Just booked myself in for a no scalpel procedure in feb, a valentines gift, if you like!

Anyone had one? What can I expect?

Brace yourself for a huge range of experiences from the buttock clenchingly terrifying to the “i cycled home”

Personally mine was fine, a little surreal – same as being at the dentist, polite chit-chat, jazz fm on in the background…only difference that they were a little lower down than the dentist usually goes.

No swelling, no significant pain but a slighlty anxious couple of weeks waiting for everything to just feel ‘normal’ and to be sure there’d been no complications.

Good luck!

From my end, don’t get back on a bike / run / see if it still works too soon. There is nothing worse than seeing blood in your jizz. In fact this led to some some nerve damage which stopped aching after about 8 months (and still on cold days makes my bollocks feel funny 3 years later)
Apart from that, hope the Doc has small, warm hands…

I have nothing to add other than, the last thread on this had me in tears laughing.

What can I expect?

Plausible deniability, Mr. President.

a no scalpel procedure

How does that work, do they just submit a request in writing for production to stop?

Anyway.

Get a taxi home. No exercise for a couple of weeks. It’s just a couple of weeks, you won’t suddenly become one of the unfit.

I had some mild aches when first getting back on the bike, for a while (months). They are gone now.

Any swelling/complications get straight back to the docs, I had to have a few different courses of antibiotics due to an unlucky albeit routine – but unfortunately located – post op infection.

No scalpel?

Are they using bricks?

I’ll refrain from telling you about my “experience”. probably best.

Had it done on Monday. No scalpel at Marie Stopes.
Currently sat at home recovering, although if I’m honest, I could have carried on relatively normally, whether that would be advisable or not I don’t know so here I am chilling.

The procedure was nothing really. Felt the local going in. Felt the occasional pull. Only had one ‘that’s not nice’ moment that lasted seconds and passed. It was all over in no time at all.
Sat around for 20mins then was on my way home.
Guy before me was sent home due to high blood pressure. Whether that was because he was worked up or not I don’t know but he was nervous in waiting room.

No real pain afterwards, just a bit of discomfort.
My bits are a tad bruised but again not massively.

Definitely a case of the thought is worse than the real thing for me.

I had the no scalpel procedure in 2001.
No real pain, I drove home.
Moderate anxiety for a couple of weeks, i think i was about 3 weeks before i rode again. Longer for the bike.
Slightly surreal experience, as it was performed by a reasonably hot 40 something lady surgeon, who proceeded to tell me all about her tandem.
I was waiting for her to warn me ‘you might feel a little prick’ so that I could tell her I’d done that years ago, but unfortunately she said ‘scratch’ instead.
Prepare for the smell of burning as the laser cuts your tubes, but it’s not awful, you’re just aware of it.

Don’t worry about them not using enough local anaesthetic – the surgeon will realise the error a fraction of a second after you do…..

I enjoyed it so much I had it twice.

The bit where you are in surgery, lay on your back with balls out. Room of 4 or 5 nurses admiring your neatly shaven bollocks, and another nurse around the same age as my mum chatting about holidays, was a little surreal.

Other than that, went quite smooth. Hardest bit is saving 7 days of jizz when you have 2 give a sample……

performed by a reasonably hot 40 something lady surgeon, who proceeded to tell me all about her tandem.

Sign of a true pro, tandems are a 100% boner killer.

No scalpel?

What do they do, crack a pair of bricks down on them?

Having had the scalpel procedure, just crack on. Minimal issues, I just avoided the saddle for a couple of weeks.

Cut (!) and paste (no not man-paste) from this thread from 9 years ago

(how much time have i wasted on here)

The part not mentioned in the C&P is the walk from the ante room to the examination bed – having left your lower garments and dignity at the door, donald ducking (but leave your socks on dear, the floor’s cold) under the gaze of three female attendants is ball shrinkingly awful.

