Wedding speech nerves
I’m getting wed in May and am already getting nervous about my speech. We are planning a smallish do, 50 guests in the day but I’m bricking it for my speech to the point I was getting palpatations last night. I do training at work for small groups of up to 15 people and get the same for that, seem to go on autopilot and can’t remember what I’ve said after!
Anyone got any tips to reduce the nerves (alcohol will help a little on the day but not in the run up!).Posted 7 years agostumpy01Member
I’ve done best man speeches twice now…..
– don’t drink too much before the speeches or you’ll look like a slobbering mess who can’t get his words out.
– Don’t write the whole thing down. As above use bullet points.
– Practice it loads and loads.
– Try and get a few people to read it to before the big day.
– Don’t talk too fast & don’t look down at the table mumbling.
– If you know you aren’t a natural comedian then don’t stick a load of gags in that will potentially fall flat making you even more nervous.
Just remember it’s a room full of friends & family so does it really matter if it all goes a bit wrong? Just take your time and enjoy it.Posted 7 years ago
Have you got any books or looked on any websites for inspiration about writing the speech – that might give you a bit more confidence?rondo101Member
I was really apprehensive about doing my speach in advance of the wedding as I’m not great at public speaking, but on the day it was fine.
Bear in mind that as the groom there’s no real pressure on you – you aren’t required to be funny (that’s the best man’s job) and no-one is willing you to fail. Thank the people you need to (bridesmaids, ushers, best man, parents & inlaws) & then say something endearing about your new wife. It’ll be over before you know it, much like the whole day!Posted 7 years agochakapingSubscriber
Don’t panic. Groom only has to thank everyone and be nice about everyone really.
Can you get the chance to present to bigger groups at work in the meantime? I think that would probably help yopu see that there’s nothing to be afraid of.
I used to hate public speaking but there’s nothing to it really, everyone wants you to do well anyway.Posted 7 years agoScamperMember
As said groom speach is easy – can be as unfunny or funny as you wish.
If really nervous, there is nothing wrong with reading it out word for word, just so long as people can hear and you don’t have your head burried in sheets of paper.
I just spent the few weeks before running through it aloud to myself everytime i was driving.Posted 7 years agomintimperialSubscriber
Don’t do one! You don’t have to, I didn’t. I just stood up, said thanks for coming, hope you’re having a smashing time, I love my wife, and toasted the bridesmaids or whoever it is you’re supposed to toast.
We also let my best man off the hook completely, and the father of the bride was dead so that got that one out of the way. I heartily recommend skipping the whole deal, spare your guests the pain and let them get back to the bar more quickly.Posted 7 years agochakapingSubscriber
Another tip: Ply them all with drink (more than you have yourself) and they won’t even notice anyone is speaking, or remember anything about it.
Anyway, if anything like my wedding day it’ll all feel like a slightly out-of-body experience anyway and you won’t have time to feel self-conscious.Posted 7 years agooeuf1981Member
I’m getting married in 2 weeks and i’m bricking it about the speech too, had a few sleepless nights! Everyone telling me the grooms speech is easy hasn’t really helped much either!
I’ve written the whole thing out the way i’d like to say it. I’m going to practice it by reading through it outloud (on my own!) so it feels natural, then put it in bullet point form and practice some more like that. If the bullet point thing doesn’t work i’ll just read it on the day.
I’ve never done any public speaking in my life so not sure if this is the ‘best’ way, but i’m sleeping better.
I’m glad i’m not the only one who’s terrified….Posted 7 years agotheotherjonvSubscriber
For my wedding, the FotB had died a few months earlier and we didn’t want anyone to stand in his place, so there was no ‘FotB’ speech. And once we’d decided that was a tradition we weren’t following, we decided that I wouldn’t nominate a best man either so that one went. So in the end I gave a short speech covering it all.
Like Oeuf 1981, i wrote it out word for word, and then taped it (it was that long ago – I guess you’d mp3 it now) to play in the car to and from work. You know if you watch a film or sketch enough then you can almost recite it by heart (‘It is an ex-Parrot. He has ceased to be…..’ etc.) – that’s what i was aiming for. By the day i knew it well enough that I could deliver it with only a single cue card with bullet points on in case; but the words were basically me retelling something I knew almost by heart, but not quite so it was ‘ad-libbed’ enough for it to not sound like a recitation.Posted 7 years agoorganic355Member
I followed this format and it went down a treat!!!
2 glasses of champagne Max before hand. I had 1 too many and had to ask for a glass of water before we entered room as I couldnt read my notes!! Luckily I had practised it and new it off by heart, which I really really recommend!
Thank (new)FIL for toast and kind words.
small gag if you can carry it off:
e.g. Thank you *** for proposing the toast and for those kind words.
