I am pleased to report that I decided to have tea. But thank you. Especially for the discussion of ant-eaters. 🙂

I think certain cephalopods could be utilised as effective weaponry systems, given the right environment.

Just do it with whatever comes to hand. Stun them with a well-aimed blow from a moth-eaten set of Halsbury's Statutes, then shove their faces in the shredder. 🙂

phosphorus grenade watch the feckers burn.

BOMBERS, Cant beleive no one has sugested them, if I could post pictures my post would have been even funnier!

PS. Could someone oblige by posting a picture of said Bombers.

Somebody DID suggest Bombers – keep up!

something neat and petite for me.

A 14-inch red dildo. You really need to put the effort in with one of those.

Please, I beg you, stop it, stop it now!
Honest to God, this is one of the funniest threads I've read in ages, I've had to go into another room to calm down, I've had tears down my face and everything. This just appeals to my twisted sense of humour, it was all going fine until the anteater, at which point I totally lost it. Thanks, all, you've just made my day.
To come back to the point, while there's a certain visceral joy in laying about oneself with a large edged weapon, and for that it would have to be a Katana, that hand-held rotary cannon just ticks the box called ‘Havoc’
perhaps with a side order of Milspec pump action shotgun.

bommaz n thaa innit

Forcing everyone to read some of these postings would probably do the trick

STW has taught you well.

Perfect for the office assasin

DESKTOP MINIGUN

My very favorite..

I like how that one comes with a coathook, nice practical touch.

I can supply several lovely edge weapons if anyone ever wants to have fun!

Whilst the 3 7ft glaives are a bit unwieldy in an office, the 5ft poll-axe will laugh at puny furniture and even open lifts if your colleagues attempt to get away 😆

The Falchion is short enough to swing and heavy enough to split skulls with ease, the war axe isn't as versatile but axes terrify people.

The best though is the rondel dagger – 14" long with a stout triangular section blade designed to thrust through maille armour with ease.

Finally, the misericord dagger is for that cute little receptionist, designed to send an injured fellow soldier easily on to God it will do the job without making too much of a mess of her…

Destroy the whole Building from 30,000ft up.

I'd use one of these:

Although, I don't know which version.

AC-130H Spectre[30]

* 1× 40 mm (1.58 in) L/60 Bofors cannon
* 1× 105 mm (4.13 in) M102 howitzer

AC-130U Spooky II

* 1× 25 mm (0.984 in) 5-barrel GAU-12/U Equalizer Gatling gun
* 1× 40 mm (1.58 in) L/60 Bofors cannon
* 1× 105 mm (4.13 in) M102 howitzer

I can supply several lovely edge weapons if anyone ever wants to have fun!

Are you an actual dwarf then like in Lord of the Rings?

No, i'm not 6ft+ like that John Rhys-Davies fella! (or whatever he is called).

I do have a nice collection of late medieval weapons and armour though (reproductions for re-enactments)

Couldn't decide between a 12 gauge pump action shotgun and an assault rifle, so….

…I'll go with this.

😯

guns for show, knives for a pro.

Pole-axes are good in a melé, but not so hot in an office space, I'd go with a bearded axe, long enough to get a good body cleaving swing, but you can grip up under the head for close up work and finishing off. That shotgun up there^ is my favourite floor clearing weapon of choice, good spread in close quarters. For general urban renewal, or just showing head office what you think of their restructuring plans, then the AC130U Spooky II has to be the poodle's danglies. Take out the whole bulding with the Bofors and the Howitzer, then use the rotaries on the screaming office drones as they run for safety. Get it all on film, too. Nice!

An aardvark would pi$$ on your anteater…

So many ideas:
http://www.arcadegames.nu/games/Whack_Your_Boss-217.html

Nuke the office from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

PICOLAX!

Personally i think gripping the line manager, using one of those flaying tools to remove his/her pelt whole (remember to keep the face & hair on) then stapling the pelt to the MD's door as a subtle reminder of workforce relations would go a long way towards office harmony.

Either that or grip the MD and place in a large copper pot with a bolt-down collar that will leave his head exposed. Fill pot with water and place on large open fire. Take his wife & children and disembowell them, leaving their corpses on the fire so he can see them as he eventually boils to death in his own juices….

Relatively small, but effective.

Don't want it to be too easy and over too quickly. Pick a weapon that will have a bit of style and grace. I was tempted to suggest a katana but hen I spotted the lightsabre posted earlier. That's way cooler!!!!!!!

Wait until their commuting home and then…

It's much more fun if they've room to run!

Anteater: text nsfw, picture OK

BD's boss regretted 'bring your pet to the office' day.

muddydwarf – Member

Personally i think gripping the line manager, using one of those flaying tools to remove his/her pelt whole (remember to keep the face & hair on) then stapling the pelt to the MD's door as a subtle reminder of workforce relations would go a long way towards office harmony.

I must see if I can get this added to the union handbook

BD's boss regretted 'bring your pet to the office' day.

'Ere, you're 'avin' a laff, aintcha?

Sorry.