Beards itch because the ends of the hairs are sharp, especially if you wet shaved before you started to grow it, just trim a mm or so off it, it’ll square the ends of the hairs off and stop it itching, honestly there’s so much bollocks written on this subject.

Now this thing has stopped itching, what should I do with my time?

A thick layer of sudocrem will work wonders.

And then spend my time cleaning it out? That could waste a few hours!

Surely it can’t be that difficult to get sudo-cream off something hairy?

I see what you did there! Nice!

I’ve never had any of that in my beard, so I can’t help.

this should stop the itching

Ooft that causes itching keva. Horrible things them.

Just keep it clean properly.  Shampoo and (maybe) condition it. Give it a really good rub to get the skin clean, it’s just like the rest of the hair on your head, if you don’t wash it then it’ll end up greasy, and full of dirt and dandruff.

You can get beard shampoo/conditioner but apart from having to remove slightly more soup and biscuit than normal shampoo and smell more manly I couldn’t see the point spending my own bike part buying money when I could nick my OH TreSemme.

Soap works as well, but you end up with a beard the texture of pubes rather than hair.

Well let it grow to the lost in the wild stage then trim it back.

I tried that, as far as I could tell it just looked like I’d been lost in the wild for slightly less time, I don’t have one of those beards you can comb into shape and make it look neat!

I made the stupid mistake of shaving in December. Seriously you weirdo’s how do you cope without a beard, it’s f****** freezing riding a bike in winter without a beard.

Pre beard I had a similar dilemma…

A quirky chap selling beard paraphernalia suggested I use his brand of beard oil to stop the itch…

Worked wonders for the week or two it’s deathly itchy…don’t need it now I’m at ‘hobo’ beard lengths..

DrP

Beard shampoo and conditioner every few days, but beard oil and a brush after every shower. My beard is much softer and less unruly now

I have a nice orange and clove smelling oil that’s a very pleasant smell

I thought this would be perfect for a random/ comedy type finish…let me try again.

Now this thing has stopped itching, what should I do with my time?

I think I will start making intricate pastry lids for my casseroles.

Have you tried naga chilli oil in your beard to stop the itching?

An illicit substance of your choice after the itching stops.

Beard shampoo

Or to give it its proper name, “shampoo.”

Have you tried a warm class of MTFU?

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=groundhog+day+meme&rlz=1C1PRFE_enGB616GB642&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiuidSv043bAhXpLMAKHRjpCS8Q_AUICigB&biw=1357&bih=635#imgrc=K9VWKVMaFx04-M:

Excellent work!