Just we don’t want anything.

We were in the same position and just listed four charities in the invite and asked people to make a donation instead of buying us a gift.

We had a pretty small wedding (close family at the church, meal in a posh restaurant for brothers, sisters and parents (12 people) and then a party above a pub with a cheesy* DJ, lots and lots of family and friends and an aunty-supplied buffet; egg sandwiches, sausage rolls etc.

As we were getting married in Ireland but living in The Philippines, we could’t take the usual 5 toasters back with us.

We made it clear we didn’t want presents and gave the reason why. People read that as we want cash and we did turn a profit – I said it was a cheap wedding – and put it towards our Dublin, Belfast and Galway honeymoon.

I’d be annoyed if an invitation asked cash gifts. I think I’d give a little cash gift if I knew the couple didn’t need stuff. The last time an invitation asked for donations to a particular charity, we did that and gave a bottle of bubbly too.

*awesome

Wedding gifts originate from young folks with f all to their name getting hitched and needing either ‘stuff’ or cash to set up home. If that is not you, you don’t need presents plain and simple. It really rankles when invited to a wedding with a list consisting only of luxuries I could not justify buying myself, especially when you know the parents are paying for the day when the couple could easily afford to do so themselves. It just smacks if plain consumerist greed and makes me question them as friends. A suggestion of money gifts in your situation would be similar for me.

A simple “we really don’t want gifts, just the pleasure of your company” will suffice.

Going to weddings is often an expense with travelling and staying over – let that be your friends’ gift to you.

Much as I’d like the cash. It’d turn part of my big day into a transaction. Costs spent v money recouped.

It’d feel like Im charging people to attend. Personally I’ve nothing against spending £100 on a great present that I’ve picked but handing over £50 cash feels cold.

If you already have a house full of stuff and can afford a wedding why not put a positive spin on the day/good feeling and ask for £20 min contribution to a charity that you choose?/set up a page. Then show the results on theday?

In the old days presents for the home etc were designed for very young couples with little money of their own yet.

Why conform?
Why follow the stereotype rule?

Its one of the reasons I hatethe whole idea/stuffy/demanding crap.

Convert +1

On a personal note. I disagree with the must be married to have kids. Slave to parents and their religion.

I’Ve given cash and received cash. It is nice to have some idea where it will go. I’d rather see it spent on a extravagance or something that you really need rather than just whittled away in a current account.

We got some furniture made, had a bathroom done and did some day trips on our honeymoon using ours.

Too many rules around weddings, do what you think feels right and it’ll be fine.

Forgot to say – I went to a wedding once where the groom had spent his youth in a tight group of 5 friends. One of them had moved abroad and wasn’t in a financial position to fly back for the wedding. The other 3 friends’ gift to the couple was to pay for the flight back of the 5th friend. I thought that was ace!

If giving a gift, be it cash, from a list or something random you had to think about, makes you so angry, just don’t give anything or don’t go to the wedding.

If giving a gift, be it cash, from a list or something random you had to think about, makes you so angry, just don’t give anything or don’t go to the wedding.

Thats just it though, if you are family, relations or good friends (hence why you are invited) then you’ll go out of duty but you’ll see it as a chore/not something you are really looking forward to. Especially if it involves new dress/suit, hire hotel room etc etc ontop.

Not everyone can afford carbon Santa Cruz bikes. So you’ll end up with a room full of people who are slightly uncomfortable (and probably bickered at somepoint on the way there).

We went to a great friends wedding over in Germany. Cost us a fortune getting there etc. They didn’t ask for money or gift(s).

Friends who got married just asked for set up two just-giving accounts for the charities they supported.

A close friend was married abroad not that long ago.

The best man decided that the stag do should also be abroad.

The bride then issued a “gift list”…which miraculously disappeared after a week and a note was sent round suggesting that “being at our wedding would be the greatest gift you could give us”. Indeed 🙂

The wedding and stag cost us about £3000 in total, and almost two weeks of holiday time.

I spotted a rant on facebook a while after the wedding about being skint because they’d spent all their money on their wedding and that maybe she should have “just got married in the UK…then we’d have got some lovely gifts too lol!” It was deleted soon after too 🙂

I really don’t think it matters now. When we got married we had lived independently for ages then cohabited so we had two of everything we needed for a home and were actively looking for victims to dump stuff on . We did need to do a load of work on the house and install a wood burner and wooden floor. So we asked for B and Q vouchers making it clear what our plans were . People either gave or didn’t as they saw fit.

