… for running amok in the office on a Tuesday afternoon? If you were going to go completely postal and start slaughtering colleagues and smashing up fax machines in a glorious last stand of pointless blood-spattered violence ending eventually with police snipers on live television.
I'm thinking something like this:
but of course am attracted to a retro number, like this maybe:
But part of me suffers nagging doubts that real amok-running needs an edged weapon:
What would you choose?
For the avoidance of any doubt, I have none of these options available, so will probably get on with my work, or perhaps just have a cup of tea… 😀
Remember, it wont do to use a pygmy anteater, or tamandua.
GIANT ANTEATERS!- when you absolutely, positively have to kill every m*********er in the house…accept no substitute! 😀
given that all I can see from my seat is heads, it would have to be something that would decapitate like a 360 lazer beam
but they're probably not easy to come by
.
so given that everyone would just duck into their pods to avoid decapitation, it would have to be short-range grenades or mini-mortars
Guns are simply too impersonal. I'd much rather get up close with something more stabby and slashy.
Having said that, a spikey ball on a chain has always been a personal favourite of mine.
I remember many years ago, there was an article on a news programme, about some police weapons amnesty, and they were showing off some of the delightful implements. One particularly nasty one, was a bicycle chain, connected to a toilet flush pull handle. Not that big a deal, I hear you say, until I tell you that some of the link pins had been pushed out and then reconnected, to accommodate safety razor blades. I remember thinking that only a cyclist could have dreamt that one up.
If you're going to do a Michael ryan, then as much disembowelling and bloodshed as possible, I reckon.
w Highest possible hide quality – skins perfectly; no cuts, marks or holes.
w High capacity, high performance tool, designed for long life and low maintenance.
w Super efficient motor design.
w Extra-thin head with stainless steel centre plate for exceptional handling and enduring strength.
w Lightweight – only 2.9 lbs (1.3 kg).
Although I think the SPC165G spinal cord remover is tempting with it's utilisation of the latest patented technology for grinding away material, including the spinal cord and the meninges (spinal cord skin).
There was always something satisfying about using the pump action shotgun from Quake (the PC game) in the 90s – the way it went 'snick snick' to reload every time. I think I'd go for that, give them a sporting chance to get away while I reload…
Although I think the SPC165G spinal cord remover is tempting with it's utilisation of the latest patented technology for grinding away material, including the spinal cord and the meninges (spinal cord skin).
At this point, the room fell silent, and all eyes turned to Vinnyeh, who calmly continued eating his tuna and mayo sandwich, as if nothing had happened….
On a note of utility…Those "pointy things on the ends of chains" type of weapons, they're going to get, you know, stuck…Aren't they..? I mean, at some point, you're going to have to stop, pull it out of something/one, possibly using a foot as leverage…Gives the have-a-go hero time to bludgeon you with a chair/plant pot…