what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?

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  • what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?
  • I used to work with a young lad from India. One day whilst regaling him with stories of our drinking prowess and exaggerated claims of how many disgusting shots we’d managed to down he blurted out..

    ‘Thats nothing, in India we drink bulls milk !’

    10 years on and it still cracks me up…

    Premier Icon Storer76
    Subscriber

    I was late for dinner with the inlaws one evening, when asked why, i replied that I’d been covering the Bishop’s funeral, and had been stuck in the Cathedral all afternoon, to which the MiL asked “Oh, is he dead then?”

    don simon
    Member

    “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    yunki
    Member

    just now.. on the phone to Tesco Direct Mrs yunki was making a payment on her order using my debit card..

    the Tesco salesperson requests to speak to the owner of the debit card to get authorisation for the cards use..

    the phone is passed to me..

    ‘is it ok to take this payment for £x amount please Mr yunki..?’

    ‘yes’

    ‘great thanks very much’

    She could have passed the phone to my 2 year old son, or a Chilean dictator, or Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler to authorise the payment..

    excellent work..

    mema
    Member

    I was sitting in the pub in Durness having just cycled up from Ullapool in the pissing rain and wind (im getting my excuses in first!) Anyway having a well earned pint and Im looking out the window and saw a land rover type car and a caravan next to it…they both had the same number plate obviously….and before I could stop myself saying it; I said that it was a bit odd, there must be something strange going on there! Que fits of laughter.

    lowey
    Member

    About 3/4 the way through watching District 9, my eldest daughter asked if it was a true story.

    yunki
    Member

    some of the things said here are quite dumb.. (emz example made me cackle) but are think there are also a few witticisms amongst the examples that perhaps went over the listeners heads..

    maybe there should be a thread asking ‘what is the dumbest person you have witnessed hearing something..?’

    don simon
    Member

    ‘what is the dumbest person you have witnessed hearing something..?’

    A person. 😀

    yunki
    Member

    mleh mle mleh mleh mleh..
    I would have said a wally but there you go

    organic355
    Member

    Me: I am looking forward to my skiing holiday
    Young trainee: Yeah your off to Holland right?
    me: Yeah theres loads of mountains there…
    YT: Yeah thats where they do the yodelling right?

    YT: Ive just been to the dentist to get a filling
    Me: Did he give you one of those forms for airport security?, as the filling will set of the metal detectors.
    YT: No he didnt, I had better go back and get one…

    organic355
    Member

    Me: Would you like some of my wedding cake?
    YT: No I dont like Parmezan

    enduro-aid
    Member

    Girlfriend and I are sitting watching TV and she is surfing the web looking for some new kitchen furniture..

    girlfriend finds a possible new dining table and calls me over to look at it

    girlfriend…”would you look at that its called an occasional table but i dont care how occasionally you use it, its tiny you could never fit 4 people round that”

    Me…let me explain…….

    Premier Icon GrahamS
    Subscriber

    “an occasional table”

    What is it when it isn’t a table?

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    My ex-sister-in-law:

    “Religion never did anyone any harm.”

    xiphon
    Member

    When my girlfriend said “yes” to something I asked her, which meant she was now my Fiancee… ha ha

    _tom_
    Member

    “Without this £100 hdmi lead your picture will be all pixated and the colours less vibrant”

    Comet sales staff ftw 😆

    mudshark
    Member

    A 40 year old female friend of my Mum’s a while back –
    ‘How old do you have to be to be a teenager?’.

    Yeah it’s a stupid name for a table. S’like having an occasional dog or an occasional pen-knife or something. Stupid.

    Premier Icon drain
    Subscriber

    A client saying “What we really want is some high level detail”. 🙄

    I was _that_ close to playing back to her Douglas Adams’ line that “what we want are clearly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty” just to see if she twigged…

    godzilla
    Member

    A girlfriend of my So asked if the sun and moon where the same thing..

    fisha
    Member

    Driving about on shift the other night through country lanes looking for folk out and about , one of the lads in the van comments on having a pair of night vision goggles.

    Girl in the van says ” night vision goggles? what do you see with them? its dark out there !”

    nuff said.

    aidso
    Member

    During a GCSE IT class, my teacher was looking for ideas/enhancements to help people with disabilities use computers. After taking a few suggestions she came out with..”Braille keys on a keyboard for blind people”.

    For several weeks after I couldn’t stop laughing every time I seen her.

    Nearly as good as a mate suggesting YouTube should add subtitles for blind people….

    Premier Icon GrahamS
    Subscriber

    After taking a few suggestions she came out with..”Braille keys on a keyboard for blind people”.

    Why is that a dumb idea?

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B000V5IFSS
    http://www.rnib.org.uk/shop/Pages/ProductDetails.aspx?productID=ht22201

    Premier Icon Ben_mw
    Subscriber

    A couple for you,

    Sat in a bar in San Francisco and get chatting to the bloke next to me. He’s telling me about an upcoming fishing trip to Alaska and mentions taking his car. I ask if the USA and Canada have any kind of agreement with regard to passports and border crossings like we have in Europe where you just drive straight through borders, or at worst get your passport looked at, but never have to go through immigration proper. (Forms filled, passport stamped etc). He reply’s with –
    I’m not going to Canada, I’m going to Alaska.
    (me) Sorry, I thought you said you were driving.
    I am.
    (me) So when you drive through Canada to get to Alaska, do you need to go through all the immigration stuff?
    Alaska is part of the USA, not Canada. I thought you Europeans were good at geography.