***

I was done about a year ago. We looked into both and while I would have preferred private due partly due to a supposedly slightly better procedure (tiny incision / cauterisation as opposed to cut and tied) but mainly due to being able to get it done quickly and at a time to suit, ultimately £495 is £495. So I went to the GP, got quizzed about how serious I was, etc., and then she agreed to add me to the list. At which point she said that the local NHS Trust had decided to outsource the job to the same clinic I’d looked at spending £495 on! Only difference was a 3 month wait after which i got a letter asking me to ring and make an appt as if I was a paying punter.

Procedure was fine, a bit uncomfortable, but once you’ve lain naked from the waist down on a table while a nurse pulls your nuts through a hole in a sheet and paints them with antiseptic, you’d give anything to be out of there asap and without catching anyone’s eye again.

To cover it all; post op took me about 4 weeks before I could cycle again but that was due to a minor wound infection which stopped the healing process, meaning I needed the wound cleaned right out and start the healing again after about 2 weeks. The actual nut discomfort was no big thing, fixed with Nurofen.

And paddling in the sea without your wellies on is so much better.

Mine was circa 20 years ago. I’m not certain what a scalpel-free version entails and don’t want to Google it at work but for me the op was ok, a bit uncomfortable but nothing compared to the discomfort of the pre-op shaved pubes growing back over the next few weeks.

No issues for me (10 years ago now). All female team was slightly off-putting, but plugged my headphones in and zoned out for the duration. Couple of uncomfortable pulls, but running again after a week, and cycling after two weeks. Tightish pants are important. Worst bit was the smell of bacon as they cauterised the tubes 🙁
One of the many upsides is that it now takes an awful lot to embarrass me.

My mate on the other hand had a nasty infection and was properly ill a week or so afterwards (collapsed at home with nobody else there). Morale of the story is – don’t do too much, and keep an eye on yourself.

I was fortunately (and genuinely) in the ‘could’ve rode my bike the day after’ camp

Had it done end of November. What I imagined beforehand was worse than the reality. The proceedure wasn’t too bad at all really.

I had very little pain or swelling but the cut took about 3 weeks to fully heal.

I didn’t try riding for 4 weeks on advice of a mate who had it done.

Got “done” just before Christmas. Keyhole like you’re having. Most memorable thing was the interesting /amusing conversation during the op with the bonkers Indian consultant about partitioning, immigration and brexit. Awesome distraction technique! It was fine. Drove home.

Worst bit was having to shave the night before if I’m honest.

First off-road ride just after Christmas. All fine. A little odd feeling. All ok now though.

Do it, you’ll be fine!

post op took me about 4 weeks before I could cycle again but that was due to a minor wound infection which stopped the healing process

likewise; right nut the size of a tennis ball – a terror not to be forgot quickly.

I was fortunately (and genuinely) in the ‘could’ve rode my bike the day after’ cam

I rode The Puffer about two weeks after my op. Being on the bike was fine, the short run to the bikes at the start though was not nice!

I knew all of the theatre staff which was quite weird. No significant pain, stitches got a bit tight so I took them out after a week or so.

Some proper funnies in there, and some wincing!

Thank you very much. I was offered an elastic band but felt it might have taken away a little more than I bargained for!!!

Cheers gang.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention,
The elastic band and clothes peg, to hold the old fella out the way.
I told a mate about it, and he was like ‘I’d have ran’
I was like, ‘i was wearing a t shirt and socks, where do you think I could run to?’

Do they have extra small elastic bands, or should I take a few in case?

The elastic band and clothes peg, to hold the old fella out the way.

Is that really necessary? I’m expecting mine to disappear like a tortoises head

My op was the first one of the day on an icy winters morning, lying on a cold vinyl covered bench.

It was effectively microsurgery…

Well… it’s never going to be pleasant is it?

I don’t really regret it, but if I was told it hadn’t worked there’s not a chance I’d do it again.

I’ve sadly hand more surgeries in my life than I care to remember, but it was probably the worse (so far, my next one seems like it might be worse).

The mechanics of it all aren’t too bad. I had it done by a GP in a GP Office, which was a bit odd but okay. Just me, him and my Wife for “support” (in hindsight I should have left her outside, she was more interested in watching the surgery than talking to me, they mostly spoke amongst themselves). There wasn’t teams of nurses stood around, I’ve no idea why their might be?

