are likely to pop in for. For every person ordering a meal, there’ll be 3 or 4 who just want a coffee and a slice of cake.

If you’re ever in Sheffield, check out Bragazzi’s or The Holt, both cyclist/bike-friendly and awesome normal style coffee, along with some of your fancier styles too.

IF you could offer sandwiches like Bragazzi’s does, you’ll sell out by approx 1pm every single day.

Re: the Stans model (maybe not the tiny, expensive coffees though) I’ve often thought Poynings or Fulking would be a good spot, particularly for roadies

You may think latte art is poncy but it shows an experienced barista who takes pride in their work and will go the extra mile to make a really good cup of coffee.

Does the “latte art”* make it taste any better?

*FFS.

Does the “latte art”* make it taste any better?

You can feel the coffee come alive.
🙂

Not a big fan of Stan’s Bike Shack – probably due to the high prices and slow service. Struggled to find a seat once, 20 hours into a 24 hour ride, until they caught a ‘niff of the joy that comes from overnight rides on the SDW, dawn-dew and sheep-poo!

Does the “latte art”* make it taste any better?

No. It shows someone is actually interested in making coffee which suggests it might be better tasting than normal

What have the hipsters ever done for us?

Where abouts are you from? There’s a one I used to work in that’s for sale in Northumberland.