    Stop at a petrol station in Rural Utah trying to buy cigarettes. Told that they don’t sell them, but the petrol station the other side of the road does. Decide to leave car and walk. As I cross the forecourt there is a senior gentleman banging on the car window, which my missus is very firmly keeping shut.
    Wander over to see what’s happening and get talking to the bloke, he’s very friendly, just wants a chat. Tells me he’s down this end of the state for a funeral, and that he’s never left Utah in all his life, probably about 70 years. Asks me where we’re from, and this is the start of the misunderstandings. I tell him –
    (me) Britain
    So you’re Canadian?
    (me) No, British
    Yes, that makes you Canadian
    (me) Ah, you’re thinking of British Columbia, we’re from Great Britain, you know, in Europe?
    (This is when I realised that lots of Americans don’t know of Great Britain. UK is fine, so is England, and at a push Scotland – but Britain, no).
    (me) I’m from England, my girlfriend is Scottish
    Ah, ok, so you’re from the UK?
    (me) Yes
    So how come your car has California plates?
    (me) We hired it at LA airport.
    (A little bit of discussion until I realise that Rental, not Hired makes sense to him)
    So…Why didn’t you bring your own car?

    Just as I’m pondering trying to explain the large body of water between Britain and the USA, he decides it’s time to move on with the best line ever – “You sure do speak good English for a European”!

    During a GCSE IT class, my teacher was looking for ideas/enhancements to help people with disabilities use computers. After taking a few suggestions she came out with..”Braille keys on a keyboard for blind people”.

    For several weeks after I couldn’t stop laughing every time I seen her.

    Nearly as good as a mate suggesting YouTube should add subtitles for blind people….

    You know blind people use computers and the internet don’t you? and there are some videos on the internet that have captions spoken?

    Who’s the idiot now

    aidso – not so stupid. Blind folk do use computers and do have specialist keyboards including braille ones.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    The UK and America, two nations divided by a common language.

    rossi46
    Member

    Stepping inside from the cold snowy windy weather outside my housemate says “Cor its cold isnt it?”

    No S… Sherlock

    Premier Icon GrahamS
    Subscriber

    Ben_mw: Judging by the “Not Always Right” site, Americans not understanding the concept of “Canada” is a frighteningly common problem:
    http://notalwaysright.com/category/canada 😀

    Premier Icon StuF
    Subscriber

    boss: we have to focus on everything

    We have a facebook group set up of a guy we know and all his Geoff’isms

    “It’s a recipe waiting to happen”

    “You’re gonna burn like Jesus did”

    “but Geoff, Jesus didn’t burn”
    “well he should have”

    Geoff’s back garden over looks..

    ‘yeah, used to be an old orchard, now its just some trees’

    I say, I say lads. I’ve had this tune going through my head for days wondering if you could help….La La La La La La La La La (to the theme tune to Black Beauty)

    Geoff: …it sounds like he needs a sidedog
    Olly: a what?
    Geoff: a sidedog!
    Olly: do you mean sidekick
    Geoff : ah yes, thats it

    That blokes built like a sh*t brickhouse’

    Premier Icon wors
    Subscriber

    We went to Wales a few months Back, we pass a sign saying “traeth beach”

    wife: thats supposed to be a nice beach
    me: bites lip
    after seeing several more signs
    wife: ahhh it’s welsh for beach.

    Was she also on the lookout for all the ARAFs that you slowed down for?

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    we pass a sign saying “traeth beach”

    Mate of mine fell foul of that little gem a few years back. “Christ, that must be a big beach!”

    Premier Icon wors
    Subscriber

    Was she also on the lookout for all the ARAFs that you slowed down for?

    My mate fell for that one, “whats an ARAF?”

    cbrsyd
    Member

    Said by a chap at work as he looked at hundreds of starlings getting ready to roost as it got dark the day after the clocks had gone back in October.

    “Amazing isn’t it how the birds know the clocks have changed”

    My daughter once saw some pigeons so asked me ‘Are chickens scared of Robin Hood?’.

    But she’s just a kid and they’re not right in the head anyway.

    LMT
    Member

    A good few years ago, BT fitted some new phone boxes on the high street, just the box as they where work in progress.

    My sister asked my dad why there was no phones in the phone boxes, my dad replied so people can talk to themselves. She believed it, for quite a few years!

    The biggest daft thing is when im at work normal question is, where’s the milk ? erm the section your standing in front of?!

    “Braille keys on a keyboard for blind people”.

    For several weeks after I couldn’t stop laughing every time I seen her.

    Still laughing, now that you’ve made the stupidest comment on this thread? 😆

    Onzadog
    Member

    Snowboarding holiday in whistler. There was a woman from Florida on the same lesson. She asked what time the lift closed. I said half two. She looked confused. The guide clarified by saying two thirty. Woman then turned to me and ask why I couldn’t speak English properly!.

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