I shaved “above and below” the night before and wore 2 pairs of fetching tight Y-Fronts to wear home. Arrived, laid back and had a needle stuck in my bollocks 5/6 times, which was nice. Then there was 30 mins of pulling and “tightness”, I threw a bit of a wobble and had to sat up for a bit, then we finished. At the end GP realised that he didn’t had any dressing packs, usually My wife would have some in her car but we’d came in mine, so he left us for 20 mins whilst he drove to another surgery, I wish I was making that up. My Wife’s a nurse so at least I wasn’t too helpless.

Finally, I was dressed and went home. The way he likes to do it is not to stitch the wound, he closes it by holding it in a clamp for a bit and then you just sit still for 2 days. I asked about going to the toilet and was told “try not to”, “what, try not to urinate for 2 days?” “Yes” “okaaaaay”.

So going for a piss was a real pain for 2 days.

As for actual pain, it was more like discomfort really, unless you tapped them lightly, then it was like being kicked in the bollocks. I tried a ride 2 weeks later, started okay but the pain got too much so I finished early.

In short, it’s not terrible, but it unpleasant. 4/10, wouldn’t buy again.

After the horror stories I made sure that I rested for 3 days following the operation. Just make sure you have plenty of films to watch and/or books to read. I think most of the problems are caused by people trying to do too much too soon but obviously luck plays its part.

After 10 days I felt like I would have been fine to get back cycling but gave it the recommended 3 weeks.

… I felt like I would have been fine to get back cycling but gave it the recommended 3 weeks.

That’s my plan/intention. Just do as recommended (don’t run for 2wks, cycle for 4wks) I’m struggling already and it’s only day 3. I’m really not good at relaxing!

stever
I enjoyed it so much I had it twice.

So did I!

First time it was done by a GP with a nurse and my wife, who is also a GP in attendance. Op went fine. The local injections in my sack hurt more than anything that followed. All over and done in about 30 minutes. On the way out he advised me to leave it a few days and then regularly ‘check those tubes are clear’. The first few ‘checks’ were a bit scary as blood in your jizz isn’t something you really want to see.
After about 10 days I started to get a really bad pain in my left nut and it gradually got worse until I was in constant pain. On inspection there was something sticking out from the incision in the left side of my sack. Went back to the doc and he had a little look and confirmed it was the cut end of one of my tubes! When he had initially stitched me up he must have caught the end of the tube in the wound and it had migrated outwards. As a result I had to have a second op pretty sharpish and that one hurt. It hurt a lot. A very, very lot!
A few weeks later, once my sack had returned to its normal size and colour the test confirmed all was ok and I was shooting blanks.

I had the clothes peg and elastic band done . It was a very cold December day 8 years ago and you should have seen the young nurse’s face while she was trying to get a grip on my little stack of buttons 😩 . Did I mention it was very very cold ?

Had mine done in July this year, luckily the Tour was on. So I sat on my arse in bed watching that for 4 days with an ice pack on my ‘nads!
Cannot recommend Decathlon’s Kalenji running underwear for added close fit support, either the boxer or classic budgie smuggler style!
Actual OP was okay, getting the anaesthetic down the tubes was very unpleasant.
Fast forward to November and the samples still have swimmers present.
Just posted the latest sample yesterday, so fingers crossed for the all clear!

P-Jay

Member

None of that story strikes you as being a bit odd?

Do you get to do lots of samples after? Excellent….

Fast forward to November and the samples still have swimmers present.

Same here!!

Do you get to do lots of samples after? Excellent….

Assume the NHS recommend something similar but I’ve been told to ejaculate at least 20 times in the next 12wks before returning a sample.

No scalpel………
What to expect?……….
Expect to feel slightly nauseous when they explain how they punch a hole of your bawbag, hook the tube out and burn it.
Expect to hear sizzling and smell burning flesh.
Expect your loved ones to find it eternally hilarious.
Don’t borrow your wife’s dressing gown, because you’d only use one once – it won’t fit.

I walked home and was cycling within a few days.

There’s no maximum is there?!