I had also planned to do a short speech but then this is probably the only time in my life I will get to speak on behalf of *wife*, so I am going to take my time an enjoy the moment…..
You will be glad to know that my speech will actually be a bit like my kilt, JUST LONG ENOUGH TO COVER THE ESSENTIALS!
-GENERAL THANK YOU
“MY WIFE AND I”…….…. (CHEER) etc etc
We would like to thank you all gifts and coming etc
-THOUGHT TO FRIENDS and FAMILY WHO COULD NOT JOIN US (If any)
-THANK NEW IN-LAWS
for wedding if they are paying, for support if not * for bringing wife up to be person she is today
-FIRST TIME YOU MET HER PARENTS
insert funny story if you have one
-THANKS TO YOUR PARENTS
for support, putting you through university, putting up with you etc.
**TOAST: TO THE PARENTS
-MENTION 2 SPECIAL LADIES
**TOAST: TO THE BRIDESMAID
-THANK USHERS AND STAG DO GOERS
-INTRODUCE YOUR WIFE
e.g. “I’ve become so tangled up in thank you’s … that I still haven’t mentioned the most important person here.” My beautiful Wife
I knew you would look wonderful today and you took my breath away when you came down the aisle. I want everyone to know how lucky I am to marry someone so beautiful, intelligent, kind and genuine.
-HOW WE MET
-SO I PROPOSED
e.g. Well now after almost 2 years of planning the day is finally here.
We have lived together for a long time now,
But I need you to know that I haven’t actually married the women that I want to live with,
I have married the women that I can’t live without. (Aaahhh)
**insert slushy poem/song lyrics that she likes
**TOAST: TO WIFE
**INTRODUCE THE BEST MANPosted 7 years ago
Sit down and drink
Cheers for all the comments, I didn’t really want to do any speeches as my best man doesn’t like the idea either but got to please the parents as well (seeing as they’re paying for a lot of it!). I think I’ll just keep mine brief, however I have a tendency to skip bits when I’m nervous. Might go something like this;
Stand up, swig of fortified wine, ‘In’t she lovely. Ta!’ Sit down. Rapturous applause…Posted 7 years agobigjimSubscriber
You’ll be OK, I’m the same as you and doing rpesentations at work often get really nervous and then in a trance at the end wonder what i said.
Did a best man speech and once you get up and realise it is your friends looking and laughing with you it really is OK, and at the end I wanted to keep going.Posted 7 years agoB.A.NanaMember
At some of the weddings I’ve been to the groom has just basically stood up and thanked all the helpers and handed out gifts to them all individually (with the help of his new partner), thanked everyone for coming, said a nice word or two about his wife, sat down. That’s all that’s expected.Posted 7 years ago
Oeuf, congratulations and good luck, I’m thinking of doing that myself now. The training I give at work is almost a recital now as I do loads of short sessions and know it off by heart. Knowing the subject really helps as well as if there are any hecklers / negativaty I can deal with it with almost set answers! Not likely at a wedding but sometimes people will shout comments but mainly in the best mans bit.
My mate got married a few years ago and said he was so nervous he can’t remember going to the church or what he had eaten at the Wedding Breakfast, I don’t think I’ll be that bad, hopefully…Posted 7 years agoMilkieMember
I feel for you, for some stupid reason I’ve been best man 3 times, I’m doing something wrong! I understand the Palpatations too, I threw up on 2/3 weddings, luckily in the toilet… Why oh why do they do speeches after the meal, thrid time I had a word with the staff and they kept a warm plate of food for after.
Read it to a couple of friends that know you and your wife to be, to see if they get it. Being the Groom, it doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t have to be funny either, that is what the best mans speech is for, the pressure is on him, not you. 😉Posted 7 years agoRagTiMember
Definately get a few beers in as this will kick in a little dutch courage, followed by 3 minutes of deep breathing. If you are really nervous it may help if you start your speech by immediately giving out the presents to the bridesmaids. I have seen this before and will also stall things a little (speaking wise) should you get any stagefright / panic, the panic will then imediately go on the slide and you will crack on and really feel limitless, you can also then start talking when you want rather than when promted, this is a major factor in reducing stagefright for many people. Yes I have seen weddings ruined by worry, but all seem to go off OK.
Like many people said, go for something very quick ………. 99% of your guests will also be thinking Im glad I dont have to be up there speaking and subsequantly wont mind at all. My brothers wedding speach was 40 seconds, his father in laws even less!, and everyone thought it was great. More importantly I could crack on with the Prawn Cocktail quicker!!
Best of luck, but you really will be kicking yourself for all the hours of worry when it goes off just fine.Posted 6 years ago
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