- Tried to talk to my son tonight…
Aphex, I went through the same situation (minus the son) a few years ago. If there’s anything I can do then either ask on the thread or my email is in my profile.
The next few weeks are going to be quite the ordeal, there’s too much to cope with for any one person but as a unit you’ll get through. It’s probably impossible for you not to speculate but I’m not going to fuel that by offering any advice at present, unless you ask for it which you can anytime.
I wish the both of you good luck and strength.Posted 2 years agoalisonsmilesMember
Like muppetWrangler I went through a similar thing (also without the children) a good number of years ago. The NHS move impressively quickly when they need to. My husband had brain surgery – I remember I had to keep saying that quietly to myself to try to make it compute. It didn’t seem to make much sense that he could be having brain surgery.
Anyway, I don’t have many words of wisdom but a couple of things which may help. When he was coming round from surgery I was understandably anxious about what was going to happen, whether he’d be the same person whether anything would be changed, personality wise. He was the same guy, same quirky sense of humour (I don’t believe it’s recommended when the Docs give you the test questions such as What year is it, What is your wife’s name etc. to answer the Who is the Prime Minister question with an idiot). The thing which startled me was that Dave was also worried about whether he’d be the same person, and was reliant on me to tell him that he was. Bear in mind it may be a fear of your wife’s as well. May not be, we’re all different.
The second thing is to remember to laugh. Like a steam valve, but laugh together, because sometimes the entire thing is too bizarre not to.
They let him out quite soon after surgery, less than a week later, and still with the staples in his head. That was pretty cool. They left us with multiple warnings about epilepsy which, for quite some time, made me worry about leaving him alone but needlessly as it turned out.
You’ll be in my thoughts. Don’t forget to laugh.Posted 2 years agoTiRedMember
From a family who’s had to deal with the non-benign, I do hope all goes well for you. I am happy to say that in spite of terrible tragedy, kids are 1) literal 2) selfish (it’s all about them) 3) resilient. Remember they only interpret information within their own context, so can appear very matter of fact and straightforward in their conversations.Posted 2 years agoplumslikerocksMember
My former boss had a golf ball sized benign in the ventricle. He had successful surgery and radiotherapy. Don’t think it was an easy process, took about a year to get right but he did it.
The kids conversation will probably be harder for you than them. As others have said, they’ll soak up the brutal truth surprisingly easily and come back with something like “what does this mean for XBox time”?
I witnessed my Mum have a stroke when I was 14 and helped nurse her through a long convalescence. Also saw my Dad collapse and die when I was 25. Both situations changed me for the better in the long term.Posted 2 years ago
Wow. 630am here in Oz.
Son just got in to bed with me cos he had a nightmare at 530. Shortly followed by “can I go on the ipad” lol
The school know. One of my wife’s friends told them which annoyed me as I’d not spoken to my son and didn’t want a teacher asking him if he was OK, hence the chat last night.
Thanks to those who offered a beer. I’m trying not to drink, dreading some kind of call where I’m needed somewhere (school / daycare / hospital). Will see what today brings.
Thanks again.Posted 2 years ago
Thanks again. Just called her. She’s knackered. Puking yesterday which is probably more stress than anything. She’s on 2 hour neuro obs which means they have to wake her up every 2 hours, do obs and ask her who the prime minister is.
They are keeping her in and doing the op on Monday.
I’m taking the kids this evening to see her.
Will be spending the day doing some housework and “keeping busy”.Posted 2 years ago
I’m staying off work and planning on going back on shift next Weds. I’m trying not to think about my clients and case load (acute community psych) but I know that my priorities have drastically changed over the last week.
Just spoke to the ward. She’s continued to vomit, due to where the tumour is. Consequently, her food and fluid intake is down, and her BP is too. She’s on IV fluids right now, reluctantly accepting pain meds, and they are trying to find an anti sickness tablet that suits her.Posted 2 years agostupotMember
Not easy explaining this to adults, let alone kids, but they are resilient. My wife had a very slow growing malignant tumor removed 4 years ago in an emergency op (collapsed one day, knew nothing about it). The surgeon and whole hospital team were amazing. She has recently had gamma knife at Sheffield which hopefully has finally sorted it. It all sounds horrendous but its amazing what doctors can do, and also what the human body can deal with. The kids barely remember it (eldest was 5 at time of op)but had a lot of questions at the timePosted 2 years ago
Spirits are good. Little things make me chuckle.
The hospital she went to on Friday night with the URGENT referral for MRI sent us a letter today, with an appointment for the MRI on the 26th of July. (She’s already had 2 MRI’s since Friday – I think we chose the better hospital!)
26th of July for an urgent MRI. Thanks. All being well, she’ll be 8 weeks or so post-op by then. I did politely call them and advise she probably won’t require.
Gotta laugh ain’t ya?Posted 2 years agoSandwichSubscriber
Apart from us who have you in real life to look after you? Best get this in place before all the cutting and pasting starts. As a psych based person you’ll know this but as a stressed human being dealing with young children and a very unwell partner it may have slipped you by.Posted 2 years ago
All the best to you and your family. Kick it’s backside Mrs Aphex_2K.
Although parents are back in the UK we have a good support network. Local CWA are bringing meals round and popping them in the freezer. Work is fine with me having time off. Our family daycare lady is bending over backwards and advising us of where and how to get financial support. Possibility of carers allowances. I’m genuinely blown away by how everyone has just gone “fark this is bad, we can do xyz”
It’s the stupid things like calling the bank and the superannuation people to discuss income protection then realising I’m not “named” on the policy so can’t divulge. Despite being told what’s happening “oh, if she can pop into the office and sign this and speak to so-and-so”.
For me, I’m forgetting to eat. I know this and just had some lunch… Keeps slipping my mind though with everything else I’m sorting.
The phone’s going mental, just got the call to our parents tonight – time zone differences. Meh.Posted 2 years agowordnumbMember
Despite being told what’s happening “oh, if she can pop into the office and sign this and speak to so-and-so”.
Yeah, you realise how poorly thought through these systems are, just when you’re stressed you need to present as a calm rational person to get things in order. Thoughts are with you and the family. Look after yourself so you can look after the kids.Posted 2 years agoessandMember
We had a similar story partner, had similar, experiencing lots of different symptoms, vomiting, headache, dizziness etc After a year and an MRI was, diagnosed with a 5cm brain tumour.
We have 4yo twins, to explain it we name the tumour Kylie, which made it easier to talk about it with the kids.
Although she was bumped a few times for the op managed to get seen in Sept 2016
The in laws from oz for a couple of months which helped enormously, especially for looking after the kids
The tumour was successfully removed and although the recovery took a few months she is back to full health and symptom free.
Wish you all the best, please feel free to contact by PM.Posted 2 years ago
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