What to do about people that are a bit tight?

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  • What to do about people that are a bit tight?
  • BillyWhizz
    Member

    In a nutshell . . . .

    Had a get together at our house on Sunday night with 2 other couples. One couple are ex Zim the other are from SA and my gf has known them all for years. I’ve only known them for the last 2 years.

    We supplied food and some drinks, including a R200 bottle of Jagermeister and we all had a good fun evening and got rather drunk, but . . . . whereas one couple bought a bottle of vodka and some coke and drank/shared it, the other couple bought a little cool bag with 2 small cans of beer and 2 spins in it, proceeded to drink everyone elses drinks all night and then took their still full cool bag home with them! lol @losers

    Now we have invited the same 2 couples round for new year and I’m sure we will have a great evening, but it bugs us that this couple are so tight.

    So how to diplomatically tell them to stop being so stingy without spoiling the atmosphere on the evening? Maybe tell them to bring whatever THEY want to drink?

    cheers guys 🙂

    don simon
    Member

    Tell them straight, no diplomacy, if the’re real friends they’ll understand. If they get the hump, who cares?
    If I invite you to my house the drinks are all on me, I wouldn’t want my guests to bring anything and would feel quite insulted that you thought I couldn’t provide for you, and, of course, it goes without saying the reverse is quite true.

    Mi casa es su casa.

    djglover
    Member

    Just tell them that, one of my close mates is a bit tight. I suggested that he bring wine after about the 4th time we cooked for him. The moment was uncomfortable but he is more thoughtful and generous now. He even bought me a meal last time he was in town. Maybe they are skint though and too embarased to say?

    Don- Brit etiquette is normally to bring a bottle ime…..

    I would expect people to bring drinks. If they didn’t I would ask them to next time.

    BillyWhizz
    Member

    As far as I knew, the rules were:

    I would always take a bottle of wine if Invited to a dinner or some meat and a few beers if invited to a BBQ.

    When its going to be a bit of a session like this was and you’re expecting to drink a fair bit, then bring your prefered drink of choice.

    In this case none of us are wealthy or poor – just average working people, the tight couple are no worse off than the rest of us.

    Premier Icon trout
    Subscriber

    I would never expect owt if they do bring it is a bonus
    like wise we would always take something along .

    KT1973
    Member

    I’ve got a mate like this and the problem is he’s loaded. If we are in a pub he waits to buy the last round and always leaves before it’s his turn. He’ll also try and delay this by drinking so slowly that other people end up buying themselves a drink because they can’t be bothered waiting. Jesus, I could go on…..it does my head in. He’s as tight as 2 coats of paint and has a fancy house with property all over and no bloody food in his fridge.
    I’m glad I’ve stopped drinking

    Premier Icon Bregante
    Subscriber

    Speak to the other couple and see if it bothers them. Then invite yourselves round to the tightwads house and all turn up with nowt. Should get the message across 🙂

    One of my mates was really tight I didn’t realise how tight till someone pointed it out. Meeting for a coffee he would drink the free water rather than buy a drink. On my birthday he begrudignly brought me a drink, but would always help himself at my house to anything. People are welcome at mine and I like them to feel at home but he was taking the pee (food, drink, clothes, CDs) We started to notice that he would disappear in the pub when it was someones turn to buy a round (but he would request doubles) he never had his own smokes or invited people to his. I told him straight before someone else did and he just laughed, then another mate told him ‘if he can’t afford to drink with the men, don’t go out with them’ among other things, they had enough and were quite rude. I hardly see him now which is a shame, he earnt a decent enough wage so can’t say he was skint. I don’t drink nor smoke anymore but I would still take a bottle to a friends, if I was invited for a meal. Just open thier cool box and get thier cans open, see what they do.

    Oh yes, we all know someone like this don’t we? Meanness always gets me. The last to buy a round. “Sorry mate, I don’t have any change for the bridge.” And many others.

    Most stingy thing mate did was bring his xbox control to mine allow other people to use it then ask me for new batteries (a week later) as ‘ I was host I should have supplied them’.

    BillyWhizz
    Member

    Most stingy thing mate did was bring his xbox control to mine allow other people to use it then ask me for new batteries (a week later) as ‘ I was host I should have supplied them’.

    LOL – in a class of his own!

    samuri
    Member

    Maybe they’re skint

    hora
    Member

    I’m one of those that drinks slower and hates rounds.

    Its called worried about past drinking/taking more care of myself now but others sometimes think you should put back 10 pints still and drink at a fair pace even though we aren’t 20 still.

    Not everyone sees drinking fast to get pissed asap as essential for social/conversation. Drink supports the social not the otherway round. Plus after 3 pints of liquid I naturally slow down my pace.

    On the OP- tell him before the night. If he’s skint then fine but hoarding others things without sharing is a bad habit to get into. If he gets the hump and no-shows he’s no longer a friend that you need. Imagine times when you might need a friend? Would he be there?

