What crass slogans or signs have you seen in the office?

Home Forum Chat Forum What crass slogans or signs have you seen in the office?

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 44 total)
  • What crass slogans or signs have you seen in the office?
  • tyger
    Member

    I'm sure there must be loads of "Message Statements" that have made you cringe!!

    Mackem
    Member

    "flexible is another way of saying 'lack of control'"

    mrben100
    Member

    I'm sure its a famous one:

    'it's not the hours you put into the work, it's the work you put into the hours'

    Funny when said I'd be prepared to work twice as hard and do half the hours I normally work for the same salary they didn't seem to keen!

    Back to coasting I suppose!

    Premier Icon oldfart
    Subscriber

    Royal Mail being slow on the uptake years after everyone else decided they didn't expect us to work harder just smarter .Ho hum .This got me thinking about all the management speak out there and wondering if the person uttering the meaningless drivel realises how irritating they are .Examples ;Blue Sky Thinking ,Run It Up The Flagpole See Who Salutes ,Think Outside The Box and the latest gems that keeping popping up in the media .
    Lets see how this affects things going forward and how many people appear to be on a journey !FFS talk sensibly don't try and be frickin clever ."Educated "half wits ! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

    Premier Icon ctznsmith
    Subscriber

    My mind was with the Muffin Man.

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    We had a rash of "motivational" posters put up last year, so I put this one up…

    will
    Member

    ๐Ÿ˜†

    Premier Icon oldfart
    Subscriber

    Northwind love it !

    HeathenWoods
    Member

    Heh. Funnily enough, on the wall above my desk I have the very symbol that the-muffin-man has posted above. I think the slogan from Bullshit Detector Vol.2 would work well….

    jond
    Member

    No particularly crass ones, but we do have a set of 'motivational' posters in our small canteen: Strength, Goals, Perseverance, Attitude, Teamwork.
    I'm sure they'll be somewhere on here:
    http://www.allposters.com/-st/Motivational-Posters_c12920_.htm

    Gawd knows who thought it was a good idea…we're engineers, give us interesting engineery things to solve and we'll be happy bunnies…

    porterclough
    Member

    Where I used to work there was an office manager who stuck notices everywhere, "Turn off after use", "Please leave this area as you would want to find it", "Bicycles are not allowed in the cellar", "Do not store anything here without written permission", etc., they were everywhere. So I printed off a poster that said "Please do not stick posters here" and stuck it to one of the cupboard doors.

    It lasted about 2 hours before she saw it and ripped it down…

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Just saw one not 10 minutes ago that said

    'The only difference between Try and Triumph is a bit of Umph!

    FFS!

    I can't really bad mouth the project on STW, but suffice to say a simple bit of umph won't make much difference..!

    Premier Icon ourmaninthenorth
    Subscriber

    Every time I go to the lav, I pas through a door with a notice on it asking if I am devlivering project management.

    I have – only just – resisted the urge to respond, in writing with "No, I'm just going for a sh*t".

    Maybe if this Friday's interview works out, I'll do that just as I leave….

    Premier Icon crazy-legs
    Subscriber

    The place I used to work at was well known for not spending anything on extra equipment, nothing ever got replaced when it broke so we were spending half the day searching the labs for a working piece of equipment that no-one else was using.
    We had a noticeboard where management used to stick motivational posters and various bits of "essential" information.

    So I stuck this up on it:

    It lasted about 2hrs before it was replaced by a notice that said if management found the culprit, they'd be disciplined for misconduct.

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    I can't claim credit for this but in an old job someone stuck up a "there is no I in team" sign. Someone else stuck up under it "There is no U in team either".

    Pieface
    Member

    b r – Member
    Try this

    http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

    Worryingly only half of those I think are actual bS, the other half I think are not ๐Ÿ˜ณ

    Northwind – Member
    I can't claim credit for this but in an old job someone stuck up a "there is no I in team" sign. Someone else stuck up under it "There is no U in team either".

    Or – There is no I in team, but there is a me

    B.A.Nana
    Member


    I WAS THERE!

    munkster
    Member

    Sounds like you need http://www.despair.com

    brakes
    Member

    there's no I in team, just meat

    skidartist
    Member

    I can't claim credit for this but in an old job someone stuck up a "there is no I in team" sign. Someone else stuck up under it "There is no U in team either".

    I prefer the response "Theres no U in 'Competent'"

    You don't need to be mad to work here, so clear your desk.

    dmiller
    Member

    "Competence Builds Confidence" is the current winner for me.