Maybe you could widen it out from just cash. What about chocolate? Everybody can use a bit of chocolate, even at a wedding bash.

Getting married in next couple of months, after living together for 3 years we had everything we needed. we put a couple of sentences along the lines of, “your presence is more important than your presents, we already have a toaster and some towels. If you are set on bringing a gift, a donation to the house fund would be appreciated but not expected”

hora – Member

Personally I’ve nothing against spending £100 on a great present that I’ve picked but handing over £50 cash feels cold.

Pick out a really nice £50 note, with a good serial number.

convert – Member

Forgot to say – I went to a wedding once where the groom had spent his youth in a tight group of 5 friends. One of them had moved abroad and wasn’t in a financial position to fly back for the wedding. The other 3 friends’ gift to the couple was to pay for the flight back of the 5th friend.

That is actually ace.

I’ve less qualms about giving cash than buying presents. Mainly because I’m the kind of person who’d prefer one big nice thing than loads of crap filling the cuboard.

Having said that, I did give a STW’er a chcolate teapot when he said they’d already got everything they needed.

nothing annoys me more than people requesting cash or money towards something as a present. It’s a wedding, you are getting married because of love.

No, you get married because society kinda expects it. They move in together, have kids, etc, because they’re in love. You could quite happily be in love and not get married, plenty of people do. In the same way it’s expected that you’ll probably bring some sort of present to the wedding, hence some people make a point of not asking for one.

I think you have to do it differently for different generations. “Older” (and I use the term cautiously) people will want to buy a gift and so you might need a small gift list.

In our case we had ~30 people for the meal and there was a small gift list.
For the other 80 odd who came for the party we had a charity donation if they felt they wanted to do a gift. Charity got almost 1500 so people clearly wanted to give. We go a lovely framed note of thanks from charity which we treasure as much as some of the other gifts.

Being replete with toasters, plates and duvets, we set up a gift list with the local wine merchant. Everyone seed to think it was a brilliant idea, and like being told when we’ve opened their bottle to celebrate an anniversary.

Friend of Mrs skip got married last year. They had asked for money as a gift as they were combining 2 houses into one.

On the night of the wedding, we were off and went looking for the bride and groom to wish them well and happy honeymoon. Went into the next room and found them emptying cards and counting cash. Just putting it in piles and adding it up but they had no idea who had given them what. The mrs wished them a happy honeymoon and the groom picked up a bundle of cash and said “we will now!”.

We think they were using the money to pay for the doo the way they were countingh it up there. Didn’t look good.

I think you can ask for it from close family and friends, but others won’t want you pissing it up the wall.

When we got married, we needed a new telly (but would never expect one person to buy one) so we said what we wanted to buy and asked for Meadow Hall vouchers. Got a choice of shops to play with and its as good as cash. Some people could’t get to collect them so just gave cash anyway. Peopel like to know what they’re getting you.

I’m getting married in May, I’ve told everyone to not give us any gifts or anything. What we want from everyone is for them to spend the weekend with us, eat, drink, dance and have a bloody good time.

I live near Peebles, so all are invited for the following week for riding, hill walking and general good times.

Traditions are rubbish, if you have everything you need why not ask for a small donation to help pay for the wedding? Don’t give a figure, just say whatever you think is reasonable and can spare.

Gift lists and requests for money cheese me off. By the time you’ve forked out for the stag do (abroad) plus travel and accomodation to the wedding you’ve already usually spent a fortune.

I usually buy them a nice bottle of bubbly…

By the time you’ve forked out for the stag do (abroad) plus travel and accomodation to the wedding you’ve already usually spent a fortune.

Maybe true, but its going on holliday with mates. Not something to begrudge paying for.

Whats hacking me off is a friend of the missius has invited us and is making a big deal over ‘everyone must stay over in the hotel and drink, no designated drivers’. I wouldnt mind, but its on a Sunday so I’ll have to be sober and in work the next morning anyway! If you want people to drink dont hold an event on a school night!

We asked all our guest to give cash only too. better for them, better for us. You will get some people who refuse to do this and buy gifts anyway.