    Premier Icon Stoner
    Subscriber

    I never expect mates to bring wine round as they know I have a hefty cellar. Sometimes they do and that’s cool. When we go out to dinner at friends* I’ll often take a couple of bottles if Ive got some favourite wines that are ready for drinking and worth sharing the pleasure with others. Either way neither me or the mates Id have dinner with would care too much who brought what, when or how much.

    * who am I kidding, when was the last time we went out to dinner with a 5month old baby 🙄 🙂

    I have a couple of seriously tight mates, but also a couple that are skint so finding a happy medium can be an issue.

    we went out for one of the tight mates birthdays a couple of years back, just a pub meal and some drinks. He turned up an hour late because he’d had beans on toast at home before coming out to save buying food at inflated prices! We don’t invite him out much anymore, we’re pretty easy going but everyone has started to have enough now.

    hora
    Member

    A different skint-spin.

    If I go to my bestmates to stay they always have ample booze and food to offer and they are seriously skint due to saving for holidays, wage issues and bigish mortgage.

    Some people would share their last pound with you.

    Funnily he’s mates with me however I always drop everything to help if asked.

    hora
    Member

    Stoner……can I come to yours for dinner? 😀

    thomthumb
    Member

    don’t ind people being skint; but people being tight pisses me off. i have ‘that’ mate too. some of our mates excuse it as ‘doesn’t understand the social norms’. i don’t buy that even if you ask for your round he’s moaning about getting it, moaning about what beer your drinking etc etc.

    as for the ‘coolbag couple’ just tell them straight ‘bring your own drink this time – not like last time’ that should get the message across. or just ask for something out the coolbag 😉

    allthepies
    Member

    Pay a taxi driver to bump them off ?

    BillyWhizz
    Member

    lol @ “not like last time”

    edit: yeah – could send them home via a township! 🙂

    Then there are our other mates who would carefully check out the bottle of wine you’d bring for dinner, pop it in the rack and open the cheap crap they thought was good enough for us.

    I even once (just to see what they’d do) asked the chap what they were cooking for dinner, then carefully selected a good wine to go with the food and presented it saying “…this supposedly goes really well with lamb…” Oh no, still went into the rack while the crap was poured for dinner.

    They’re not mates anymore 😐

    Xylene
    Member

    Isn’t it bad etiquette to open the guests wine?

    I’m tight, but I will pay my way if necessary.

    I hate rounds at the pub. Why would I want to pay for other peoples expensive drinks when mine aren’t that expensive, and no it doesn’t even out by the end of the night.

    I have other friends who are skint and still frivolous with their money. As much as I enjoy seeing them I hate going anywhere with them because it always ends up in getting dinner somewhere and the next thing I know we are 50 quid down, which was budgeted for something else.

    hora
    Member

    Or maybe they enjoy your company soo much that its money truly well spent to them? Revell in this and give them VFM not your paranoia/concern?

    Maybe it is bad etiquette. I don’t know. I reckon you know the point I was trying to make though.

    Xylene
    Member

    Or maybe they enjoy your company soo much that its money truly well spent to them? Revell in this and give them VFM not your paranoia/concern?

    VFM would be not sitting in some crap italian restaurant eating an overpriced steak diane.

    robdob
    Member

    I’m with Hora on the rounds thing. I barely drink if at all and don’t want to be part of the “rounds” as I will have to pay for loads of drinks and hardly have anything myself. So I just say beforehand that I’ll get my own because I don’t drink much, said in the right way and I’ve never had a problem.

    Xylene
    Member

    I reckon you know the point I was trying to make though.

    I do, but at the same time I’m sure there is some dinner party rules about opening bottles of wine that the guest brought.

    A bit cheeky as well that they don’t open at least one bottle, until your taste buds are numb and then switch to the cheap stuff.

    KT1973
    Member

    I say, if you can’t afford it then don’t go. Know what the night out is likely to entail and be prepared to take the hit. If you can’t afford it then tell the others the truth and they’ll be fine. I’ve been there and had to say things like- “I’ll meet you after the meal for a couple of beers because I’m skint” and nobody can hold that against you. One of my sisters earns peanuts and won’t accept handouts, and I basically have to force her to let me pay a bit sometimes just so she can come along to a family occasion and enjoy herself. It wouldn’t be the same without her.
    However- people with loads of cash who fully intend on milking the most out of it on a night out get on my nerves. It’s actually amusing to watch my tight mate when he has to buy a round (now remember he’ll take the drinks no problems)- they alsmost have to prise the cash from his cold dead hands.
    You can’t enjoy it if you’re living like that, counting every penny. Remember- you can’t take it with you, and if you’re trying to live beyond your means then you have to scale it back a bit.
    Been there.

    Yeah, the “rounds” thing. They’re not fair on non-drinkers and lightweights (me). I just say that I’ll look after myself and always make sure to get anyone who buys me a drink one in return.

    It was fine when beer is cheap. These days a pint and a glass of wine could set you back most of a tenner.