    "Be the reason!" is a close second.

    Both seen on posters in the office today…

    iDave
    Member

    "there is no I in team"

    no, but there's a U in c**t

    stonemonkey
    Member

    I know you believe you heard what you thought I said, but is what you heard what I really meant?

    or something along those lines

    Premier Icon Mal-ec
    Subscriber

    Ace. Always wondered about your username BA Nana.

    Crass were a massive influence on me back in the day.

    stucol
    Member

    All of our motivational posters have been taken down due to the latest idea to hit our department.

    So thats a PASS

    But the latest scheme is called LEAN….Invented by Toyota…..

    FAIL !!!

    But at least we are still "Going the extra mile !"

    Not me though, i stopped for a bacon buttie.

    Premier Icon mboy
    Subscriber

    But the latest scheme is called LEAN….Invented by Toyota…..

    FAIL !!!

    "The latest scheme"

    LOL

    Maybe cos you and just about everyone else in the UK is finally getting to hear about it… And we wonder why the UK is so far behind the rest of the world in terms of quality, output and profitability!

    Ignorance is obviously bliss mate! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    In fact, ROFLMAO… Just seen you're a "Civil Servant" and you live in Glasgow… Work for the HMRC per chance? I'd bet money on the fact I know some of the Lean guys working with you! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    Pff, lean. Lean is what we call "common sense" in my office, when we heard of another department saying "Oh, we saved 35 man hours a week through lean" or "we saved ยฃ100000 per annum through lean" we say "Why the **** were you so ineffective in the first place, you tools". Just a case of putting a clever name on what competent people should be doing.

    Ironically our lean process is now the least lean process in the entire department- lots of pointless tasks, jargon nobody understands… I can see it's a good idea for the clowns though.

    Ambrose
    Member

    Munkster- I have just printed some of those off. I may put them in a few appropriate places.

    Premier Icon mboy
    Subscriber

    Lean is what we call "common sense" in my office

    Bingo

    Just a case of putting a clever name on what competent people should be doing.

    Couldn't agree more

    Ironically our lean process is now the least lean process in the entire department- lots of pointless tasks, jargon nobody understands… I can see it's a good idea for the clowns though.

    Often the case sadly.

    Lean is basically just common sense and good working practice with a fancy name and a few tools to help you do so. The problem is, being British, in general if there is an easy way and a hard way, we'll choose the hard way! It never ceases to amaze me just how little common sense most of the British working public have for the most part, but also just how accepting they are of doing things in an inefficient and ineffective way. Too many people switch their brains off when they go to work, they turn themselves into robots, when actually what is required are intelligent, free thinking human beings that are prepared to challenge the conventions in the name of progress!

    Still, if putting a trademark name on Common Sense helps me earn a decent crust for what is essentially money for old rope (or at least it should be), then who am I to complain!

    Premier Icon NZCol
    Subscriber

    If only sense was common…

    tron
    Member

    Not a message statement, but I worked somewhere that was going through the process of making a large proportion of their staff redundant. Something like 60% at my level, and 40% at the level above.

    One of the partners sent an email to another partner, explaining what a good time he was having on holiday, the food & hotel were fantastic, and how he was having a trip in a private jet later in the week.

    For some reason, the partner thought that the rest of the office would be interested to see, so he printed it out and stuck it to the noticeboard…

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    I was going to post what Maverick Boy posted. Sure, Lean might just be a way of formalising common sense, but it's clearly needed isn't it? ๐Ÿ™‚ If it really were "common" sense everyone'd be doing it, and they're manifestly not.

    A bit like Agile development in IT really.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Back in the mists of time I worked freelance for a large American bank. They had motivational slogans expensively sign-written down the walls of their enormously ostentatious offices. Every day I looked at the slogan 'Complacency is Devastating!'. It seems Ironic as we now know that…. In fact… its large American banks that are devastating!

    In the battery farm (call-centre) they had a great one on the wall that said:

    "If we have 1 million customers, and just one isn't satisfied.. What do we say to that customer?"

    The answer seemed pretty apparent and I was constantly amazed that nobody scrawled the obvious ๐Ÿ˜€

    toomanybikes
    Member

    the best one I ever saw was in Ford many years ago, it said

    "Ford Engineer training school"

    and underneath was a picture of an Ar#e and an Elbow with a training officer asking

    "now gentlemen, can anyone tell me which one is which"

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 44 total)

The topic ‘What crass slogans or signs have you seen in the office?’ is closed to new replies.