    KT1973
    Member

    I absolutely agree about non drinkers or someone who is just having a couple not to get involved in rounds- I would do the same myself, I think this is referring to people who knowingly take the pish out of their mates.
    Another couple of mates were out for lunch with my tight mate and they all left a tip for the waitress, then his tightness went up to the bar to pay and pocketed the change + tip. I could go on all day with stories like this.
    Problem is, under other circumstances he’s a great guy but just not when it involves money. He sees everything as an investment and expects a return. Food and drink are just a necessary evil.
    Probably why he’s minted and I’m not. 😀

    mogrim
    Member

    Isn’t it bad etiquette to open the guests wine?

    I thought it was the other way round? I always open my guests’ wine first – that way if they’re tight and they’ve brought crap they get to suffer it too 🙂

    Personally I don’t think I’d invite someone that tight to dinner, at least not more than once. Meet up with them somewhere else where that kind of awkward situation would never arise.

    Xylene
    Member

    Meet up with them somewhere else where that kind of awkward situation would never arise.

    Brothel might be a good choice. The friendly enforcer would ensure he paid his way.

    mooman
    Member

    ….. its you hosting the party. Surely its up to you to provide the food & drink then?

    It is polite for them to bring a bottle maybe – but certainly not expected.
    If they did bring a bottle though, and it was a nice one, you should have then made a point of opening it to share ….if it was a bad-un? Well, they could take it home with them.

    thomthumb
    Member

    no shame in opting out of rounds before you’ve had the drinks bought for you my mate starts arguing about things when it’s his round!!

    don’t get me started on couples who you buy drinks then they get you one back. eh?

    I’ve found the new range of Durex play lubricants to be pretty effective.

    Premier Icon Coyote
    Subscriber

    Fraid there are two choices here, based on personal experience.

    You either take it on the chin and accept that, despite their tightness, they are good company and if they come to yours then you will provide the lion’s share. Alternatively you mention it to them, they either take offence or get embarrassed and things are not the same again.

    What is the experience when you go to theirs? Do the refreshments flow freely or are you expected to provide there as well? Was this the first time that they had been to yours? Maybe things will be different next time.

    BillMC
    Member

    Not paying your way in social situations is one of the least cost efficient ways of saving money, your reputation is shot for the sake of a few quid. What I hate most is that skinflints force everyone else to think like them, forcing people up to the bar etc etc. I knew a guy who was loaded at one point (3 aeroplanes, enormous house) who would still raise a cheer in apub when he put his hand in his pocket. I gave up on him because the irritation outweighed the benefits of his company.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    I would never expect owt if they do bring it is a bonus

    +1

    But often I put it under the stairs anyway because I’ve already got some nice wine lined up to go with what I’m cooking.

    I hope I haven’t been offending people though. My wine probably cost more, if that matters.

    re. what to do about tightness, you could try this…

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwrdRppSGUE[/video]

    mogrim
    Member

    But often I put it under the stairs anyway because I’ve already got some nice wine lined up to go with what I’m cooking.

    I hope I haven’t been offending people though. My wine probably cost more, if that matters.

    I’d say it does matter – if I took a bottle round to someone’s house and they opened up a bottle of cheap table wine I’d certainly feel offended.

    _tom_
    Member

    I don’t like buying in rounds, when it starts I feel a pressure to keep track of whats been bought so I can reimburse properly. Fine for the first few drinks but after that it gets too confusing 😆

    mogrim
    Member

    ….. its you hosting the party. Surely its up to you to provide the food & drink then?

    Depends on the party, your social circle, age, etc. etc. The fact that the OP’s stingy friends took a couple of beers with them implies that bringing a drink is expected.

    Premier Icon firestarter
    Subscriber

    Each to their own I say, if I invite people round I make sure I’ve loads of ale in enough so I don’t need any bringing. One of my mates doesn’t bring owt (but he has loads at his for drinks round his gaff) but another always brings at least two crates. I don’t expect people to bring stuff when I invite them and they don’t expect it of me I just take it as I think its right. Some don’t, horses for courses 😉

    Tho our kid did hammer my laphroaig the other day which was annoying as he wasn’t sure he liked it lol on the other hand I’ve four crates of cider some bitter and Guinness left and a bottle of wine so its swings and roundabouts

    I find the differeing attitudes with wine to meals interesting

    When I cook for people I tell them to bring wine. I tell them what the meal is so they can chose the right wine.

    I’ll make a joke out of opening it – ” which ones the best we will have that first”

    I do tend to cook for others more than they cook for me so this way it evens out. I buy the food they buy the wine

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    I’d say it does matter – if I took a bottle round to someone’s house and they opened up a bottle of cheap table wine I’d certainly feel offended.

    Yeah, but (without wanting to sound ungrateful or poncey) I usually serve better, more expensive wine than people bring – and I stash their Blossom Hill away quickly.

    I do check that they’re happy to drink my wine (people’s tastes differ of course), but am I committing some horrifying breach in social etiquette?

    Is this why I didn’t get any Xmas cards?

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